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Action offends the inactive
Replies
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+1
It's not luck, it's a matter of filtering out useless idiots so that they never become a part of my life.Those of you who don't have anyone in your life that seems offended when you say 'no' to something or try to judge how you eat, why you eat, what you eat, or any of that --- you're probably pretty lucky.
And that is a skill!0 -
Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.0 -
Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.
Oh my gee. Classic.
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So the meat was for your cat?Wtf ever?! I'm from the south. I guess, I'm just totally rude...or your parents didn't give you any useful "home-training," bless your heart.
Look - not trying to start a fight here. But the woman walked away with hurt feelings, so something in that exchange went wrong. Not saying you can please everybody all the time, and nor should you try. But hurt feelings over a cookie? With a co-worker? On her birthday? Really, is worth it? I am working out, eating right, and doing my best to get healthy. But I'm not so overzealous that I would alienate people as a result. My point was simply that instead of rudely hurting her feelings, find SOME other way to decline the cookie. ANY other way. Either that, or just eat the BITE of cookie.
It's called manners. Sticking up for yourself is okay. Purposefully offending someone in the process is not. I think momma did just fine, thank you.
I didn't purposely offend her. You assume too much. She's my friend and I told her, "No. Thank you." She was like, "But they're so good. You have to try some." I told her that I was holding out for cake. She pouted. I said, "If it's THAT important to you, I'll eat a bite." She grinned.
Stop assuming things.0 -
+1
It's not luck, it's a matter of filtering out useless idiots so that they never become a part of my life.Those of you who don't have anyone in your life that seems offended when you say 'no' to something or try to judge how you eat, why you eat, what you eat, or any of that --- you're probably pretty lucky.
And that is a skill!
+++
If people were going to guilt trip me over things like that, my time with them would limited to the bare minimum.0 -
So the meat was for your cat?Wtf ever?! I'm from the south. I guess, I'm just totally rude...or your parents didn't give you any useful "home-training," bless your heart.
Look - not trying to start a fight here. But the woman walked away with hurt feelings, so something in that exchange went wrong. Not saying you can please everybody all the time, and nor should you try. But hurt feelings over a cookie? With a co-worker? On her birthday? Really, is worth it? I am working out, eating right, and doing my best to get healthy. But I'm not so overzealous that I would alienate people as a result. My point was simply that instead of rudely hurting her feelings, find SOME other way to decline the cookie. ANY other way. Either that, or just eat the BITE of cookie.
It's called manners. Sticking up for yourself is okay. Purposefully offending someone in the process is not. I think momma did just fine, thank you.
I didn't purposely offend her. You assume too much. She's my friend and I told her, "No. Thank you." She was like, "But they're so good. You have to try some." I told her that I was holding out for cake. She pouted. I said, "If it's THAT important to you, I'll eat a bite." She grinned.
Stop assuming things.
You said meat, so now I get to post this one.
"Oh, Keanu you must be joking"...
"No, I'm not, it really is this big."0 -
Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.
Enjoying being the "righterest MFPer"? That's not ego at all.0 -
I think there is a difference between sabotaging you and not supporting you the way you feel you should be supported.
For example, a significant other may not like the fact that they feel they hardly see you because 1/2 of your freetime is now spent at the gym.
Or they may resent the fact that despite them not having to lose weight, the entire family has to change their diet.
Or they may be upset because the kids are upset because "mommy or daddy" is gone during the evening when they want to spend time with them.
I think in general people are less inclined to want to actively sabotage you, as much as just being somewhat selfish, like most of us are, in terms of how your activity is "negatively" affecting them.0 -
Because it supports a worldview with one's self at the center of the universe.Why would you want the mindset of... people hate me, they want to see me fail, they're trying to ACTIVELY make me fail, they're just jealous, as a mindset to fuel your motivation?
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I think there is a difference between sabotaging you and not supporting you the way you feel you should be supported.
For example, a significant other may not like the fact that they feel they hardly see you because 1/2 of your freetime is now spent at the gym.
Or they may resent the fact that despite them not having to lose weight, the entire family has to change their diet.
Or they may be upset because the kids are upset because "mommy or daddy" is gone during the evening when they want to spend time with them.
I think in general people are less inclined to want to actively sabotage you, as much as just being somewhat selfish, like most of us are, in terms of how your activity is "negatively" affecting them.
^^Agreed0 -
So true. I never let people "infect" me, I "affect" them!0
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:indifferent:0
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Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.
Enjoying being the "righterest MFPer"? That's not ego at all.
I didn't read that as savoring or dance/chanting "I was right". I read that as further proof of his point. So that it may become obvious. Sometimes when one's reality is being challenged it takes a LOT of evidence for it to be accepted. And it's not always easy to see, nor without bumps in the road.0 -
Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.
Enjoying being the "righterest MFPer"? That's not ego at all.
I didn't read that as savoring or dance/chanting "I was right". I read that as further proof of his point. So that it may become obvious. Sometimes when one's reality is being challenged it takes a LOT of evidence for it to be accepted. And it's not always easy to see, nor without bumps in the road.
Yes, and you've added so much constructive wisdom to this thread, also. Thanks for that.0 -
Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.
Enjoying being the "righterest MFPer"? That's not ego at all.
I didn't read that as savoring or dance/chanting "I was right". I read that as further proof of his point. So that it may become obvious. Sometimes when one's reality is being challenged it takes a LOT of evidence for it to be accepted. And it's not always easy to see, nor without bumps in the road.
Yes, and you've added so much constructive wisdom to this thread, also. Thanks for that.
Aw, You're welcome. :blushing:
p.s. I knew you were harshing but it's all good.0 -
Are you the OP?
Ironically, you seem to think that my post was about you.
No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.
I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...
At 35 years old, I have a healthy understanding that the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm also not so naïve that I believe everyone has my best interest at heart, either. I CAN tell the difference between, "I worked hard on this and want to share it with you" and "some random salesperson brought in these donuts and I need you to eat them with me so I don't feel so bad about my indulgences." Difference.
The world IS not black and white.
Enjoying being the "righterest MFPer"? That's not ego at all.
I didn't read that as savoring or dance/chanting "I was right". I read that as further proof of his point. So that it may become obvious. Sometimes when one's reality is being challenged it takes a LOT of evidence for it to be accepted. And it's not always easy to see, nor without bumps in the road.
Yes, and you've added so much constructive wisdom to this thread, also. Thanks for that.0 -
Personally, my biggest anger initiated motivation doesn't begin with the actions of others. It begins with my actions. It doesn't start with proving myself better than other people who may or may not be sabotaging me. It starts with proving myself better than the other me that is definitely out to sabotage me. I'm not all that concerned with how my action with respect to my diet and exercise may or may not others. I expect others to be mature enough to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm much more concerned with how my action offends my nature to be inactive. I'm really the only one that I'm trying to prove anything to about myself, because I'm the one who made myself 408 pounds. That's the guy I give the finger too with my lifestyle.0
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Personally, my biggest anger initiated motivation doesn't begin with the actions of others. It begins with my actions. It doesn't start with proving myself better than other people who may or may not be sabotaging me. It starts with proving myself better than the other me that is definitely out to sabotage me. I'm not all that concerned with how my action with respect to my diet and exercise may or may not others. I expect others to be mature enough to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm much more concerned with how my action offends my nature to be inactive. I'm really the only one that I'm trying to prove anything to about myself, because I'm the one who made myself 408 pounds. That's the guy I give the finger too with my lifestyle.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
Personally, my biggest anger initiated motivation doesn't begin with the actions of others. It begins with my actions. It doesn't start with proving myself better than other people who may or may not be sabotaging me. It starts with proving myself better than the other me that is definitely out to sabotage me. I'm not all that concerned with how my action with respect to my diet and exercise may or may not others. I expect others to be mature enough to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm much more concerned with how my action offends my nature to be inactive. I'm really the only one that I'm trying to prove anything to about myself, because I'm the one who made myself 408 pounds. That's the guy I give the finger too with my lifestyle.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
What she said!0 -
0
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LOL! Crabs!0 -
Personally, my biggest anger initiated motivation doesn't begin with the actions of others. It begins with my actions. It doesn't start with proving myself better than other people who may or may not be sabotaging me. It starts with proving myself better than the other me that is definitely out to sabotage me. I'm not all that concerned with how my action with respect to my diet and exercise may or may not others. I expect others to be mature enough to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm much more concerned with how my action offends my nature to be inactive. I'm really the only one that I'm trying to prove anything to about myself, because I'm the one who made myself 408 pounds. That's the guy I give the finger too with my lifestyle.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
What she said!
^^ Yes, this. Very much this.
Either I'm an anomaly or am extremely "lucky" or have over the years surrounded myself with amazing people who are as confident in themselves as they are in me and I am in myself but I haven't had the sabotage experience at all. Everyone around me has been incredibly supportive, from my husband, family, friends and colleagues all the way down to the random person I meet on the street every day on my way to work.
An observation though, some people seem to feel that because they are eating 'healthy' the people around them shouldn't eat 'unhealthy' foods in front of them, and this is what can really get people's nose out of joint. I don't care what anyone else eats or does, I only care what I eat and do. I don't 'preach' to anyone or try to 'convert' them. Everyone has the right to live as they want to live and it's none of my business. You can sit there and eat a pizza in front of me but I'll have my salad. Yes, pizza is yummy but I just don't want any.0 -
My sister is usually the one who mocks... But then again she stands at 5'1 n 278 and is already diabetic.... Me I am doing my own thing and doing it because I want health for myself, I love her to pieces and of course don't take what she says at heart, I simply silently pray that some day she too be inspired to take a healthier route.
As far as friends, I surround myself with like minded peeps, no prob. there. The only one who can sabotage our progress is ourselves.0 -
You know what is truly fascinating about this thread? The friends I have here and the answers they give - it seems we have the common demographic of not choosing to be at war with the world around us. I like that.
Eta: lol @crabs0 -
I was telling my husband that my boss is trying to lose weight. He asked if I had told her about what I do to keep track of mine. I said no. If she ever asks me for advise, than sure. But I don't talk about myself all that much to others. Everyone knows I head out for a run at noon. I pretty much do my thing and don't give much thought to it. I do like to skip a run at least once a week and go out to lunch with everyone because I enjoy their company. I've never noticed sabotage in the least bit in all the years I've been active and at a good weight. JME0
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I love this!0
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This makes absolutely no sense. Soooo, on your birthday, you get to dictate how everyone else eats? And of course, by refusing food from someone on their birthday, you are nonverbally wishing them a terrible birthday and saying you wish they'd never been born. :noway:
Why do they have to eat what the birthday girl says? Like you said, it's HER birthday, not THEIRS. Is declining a bite of cookie going to ruin her birthday? I seriously doubt it. If everyone had cake and cookies on everyone ELSE's birthday, there would be no fit people anywhere.
Exactly yes. It's MY birthday dammit so you will eat the cookie and you will damn well like it!!!
:laugh:0 -
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Do you think you can include your friends somehow by inviting them to walk or run with you? Train for a 5k run or walk together? Maybe meet at someone's home to do a fitness tape? Maybe they won't feel left out.Have you been spying on me? I'm so fckin pissed at my "bestie" because she always is offering me food when she KNOWS I'm on a diet. And on the evenings when I tell her and my other friend (which is actually pretty awesome and supportive) that I'm supposed to go home and exercise, she is like "Pleaaaaaseee don't, go out with us!!" I'm truly starting to hate her, seriously. It's obvious that she wants me to fail at this, because she is not so happy with the way she looks (she is not overweight but wants to tone but she says she is too lazy and not motivated to do anything).
There are many other friends like this too, but I don't really care much for them, but it's kind of like an eye opener when you see how your best friends react negatively towards your work for being better.
I'm pretty surprised to see many that don't have a problem with people like this! Please tell me where you guys live LOL. I guess it depends on the culture of your country or where you live. But in my country, a lot of people are like this.
Sadly enough, I tried this a couple of times, but she gives up right after 2 minutes into the workout. And I'm too embarrassed to work out when people watch me unless they join me :laugh: So, she is not truly supportive. Last night after class she asked me to go out (I went out with them Thursday, Friday and Saturday) and I told her I couldn't because I wanted to go for a jog, and she's all like "I'm getting tired of your exercising routines, you are addicted to exercising!" I'm like - I WISH! Other things she has said after trying to make me eat sweets or treats and I refuse them is "Wow, are you actually for real trying to lose weight? Do you think you'll make it?" She is pretty negative. It's getting to be really difficult to deal with her.0 -
For some people, taking a bite of something could send them in a uncontrollable downward spiral. I know that if I took a bite of a cookie, it would no longer be a bite. It was be the consumption of a whole cookie. Plus cake. And then whatever else I binge on for the day.
I understand that. For me, I think I was just offended at the rudeness that was implied in the post. Maybe it's just a southern thing. Maybe it's just a MY family southern thing, but that kind of rudeness was spanked out of me long ago. Refusing a cookie because you want CAKE instead is, to me, rude, especially considering that birthday lady was the one offering.
Refusing to eat a cookie for health reasons is a different story. If the bite of cookie is truly a problem and will lead to a downward spiral, then delicately try to explain that. If that's not possible, then fall back on good old southern politeness and LIE. Say your doctor told you no, or sugar gives you migraines, or you have a medical condition, or something. SOME reason that lets you AND the cookie lady off the hook. She doesn't walk away "pouting" and you aren't stuck eating the cookie. A positive relationship is maintained and everyone wins. After all - this was a work environment. Hurt feelings from co-workers are far more poisonous than the sugar in the cookie (IMO).
And no, I do not think birthday people rule the world and if we all ate their cake we'd all be fat. The OP was talking about refusing ONE bite of cookie because she wanted cake instead - NOT because the cookie would lead to a spiral. So I just don't understand being rude for the sake of self-interest. Blame my southern mom and my daddy's southern belt, but I would have eaten the cookie.
I'm Southern too, and if I don't want to eat something for whatever reason (or no reason at all), it's not rude. Expecting someone else to do something you want them to do just because you say so makes you exactly the kind of person the OP is talking about.0
This discussion has been closed.
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