Action offends the inactive

MyChocolateDiet

I can sympathise with this in a way.

I lost some friends because I no longer drank to excess every weekend and didn't constantly eat "unhealthy" foods. When that's your only way of socialising with someone, or your social interaction is centred around those types of things, and the friend or friends in question don't want to compromise then it can really strain a friendship. End it, even. You could maybe even reach from that and term it "sabotage" when they refuse to compromise and consistently ask you out to drink for hours, or eat out often, rather than doing something you'd want to do that fits in with your new lifestyle choices.

But I also agree, then, that if a friendship is ended that easily over something so trivial then you do really need new - or better - friends.

Unfortunately, sometimes, a friend like that can also take mutual friends with them.

I've been left with few friends since changing a lot in 3 years. One of the major obstacles has been being more active... nowadays I'd like to try new things I couldn't or wouldn't do when I was a lot heavier. Either those friends didn't want to try something new, or they had the same reservations I had when I was overweight.

I can't say I've ever experienced any real "sabotage", but it probably happens. Bear in mind this article/rant comes from T-Nation.

Keanu has experienced this too...

MyChocolateDiet

...but then he found new fit friends who were into running and working out too

MyChocolateDiet

Being in Colorado kicks *kitten*.

shhhhhhhh! stop telling people. they might wanna move here.

Damn it. I'm just kidding. We are all lazy fat stoners. You do NOT want to move here.

:laugh: :smokin:

Keanu lived in Colorado for a bit, I guess and had friends just like that too.

WhiteRabbit1313

Wtf ever?! I'm from the south. I guess, I'm just totally rude...or your parents didn't give you any useful "home-training," bless your heart.

Look - not trying to start a fight here. But the woman walked away with hurt feelings, so something in that exchange went wrong. Not saying you can please everybody all the time, and nor should you try. But hurt feelings over a cookie? With a co-worker? On her birthday? Really, is worth it? I am working out, eating right, and doing my best to get healthy. But I'm not so overzealous that I would alienate people as a result. My point was simply that instead of rudely hurting her feelings, find SOME other way to decline the cookie. ANY other way. Either that, or just eat the BITE of cookie.

It's called manners. Sticking up for yourself is okay. Purposefully offending someone in the process is not. I think momma did just fine, thank you.

I didn't purposely offend her. You assume too much. She's my friend and I told her, "No. Thank you." She was like, "But they're so good. You have to try some." I told her that I was holding out for cake. She pouted. I said, "If it's THAT important to you, I'll eat a bite." She grinned.

Stop assuming things.

MireyGal76

...but then he found new fit friends who were into running and working out too

I you... That's all. Carry on.

WhiteRabbit1313

I just want to know what kind of person would be upset that someone wouldn't eat a cookie on their birthday? Sounds like the person who's bday it was is the one with the issues, not the one who refused.

That is all.

LOL! A friend who knows that I'm dieting. She was really excited about her cookies.

whitebalance

But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.

I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...

No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."

This.

MyChocolateDiet

I wouldn't typically consider someone offering you food or a treat sabotage. Perhaps in some cases it is if you have the misfortune of being friends with someone truly manipulative and deceitful, but generally, people like giving food to others because it's a nice thing to do. Especially when you've taken the time to cook and prepare something yourself, it feels good to share it with others.

^This. Exactly.

Also something to consider - for those who have friends & family "sabotaging" your efforts - how long have you had those relationships? And how long have you been overweight and/or unfit? Think about it - that co-worker at work who likes to bring you baked goods. How many times have you said they were fantastic? Suddenly you don't want them anymore. That give & take was part of your relationship with the coworker. They like you and showed their affection through treats, and you reciprocated with gratitude. Win-win. Or take the best friend - maybe for the last ten years you & your best friend have been hanging out on Friday nights with pizza, wings & beer. You both had fun TOGETHER. That time spent was part of your relationship. Or - mom makes you double fudge chocolate cake for birthdays and holidays - and has done so ALL your life. It's her way of saying she loves you. She spent hours making it from scratch with fancy swirls and chocolate curls.

Suddenly you don't want that anymore? You can't just unilaterally change the nature of a relationship and expect everyone to 'get it' and be on board. You're taking something away from THEM too! Relationships aren't all about you. Maybe instead of getting so angry at people for being non-supportive, stop and think about why they feel the way they do. Maybe they just miss the friend they used to have.

Sorry - but like a couple of others have said - the OP's comments kind of bother me. I am ALL for getting healthy and inspiring others to do so. But that doesn't mean others want to hear it, nor is it your right to expect them to listen. The "in-your-face" approach rarely works with anyone, and frankly I feel more sympathy for the bewildered, angry friends that got left behind in the wake of healthy makeovers.

MyChocolateDiet

But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.

I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...

No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."

This.

I'm sorry but are you interrupting Keanu?

SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish

I think a lot of the time its again people misjudging how important and often they are in other's thoughts, just like "everybody is judging me in the gym": probably that friend offering you the jelly donut used to do that before too, just now you notice it goes against your new plan of action. Probably your friend who "doesn't want you to look better than them" and is overweight has bad habits that they used to participate in with you, just wants to do the same exact stuff as before, but now it goes against your new action plan, so its "sabotage" according to you.

Remember, just because YOU decided to make a change and fight the tendency to be inactive, eat tempting foods and too much of them, doesn't mean your friend is wanting/able/aware of fighting those same urges as you are, and really its YOUR responsibility, not theirs, to resist.

I find so many people act like just because they decided to have a certain goal, anyone asking them to do something not in concert with their goal is "planned sabotage" and "rude". Well, just because you want to make a change, it doesn't mean everyone else does, or its a priority for them to keep in mind even, or they may have not even "registered/understood" how important it is to you, and people doing what they did before isn't some "planned sabotage" just because now it conflicts with your new goal. You are being selfish and saying "you must think of me first" with this mindset, and its doubtful your friends ever sabotage you, more likely they just carry on doing what they had been doing all along, and now you realize its not the best for you.

fortally

I just want to know what kind of person would be upset that someone wouldn't eat a cookie on their birthday? Sounds like the person who's bday it was is the one with the issues, not the one who refused.

That is all.

That's probably true, and maybe that woman has her own insecurities and battles that she is fighting. But this whole thread started with "action offends the inactive."

When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you.

Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway.

The cookie story was used in defense of this, and I just didn't get it. I didn't see cookie b-day lady as a "sabotaging" someone's diet by offering a bite of a cookie. Maybe - MAYBE - she really is an evil witch who hates her co-worker and wants her to fail. More likely she is a lonely woman who confuses friends with co-workers, and she walked away with hurt feelings. I just don't understand the "spite" mentality of treating people who don't understand your new fitness goals as enemies. And this was a WORK environment, not a family member or friend. This isn't a friend she can delete off FB - this is someone she is going to continue to see on a daily basis. Most folks frown on creating hostile work environments.

The OP's stance just struck me as so negative and combative. I understand sticking up for your own goals, but why not do it in a more constructive manner? Why not focus on building yourself up rather than focusing on all the people trying to "sabotage" you (real and imaginary).

MyChocolateDiet

But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.

I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...

No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."

QFT.

MyChocolateDiet

I just want to know what kind of person would be upset that someone wouldn't eat a cookie on their birthday? Sounds like the person who's bday it was is the one with the issues, not the one who refused.

That is all.

That's probably true, and maybe that woman has her own insecurities and battles that she is fighting. But this whole thread started with "action offends the inactive."

When you decide to better yourself, you'll be immediately surrounded by people trying to stop you.

Piss them off anyway. Offend them anyway.

The cookie story was used in defense of this, and I just didn't get it. I didn't see cookie b-day lady as a "sabotaging" someone's diet by offering a bite of a cookie. Maybe - MAYBE - she really is an evil witch who hates her co-worker and wants her to fail. More likely she is a lonely woman who confuses friends with co-workers, and she walked away with hurt feelings. I just don't understand the "spite" mentality of treating people who don't understand your new fitness goals as enemies. And this was a WORK environment, not a family member or friend. This isn't a friend she can delete off FB - this is someone she is going to continue to see on a daily basis. Most folks frown on creating hostile work environments.

The OP's stance just struck me as so negative and combative. I understand sticking up for your own goals, but why not do it in a more constructive manner? Why not focus on building yourself up rather than focusing on all the people trying to "sabotage" you (real and imaginary).

Maybe she should get a cat. But not an evil mean one.

MireyGal76

IN to see how many Keanu gifs MyChocolateDiet has...

MyChocolateDiet

I have not experienced this. I get to make my own choices and decisions in life. I can say yes or no to what anyone politely offers at a gathering (I can share and split a food choice if I want). No one cares. No one judges. We respect each other.

In this fantasy world of which you speak where people are not mean to you and you are in full control of yourself...do you ever experience--a "glitch"?

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[/img]

If so, do you ever capitalize on it to bend it to your will?

MyChocolateDiet

IN to see how many Keanu gifs MyChocolateDiet has...

Oh thanks for the opportunity to post a non specific to arguments one...

although he is looking like something I could not resist if offered to me by a co-worker. Slurp! :bigsmile:

MyChocolateDiet

Crabs

I know huh...and for now...out O - U - T, OUT!

CallMeCupcakeDammit

IN to see how many Keanu gifs MyChocolateDiet has...

Oh thanks for the opportunity to post a non specific to arguments one...

although he is looking like something I could not resist if offered to me by a co-worker. Slurp! :bigsmile:

This is my new favorite picture of him. Yummmmm!

MyChocolateDiet

Just one more thing. In the future when posed with cookie/birthday/coworker manners dilemma's please don't refer to southerners...ask yourself...

What
Would
Keanu
Do?

tameko2

You have a genuine gift MCD. I hope you always use your powers for the haylair.