Action offends the inactive

sjohnny

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Penfoldsplace

I have to say... this article bugs me. I mean, I totally get what the author is saying, but I disagree with a LOT of it.

You're not imagining it. When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you. Action, it seems, offends the inactive.

They'll usually be subtle about it. Offering you foods that work against your nutrition plan, often presented as gifts or treats. Expressing false worry about your supplement usage, your food choices, and the number of days you go to the gym. They'll find plausible reasons for you to cheat on your diet or skip a workout. They'll encourage you to be discouraged. They'll even get mad at you for how your positive choices are affecting their lives.

If anger doesn't work, they'll bribe, they'll mock, and they'll carefully plant seeds of negativity. All because you've decided to be better, to be more.

The line here that REALLY bugs me is this "All because you've decided to be better, to be more.

WTF? just because you choose a healthy lifestyle for yourself DOES NOT MEAN that you are BETTER THAN or MORE THAN those who have not. Their value does not lessen because you make a positive change in your life. No more than your value lessens when a friend decides to get a university degree that you don't have. Or take a class in something you don't know. It's not ABOUT better / more.

It's the story of the crabs in the bucket. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket and some will try to crawl out and avoid becoming dinner. The rest won't try to escape, but they'll reach up and pull the others down.

When you set a new goal, physical or otherwise, you have unintentionally pointed out other people's weaknesses. Their faults and shortcomings. Their inability to plan and lack of desire to express one iota of willpower. They sit around and want. You have royally pissed them off by doing.

High horse much? Your fitness goals point to YOUR success and your victory over YOUR weakness.. NOT someone else's! If you approach your health from this perspective, no WONDER people hate you. You are bettering yourself. And only yourself. And what is YOUR priority is YOURS alone, and is no better than anyone else. Just because my mom doesn't work out, it doesn't mean she has shortcomings. It means she has differing priorities... and at her stage in life, I understand her prioirities.

If anything, those who bristle and 'sabotage' may feel insecure. They may FEEL less important, but if you don't RUB YOUR SUCCESS in their faces, they will overcome that.

Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway. Crawl out of the bucket and find new friends and better relationships.

Remember, action offends the inactive. And that's their problem, not yours.

Yeah... let's just step over all those in our lives who are struggling. Lets walk all over them and show them how inferior they are to us with our magnificent bodies and amazing fitness levels.


NO!

Rather... do YOU and love those who do THEM. People get mad at Christians when they "shove Jesus down other people's throats", yeah, well how different is it when Fitness freaks go and start shoving calorie counting down our family and friend's throats.

There's a right way to share your beliefs and a wrong way. (in both areas).

I'd say... Be sensitive, be empathic, be encouraging. And quit being obnoxiou about it.

Live a healthy life, and those who want one will see, and will ask when they are ready for it.

This x1000 :flowerforyou:

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

It doesn't happen in my real life very often. I tend to ignore people I know who are toxic.

I'm not saying it never happens. I have had a friend mock me for getting in shape, saying that I was afraid of getting old and trying too hard, etc. I've caught flack for posting pics on Facebook while doing something active or discussing in passing that I went to the gym or running or something of that nature.

It's all nonsense, and a saboteur is only as successful as we allow him to be.

Serah87

What I usually get is: "You are getting to skinny" and that started about 30-40 pounds (when I was considered over weight, people wanted me to stop losing weight) ago, but once in awhile I get someone trying to get me to eat more, I just keep telling them no.

keepongoingnmw

My husband plays hockey a few nights a week. He does it to keep in shape. I want him to be fit. I want him to be healthy. But sometimes, I just like to hang out with him and I will ask him to skip it and stay home with me. Sometimes I even suggest eating some junk food or going out to dinner instead. I know I probably shouldn't do that, he should go get exercise but I do. I don't do this because I'm jealous, or because I don't want him to succeed but because I actually like to spend time with him.

There can be other motivators here.

This. My husband plays soccer four nights a week. Also if I were to bring treats into an office I would not want others to think I left them out so Inwould offer them to everyone.
I have had those kind of people in my life but not everyone who offers you a treat is trying to derail you.

primal_cupcakes

I am happy to say that I have not encountered family, friends or acquaintances that behaved in ways described in the article. It seems incredibly petty and immature to try to sabotage someone's health out of jealousy. I do have a doctor friend who claims that many of his patients encounter resistance from their spouse when they attempt to lose weight, but I have never personally witnessed behavior like that.

sjohnny

I have encounter friends and family sadly who have tried to hinder my fitness goals. My sister tried the old. "You can't lose weight or you won't fit into the bridesmaid dress trick. She even tried to order them 20 months before her wedding. I just told her straight out. My health over your one day. Sorry.

I've had friends tell me I'm already too skinny and need to stop because I have an eating disorder. When I'm 30lbs from goal, goal being a BMI range of 23.5. I've even had people tell me I'm not going to reach my goals because once you get fat apparently that's just how you'll be forever.. Pssh.

Some people just can't let others be happy, some just get jealous, these people are toxic. I don't like toxic people being around me anymore. I decided that when I decided to change my lifestyle. And since removing people like this from my life I haven't been hospitalized once. Back when I use to hang out with them I'd be in and out the emergency room weekly.

keepongoingnmw

Have you been spying on me? I'm so fckin pissed at my "bestie" because she always is offering me food when she KNOWS I'm on a diet. And on the evenings when I tell her and my other friend (which is actually pretty awesome and supportive) that I'm supposed to go home and exercise, she is like "Pleaaaaaseee don't, go out with us!!" I'm truly starting to hate her, seriously. It's obvious that she wants me to fail at this, because she is not so happy with the way she looks (she is not overweight but wants to tone but she says she is too lazy and not motivated to do anything).

There are many other friends like this too, but I don't really care much for them, but it's kind of like an eye opener when you see how your best friends react negatively towards your work for being better.

I'm pretty surprised to see many that don't have a problem with people like this! Please tell me where you guys live LOL. I guess it depends on the culture of your country or where you live. But in my country, a lot of people are like this.

Do you think you can include your friends somehow by inviting them to walk or run with you? Train for a 5k run or walk together? Maybe meet at someone's home to do a fitness tape? Maybe they won't feel left out.

Duck_Puddle

I'm sure if I wanted to I could take every gesture that everyone has ever done and find an ulterior motive behind it based on jealousy or some other bull**** but I don't. And I'm an excessively cynical and jaded person. I also don't need to believe I'm doing something so superior that everyone around me can't wait to see me fail. But if that's what gets you through the day........

The world is not out to get me. People that offer food and so forth do it out of kindness and generosity. Not because they even care what I eat or what I do with my time. I haven't encountered any saboteurs. Not even my husband offering me oreos. I've encountered people showing general courtesy to other human beings and my friends/family's desire to spend time with me (not going for a run because that's not what my friends/family enjoy doing). But I suppose I could be sanctimonious and consider their efforts as motivated by jealousy or a desire to see me "fail", but that's not the truth so why would I think that?

Amitysk

I usually don't have a problem at work... unless it's cheez-its. I can resist cookies and sweets all day long!

But I seem to struggle with motivation at home. I like to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible, When we first met we went to the gym together all the time, now he's on a hibernation phase (it's lasted over a year.. :grumble: ). So I try to hit the gym or home treadmill before he comes home or when I know he won't feel neglected. Thing is, he's never expressed that to me... it's just me putting those thoughts in my head...sigh...

I'm working on it.

whitebalance

Huh. I hadn't seen this at all. All I've noticed are friends and family members cheering me on, and a lot of them doing the same thing in their own lives. And now I find out they were all trying to keep me buried in a bucket of crabs. I can't believe I was so blind. Thanks, OP.

I agree with the poster who suggested getting better friends.

yogagirl100

I don't know where people get the idea that they can comment on other people's bodies.

sassyjae21

I've only had one person make a backhanded comment towards me. I called them out on it and moved on. It didn't happen again. I kinda keep my goals and personal journey to myself. I suspect some folks who get sabotaged and have crappy comments directed towards them and the like, are unintentionally annoying people with their weight loss goals and what not.

I just don't talk about it. That solves a lot of probems right there. Of course you have the right to talk about it if you want to. But sometimes people are annoyed by it. So don't be surprised when someone tells you to hush it up. Then again, I know there are folks out there who are downright jealous and want you to fail. If that's the case, you need to try to find new friends.

Find people who have the same fitness goals in common. That can help if you need to talk about it.

HerbertNenenger

I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.

Same here. I don't feel like I have anyone sabotaging me - my loss has always been met with enthusiastic responses. If I were bragging about it and talking about it all the time I'm sure it would go differently.

moya_rargh

DEM KRABZ

awtume9

I don't know.... I guess I am pretty lucky in the friend department. Granted, I can count all of them on one hand. But I still manage to keep a social life with them, and most enjoy outdoor activities just like me, so we can do them together. However, I still go to the bars and such. Maybe I haven't progressed as much as I would have if I didn't, but I'm enjoying life and still seeing results.

ArchangelMJ

I wouldn't typically consider someone offering you food or a treat sabotage. Perhaps in some cases it is if you have the misfortune of being friends with someone truly manipulative and deceitful, but generally, people like giving food to others because it's a nice thing to do. Especially when you've taken the time to cook and prepare something yourself, it feels good to share it with others. People can also feel guilty about not offering you some of their delicious whatever.

Food is an easy and cheap way to give someone a gift as well. Most people are comforted in some way by food and I think it's prudent for dieters to remember that a lot of people aren't going to be so anal about everything they eat. I think that is what can be frustrating for other people, not so much that they are threatened by your new lifestyle.

WhiteRabbit1313

And, that's the best way to be, but, if you can't be that way, then do it to spite "them." Lol!

Boooo don't spite your coworkers or family or friends.

Keep in mind that people who have never actively tried to lose weight (and many that have actually), don't always have the knowledge that "we" have.

Yeah my Mom offers me sweet snacks when I visit her. She isn't a saboteur, she is a Mom born in the 40s who doesn't really have a grasp of basic nutrition. Lot's of people just don't get it.

I don't think people should be so quick to assume sabotage, when ignorance is probably a far more likely reason.

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

It's a mindset to fuel your motivation. Nothing more. And, basic nutrition? I ate everything I wanted to eat and still lost weight. It has nothing to do with nutrition. It has everything to do with the people who do not understand your goals, do not understand what it takes to get there, but who will try to make you feel bad when you won't partake in something. Literally, as I was writing this, my co-worker brought an iced oatmeal cookie in for me to try a bite...but we have birthday cake for her today, which is what I want, and she still pouted (yes. literally pouted) when I said, "no, thank you" to her.

Saboteurs exist. Some knowingly. Some not. Some are just being nice. The point is to learn how to say "no" when you know you need to and continue on the path towards your goals. There is strength in knowing how to establish and enforce boundaries. That's the point.

WhiteRabbit1313

It doesn't happen in my real life very often. I tend to ignore people I know who are toxic.

I'm not saying it never happens. I have had a friend mock me for getting in shape, saying that I was afraid of getting old and trying too hard, etc. I've caught flack for posting pics on Facebook while doing something active or discussing in passing that I went to the gym or running or something of that nature.

It's all nonsense, and a saboteur is only as successful as we allow him to be.

^^THIS 100%

tedrickp

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

Please stop trying to sabotage me by being mean.