Action offends the inactive
Replies
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I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.
shut up and have a donut!
Are you saying you have donuts?0 -
I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.
Oh good, so its not just me.
You are saying your world does not include evil villains trying to kill you and take over the world?!?!
<starts packing extra capes in luggage>0 -
I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.
Lol! It's not THAT literal or that obvious. It's a mindset. In some cases, these people actually do exist, and most do it subconsciously. However, most people are pretty happy to just not care what you're doing/not doing, or you're just good enough at ignoring people that it isn't a problem.
Well crap! Maybe I need to look harder for the jelly sabotagists since it's a KNOWN FACT that they are EVERYWHERE tryna subliminize me into staying in bed and eating sticks of butter wrapped in twinkies.
ETA: LOL crabs.
Ok. That's a little extreme, but be my guest.
Here's an actual fact, though: When I joined a gym during my first marriage, my husband smarted off to me after ONE week of going 3x, "Are you going to go every f*cking day?!" So, I stopped going and wasted that money.
I was 19 then and didn't have the appropriate mindset to deal with that. I'm learned a few things since then, and situations like that will never impede my progress again.
The fact is that SOME people don't like change. It threatens their stability. Almost every dysfunctional relationship is symbiotic. If one of them changes the dynamics of that relationship, the other is confused on how to behave towards the other person. They are resistant to anything that looks like change (or wary of it).
Now, if you live and work with all amazing, selfless, supportive people, good for you! Honestly, you might never have had any deep issues that would cause you to closely associate with people who aren't all of those things. Awesome for you.
But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...0 -
I think some of you guys need better friends.
I was going to say the same thing and then I realized that all my new friends are from this site so, because we're all here on this journey for the same reason, they are doing it too. Actually, most of my in real life friends haven't said a ton about it, either good or bad.0 -
Lol0
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I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.
Oh good, so its not just me.
Nope, not just you.0 -
He ain't lying.
*kick* get off me crab!
Crabs are bad. Our date is off.
I WAS going to take you for a nice crab and lobster dinner, followed by a night out on the town. Guess not. My Friday night just opened up......
Lol0 -
I could totally understand that if your circle of friends partook in fundamentally unhealthy activities as the core pastime.
Sort of like drinking buddies . . . when you stop drinking, they stop calling.
I haven't had this experience with inactive friends, but I think that might be because I'm not crunching celery in their faces while they eat buffalo wings. Just my assumption.0 -
huh...
Maybe I'm one of those lucky folks who don't have "frienemies"
or maybe I just see my friends for the good people that they really are and don't think anyone is out to get me.0 -
LOL Crabs.0
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I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.
Oh good, so its not just me.
Nope, me too.
I think there are a few things going on when there are these difficulties.
When you finally make a change for the good in your life, you have to be careful not to become too preachy about it otherwise you can become annoying and people will mock you as a way of communicating that.
You also have to make sure that your workouts aren't impacting too much on your social life so your friends and family don't feel neglected.
You also shouldn't take it as a deliberate attempt to sabotage if people bring you yummy things - they want to make you smile! Just tell them politely that you're trying to lose weight, or when you go out, build in some leaway into your diet so you're not a party pooper when you go out with your friends or colleagues.
Also, this is complete b*ll*cks:It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.
The reason the other crabs seem to be pulling the others down is that they are *all* trying to escape.0 -
And if it does, so what? No problem here, folks, move along.0
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I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This
I guess it how you look at things. My coworkers offering me chocolate is just that, an offering, a sweet gesture.0 -
I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This
I guess it how you look at things. My coworkers offering me chocolate is just that, an offering, a sweet gesture.
And, that's the best way to be, but, if you can't be that way, then do it to spite "them." Lol!0 -
I agree with personal responsibility to a point as well, but let's consider over-eating as somewhat of an addiction. If you think about people who smoke cigarettes, for instance, they might want to quit. However, when the other smokers around them keep offering up free cigarettes, or making jokes because they're "not cool" if they quit, or how great it is to have fifteen smoke breaks when non-smokers only take 2, etc, then willpower is a little tougher. Food is WAY more common and easy to obtain, and people don't actually always think of it as being a little addictive. So, when other people make us feel bad about the way we push ourselves to lose weight, keep offering us chocolate, or whatever the case may be, then it's just as hard to stay motivated. Yes, it is personal responsibility, but it's also true that people are uncomfortable with those around them looking better, etc.
I have a few female friends who used to all hang out in a group. However, when my one friend lost a lot of weight and started dressing so people would notice, another friend started making a lot of excuses not to come out with us anymore. She also started snarking about the other behind her back and making jokes about anything she could to bring her down. She'd do the typical joke about how the other one needed to "eat a sandwich," etc. She was a bit jealous. So, when I lost my baby weight, she did the same thing to me. We don't see each other anymore. She also doesn't want me to talk about my new relationship, because she's single and I'm happy (I was in a bad marriage for several years and she was always around then.)
Anyway, I think it is easier when we do surround ourselves with positivity. Negativity sometimes makes us feel like we're doing something wrong, and nice people don't want to make others uncomfortable. We also don't want to be around spouses when they make fun of us, which is one of the many reasons my ex and I split up.0 -
I really hate to say it about her, but my own mom is one of the tempters. We work together, and she used to leave treats and snacks for me on a regular basis. After asking her several times not to leave me anything, I finally had to sit her down and just tell her that it feels like subtle sabotage and it's not helping me. We have an excellent relationship, so I felt comfortable just coming out and telling her that I felt it was because she's not doing anything to help herself (as she's diabetic too, along with a host of other problems) and that perhaps she's jealous that I'm trying to change, as we both used food to make each other feel better and to show our love.
She's doing better, when she does leave something, it's homemade and she's taking the nutrition into consideration for my sake, by experimenting with lowering the calories or carbs or sodium. I know she does it as a way to express her love, and I totally get it, but that doesn't mean I have to eat it, so I don't (most times :bigsmile: , she's a hell of a baker and I ain't turning down her apple dumplings
). I know she wants a grandchild as much as I want to give her one, so I recruited her to help me out. When we go out now she points out more healthy items on a menu, and will ask for suggestions for herself.
Most of my coworkers know I'm working towards a goal and have been excellent supporters. My husband is also great :smooched:0 -
LOL Crabs.
:laugh:
LOL Crabs.0 -
I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.
Yup.
Except for my husband who brought home delicious Chinese food last night. But only because he wanted it. I'm a big girl and can choose to not stuff my face.0 -
I think the author is actually stating the obvious. No matter what goal we are trying to reach there is always a crab or two lurking in the wings trying to pull us down. I've run into it at school, work, and in my personal life. I think it comes down to having good self esteem and inner strength. I have never really cared about what others think (from the guys I worked with when I was 20 years old who tried to intimidate me into not reporting their abuse of autistic children to my sister who hates the fact that I am married to a black man to my hubby who gets irritated when I won't eat the junk he brings home as a treat for me). I will always try to do what is best for me & those I care about. So I'm still going to push it during water aerobics even though I might splash the perfectly coiffed and made up older gals in the pool... Look out crabs you are in the water and you're gonna get wet!!0
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Or, more likely, people are used to having a relationship with you that consists of certain activities, interactions, and routines, and when you change that, they resist.I read an heavy lifting site and they had this gem of a story today. Thought I would share:
http://www.t-nation.com/powerful-words/action-offends-the-inactive
You're not imagining it. When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you. Action, it seems, offends the inactive.
They'll usually be subtle about it. Offering you foods that work against your nutrition plan, often presented as gifts or treats. Expressing false worry about your supplement usage, your food choices, and the number of days you go to the gym. They'll find plausible reasons for you to cheat on your diet or skip a workout. They'll encourage you to be discouraged. They'll even get mad at you for how your positive choices are affecting their lives.
If anger doesn't work, they'll bribe, they'll mock, and they'll carefully plant seeds of negativity. All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.
When you set a new goal, physical or otherwise, you have unintentionally pointed out other people's weaknesses. Their faults and shortcomings. Their inability to plan and lack of desire to express one iota of willpower. They sit around and want. You have royally pissed them off by doing.
Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway. Crawl out of the bucket and find new friends and better relationships.
Remember, action offends the inactive. And that's their problem, not yours.
If you change your routine to sitting around smoking crack they will probably also (sabotage!) offer to do something other than smoke crack and probably (jealous) make fun of you for it too.0 -
the worst "frenemy" comment I ever had was when I was told, in a large group setting, that I did not look healthy after I lost 75 pounds using a new fad called "diet and exercise" (think "that" will ever catch on???)
...of course, the people telling me this had to put down their big-gulp, chicken wings and ranch dipping sauce and double-swallow to say so.0 -
interesting. saving to read later0
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I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
This
I guess it how you look at things. My coworkers offering me chocolate is just that, an offering, a sweet gesture.
When I was dieting for a competition, my coworkers did offer me treats they brought in. OTOH, they also stopped asking me to go in on take out when they ordered it. I know I'll get rocks thrown at me for this but that bothered me more. Some times I could have joined them, other times I couldn't. I understand and appreciate why they did it but I'm ok with just saying no when I can't join in.0 -
I have to say... this article bugs me. I mean, I totally get what the author is saying, but I disagree with a LOT of it.You're not imagining it. When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you. Action, it seems, offends the inactive.
They'll usually be subtle about it. Offering you foods that work against your nutrition plan, often presented as gifts or treats. Expressing false worry about your supplement usage, your food choices, and the number of days you go to the gym. They'll find plausible reasons for you to cheat on your diet or skip a workout. They'll encourage you to be discouraged. They'll even get mad at you for how your positive choices are affecting their lives.
If anger doesn't work, they'll bribe, they'll mock, and they'll carefully plant seeds of negativity. All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
The line here that REALLY bugs me is this "All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
WTF? just because you choose a healthy lifestyle for yourself DOES NOT MEAN that you are BETTER THAN or MORE THAN those who have not. Their value does not lessen because you make a positive change in your life. No more than your value lessens when a friend decides to get a university degree that you don't have. Or take a class in something you don't know. It's not ABOUT better / more.It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.
When you set a new goal, physical or otherwise, you have unintentionally pointed out other people's weaknesses. Their faults and shortcomings. Their inability to plan and lack of desire to express one iota of willpower. They sit around and want. You have royally pissed them off by doing.
High horse much? Your fitness goals point to YOUR success and your victory over YOUR weakness.. NOT someone else's! If you approach your health from this perspective, no WONDER people hate you. You are bettering yourself. And only yourself. And what is YOUR priority is YOURS alone, and is no better than anyone else. Just because my mom doesn't work out, it doesn't mean she has shortcomings. It means she has differing priorities... and at her stage in life, I understand her prioirities.
If anything, those who bristle and 'sabotage' may feel insecure. They may FEEL less important, but if you don't RUB YOUR SUCCESS in their faces, they will overcome that.
Yeah... let's just step over all those in our lives who are struggling. Lets walk all over them and show them how inferior they are to us with our magnificent bodies and amazing fitness levels.Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway. Crawl out of the bucket and find new friends and better relationships.
Remember, action offends the inactive. And that's their problem, not yours.
NO!
Rather... do YOU and love those who do THEM. People get mad at Christians when they "shove Jesus down other people's throats", yeah, well how different is it when Fitness freaks go and start shoving calorie counting down our family and friend's throats.
There's a right way to share your beliefs and a wrong way. (in both areas).
I'd say... Be sensitive, be empathic, be encouraging. And quit being obnoxiou about it.
Live a healthy life, and those who want one will see, and will ask when they are ready for it.0 -
I can sympathise with this in a way.
I lost some friends because I no longer drank to excess every weekend and didn't constantly eat "unhealthy" foods. When that's your only way of socialising with someone, or your social interaction is centred around those types of things, and the friend or friends in question don't want to compromise then it can really strain a friendship. End it, even. You could maybe even reach from that and term it "sabotage" when they refuse to compromise and consistently ask you out to drink for hours, or eat out often, rather than doing something you'd want to do that fits in with your new lifestyle choices.
But I also agree, then, that if a friendship is ended that easily over something so trivial then you do really need new - or better - friends.
Unfortunately, sometimes, a friend like that can also take mutual friends with them.
I've been left with few friends since changing a lot in 3 years. One of the major obstacles has been being more active... nowadays I'd like to try new things I couldn't or wouldn't do when I was a lot heavier. Either those friends didn't want to try something new, or they had the same reservations I had when I was overweight.
I can't say I've ever experienced any real "sabotage", but it probably happens. Bear in mind this article/rant comes from T-Nation.0 -
I think it's more 'action (and other personal choice that doesn't have any impact on others' lives whatsoever) offends *kitten*'.
I definitely know some of these *kitten*. Many of them are my family. Many of them are people I don't even know.
Recently I've become mostly inactive from a fitness standpoint. You all can be active around my couch potato self as much as you want, and I won't try to stop you. But super active people are offended by my choice to not work out all the time. Low fat people attack my low carb lifestyle and try to temp me with carbs. My vegan 'friend' makes jabs at me for my choice to eat meat whenever he can.
People just think their way is right for everyone, and it's their job to prove it. Just do what you do. The lion doesn't care what others think of him.
TL;DR:
If everyone focuses more on themselves and their own choices instead of on others and their choices, whether those choices are active or inactive, the world would be a much better place.0 -
LOL Crabs.
:laugh:
LOL Crabs.
Will you guys quit talking about crabs? I LOVE crabs, and now you've got me all hungry for a platter of steamed sweet king crab legs with drawn butter!0 -
Yeah, I have also never seen this. "Active" is pretty normal amount my friends, coworkers, etc.
Being in Colorado kicks *kitten*. 0 -
I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
I must agree with you. None of the stuff that people complain about in regard to others and their own weightloss has ever happened to me ( even living in some really bad places in 16 different countries )....and I don't even have a family. I must have lucked out also, because from what I read, especially here in MFP, the world is a horrible place. Maybe I am living in a cave and have not noticed yet.....lol.
But honestly; my food choices have never been sabotaged, people don't make fun of me or criticizes my food and exercise choices. Of course I don't critizise them either and allow them to live their lives as they wish....maybe that makes a difference.0 -
Their reactions and lack of support have more to do with them than us. When you start to do things to better yourself, you shine a light on how others can better themselves. Some see the light as motivation and encouragement and seek the same path. Others, who have no desire nor belief that they can improve their situation, see that light shining on their own flaws and want to shut it down.0
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