Ladies, how do you feel about being a stay at home mom/wife?

smaug5ever

I'm not a mother, but I'd like to be a stay at home wife one day if it's financially able with my husband. And if I ever have children I would want to be there to raise them. What do you think?

Exactly my thoughts.

chispaza

I have been a stay at home mom for over 5 years now and I love it. It's hard and you have to be disciplined to get stuff done during the day. I homeschool my kids so that's half of our day.

CoffeeNBooze

Personally I'd rather not. I also can't imagine being a mom right now either. My mom was a stay at home mom for most of the time I was a kid, and it was great having her around. When I'm a mom, I'd like to do that for them...but I really don't think that will be enough for me. I want a career too and make my own money and not rely on my husband, if I ever have one.

Kriistabell

This is also just my opinion, but if nobody HAD to work, how many people really would? I would rather spend my time having fun and getting into my hobbies. I would also spend time learning and reading because once you finish grad school and start your career, then on top of that start a family - it is almost impossible to find time for those things. I know a lot of people want to work so they aren't bored, but I'd rather do work at my own time and pace with my own set of boundaries (hobbies) and make it fit into my life's schedule instead of fitting my life's schedule around my work schedule that I have no choice in making. I'm a teacher and I love it, but if I didn't have to worry about money and could work with kids with special needs out of the pure kindness of my heart instead of a horrible paycheck because money didn't matter to me - I believe I would be much happier.

annabellj

If you can afford it and want to do it, do it! sahm's are productive members of society. its a very hard job, but so worth it! being able to volunteer at my kids school, be home when they were sick, home after school and summers and holidays, so worth any financial sacrifices we may have made while they were growing up. my kids still talk about the things we did and made and I think I am very close to my boys because of it. my kids are not embarassed at all and still love it when their dad and i have lunch with them, youngest is in 8th grade.

bennettinfinity

Stay at home mom, i get...

Stay at home WIFE? That conjures up images of the dutiful spouse cooking and cleaning all day and then greeting DH at the door with a dry martini...

I flip the gender and again, i get the stay at home dad, but stay at home husband? Once more; does not compute...

Surely, I'm missing something? Sincere question: what's the appeal to being a stay at home spouse?

Francl27

I am a SAHM... I wouldn't make enough money to cover daycare expenses for two, now they're in school but between all the sick days, breaks, snow days, random school closed days... it's still not worth it! Even though I spend a lot of days not doing anything... But to be fair I had no luck getting a good job before I got the kids either.

I enjoy it way more now that they are in school, lol! But it's very lonely and boring. I had no luck meeting other moms, but I guess I'm not the very sociable type anyway. But it's hard not to feel pretty useless at times... it can be pretty depressing (plus I'm not really the perfect SAHM and I really lack patience sometimes). I make a bit of money on the side with websites that reward you for surveys, searches etc.

I really dread what I will do with my life later though... I can't find a job easily now, I can't imagine what it will be like in 12 years. I'm not dumb, it's actually pretty frustrating that it's impossible to find a job I could do at home on my own time

SezxyStef

I am and always have been a working mom.

Only recently married tho so I had to work.

Knowing that i suspect you can guess my answer....

I wish I could have been a stay at home mom, joined PTA, volunteered etc but couldn't...

Would I be a stay at home wife...heck ya...if my husband made enough I would love to stay at home and take care of it, my gardens, maybe volunteer at the library or WI home...

Would I greet him at the door...Yup...would I cook and clean friggen right...

Now he's grown...and I am gonna work for a couple more years and retire by the time I am 45 and volunteer for my grandkids.

19TaraLynn84

I never had the desire to stay home before we had children, but I think the appeal is in the wife being able to do household chores and whatever else they may do while the husband is working. Then when the husband is home, they have all the time in the world to just be together. I don't know. Now that I typed that out, it does sound slightly appealing to me.


This was in response to the question posed a couple of posts up.

daw0518

This is a hard one for me. I'm currently in grad school working to get a degree & a career, so I feel like I won't even have the opportunity to be a SAHM, & I'm afraid if I were one it would feel like I wasted precious years [probably 5-7] working on my PhD. BUT, if I had a financial cushion available to do it, I probably would, at least for a little while. I would love to have the time at home with my child, as well as time for me to work on my own hobbies & interests outside of my career.

I do think that being a SAHM for more than a few years is dangerous though. My mom hasn't worked my entire life, aside from brief stints that never worked out. We tried to fill out a job application for her last Summer & were trying to figure out how to make 23 years not in the workforce look less outrageous. There's just no way though, & when she went to turn in the application & explain it to the guy, he looked at her like she was crazy. Needless to say, she didn't get the job, or even an interview, & this was for a minimum wage, part-time retail job. Obviously she's an extreme case & of course 23 years out of a job would be really hard to overcome, but still something to think about.

Marcia315

As a mom of 4 - 3 now over 18 - I highly recommend raising your own children if its at all possible. Who would love them most in all the world? You & your hubby. If there is ever a question - watch other families in both situations. I love my kids & was blessed to be with them most of their lives.

This is where the mommy wars start. Please don't refer to having child care as someone else raising your children.

mooglysmom

I worked nights and weekends when my boys were younger because we couldn't afford daycare, but we needed extra money. I did that for five years. Then my husband got a new job, we moved, and I became a SAHM. I've been home for 2 years now. I love it, and it's nice to not have to worry about childcare if one is sick or there's a snow day, or husband is out if town again... It happens frequently. I do have an Etsy shop, and I sell crafts at craft fairs from time to time for extra money (I helped pay for Christmas last year!). But ultimately it works for us. I do have a college degree, and I would go back to work if I needed to. But it's nice to volunteer at the school, and be there for my kids when they get home. My mom worked several jobs when I was a kid, and I always felt like a burden, that she didn't enjoy having us around. That probably has a lot to do with my attitude.

Jacqson84

Growing up, my mother was a working mom and I do recall feeling elated when she took days off work, because I'd come home from school to a warm toasty house, and she'd have all the time to help with homework etc. So, a part of me wants to be a stay-at-home mom but I also want to make something of myself, career-wise, that is. I have a degree and other certificates and want to put those to good use.

MyChocolateDiet

I love it, I work from home and also get to be home with my son when he isn't in school. I am old fashioned that way.

xobeckyxo

I am a SAHM. It was never planned but ended up this way. I'm a registered nurse who graduated top of my class. Spent 6 yrs in the Air Force as a linguist. Felt like a bum for the first 3 yrs that I stayed home (2 kids now 3 & 5). So I took a nursing job at the VA. It sucked. It was full time because part time nursing gigs don't exist for" new grads". I wanted part time. I applied for 40 jobs. 1 call, 1 interview and I got the job. I lasted 3 months. I was working over 40 hrs, missed my baby's first stage performance and I was working a mux of both day shift and night shift so I was getting headaches and was pissed off all the time from lack of proper sleep. Plus I was working at the one in Baltimore City so the people/atmosphere/general tone were leaving something to be desired. On top of all that gripey stuff, daycare in MD was running us $2150 a month. Yes you read it right. It was a second mortgage. We switched to a montessori which was still $1750. I was bringing home $700 a month "profit". I guess if you think working a 14 hr nightshift doing backbreaking work while missing important events like family gatherings and kids performances is "worth it" then great. I felt differently. My husband has a great job and we are frugal. Being a good mother to your children IS contributing to society. My daughter could read at 4. She is 1 of 2 children in her (oversized) Kindergarten class who are in advanced reading. They gave her a standardized test and she scored ridiculously high compared to the average. Because she wasn't sitting in some overpriced, mind-numbing daycare. I like to think the personalized attention she got being home with me or at her part time preschools is what has helped her get a head start academically. Once I resigned from the 3 month stint as poop/drug slave at the VA, I was way past feeling like a bum. Well over feeling like I wasn't "contributing". You can't put a price on self worth. It's important to raise your kids how you want to. I'm lucky in that we can afford it. A part time job would be the best of both worlds but decent psrttimers are hard to find. I babysit on the weekends and some evenings.

SunofaBeach14

It's funny how some preferences change over time and how some decisions are made by factors beyond our control. Life isn't scripted.

SapiensPisces

I enjoy working outside the home and having a career, but I also spend a good amount of time on my family and home life. Whatever works for you and your family is what you should do.

SCV34

It's the hardest and best thing you will ever do!

The hardest, but most rewarding too!

kgeyser

One thing I wanted to touch on, because I've seen this several times in the comments - being a SAHM doesn't mean that you've given up your entire life to become a submissive little woman and that you're totally satisfied with that. Taking time out of the workforce doesn't mean that you are not going to have a successful career. Staying at home doesn't mean you just cook, clean, and change diapers and are completely fulfilled as a person. Being a SAHM doesn't define a person any more than being a doctor, lawyer, receptionist, mechanic, teacher, programmer, etc, defines them.

I honestly don't know a single SAHM who doesn't have a bunch of other things going on for their personal growth in addition to taking care of the home, hauling the kids to playgroups and enrichment activities, and working one-on-one with their kids. The SAHMs I know volunteer, are working on degrees or certifications, sit on city/community boards, participate in local groups offering their expertise and experience on topics, are involved in politics, learn languages, coordinate and manage everything from mom's groups to charity events… the list goes on and on. It's not June Cleaver wearing pearls and waiting by the door with a drink in hand for her husband anymore.

SunofaBeach14

One thing I wanted to touch on, because I've seen this several times in the comments - being a SAHM doesn't mean that you've given up your entire life to become a submissive little woman and that you're totally satisfied with that. Taking time out of the workforce doesn't mean that you are not going to have a successful career. Staying at home doesn't mean you just cook, clean, and change diapers and are completely fulfilled as a person. Being a SAHM doesn't define a person any more than being a doctor, lawyer, receptionist, mechanic, teacher, programmer, etc, defines them.

I honestly don't know a single SAHM who doesn't have a bunch of other things going on for their personal growth in addition to taking care of the home, hauling the kids to playgroups and enrichment activities, and working one-on-one with their kids. The SAHMs I know volunteer, are working on degrees or certifications, sit on city/community boards, participate in local groups offering their expertise and experience on topics, are involved in politics, learn languages, coordinate and manage everything from mom's groups to charity events… the list goes on and on. It's not June Cleaver wearing pearls and waiting by the door with a drink in hand for her husband anymore.

I think people are allowed to live their lives the best they can without everyone thinking their every personal decision is with political purpose. Put another way, people have different priorities on life. It's not for me to judge how you live.

Qskim

One thing I wanted to touch on, because I've seen this several times in the comments - being a SAHM doesn't mean that you've given up your entire life to become a submissive little woman and that you're totally satisfied with that. Taking time out of the workforce doesn't mean that you are not going to have a successful career. Staying at home doesn't mean you just cook, clean, and change diapers and are completely fulfilled as a person. Being a SAHM doesn't define a person any more than being a doctor, lawyer, receptionist, mechanic, teacher, programmer, etc, defines them.

I honestly don't know a single SAHM who doesn't have a bunch of other things going on for their personal growth in addition to taking care of the home, hauling the kids to playgroups and enrichment activities, and working one-on-one with their kids. The SAHMs I know volunteer, are working on degrees or certifications, sit on city/community boards, participate in local groups offering their expertise and experience on topics, are involved in politics, learn languages, coordinate and manage everything from mom's groups to charity events… the list goes on and on. It's not June Cleaver wearing pearls and waiting by the door with a drink in hand for her husband anymore.

True. I don't define myself as just a SAHM. I earned a degree while raising children, I help my partner run a small business. Most women who I know that are working to make ends meet wish they could do the same. I look after their children after school to help out because I understand their struggle. I take them to after school activities, have them during school holidays and treat them like one of my own. A lot of SAHM's that I know happily fill in the gaps for mums who are working. And incidentally, all the mums I do this for (unpaid) are child care workers, who are underpaid and undervalued IMO.

I've worked but now stay at home. I'd rather the latter for a whole host of reasons. It's never occurred to me to belittle a woman's choice either way.

xobeckyxo

Yes! Snow days, sick days...you only get so much leave. And my mother was gone working a lot too, which I know has a lot to do with my attitude as well.

seltzermint555

Stay at home mom, i get...

Stay at home WIFE? That conjures up images of the dutiful spouse cooking and cleaning all day and then greeting DH at the door with a dry martini...

I flip the gender and again, i get the stay at home dad, but stay at home husband? Once more; does not compute...

Surely, I'm missing something? Sincere question: what's the appeal to being a stay at home spouse?

Even though it wasn't for me, when I tried it, I get it.

I'm sure there are other reasons. But for a lot of couples I think it's the fact that the whole corporate rat race is really taxing. With commutes and overtime and meetings and all that jazz, it can be really difficult to keep up a life, a home, a marriage. Sure it's doable. But it can be a lot to handle. When one person doesn't work outside the home, it's easier for things to get done. When I (fairly briefly) was a SAHW, I did every load of laundry, cleaned everything, cooked almost every meal (less $ spent on dining out), etc. If there were any errands that needed to be done during typical "office hours" - banking, veterinarian, waiting on the cable guy, plumber, or whatever - it was convenient for me to do them. I can see why some couples thrive in that type of situation, definitely. Not to mention if BOTH partners are suited to their roles, they would probably be happier. For me it was kind of the opposite because I got really bored & disconnected and felt frustrated by being at home so much. But for some women (or men) I think it would be great.

My husband works from home currently and we enjoy some of these perks too. Ultimately he won't work from home but at this time he's dealing with dissolving his parents' business and handling their estate (they recently died) on top of his freelance work. For right now, it is seriously nice for everything to basically revolve around my office job schedule! There is no waiting for him to get off work. We just have one full bath so there is no working out a showering schedule. The cat is taken care of all day. When it's snowy/icy he drives me to work. He often has dinner ready when I get home. If we feel like taking a trip, we only have to work that out with 1 employer (mine). It's great.

melb_alex

I prefer being a career woman, have all my life.

Kids can wait

fleetzz

If I could work part-time, that would be ideal. Since I had not been able to locate a part time position, over a year ago I took a full time position. I quit one year ago--it just was not working out for my family.

I have been stay at home for a year now and I enjoy it. I am able to take the kids to school, pick them up, we have home cooked meals, all the housework is done during the week and my husband and I can enjoy the weekends (instead of doing all the around the house work on Saturday and Sunday). On the weekends we spend more time recreating than working. When my kids are sick, we don't have to argue about who is going to try to get time off from our jobs to take care of the child. Cable company appointments--no taking the day off. No nanny or day care (done both). We don't have to fight to coordinate our vacations together. I don't have to work holidays and kids vacations. When he has to travel for work, we can go with him (quite the bonus--he works for a cruise line).

Most important, I am available for the kids. I volunteer at their school, see their performances, take them to their activities. It isn't a nanny doing this. I am not missing out on anything now.

I am fortunate that my husband makes enough to do this. If I had the higher income, it would be him staying home, but he makes more than double my last salary. However, I need to keep up my skills or going back to work will not happen. I believe this is important because if anything happens to him I will need to work. So, still looking out for a part time position.

bearkisses

bearkisses

i'm sorry to the sahm's, but i died when i saw this

cakebatter07

i'm sorry to the sahm's, but i died when i saw this

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

cakebatter07

I could never do it.
I don't want to have kids anyway. But being a stay at home wife? Hell no! That's definitely something I would never do.
DINK ftw!

CrisAlex

I had the best of both worlds when I worked half-time as a teacher, which meant that I worked one day and then didnt the next. If you can, do.