Action offends the inactive
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And, that's the best way to be, but, if you can't be that way, then do it to spite "them." Lol!
Boooo don't spite your coworkers or family or friends.
Keep in mind that people who have never actively tried to lose weight (and many that have actually), don't always have the knowledge that "we" have.
Yeah my Mom offers me sweet snacks when I visit her. She isn't a saboteur, she is a Mom born in the 40s who doesn't really have a grasp of basic nutrition. Lot's of people just don't get it.
I don't think people should be so quick to assume sabotage, when ignorance is probably a far more likely reason.0 -
YEAH!! My mom needs to stop sabotaging me with my favorite home cooked meals every time i visit. Keep that love away from me woman! Don't you want me to be happy?!
ETA: it seems like a lot of people's friends suck. That's sad.0 -
Being in Colorado kicks *kitten*.
shhhhhhhh! stop telling people. they might wanna move here.
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I agree with personal responsibility to a point as well, but let's consider over-eating as somewhat of an addiction. If you think about people who smoke cigarettes, for instance, they might want to quit. However, when the other smokers around them keep offering up free cigarettes, or making jokes because they're "not cool" if they quit, or how great it is to have fifteen smoke breaks when non-smokers only take 2, etc, then willpower is a little tougher. Food is WAY more common and easy to obtain, and people don't actually always think of it as being a little addictive. So, when other people make us feel bad about the way we push ourselves to lose weight, keep offering us chocolate, or whatever the case may be, then it's just as hard to stay motivated. Yes, it is personal responsibility, but it's also true that people are uncomfortable with those around them looking better, etc.
I have a few female friends who used to all hang out in a group. However, when my one friend lost a lot of weight and started dressing so people would notice, another friend started making a lot of excuses not to come out with us anymore. She also started snarking about the other behind her back and making jokes about anything she could to bring her down. She'd do the typical joke about how the other one needed to "eat a sandwich," etc. She was a bit jealous. So, when I lost my baby weight, she did the same thing to me. We don't see each other anymore. She also doesn't want me to talk about my new relationship, because she's single and I'm happy (I was in a bad marriage for several years and she was always around then.)
Anyway, I think it is easier when we do surround ourselves with positivity. Negativity sometimes makes us feel like we're doing something wrong, and nice people don't want to make others uncomfortable. We also don't want to be around spouses when they make fun of us, which is one of the many reasons my ex and I split up.
Maybe I'm just lucky or maybe I just see the world throught rose colored glasses (not likely) but when I quit smoking my smoking buddies were very supportive and were impressed that I was able to do it (and I still take "smoke breaks" I just walk around the block instead of standing on the sidewalk smoking). When people bring donuts or bagels or cookies or tacos to the office I don't see it as them cleverly trying to sabotage me by bringing food for 18 people. The broad who is always asking if anyone wants her to pick up something for them when she goes to get her lunch always asks me too but assumes I'll say no, she's not mean, she's thoughtful and willing to get something for me if I didn't bring my lunch.
I'm sure if I wanted to I could take every gesture that everyone has ever done and find an ulterior motive behind it based on jealousy or some other bull**** but I don't. And I'm an excessively cynical and jaded person. I also don't need to believe I'm doing something so superior that everyone around me can't wait to see me fail. But if that's what gets you through the day........0 -
Your resolve should be that of Will on "Good Will Hunting.":
Will: My father was an alcoholic. Mean [effin'] drunk. Used to come home hammered, looking to whale on someone. So I had to provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings...
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: Why?
Will: Cause *kitten* him, that' why.
...And that's why I succeed, because *kitten* them. That's why.
First off, :flowerforyou:
Second, when I read things like this, it astounds me. I have not experienced this at all, quite the opposite in fact. For example, a herd of ladies from the office were going out for lunch, and passed my office on the way out. I was told I was welcome to come if I liked, but they were going out for "bad food" so they understood if I passed. These same ladies love it when I bring fresh, homemade foods to parties, and I have a reputation as quite a good cook (which I am TYVM). I have had a couple ask me to be their "trainer" (NO WAY qualified for that), but never once have I felt sabotaged in any way. It downright stupifies me that people act like that. Who does that?! Get your own life FFS.
Besides, I don't need their help, I am highly capable of self-sabotage.0 -
This is so true! My roommate used to constantly try to derail me because she wasn't happy with the speed of her weight loss.0
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shhhhhhhh! stop telling people. they might wanna move here.
Actually, I was sold when they legalized... *mfp is watching*0 -
Have you been spying on me? I'm so fckin pissed at my "bestie" because she always is offering me food when she KNOWS I'm on a diet. And on the evenings when I tell her and my other friend (which is actually pretty awesome and supportive) that I'm supposed to go home and exercise, she is like "Pleaaaaaseee don't, go out with us!!" I'm truly starting to hate her, seriously. It's obvious that she wants me to fail at this, because she is not so happy with the way she looks (she is not overweight but wants to tone but she says she is too lazy and not motivated to do anything).
There are many other friends like this too, but I don't really care much for them, but it's kind of like an eye opener when you see how your best friends react negatively towards your work for being better.
I'm pretty surprised to see many that don't have a problem with people like this! Please tell me where you guys live LOL. I guess it depends on the culture of your country or where you live. But in my country, a lot of people are like this.0 -
I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.
Yeah, I agree. The only people who offer me more food are the people who don't know I'm actively restricting calories -- because, you know, I don't shout it from the rooftops. And even then, they don't chase me around the apartment with it. ("MOOOORE ICE CREAM FOR YOUR ANGRY UTERUS. APPEASE THE ORGANS.")
Everyone I've told has been supportive, if they're anything other than ambivalent to how I choose to lead my life. At worst, they're just sick of hearing me talk about it when it comes up, lol. (One friend and I are basically designated "Let's sit here and talk about food and exercise forever" buddies.)0 -
My dad is actually like that. Before I lost the 39lbs and reached my goal weight, he was fairly supportive. Now he thinks it's neurotic that I weigh my food and keep a log of it.
Fortunately, everyone else has been fine.
Although I do get a few rude comments online. For example, if I see someone complaining about being unable to lose weight due to PCOS or appetite increasing medication, I'll tell them that I managed. Sometimes it's met with a "Urgh, you must be bragging. It's so much easier for you because of X/Y/Z..."
Now, despite eating between 2,000 - 2,500 calories a day, I still get concern trolled about being 'anorexic.'0 -
Planet Fitness makes about a bazillion dollars by exploiting this. Inactives never have to worry about being made to feel inferior to an active, fit bodybuilder type, this those types set off the lunk alarm or get their memberships revoked for doing things like deadlifts, making noise while lifting, or sweating too much. I'm sure there are some active people at PF, too, but they likely outgrow it at some point if they stay committed and reach a fitness level that makes inactives uncomfortable. I find it very interesting, and not surprising, that this is a successful business model in our society (and I'll admit that I do laugh at their commercials).0
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I used to have people like that in my life. Those who would say it's ok to have that high sugar food just this once, except just this once was almost every day. They weren't happy for me or supportive of my lifestyle changes. They got mad that I was out DOING things, being active as I lost weight & gained the strength & stamina to be active.
I was told I was obsessive (no, I was obsessive over something else, but that wasn't anything I shared with this person) & when I'd do well they'd have a false cheery note in their voice while they said one thing to me (fake support), but a different thing at their workplace about me. (complaining - pity for them I met those folks & found out the truth) Since everyone else in my life either is supportive or just doesn't care, I'm lucky. I only had the one person trying to drag me down.0 -
My husband plays hockey a few nights a week. He does it to keep in shape. I want him to be fit. I want him to be healthy. But sometimes, I just like to hang out with him and I will ask him to skip it and stay home with me. Sometimes I even suggest eating some junk food or going out to dinner instead. I know I probably shouldn't do that, he should go get exercise but I do. I don't do this because I'm jealous, or because I don't want him to succeed but because I actually like to spend time with him.
There can be other motivators here.0 -
Being in Colorado kicks *kitten*.
shhhhhhhh! stop telling people. they might wanna move here.
Damn it. I'm just kidding. We are all lazy fat stoners. You do NOT want to move here.0 -
Being in Colorado kicks *kitten*.
shhhhhhhh! stop telling people. they might wanna move here.
Damn it. I'm just kidding. We are all lazy fat stoners. You do NOT want to move here.
:laugh: :smokin:0 -
Thankful to have supportive & positive people around me. If anything, I have noticed people asking what I do and how they can do it too.0
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TL;DR
Srs.....tagging for later.0 -
I have to say... this article bugs me. I mean, I totally get what the author is saying, but I disagree with a LOT of it.You're not imagining it. When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you. Action, it seems, offends the inactive.
They'll usually be subtle about it. Offering you foods that work against your nutrition plan, often presented as gifts or treats. Expressing false worry about your supplement usage, your food choices, and the number of days you go to the gym. They'll find plausible reasons for you to cheat on your diet or skip a workout. They'll encourage you to be discouraged. They'll even get mad at you for how your positive choices are affecting their lives.
If anger doesn't work, they'll bribe, they'll mock, and they'll carefully plant seeds of negativity. All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
The line here that REALLY bugs me is this "All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
WTF? just because you choose a healthy lifestyle for yourself DOES NOT MEAN that you are BETTER THAN or MORE THAN those who have not. Their value does not lessen because you make a positive change in your life. No more than your value lessens when a friend decides to get a university degree that you don't have. Or take a class in something you don't know. It's not ABOUT better / more.It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.
When you set a new goal, physical or otherwise, you have unintentionally pointed out other people's weaknesses. Their faults and shortcomings. Their inability to plan and lack of desire to express one iota of willpower. They sit around and want. You have royally pissed them off by doing.
High horse much? Your fitness goals point to YOUR success and your victory over YOUR weakness.. NOT someone else's! If you approach your health from this perspective, no WONDER people hate you. You are bettering yourself. And only yourself. And what is YOUR priority is YOURS alone, and is no better than anyone else. Just because my mom doesn't work out, it doesn't mean she has shortcomings. It means she has differing priorities... and at her stage in life, I understand her prioirities.
If anything, those who bristle and 'sabotage' may feel insecure. They may FEEL less important, but if you don't RUB YOUR SUCCESS in their faces, they will overcome that.
Yeah... let's just step over all those in our lives who are struggling. Lets walk all over them and show them how inferior they are to us with our magnificent bodies and amazing fitness levels.Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway. Crawl out of the bucket and find new friends and better relationships.
Remember, action offends the inactive. And that's their problem, not yours.
NO!
Rather... do YOU and love those who do THEM. People get mad at Christians when they "shove Jesus down other people's throats", yeah, well how different is it when Fitness freaks go and start shoving calorie counting down our family and friend's throats.
There's a right way to share your beliefs and a wrong way. (in both areas).
I'd say... Be sensitive, be empathic, be encouraging. And quit being obnoxiou about it.
Live a healthy life, and those who want one will see, and will ask when they are ready for it.
^^^This0 -
Being in Colorado kicks *kitten*.
shhhhhhhh! stop telling people. they might wanna move here.
Damn it. I'm just kidding. We are all lazy fat stoners. You do NOT want to move here.
That's not much of a compelling argument to keep people away.0 -
When I decided to become vegetarian I got reactions like this.... People would offer me food with meat or other things I wouldn't eat in it.0
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Crabs
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:indifferent:
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I have to say... this article bugs me. I mean, I totally get what the author is saying, but I disagree with a LOT of it.You're not imagining it. When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you. Action, it seems, offends the inactive.
They'll usually be subtle about it. Offering you foods that work against your nutrition plan, often presented as gifts or treats. Expressing false worry about your supplement usage, your food choices, and the number of days you go to the gym. They'll find plausible reasons for you to cheat on your diet or skip a workout. They'll encourage you to be discouraged. They'll even get mad at you for how your positive choices are affecting their lives.
If anger doesn't work, they'll bribe, they'll mock, and they'll carefully plant seeds of negativity. All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
The line here that REALLY bugs me is this "All because you've decided to be better, to be more.
WTF? just because you choose a healthy lifestyle for yourself DOES NOT MEAN that you are BETTER THAN or MORE THAN those who have not. Their value does not lessen because you make a positive change in your life. No more than your value lessens when a friend decides to get a university degree that you don't have. Or take a class in something you don't know. It's not ABOUT better / more.It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.
When you set a new goal, physical or otherwise, you have unintentionally pointed out other people's weaknesses. Their faults and shortcomings. Their inability to plan and lack of desire to express one iota of willpower. They sit around and want. You have royally pissed them off by doing.
High horse much? Your fitness goals point to YOUR success and your victory over YOUR weakness.. NOT someone else's! If you approach your health from this perspective, no WONDER people hate you. You are bettering yourself. And only yourself. And what is YOUR priority is YOURS alone, and is no better than anyone else. Just because my mom doesn't work out, it doesn't mean she has shortcomings. It means she has differing priorities... and at her stage in life, I understand her prioirities.
If anything, those who bristle and 'sabotage' may feel insecure. They may FEEL less important, but if you don't RUB YOUR SUCCESS in their faces, they will overcome that.
Yeah... let's just step over all those in our lives who are struggling. Lets walk all over them and show them how inferior they are to us with our magnificent bodies and amazing fitness levels.Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway. Crawl out of the bucket and find new friends and better relationships.
Remember, action offends the inactive. And that's their problem, not yours.
NO!
Rather... do YOU and love those who do THEM. People get mad at Christians when they "shove Jesus down other people's throats", yeah, well how different is it when Fitness freaks go and start shoving calorie counting down our family and friend's throats.
There's a right way to share your beliefs and a wrong way. (in both areas).
I'd say... Be sensitive, be empathic, be encouraging. And quit being obnoxiou about it.
Live a healthy life, and those who want one will see, and will ask when they are ready for it.
This x1000 :flowerforyou:0 -
It doesn't happen in my real life very often. I tend to ignore people I know who are toxic.
I'm not saying it never happens. I have had a friend mock me for getting in shape, saying that I was afraid of getting old and trying too hard, etc. I've caught flack for posting pics on Facebook while doing something active or discussing in passing that I went to the gym or running or something of that nature.
It's all nonsense, and a saboteur is only as successful as we allow him to be.0 -
What I usually get is: "You are getting to skinny" and that started about 30-40 pounds (when I was considered over weight, people wanted me to stop losing weight) ago, but once in awhile I get someone trying to get me to eat more, I just keep telling them no.0
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This. My husband plays soccer four nights a week. Also if I were to bring treats into an office I would not want others to think I left them out so Inwould offer them to everyone.My husband plays hockey a few nights a week. He does it to keep in shape. I want him to be fit. I want him to be healthy. But sometimes, I just like to hang out with him and I will ask him to skip it and stay home with me. Sometimes I even suggest eating some junk food or going out to dinner instead. I know I probably shouldn't do that, he should go get exercise but I do. I don't do this because I'm jealous, or because I don't want him to succeed but because I actually like to spend time with him.
There can be other motivators here.
I have had those kind of people in my life but not everyone who offers you a treat is trying to derail you.0 -
I am happy to say that I have not encountered family, friends or acquaintances that behaved in ways described in the article. It seems incredibly petty and immature to try to sabotage someone's health out of jealousy. I do have a doctor friend who claims that many of his patients encounter resistance from their spouse when they attempt to lose weight, but I have never personally witnessed behavior like that.0
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I have encounter friends and family sadly who have tried to hinder my fitness goals. My sister tried the old. "You can't lose weight or you won't fit into the bridesmaid dress trick. She even tried to order them 20 months before her wedding. I just told her straight out. My health over your one day. Sorry.
I've had friends tell me I'm already too skinny and need to stop because I have an eating disorder. When I'm 30lbs from goal, goal being a BMI range of 23.5. I've even had people tell me I'm not going to reach my goals because once you get fat apparently that's just how you'll be forever.. Pssh.
Some people just can't let others be happy, some just get jealous, these people are toxic. I don't like toxic people being around me anymore. I decided that when I decided to change my lifestyle. And since removing people like this from my life I haven't been hospitalized once. Back when I use to hang out with them I'd be in and out the emergency room weekly.
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Do you think you can include your friends somehow by inviting them to walk or run with you? Train for a 5k run or walk together? Maybe meet at someone's home to do a fitness tape? Maybe they won't feel left out.Have you been spying on me? I'm so fckin pissed at my "bestie" because she always is offering me food when she KNOWS I'm on a diet. And on the evenings when I tell her and my other friend (which is actually pretty awesome and supportive) that I'm supposed to go home and exercise, she is like "Pleaaaaaseee don't, go out with us!!" I'm truly starting to hate her, seriously. It's obvious that she wants me to fail at this, because she is not so happy with the way she looks (she is not overweight but wants to tone but she says she is too lazy and not motivated to do anything).
There are many other friends like this too, but I don't really care much for them, but it's kind of like an eye opener when you see how your best friends react negatively towards your work for being better.
I'm pretty surprised to see many that don't have a problem with people like this! Please tell me where you guys live LOL. I guess it depends on the culture of your country or where you live. But in my country, a lot of people are like this.0 -
I'm sure if I wanted to I could take every gesture that everyone has ever done and find an ulterior motive behind it based on jealousy or some other bull**** but I don't. And I'm an excessively cynical and jaded person. I also don't need to believe I'm doing something so superior that everyone around me can't wait to see me fail. But if that's what gets you through the day........
The world is not out to get me. People that offer food and so forth do it out of kindness and generosity. Not because they even care what I eat or what I do with my time. I haven't encountered any saboteurs. Not even my husband offering me oreos. I've encountered people showing general courtesy to other human beings and my friends/family's desire to spend time with me (not going for a run because that's not what my friends/family enjoy doing). But I suppose I could be sanctimonious and consider their efforts as motivated by jealousy or a desire to see me "fail", but that's not the truth so why would I think that?0 -
I usually don't have a problem at work... unless it's cheez-its. I can resist cookies and sweets all day long!
But I seem to struggle with motivation at home. I like to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible, When we first met we went to the gym together all the time, now he's on a hibernation phase (it's lasted over a year.. :grumble: ). So I try to hit the gym or home treadmill before he comes home or when I know he won't feel neglected. Thing is, he's never expressed that to me... it's just me putting those thoughts in my head...sigh...
I'm working on it.0
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