Ladies, how do you feel about being a stay at home mom/wife?

RunsSober

There is no greater responsibility or privilege than to care for and nurture children. I am lucky enough to be able to do it every day. I truly feel grateful and blessed to spend so much time with my kids. It is certainly the hardest "job" I ever had, but nothing, NOTHING is more rewarding. My wife is glad that I am willing to do it and she has been able to carve herself out a nice little career. That makes her happy. I am not motivated by success in the work place. Never have been. So our situation works well for all parties.

Having said that, I don't care if you are a SAHD, SAHM or work 70 hours a week, if you love and care for your children to the best of your ability...you are a great parent.

obsidianwings

Well, that escalated quickly. Can we have a breast vs bottle thread next?

DamePiglet

It did for me. It wasn't exactly motivational to see a bunch of woman wasting their lives away, some of them getting divorced later in life, not having a thin red cent or skill to their name besides 'cooking and cleaning'. I think it is sad how being a SAHM is a goal. If you are really well off and want to invest time into doing things other than working and raising children, then fine. But a goal of being a SAHM? Really?


and people don't need first hand experience of being a SAHM to know that all those women can achieve so many of their dreams, if they have any

I was a SAHM for years until I was widowed. Then, I worked & went to school to get my degree and then re-entered the workforce in a professional capacity.

I'm sorry for whatever bad experiences you had growing up, but I assure you, my son, who is less than a year younger than you, does not judge SAHMs nearly as harshly as you do.

You speak from limited experience. I don't.

I don't think I speak from a world of experience. Good for you. I think that it can work. I just don't understand why it would be a goal. I set goals and identify possible barriers. As a result, if I stay at home at all I am going to go back to work when my kids go back to school (if I can even find a job at that point, reentry is not easy these days). As a result I will probably just continue working. Children need to be around others to socialize and develop that way anyways, so daycare is a totally viable option. Just my 2 cents.

However, it's unfair to say that SAHMs teach their children to be lazy.
My experience is that many are anything else BUT lazy.
They tend to manage the home like a business with a structured (and often rigid) budget for both time and money.
As for time with other kids, most children don't need a great deal of regular social interaction with other kids for the first few years of life. Playing with siblings (if applicable) or play dates are sufficient.

Either way, kids are going to be just fine, and the choice is up to the parent(s). No one should be "shamed" for his/her choice.

tigerblue

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

So, have you ever been a SAHM?

no, because i plan on being a mom who also puts the bacon on the damn table! there are so many cons of being a SAHM and I honestly can't believe how many people are in support of it, what a lack of ambition, way to **** on all your dreams and set a lazy example for your kids

not to mention it is so hard to re-enter the work force, so good luck with that.

As you continue to talk, you continue to show your ignorance. "Raising children is not a job"??? LOL Worth of a woman is in how much money she can make??LOL Unbelievable. How sad.

I have done both. Neither is more worthy than the other. But the fact is that working moms have double duty--job and mom. Just because they go to work doesn't mean any of their home duties go away!

I would love to go back to SAHM and I would still be plenty busy, but only half as busy as now!

SomeNights246

Some women seem vehemently opposed to anyone being a SAHM. I hear them speak about it as though people who are are slaves to their husband and/or children. I never understood this.

Women fought so we could have the CHOICE. Freedom is about choices. We are free to choose what we want to do with our lives. Women fought so we could choose whether we wanted to be a homemaker or a working woman. They didn't fight so other women could belittle us when we choose the former rather than the latter.

I feel like, if it's what you want to do, go for it. Some people are happy being stay at home husbands/wives/parents. My cousin is a stay at home dad. He frequently posts on Facebook about how rewarding it is. And I've met him in person a few times. He seems genuinely content doing what he does. Some people have insulted him for it. Apparently, some (even today) think it's a 'woman's' job. How asinine.

I would never be happy being a SAHM or a stay at home spouse. I have to be out there, working. Doing something. But hey, that's me. We're all different! I would never get in a relationship with someone (male or female) who didn't respect my choice to have a career. So, it won't matter, anyway.

Also, yes, raising a kid IS being a productive member of society. It is not easy. I don't even have kids, but I know that it is not easy. I have babysat more than my share. Kids of various ages. It's no cakewalk.

and people don't need first hand experience of being a SAHM to know that all those women can achieve so many of their dreams, if they have any

For some women (and men, too) being a parent IS their dream.

I know. Weird thinking that not EVERYONE sees the world like you, huh? :huh:

Naina_Bug

I honestly don't see anything wrong with that IF you can afford it. If you can do it and it truly makes you happy long term - go for it. It is your life and you decide what you do with it.

kelly_e_montana

Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.

I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.

JADEPH0EN1X

I WAS & would still love to be but as son is now 17 don't think I'd get away with it any more ( lol!)

MizMiami305

:drinker: :happy: :glasses:

kdb247

That would be totally awesome! I’ve worked so hard for so long; boy would I love to kick back if given the opportunity

kdb247

Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.

I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.

^^Ohh, that's what "SAHM" stands for

DawnieB1977

I've never been a SAHM, but I had 9 months for maternity leave with my first, and a year with my second, and will probably have a year with my third (I'm English, we can have up to a year).

I went back to work part time after my first baby, to 2.5 days, so I kind of have the best of both worlds. I earn enough that I can still buy myself things on top of paying towards the mortgage and bills, and on my days off I can afford to take my kids out, but the best is that i get that extra time with my kids which I love.

I'm extra lucky as I'm a teacher so I get all the school holidays off too - 13 weeks a year in England - which is even better now as my eldest child is at primary school. It saves a fortune in childcare too! Next week is half term over here, and I'm so glad to be able to spend a week with my little boy as he's at school so I don't get to spend my days off with him any more.

I have to admit though, after a year of maternity leave with my daughter, I was ready to get back to work. Weirdly enough, you do get more of a break at work. You can have 10 mins to sit and drink a coffee, and you can go to the loo without being followed :laugh:
The downside to my job is the time I have to spend at home preparing lessons and marking books, and that can be especially tough with 2 kids vying for attention.

Today I am at work, then have an after school meeting, then have to rush back and collect my son from after-school club, then my daughter from nursery, then get them both home, make us dinner, do baths, put them to bed etc. All this whilst being 30 weeks pregnant. My husband is working late shift. So, on days like today, I do wish I were a SAHM!

DawnieB1977

http://carolynee.net/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/

wozkaa

Well, that escalated quickly. Can we have a breast vs bottle thread next?

What's YOUR problem with breasts?


...kidding. LOL :laugh:

Iwantchange_22

I wanna be a stay at home mum. But i'd like to have a part time job, maybe once or twice a week. (Maybe even helping out in the school canteen)
^_^

boxpunk

sucks, but can't help it till I get a job

neandermagnon

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

There's more than one meaning for the word "job" - in my dialect, any task can be called a job. I can, e.g. tell my kids that keeping their room tidy is their job. It's synonymous with "task" or "duty" it doesn't have to mean "paid employment", at least where I come from (can't speak for other dialects).

My point is that raising kids IS contributing to society, because kids are the next generation, without them there's no future. And well adjusted children generally grow up to be well-adjusted, contributing adults. I also didn't say anything about who does the most work, who's hard done by or whatever between stay at home parents and working parents...... That's stuff you've implied from my post that wasn't there. Anyone who raises kids (as in actually raising them, being an involved parent, etc, neglectful/abusive parents don't count) is contributing to society by raising those kids, whether they work outside the home as well or not, or whether they're being paid to help raise someone else's kids or not. My point was about the lack of value that society places on the task of raising children.

BTW I'm not a stay at home mum. I have 3 different jobs outside the home (2 employed 1 self-employed) and I have kids too. But if I was rich and didn't have to work, I would be a stay at home mum, or maybe do some volunteer work as well (part time hours only)... but I see that kind of thing as a luxury of having wealth. I don't think that either working or being a stay at home parent is superior... people do what's right for them and their families and it's not always a choice, and even if it is, what makes someone a good parent or not depends on factors other than whether they work outside the home or not.

Rachelc1992

I currently work as a nanny! And hope to stay home with my children until they go to school. Then I would go back to work.
The amount of things I experience with these children that their parents don't makes me a bit sad.
Obviously all financial dependant and if not possible then well, that's how it's going to be!
When I was little and we struggled for money for about a year (then my dad got promoted) my mum worked nights! They would have been worse off, financially, to put us in childcare!! It ain't bluddy cheap!!

VBnotbitter

A few people mentioned being a stay at home mum as being old fashioned. So is being a working mum. There hasn't been a stay at home mother in my family for at least four generations. I grew up in a northern English industrial town where women have worked out of the home since the industrial revolution.

It's not really pro or against working or staying at home but just pointing out that's its not a modern phenomena.

DamianaKitten

If you and your SO are happy, who cares? Income does not = value. My husband enjoys coming home to food and a happy wife. I enjoy cooking and taking care of him. We're quite happy.