Boyfriend & Boobies

mccindy72

I'll probably get flamed for this but here goes:

He sounds like a good guy who'll love you no matter what but your perception of how he likes your new body may vary.

I had a friend in H.S. who had one boob that was an A and one that was closer to a C. She was extremely self conscious about it and it messed with her happiness. For her 18th birthday, her mother took her to see a plastic surgeon. The difference in her attitude after that was amazing. She smiled, laughed and felt great for the first time in her life.

The same people who criticized her for having surgery were the same ones who had just gotten their braces off! What I'm saying is this: If your boobs get smaller and/or sag and it messes with your self-esteem, there is a way to fix it.

You're equating a malformation with someone losing a little boobage with weight loss? The difference between an A cup and a C cup is major. Any woman would be self-conscious about that.

I'm not flaming you, but your response doesn't address the OP's issue. At all.

You are always so harsh on the forums. It's as though, if someone doesnt give the advice that you would give, you deem them irrelevant. It portrays close-mindedness.

I think that what he had to say was excellent and right on topic.

If the OP works really hard and reaches a level of fitness that makes her very very happy, but the lost size at the bust makes her feel sad or self-conscious - she does have the option for plastic surgery, which can give many people a happy ending they deserve. You shouldnt have to choose between health and boobs. You can get healthy and buy some new ones.

Many people have this as a reward for meeting their biggest goals and should not be poo-pooed on.

Solid first post.

rml_16

I'll probably get flamed for this but here goes:

He sounds like a good guy who'll love you no matter what but your perception of how he likes your new body may vary.

I had a friend in H.S. who had one boob that was an A and one that was closer to a C. She was extremely self conscious about it and it messed with her happiness. For her 18th birthday, her mother took her to see a plastic surgeon. The difference in her attitude after that was amazing. She smiled, laughed and felt great for the first time in her life.

The same people who criticized her for having surgery were the same ones who had just gotten their braces off! What I'm saying is this: If your boobs get smaller and/or sag and it messes with your self-esteem, there is a way to fix it.

You're equating a malformation with someone losing a little boobage with weight loss? The difference between an A cup and a C cup is major. Any woman would be self-conscious about that.

I'm not flaming you, but your response doesn't address the OP's issue. At all.

You are always so harsh on the forums. It's as though, if someone doesnt give the advice that you would give, you deem them irrelevant. It portrays close-mindedness.

I think that what he had to say was excellent and right on topic.

If the OP works really hard and reaches a level of fitness that makes her very very happy, but the lost size at the bust makes her feel sad or self-conscious - she does have the option for plastic surgery, which can give many people a happy ending they deserve. You shouldnt have to choose between health and boobs. You can get healthy and buy some new ones.

Many people have this as a reward for meeting their biggest goals and should not be poo-pooed on.

I didn't say she shouldn't have plastic surgery. I'm saying you can't compare her concern that her BF will be upset about her smaller boobs to someone who has a massive difference in size from one breast to the other. It's a different issue.

QuietBloom

Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.

But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.

I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.

If her boyfriend is disrespectful to her or leaves her because she loses her boobs as she loses weight, she probably is better off without him, anyway.

This 100%

and yet if a woman takes issues with a man's small penis it's okay for her to walk away from that instead of just love him anyway?

Way to much jump on the "love covers everything" band wagon. The reality is it doesn't.

If you don't find a certain thing attractive- it doesn't make you shallow- it makes you know what you like. No this is not a hard line- there is without a doubt a wide gray swath of what is acceptable on each side and what someone is willing to accept- but everyone has a point where they would no longer be attractive things wouldn't be so hot to trot.

That's a reality. I'm at least adult enough to admit that I could never be attracted to certain things. That isn't shallow- it's reality.

You weren't talking about meeting someone, finding them unattractive and so deciding not have a relationship with them. You were talking about being in a (presumably) loving and stable relationship, and then walking away because your man gained weight.

That IS shallow, and it is NOT love. Just own it.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.

But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.

I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.

If her boyfriend is disrespectful to her or leaves her because she loses her boobs as she loses weight, she probably is better off without him, anyway.

This 100%

and yet if a woman takes issues with a man's small penis it's okay for her to walk away from that instead of just love him anyway?

Way to much jump on the "love covers everything" band wagon. The reality is it doesn't.

If you don't find a certain thing attractive- it doesn't make you shallow- it makes you know what you like. No this is not a hard line- there is without a doubt a wide gray swath of what is acceptable on each side and what someone is willing to accept- but everyone has a point where they would no longer be attractive things wouldn't be so hot to trot.

That's a reality. I'm at least adult enough to admit that I could never be attracted to certain things. That isn't shallow- it's reality.

Actually, being an adult means you don't enter into a relationship with somebody because of how they look or with the condition that they will never physically change.

JoRocka

You are introducing a sentiment that no one here has expressed, so I'm not sure why you think it's relevent.

Where did I say it was OK for a woman to ridicule or leave a man she claims she loves over something like that? Where did I say I would do so or have done so?

If you can find that quote from me, I might take this last post seriously.

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

And while we all agree- caring about someone should extend beyond skin deep- and I absolutely support doing what's best for you not your significant other.

I am trending toward building more muscle and getting more cut- which is NOT well received by men in general- that whole "too masculine" issue... guess what- if my BF didn't like it- he could accept or get to stepping. I'm doing what I think is right for me. And I wouldn't begrudge him for leaving me because I would be significantly different than when we first met. I see no shame or nothing wrong with that.

People change. you can accept them for who they are- or you can leave because you don't and it wasn't part of the arrangement.

Like I said- it's more of a large gray swath rather than a hard line- but everyone has a line where they couldn't accept someone. It doesn't make you less of a person if you know what you are willing to accept or not accept. You have a line too. Everyone has one.

rml_16

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

You're addressing me directly. I have never made such a joke nor laughed at it when others did.

And, again, if you LOVE someone and are IN A RELATIONSHIP and you leave over something like that, it's shallow. Just own it.

Like I said- it's more of a large gray swath rather than a hard line- but everyone has a line where they couldn't accept someone. It doesn't make you less of a person if you know what you are willing to accept or not accept. You have a line too. Everyone has one.

Yes, I have a line. But my line is about how my SO treats me and others, not about how he looks.

steampunk_pilot

Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.

But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.

I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.

If her boyfriend is disrespectful to her or leaves her because she loses her boobs as she loses weight, she probably is better off without him, anyway.

This 100%

and yet if a woman takes issues with a man's small penis it's okay for her to walk away from that instead of just love him anyway?

Way too much jump on the "love covers everything" band wagon. The reality is it doesn't.

If you don't find a certain thing attractive- it doesn't make you shallow- it makes you know what you like. No this is not a hard line- there is without a doubt a wide gray swath of what is acceptable on each side and what someone is willing to accept- but everyone has a point where they would no longer be attractive things wouldn't be so hot to trot.

That's a reality. I'm at least adult enough to admit that I could never be attracted to certain things. That isn't shallow- it's reality.

You are introducing a sentiment that no one here has expressed, so I'm not sure why you think it's relevent.

Where did I say it was OK for a woman to ridicule or leave a man she claims she loves over something like that? Where did I say I would do so or have done so?

If you can find that quote from me, I might take this last post seriously.

good point. considering they never said that you said any of that. Love seeing people ready to fight about anything. Ohh yippee skippy! so exciting!!! I get to be offended! -does dance-

On the topic at hand, I am also adult enough to admit there are some physical attributes that are deal breakers for me. Inactive lifestyle? Out of shape? Refuse to exercise? Average or smaller in certain departments?

Cant do it. Im out. Cause without attraction, we are just friends. And Im not dating someone I feel just 'friendly' toward.

If I really loved my boobs, and I lost them in a weight loss incident, and my husband dearly missed them and wanted them back, i would find a way to get them back. Cause it would be important to both of us for me to feel desired and sexy and beautiful.

Love most certainly is NOT enough. It has to be balanced with sexual attraction, chemistry, similar life paths, common sense, mutual respect, complimentary perspectives, respect for responsibilities and where you are both steering your lives.

If your husband was in love with your long beautiful hair and you knew that was his favorite part - would you say screw him and chop it all off in a pixie cut? no let's hope you dont surprise him after work like that.

Same thing, if you know your husband is madly in love with your cleavage, then you can explain to him that your health has to come first and if your boobies suffer and it still bothers him, then you will work together to see what you can do.

JoRocka

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

You're addressing me directly. I have never made such a joke nor laughed at it when others did.

And, again, if you LOVE someone and are IN A RELATIONSHIP and you leave over something like that, it's shallow. Just own it.

It's not shallow - it's reality. People change. Sometimes you can deal with it- sometimes you cannot. Sometimes the change is beyond your margin of acceptability. People are stuck in this idea that relationships are static and love fixes it. It doesn't. PEOPLE CHANGE.

This is why there are hundreds of wildly unhappy married couples- who would be better off divorcing and finding someone who fits their lifestyle better. I know what I can accept- and I know what I cannot. People would be a lot happier if they were more honest about themselves rather than trying to force themselves to stay with people they aren't attracted to.

yes- love covers a lot-and if you truly love someone- that gray area for what you are willing to accept can be very large- but everyone has a point where they can't do it any more.

steampunk_pilot

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

You're addressing me directly. I have never made such a joke nor laughed at it when others did.

lolololol

"everyone" now refers specifically to RML_16.

noted!

PunkyRachel

Well, studies have shown that regular breast messages will increase them in size. I saw a report online about 10 years ago talking about this guy who does breast massages for women and they pay him to do it. I also heard about it from Howard stern show, so I of course didn't believe any of it and just laughed my *kitten* off. At the time I was only a C cup. I joke with my husband (who loves my boobies) that he plays with them too much, because I'm now DDD cup. lol So maybe there is some truth in the theory, I suggest just letting your partner massage them more and see what happens?

JoRocka

Love most certainly is NOT enough. It has to be balanced with sexual attraction, chemistry, similar life paths, common sense, mutual respect, complimentary perspectives, respect for responsibilities and where you are both steering your lives.

omg thank you. I felt like I was the only one who realizes sexual attraction and other things matter. jesus.

Same thing, if you know your husband is madly in love with your cleavage, then you can explain to him that your health has to come first and if your boobies suffer and it still bothers him, then you will work together to see what you can do.

GTFO with that logic!!! work together to find a compromise?

NONSENSE_ that's not how a good working relationship works!!!

steampunk_pilot

Like I said- it's more of a large gray swath rather than a hard line- but everyone has a line where they couldn't accept someone. It doesn't make you less of a person if you know what you are willing to accept or not accept. You have a line too. Everyone has one.

Yes, I have a line. But my line is about how my SO treats me and others, not about how he looks.

because im better than all you shallow people who care how you look and whether your husband is hot for you.

FIFY

steampunk_pilot

I'll probably get flamed for this but here goes:

He sounds like a good guy who'll love you no matter what but your perception of how he likes your new body may vary.

I had a friend in H.S. who had one boob that was an A and one that was closer to a C. She was extremely self conscious about it and it messed with her happiness. For her 18th birthday, her mother took her to see a plastic surgeon. The difference in her attitude after that was amazing. She smiled, laughed and felt great for the first time in her life.

The same people who criticized her for having surgery were the same ones who had just gotten their braces off! What I'm saying is this: If your boobs get smaller and/or sag and it messes with your self-esteem, there is a way to fix it.

You're equating a malformation with someone losing a little boobage with weight loss? The difference between an A cup and a C cup is major. Any woman would be self-conscious about that.

I'm not flaming you, but your response doesn't address the OP's issue. At all.

You are always so harsh on the forums. It's as though, if someone doesnt give the advice that you would give, you deem them irrelevant. It portrays close-mindedness.

I think that what he had to say was excellent and right on topic.

If the OP works really hard and reaches a level of fitness that makes her very very happy, but the lost size at the bust makes her feel sad or self-conscious - she does have the option for plastic surgery, which can give many people a happy ending they deserve. You shouldnt have to choose between health and boobs. You can get healthy and buy some new ones.

Many people have this as a reward for meeting their biggest goals and should not be poo-pooed on.

I didn't say she shouldn't have plastic surgery. I'm saying you can't compare her concern that her BF will be upset about her smaller boobs to someone who has a massive difference in size from one breast to the other. It's a different issue.

only because you have a raging hard talent for reading an entire post - finding the one part of the message that doesnt apply when taken out of context, and derailing the thread to lecture the person who was trying to further the discussion about HOW it didnt fit.

OP is worried about low self esteem and approval from her husband because of her cleavage not looking the way they would like it to. He said he knew someone with low self esteem because of boob-related issues and she got plastic surgery and was happy. You said shut up no one is talking about that.

applause.

mccindy72

Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.

But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.

I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.

If her boyfriend is disrespectful to her or leaves her because she loses her boobs as she loses weight, she probably is better off without him, anyway.

This 100%

and yet if a woman takes issues with a man's small penis it's okay for her to walk away from that instead of just love him anyway?

Way too much jump on the "love covers everything" band wagon. The reality is it doesn't.

If you don't find a certain thing attractive- it doesn't make you shallow- it makes you know what you like. No this is not a hard line- there is without a doubt a wide gray swath of what is acceptable on each side and what someone is willing to accept- but everyone has a point where they would no longer be attractive things wouldn't be so hot to trot.

That's a reality. I'm at least adult enough to admit that I could never be attracted to certain things. That isn't shallow- it's reality.

You are introducing a sentiment that no one here has expressed, so I'm not sure why you think it's relevent.

Where did I say it was OK for a woman to ridicule or leave a man she claims she loves over something like that? Where did I say I would do so or have done so?

If you can find that quote from me, I might take this last post seriously.

good point. considering they never said that you said any of that. Love seeing people ready to fight about anything. Ohh yippee skippy! so exciting!!! I get to be offended! -does dance-

On the topic at hand, I am also adult enough to admit there are some physical attributes that are deal breakers for me. Inactive lifestyle? Out of shape? Refuse to exercise? Average or smaller in certain departments?

Cant do it. Im out. Cause without attraction, we are just friends. And Im not dating someone I feel just 'friendly' toward.

If I really loved my boobs, and I lost them in a weight loss incident, and my husband dearly missed them and wanted them back, i would find a way to get them back. Cause it would be important to both of us for me to feel desired and sexy and beautiful.

Love most certainly is NOT enough. It has to be balanced with sexual attraction, chemistry, similar life paths, common sense, mutual respect, complimentary perspectives, respect for responsibilities and where you are both steering your lives.

If your husband was in love with your long beautiful hair and you knew that was his favorite part - would you say screw him and chop it all off in a pixie cut? no let's hope you dont surprise him after work like that.

Same thing, if you know your husband is madly in love with your cleavage, then you can explain to him that your health has to come first and if your boobies suffer and it still bothers him, then you will work together to see what you can do.

Okay, I'm going to chime in on a serious note here, because this has become a pretty serious discussion and for a noob you are one harsh chick.

My husband absolutely LOVES my long hair. Hates short hair on women. Hates it. I keep it long for him.
Now, I was diagnosed with brain cancer this year. I was able to keep my hair when I had my craniotomy and tumor resection.
HOWEVER. When my tumor grows back (and it will, eventually), I will have to have radiation. My hair will fall out. I won't have the long hair my husband loves. We can't compromise on that and find some way for me to keep it for him, I'll lose it.
Guess what? He's going to stay with me anyway. Even when I don't have hair, the long hair he really likes.

Know why? Because he loves ME. Not my hair, ME. And that my dear, is what true, long-term love is all about.

rml_16

Okay, I'm going to chime in on a serious note here, because this has become a pretty serious discussion and for a noob you are one harsh chick.

No way she's a noob.

I'm not sure who she used to be or why she has such a hard-on for me, but I do love the ignore feature. She might want to try using it if I bother her so much.

QuietBloom

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

You're addressing me directly. I have never made such a joke nor laughed at it when others did.

And, again, if you LOVE someone and are IN A RELATIONSHIP and you leave over something like that, it's shallow. Just own it.

It's not shallow - it's reality. People change. Sometimes you can deal with it- sometimes you cannot. Sometimes the change is beyond your margin of acceptability. People are stuck in this idea that relationships are static and love fixes it. It doesn't. PEOPLE CHANGE.

This is why there are hundreds of wildly unhappy married couples- who would be better off divorcing and finding someone who fits their lifestyle better. I know what I can accept- and I know what I cannot. People would be a lot happier if they were more honest about themselves rather than trying to force themselves to stay with people they aren't attracted to.

yes- love covers a lot-and if you truly love someone- that gray area for what you are willing to accept can be very large- but everyone has a point where they can't do it any more.

You do know that love is a choice, not an emotion? It is a choice that committed couples make every day. Day after day. It really is a wonderful thing to not be at the mercy of people's whims.

QuietBloom

Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.

But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.

I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.

If her boyfriend is disrespectful to her or leaves her because she loses her boobs as she loses weight, she probably is better off without him, anyway.

This 100%

and yet if a woman takes issues with a man's small penis it's okay for her to walk away from that instead of just love him anyway?

Way too much jump on the "love covers everything" band wagon. The reality is it doesn't.

If you don't find a certain thing attractive- it doesn't make you shallow- it makes you know what you like. No this is not a hard line- there is without a doubt a wide gray swath of what is acceptable on each side and what someone is willing to accept- but everyone has a point where they would no longer be attractive things wouldn't be so hot to trot.

That's a reality. I'm at least adult enough to admit that I could never be attracted to certain things. That isn't shallow- it's reality.

You are introducing a sentiment that no one here has expressed, so I'm not sure why you think it's relevent.

Where did I say it was OK for a woman to ridicule or leave a man she claims she loves over something like that? Where did I say I would do so or have done so?

If you can find that quote from me, I might take this last post seriously.

good point. considering they never said that you said any of that. Love seeing people ready to fight about anything. Ohh yippee skippy! so exciting!!! I get to be offended! -does dance-

On the topic at hand, I am also adult enough to admit there are some physical attributes that are deal breakers for me. Inactive lifestyle? Out of shape? Refuse to exercise? Average or smaller in certain departments?

Cant do it. Im out. Cause without attraction, we are just friends. And Im not dating someone I feel just 'friendly' toward.

If I really loved my boobs, and I lost them in a weight loss incident, and my husband dearly missed them and wanted them back, i would find a way to get them back. Cause it would be important to both of us for me to feel desired and sexy and beautiful.

Love most certainly is NOT enough. It has to be balanced with sexual attraction, chemistry, similar life paths, common sense, mutual respect, complimentary perspectives, respect for responsibilities and where you are both steering your lives.

If your husband was in love with your long beautiful hair and you knew that was his favorite part - would you say screw him and chop it all off in a pixie cut? no let's hope you dont surprise him after work like that.

Same thing, if you know your husband is madly in love with your cleavage, then you can explain to him that your health has to come first and if your boobies suffer and it still bothers him, then you will work together to see what you can do.

Okay, I'm going to chime in on a serious note here, because this has become a pretty serious discussion and for a noob you are one harsh chick.

My husband absolutely LOVES my long hair. Hates short hair on women. Hates it. I keep it long for him.
Now, I was diagnosed with brain cancer this year. I was able to keep my hair when I had my craniotomy and tumor resection.
HOWEVER. When my tumor grows back (and it will, eventually), I will have to have radiation. My hair will fall out. I won't have the long hair my husband loves. We can't compromise on that and find some way for me to keep it for him, I'll lose it.
Guess what? He's going to stay with me anyway. Even when I don't have hair, the long hair he really likes.

Know why? Because he loves ME. Not my hair, ME. And that my dear, is what true, long-term love is all about.

*nods head*

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Okay, I'm going to chime in on a serious note here, because this has become a pretty serious discussion and for a noob you are one harsh chick.

No way she's a noob.

I'm not sure who she used to be or why she has such a hard-on for me, but I do love the ignore feature. She might want to try using it if I bother her so much.

Oooh a mystery...

WhiteRabbit1313

You are introducing a sentiment that no one here has expressed, so I'm not sure why you think it's relevent.

Where did I say it was OK for a woman to ridicule or leave a man she claims she loves over something like that? Where did I say I would do so or have done so?

If you can find that quote from me, I might take this last post seriously.

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

And while we all agree- caring about someone should extend beyond skin deep- and I absolutely support doing what's best for you not your significant other.

I am trending toward building more muscle and getting more cut- which is NOT well received by men in general- that whole "too masculine" issue... guess what- if my BF didn't like it- he could accept or get to stepping. I'm doing what I think is right for me. And I wouldn't begrudge him for leaving me because I would be significantly different than when we first met. I see no shame or nothing wrong with that.

People change. you can accept them for who they are- or you can leave because you don't and it wasn't part of the arrangement.

Like I said- it's more of a large gray swath rather than a hard line- but everyone has a line where they couldn't accept someone. It doesn't make you less of a person if you know what you are willing to accept or not accept. You have a line too. Everyone has one.

While I do understand and agree, somewhat with your sentiments, I think everyone's "staying power" is different. The truth is, if you, or your significant other, changes enough in a manner that isn't attractive to you (inside or out), it's difficult to maintain that commitment. You have to look for things that you DO find attractive if you want to stay together. If staying together isn't that important to you, then a "replacement" is always around the corner. But, it sounds like, in your case, you equate an unfit body with an unfit mental perspective, which is completely "un-shallow," imo. The "unfit body" is just a symptom, or evidence, of the mentality you don't like.

OP, my boobs are on the go, for sure. I told my husband that I'm melting like an ice cream cone, from the top down. Behind a counter, right now, I LOOK AWESOME!!! Lol! I told him that I don't care if I lose my boobs, if I can get the hips, thighs, and butt down to a normal size. If I really miss them, I'm getting a boob job. I knew this from the moment I chose to have a kid and breastfeed that one day I'd "need" a boob job. I'm ok with that. In your case, if boobs aren't important to you, don't let them become important. I'm sure that boobs, or lack thereof, aren't a deal breaker for most men. If they are, well, then you have to decide what's more important to you. Boobs for him, or body for you.