As a guy I wanted to know what it was like as a woman...

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  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    And I think that what makes people TRULY uncomfortable is that both sides have legit gripes.

    Yes, of course that is true.

    However, in the context of online dating I think that getting rejected isn't quite on the same level as being repeatedly harassed and degraded.

    So there are no alternatives to online dating?

    You either get harassed or stay single?

    Yes, there are plenty of alternatives. I think the majority of men and women are good, honest, respectful people in their actions. I think however women face these issues to a hugely disproportionate degree however.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Single folks don't use phones, don't go to parties at their friends' houses

    Of course they do. At least in my circle, they do. I have friends from 22 years old to 60 years old. Many of them are single. My daughter and her group of friends are in college.

    I have people over to my house all the time and my friends have people to their houses. Whether it's for the Super Bowl, Halloween or a random, "Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while!" Friday night.

    Who are these people who never go to each other's houses?

    IDK...It was stated earlier in the thread that only teenagers go to house parties. It seems strange to me. That's my main "social life" is house parties.
    Maybe it was the term "house party"? I mean, we don't call them that. We just call them parties or get-togethers or whatever. Or, "So and so is having a few people over."
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Unless this was a one time article, I'd say that he has the agenda of building up a following of loyal readers.

    Even if that were the case, does it make his recollection or the accounts of many women who corroborate such an experience untrue or any less worth of note?

    It does speak to your point on having an agenda.

    That being said, I never doubted anyone's personal anecdotes for online dating. But when I do hear them I wonder why they chose to continue that method.

    Because there are significant advantages, and the alternatives really aren't much better.
  • WontShareChocolate
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.

    True story, I actually met a really nice fireman in the grocery store one day. He struck up a conversation and we were really connecting, then his pager went off and he had to go put out a fire. As I was checking out, he came running back in, all covered in soot. It was a kitchen fire, no biggie. He told me which station he worked at and asked me to come by. I was too chicken to do it tho.

    :/ wtf! That man put out a fire and still made time to come back and talk to you and you STILL wouldn't give him the time of day? Your seriously hard to impress hah
  • LokiOfAsgard
    LokiOfAsgard Posts: 378 Member
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    So, I'm gonna weigh in here.

    I joined an RPG site, purely for roleplaying (Not sexual roleplaying, but the geeky kind).
    And yeah, I got several guys who wanted to hook up with my character, because she was female and a redhead.
    Then it got creepy.
    They couldln't tell the difference between me. and my character. I literally had a guy beg me to tell him I loved him, despite me saying, I have a boyfriend, I don't love you. He demanded sexual roleplays even though I said I don't do that. Time went on, he pretty much considered me his girlfriend, even though I told him I was not interested in him.
    Later, when we were pulling apart, he pulls the 'I'm gonna kill myself because I'm so alone' card.

    And it's bad enough he did this to me, but he also did this to SEVERAL girls AT THE SAME TIME.

    Oh, not to mention he said he posted all of my info on 4chan and told me people were going to come after me, because I wasn't going to date him
    Or how he pretended to be hacked, so he could cuss me out and scare me into accepting him


    So, no. Women are not crying because too many guys want to buy them dinner, they're not weak or pathetic because they can't tell a guy no. Some guys just do not take no for an answer, and sadly, those are the guys that women tend to meet the most.
    Men need to learn to take a woman's answer, straight up. If she says no, leave it. Don't beg or plead or try to negotiate.

    And if this is what happened on a RPG site, with no erotica included, I can't imagine what goes on a dating site.
  • Redheadllena
    Redheadllena Posts: 353 Member
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.

    True story, I actually met a really nice fireman in the grocery store one day. He struck up a conversation and we were really connecting, then his pager went off and he had to go put out a fire. As I was checking out, he came running back in, all covered in soot. It was a kitchen fire, no biggie. He told me which station he worked at and asked me to come by. I was too chicken to do it tho.

    WTH, you should have gone!!
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
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    Yup, that just about sums it up... I had a POF account for about five days and I was about to delete it due to that kind of sliminess when I got a message that made me laugh instead of cringe. I stayed on for another two days, met the guy for coffee and then deleted my profile. And four years later I married his cute *kitten*. So even though it was a mostly negative experience, I was one of the lucky ones. :)

    ^^Okay that's just awesome!!!

    I have a guy friend that talks to me about his online dating etc... he mostly gets perplexed by nice-seeming girls who maybe respond once and then don't respond again... I keep telling him about the barrage of messages that girls get on there and not to take it personally if he doesn't hear back- but to wait a day or two and then try again if he is really interested in a particular one :)
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.

    True story, I actually met a really nice fireman in the grocery store one day. He struck up a conversation and we were really connecting, then his pager went off and he had to go put out a fire. As I was checking out, he came running back in, all covered in soot. It was a kitchen fire, no biggie. He told me which station he worked at and asked me to come by. I was too chicken to do it tho.

    :/ wtf! That man put out a fire and still made time to come back and talk to you and you STILL wouldn't give him the time of day? Your seriously hard to impress hah

    I was thinking the same thing... And, I have never had someone try to hit on me, RESPECTFULLY in a grocery store. I say respectfully, because "yo, mama, how you doin'?" or "damn, you fiiiiine, girl...", etc., just doesn't really do it for me.
  • howcanthatbetakenalready
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.


    Same story here.

    Most people in real life meet through mutual friends so I guess we (people our age) need to make more of an effort to hang out with new people and go to new places.

    I've actually thought about going to a few "meetup" events. You meet new people and just may hit it off but without the pressure of it being some sort of dating site/event.


    I need to be LESS anti-social too.
    Meetup is awesome! I've moved a few times as an adult, so just making new friends is difficult. I didn't join Meetup to meet a man (I was involved already), but I have made some great friend friends through it. I highly recommend it.


    I have heard this for a few people now. I guess I'm going to have to snap out of the anti-social nonsense and go to one of these.
    I was going to go to a meet tomorrow night but then a plan came together to hang out with a few friends.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
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    Single folks don't use phones, don't go to parties at their friends' houses

    Of course they do. At least in my circle, they do. I have friends from 22 years old to 60 years old. Many of them are single. My daughter and her group of friends are in college.

    I have people over to my house all the time and my friends have people to their houses. Whether it's for the Super Bowl, Halloween or a random, "Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while!" Friday night.

    Who are these people who never go to each other's houses?

    IDK...It was stated earlier in the thread that only teenagers go to house parties. It seems strange to me. That's my main "social life" is house parties.
    Maybe it was the term "house party"? I mean, we don't call them that. We just call them parties or get-togethers or whatever. Or, "So and so is having a few people over."

    that's exactly what it was - the term "house party". It reminded me of Kid N Play.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    But instead of making me take up a cause to eliminate a-holes from the world it makes me wonder why anyone continues in that particular medium.

    Because the alternatives are in many ways worse.

    It's hard to meet good compatible people.

    Which raises a host of other questions like social skills, venues choices, expectations, attitude, time management etc. When you consider how many people are successful at meeting in alternative ways.

    I can't quite tell what point you're trying to make. There's a reason online dating sites are used so heavily, despite the problems.

    It sounds like you, who has never tried an online dating site nor actually been on the dating scene in quite a while, are dismissing online dating entirely because other things are better. I humbly suggest that you don't know much about online dating OR its alternatives in the context of modern post-college adults.

    That's another odd assumption that seems to have surfaced in this thread, that every involved person met in high-school or college. Not sure where that came from, but for the record I met my wife 7 years after finishing college.

    That being said you may have met someone online, but you've also been involved for the better part of a decade so you're also speaking from a position of bias. Especially if your primary view of alternatives to online dating is 'bars and concerts' and nothing else.

    Plenty of people meet up without the use of online dating, the one thing that they have in common is that they have out of hand dismssed the alternatives.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    I think I should make it clear I think online dating can be a fabulous way of meeting someone. In fact, in the modern world it is probably the method which makes most sense.

    However, what this guy's experience highlights is that unless a woman has a remarkably thick skin she may denied an avenue to meet a man (or woman) who she really likes due to behaviour which is frequently ignored, downplayed or worryingly, normalized.

    It doesn't benefit women or men to have unfair access to opportunities.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    You know, I met ONE guy online who was pretty awesome. He had a great personality, was respectful and smart and sweet and I really liked him.

    We finally got together in person. He looked very different from his posted photo, but not so bad I couldn't get over it. However, the smelled. REALLY BAD. Not even BO. I can't even describe the smell, but it was nasty. There was no further contact.

    Guys, no matter how nice you are and no matter what you look like, basic hygiene is a must.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    Single folks don't use phones, don't go to parties at their friends' houses

    Of course they do. At least in my circle, they do. I have friends from 22 years old to 60 years old. Many of them are single. My daughter and her group of friends are in college.

    I have people over to my house all the time and my friends have people to their houses. Whether it's for the Super Bowl, Halloween or a random, "Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while!" Friday night.

    Who are these people who never go to each other's houses?

    IDK...It was stated earlier in the thread that only teenagers go to house parties. It seems strange to me. That's my main "social life" is house parties.
    Maybe it was the term "house party"? I mean, we don't call them that. We just call them parties or get-togethers or whatever. Or, "So and so is having a few people over."

    Maybe it's not my age then. Maybe it's a regional thing? *shrugs*

    I've never called it a "get-together." And to me "having people over" is more like a small dinner party. I'm talking about 40-50 people, loud music, kegs and coolers, lots of smoke in the backyard (or in the garage if it's winter...) To me, that's a house party, a party at someone's house. :bigsmile:
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
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    Single folks don't use phones, don't go to parties at their friends' houses

    Of course they do. At least in my circle, they do. I have friends from 22 years old to 60 years old. Many of them are single. My daughter and her group of friends are in college.

    I have people over to my house all the time and my friends have people to their houses. Whether it's for the Super Bowl, Halloween or a random, "Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while!" Friday night.

    Who are these people who never go to each other's houses?

    IDK...It was stated earlier in the thread that only teenagers go to house parties. It seems strange to me. That's my main "social life" is house parties.
    Maybe it was the term "house party"? I mean, we don't call them that. We just call them parties or get-togethers or whatever. Or, "So and so is having a few people over."

    Maybe it's not my age then. Maybe it's a regional thing? *shrugs*

    I've never called it a "get-together." And to me "having people over" is more like a small dinner party. I'm talking about 40-50 people, loud music, kegs and coolers, lots of smoke in the backyard (or in the garage if it's winter...) To me, that's a house party, a party at someone's house. :bigsmile:

    see, that's what we did at 18. *shrugs*
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Maybe it's not my age then. Maybe it's a regional thing? *shrugs*

    I've never called it a "get-together." And to me "having people over" is more like a small dinner party. I'm talking about 40-50 people, loud music, kegs and coolers, lots of smoke in the backyard (or in the garage if it's winter...) To me, that's a house party, a party at someone's house. :bigsmile:
    My group is somewhere in the middle. Not usually dinner parties exactly, but some booze and a bonfire and potluck kind of deal. We just hang out, I guess. Nothing wild, but a little more exciting than just sitting around the dinner table.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    I think I should make it clear I think online dating can be a fabulous way of meeting someone. In fact, in the modern world it is probably the method which makes most sense.

    However, what this guy's experience highlights is that unless a woman has a remarkably thick skin she may denied an avenue to meet a man (or woman) who she really likes due to behaviour which is frequently ignored, downplayed or worryingly, normalized.

    It doesn't benefit women or men to have unfair access to opportunities.

    This actually makes things sound even more self correcting.

    If women lose access to online dating (or simply opt out due to the foolishness) don't (heterosexual) men, but default, lose access as well?
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    imagine OP what it must be like to be a women in general if thats what its like on a simple online dating site

    You know what is worse then being a woman and online dating? Being a woman and being punished every month for not being knocked up.

    Preach!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Wahhhhhhh!!! Too many guys want to buy me free meals!!!! Life as a woman is soooooooooo difficult. Let's be honest, you ladies have to put literally no effort in to meeting guys. You're basically just waiting for one to hit on you that meets whatever shallow standard you've imposed for looks. You then simply decide if his annoying qualities offset his looks and by how much.

    I was single for about 3 months this summer and it was miserable. I remember being single 4-5 years ago and not being so uncomfortable.

    This last year- was AWFUL. And this was with people I already knew- not complete strangers.

    My dating experience online a few years ago wasn't that bad- but it isn't pretty... and no- it's not easy.

    I didn't get free meals- or take advantage of men- or just waiting for them to hit on me. I'm not a meat market getting to picked up.

    that's just so incredibly inaccurate it's not even funny.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
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    tl;dr whole thread, but... Years ago, I created a male profile online for a similar experiment. My alter ego could post the exact same thing that got me slobbering compliments and PMs... and he would be completely ignored by that online community. The difference is pretty interesting. Kind of bummed me out at the time to think I might not be as objectively witty as I thought. :ohwell: