Men, how do you feel about SAHM?

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  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
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    My wife is a SAHM after many years working.
    One of the reasons we moved out of MA was so she could have the choice not to work.
    As it turned out, health made the choice for her.
    Anyone who dares say the SAHMs do not work is full of crap.

    The world would be a better place if more two parent households were single income.
    Studies have found that the majority of the second income goes to taxes and the cost of bringing in the second income.
    Car, insurance, take out food, laundry and cleaning services, day care and after school care.

    My sister was earning a 6 figure income and left working full time because more than half her income was gone to the cost of her working. And she is about as liberal as they come. Granted, her day care costs were higher because her son has Down Syndrome. (I guess she is not as liberal as some, otherwise she wouldn't have a son at all)

    Though one child is a freshman in college and the other is a senior in high school, my wife's day is no less busy. Shuttling my son to college rather than paying through the nose for R&B to live on a campus 10 minutes away. Fitness classes at the YMCA to help with some of her health issues. (3 of which would qualify her for disability)

    But beware a greedy Washington. If too many dual income households decide that single income is a better way to live, they will find a way to penalize us. Just my family cost the feds over $20K a year in taxes.

    The choice is yours.
    All I can say is that we live better on a single income in NC than we did with two incomes in MA.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system" or me to "take care of them"
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.

    If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.

    That was judgey. Glad to see it goes in both directions.
    It's not judgey, it's interesting that we as a culture don't see the similarities.

    I fail to see any similarities, honestly.

    My daughter has gone to daycare for a year. Last year, when she was 3, she started asking to go to school. Until that point she spent days with either me or her father - we both have a lot of job flexibility. We would have been able to keep her home until she started kindergarten. That wasn't in her best interest. Period.

    Whatever people what to do is fine with me, but children need to learn how to learn to other adults and navigate social situations. Aside from giving parents the freedom to work and provide financially, daycare does that. I am not hiring a substitute parent. I am paying for my daughter to have the opportunity to make friends, learn in more formal setting than our home, and acquire life skills like /sharing/having a routine.
    My kids go to preschool too, and for the same reasons. I never said that everyone who has their kids less than 24/7 is hiring a substitute parent or anything of the kind. (But of course this is one of those topics where everyone has to find something to be really mad about.)

    Then I really don't understand your first comment.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    Hardly comparable.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"

    QenYNgK.gif
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    That doesn't even make sense.

    Seriously.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Then I really don't understand your first comment.

    Yeah, I'm pretty lost myself.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"

    And every single, SAHM said "Amen".
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Then I really don't understand your first comment.

    Yeah, I'm pretty lost myself.

    I guess we're finger pointing at parents who use child care providers "too much"?
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Then I really don't understand your first comment.

    Yeah, I'm pretty lost myself.

    I guess we're finger pointing at parents who use child care providers "too much"?

    I wonder if bells go off when you hit the threshold.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"

    And every single, SAHM said "Amen".

    Definitely!

    amen.gif
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"

    And every single, SAHM said "Amen".

    So you are saying you wouldn't have a problem dating an unemployed man? Most women have that as one of the first things they look for.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.

    If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.

    My daycare provider is NOT taking over my role as a parent.
    So when your kid(s) is at daycare and wants to cuddle up with, or falls and wants someone to kiss their owie, or hits or is hit by another kid, or needs 'sharing' explained to them, you come over and do that?

    No, but I also wouldn't do that when they are at school either. I'm okay with my daycare provider or a teacher, or school nurse comforting my children when I'm away. That doesn't make them their parent. The are providing care for my child while I work. My role as a parent includes much more than just care and maybe comfort from 8-5.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"

    And every single, SAHM said "Amen".

    Definitely!

    amen.gif

    Would you date an unemployed man?
  • oc1timoco
    oc1timoco Posts: 272 Member
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    No problems here for SAHM or SAHDs.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    There can be people with full time jobs that are very lazy and not accomplishing anything just as there are SAHM that stay home and get nothing done. If you think at all that everyone staying home with the kids is lazy, you haven't been around kids for an extended period of time. There is a lot to do. I am not a SAHM. I have a full career. My husband was able to stay home with the kids for a few years and I am very happy that he could. Maybe you should find out a little more about what these parents are doing through their day instead of assuming that they are lazy and having no goals or aspirations.
  • justinproulx1
    justinproulx1 Posts: 335
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    I think its ok for a women to be a sSAHM but for a male to be a SAHD... that's too beta for me............ go work.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"

    And every single, SAHM said "Amen".

    So you are saying you wouldn't have a problem dating an unemployed man? Most women have that as one of the first things they look for.

    My husband was unemployed when I met him. He'd saved a whole lot of money and was taking time off to sort out what he wanted to do next. Making assumptions about people, like all single SAHM being on assistance, makes you miss out on wonderful people.
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
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    I think its ok for a women to be a sSAHM but for a male to be a SAHD... that's too beta for me............ go work.

    You clearly didn't read the whole thread.

    There are two males who are SAHDs who posted.
    And jeepers, do you they sound like wonderful men, husbands, and dads.

    You, not so much.

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