Men, how do you feel about SAHM?
Replies
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So, derailing the other OPs thread asking for advice just wasn't enough for you, huh?
Shesh...
Am I the only one who uses these threads as a measure of who to add to my FL and who to leave off?
ha! OF COURSE NOT! :drinker:0 -
I am a working mom. I think it should be a choice.
Those who think someone else raised my kid is dead wrong. My daughter was in daycare and hubby and I switched off dropping and pick up. We took turns on days they were closed, we took turns when she was sick. I did stay home till she was about 6 months, nearly went out of my mind, I was miserable. I started part time work then went full time when she was 18 months. Even with me working and having a life, my daughters first smile was with me, her first giggle was with me, her first step with me, all her firsts I was there for. If you think SAHM doesn't get a day off, talk to a working mom who is up at 4am with a sick child, leaves hubby home with her for the day to take her to Dr, goes to work all day then comes home cooks dinner takes care of sick kid cause dad is wiped and then cleans up. Trust me being a working mom means having 2 jobs.
In the end though I have been happier and my daughter is stronger and more independent. As a teen she had to figure out how to get to where she wanted without help. she had to coordinate things with friends and their moms, she had to plan things, etc. As a small child at daycare she often had to learn to solve her own problems and do things on her own. No I wasn't always there to pick her up, so she learned to pick herself up.
My daughter is now 19 and left for college, I did not cry, I missed her yea, but I also have my own life. Her friends are jealous of her, why because I give her space. I don't call her and bother her 5 times a day because I am have a life and respect that she has one too.
We are very close and it is great when she comes home on weekends and we watch TV or go to the mall or have lunch. We like each other, but we also know that we can have seperate lives and need not be attached at the hip. It worked best for us.
In the end what makes the Mom and Dad happy is what makes the kids happy. If mom or dad are miserable the kids feel it. make it work for you and your family
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No, but some children spend more time with their day care provider than they do with their parents...so...the children DO look to the provider as a primary caregiver and role model. Of the 15 or so children that I cared for in my years that I worked in day care...at least 3 of them started to address me as "mommy".I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
My daycare provider is NOT taking over my role as a parent.
ETA: I didn't encourage the mommy thing of course.0 -
It's not judgey, it's interesting that we as a culture don't see the similarities.I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
That was judgey. Glad to see it goes in both directions.0 -
Yep.
Tthere has been some super derp on the forums since Jan 1st including people wanting to starve themselves, do detoxes, magical supplements, troll threads, etc. But, for the record, the above takes the cake as the single stupidest statement I've read on MFP in 2014.Maybe it is just me, but I feel that life is about aspirations and having skills and growing.
+1
I think she was expecting all the men of MFP to come in and bemoan their lazy wives for staying at home, when in most cases it was probably a joint decision.
Pretty happy she's not a parent, but slightly concerned she works in mental health!0 -
My son has special needs, and multiple appointments every month. Thank GOD for my parents and their ability to help me. I don't know what I would do. I would love to be able to stay home to able to be there for him with all of this stuff. I also miss a lot of their "things," Christmas party at school, field trips, etc because any time off I have is used for medical stuff, not for fun.
I suppose I wish I had a more flexible career, one where I could do it all all the time. But I can't. And I think most parents would say the same.0 -
Not everyone is career-driven. Not everyone feels personal validation/reward/fulfillment through a career. I'm well-educated and successful in my career, but if it were financially plausible I'd love to be a SAHW (W for wife... we don't/won't have children). I enjoy taking care of my home and my husband. I like to cook. I like doing volunteer work and taking meals/running errands for my elderly neighbors. I don't measure my value in life by my success in my career. I measure my success by my relationships with others. I have a huge bucket list of items I'd like to achieve in my life that are next-to-impossible because I go to a desk job, 8-5, M-F, year round.
And finally... a person's life choices don't have to make sense to anyone else. Live your own life. Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Don't worry about what other people outside your circle of friends and family are doing/thinking. :flowerforyou:0 -
Not everyone is career-driven. Not everyone feels personal validation/reward/fulfillment through a career. I'm well-educated and successful in my career, but if it were financially plausible I'd love to be a SAHW (W for wife... we don't/won't have children). I enjoy taking care of my home and my husband. I like to cook. I like doing volunteer work and taking meals/running errands for my elderly neighbors. I don't measure my value in life by my success in my career. I measure my success by my relationships with others. I have a huge bucket list of items I'd like to achieve in my life that are next-to-impossible because I go to a desk job, 8-5, M-F, year round.
And finally... a person's life choices don't have to make sense to anyone else. Live your own life. Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Don't worry about what other people outside your circle of friends and family are doing/thinking. :flowerforyou:
Well said.0 -
So when your kid(s) is at daycare and wants to cuddle up with, or falls and wants someone to kiss their owie, or hits or is hit by another kid, or needs 'sharing' explained to them, you come over and do that?I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
My daycare provider is NOT taking over my role as a parent.0 -
Love mine:)0
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As long a she doesn't whine about how it's the most difficult job there is I'm fine with it (everyone Google Bill Burr for more on this). That said, my fiance makes more than me so I may be the one staying home.0
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It's not judgey, it's interesting that we as a culture don't see the similarities.I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
That was judgey. Glad to see it goes in both directions.
I fail to see any similarities, honestly.
My daughter has gone to daycare for a year. Last year, when she was 3, she started asking to go to school. Until that point she spent days with either me or her father - we both have a lot of job flexibility. We would have been able to keep her home until she started kindergarten. That wasn't in her best interest. Period.
Whatever people what to do is fine with me, but children need to learn how to learn to other adults and navigate social situations. Aside from giving parents the freedom to work and provide financially, daycare does that. I am not hiring a substitute parent. I am paying for my daughter to have the opportunity to make friends, learn in more formal setting than our home, and acquire life skills like /sharing/having a routine.0 -
OP, do you have kids? It's interesting how things can change as your life changes. I'm not a SAHP but before I had my kiddos, I was climbing the corporate ladder...which meant working pretty much 6 - 7 days per week around 80 hours or so and traveling out of town for business 25 weeks out of the year. Sky was the limit as far as earning potential went and I believed that I would go on this way forever...there was nothing that I didn't like about it.
That all changed however when I actually had kids...I suddenly realized that my career aspirations weren't all that important at the moment...that it was more important that I make an income that was able to provide for my family...but I needed to be home to help rear my kids as well...not to mention, I already don't feel like I get enough time with them and they grow so fast...I couldn't imagine doing what I was doing before...I'd never see them and would miss so many of those little milestones growing up.
Likewise, my wife was a corporate climber as well...she had also settled into a position that allows her to basically be an 8-5er. My eldest will be starting kindergarten soon and we have already determined that she will go to part time in order that a parent be home when our children arrive home from school.
Neither one of us could possibly have imagined our lives now just a few short years ago...but things change...things that were once a priority now take a back seat. When you have kids, you realize that they are what is important and you make whatever sacrifices are necessary for their benefit. To that end, I don't see anything wrong with someone aspiring to be a homemaker any more than I would fault someone for wanting to be a lawyer or a doctor...we all have different dreams and aspirations.0 -
I think she was expecting all the men of MFP to come in and bemoan their lazy wives for staying at home, when in most cases it was probably a joint decision.
That's a fairly easy mentality to find in other corners of the internet.0 -
You know what I don't understand? People who spend a lot of time and money on medical school to specialize in butts, or feet. Good thing someone does it though :drinker:0
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I did the whole SAHM thing and hated it! I find that I am much more fulfilled as a person working for a living and doing what I love than staying home.
To each his own! You have to do what makes you happy!0 -
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My kids go to preschool too, and for the same reasons. I never said that everyone who has their kids less than 24/7 is hiring a substitute parent or anything of the kind. (But of course this is one of those topics where everyone has to find something to be really mad about.)
It's not judgey, it's interesting that we as a culture don't see the similarities.I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
That was judgey. Glad to see it goes in both directions.
I fail to see any similarities, honestly.
My daughter has gone to daycare for a year. Last year, when she was 3, she started asking to go to school. Until that point she spent days with either me or her father - we both have a lot of job flexibility. We would have been able to keep her home until she started kindergarten. That wasn't in her best interest. Period.
Whatever people what to do is fine with me, but children need to learn how to learn to other adults and navigate social situations. Aside from giving parents the freedom to work and provide financially, daycare does that. I am not hiring a substitute parent. I am paying for my daughter to have the opportunity to make friends, learn in more formal setting than our home, and acquire life skills like /sharing/having a routine.0 -
i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.
The thing that irritated me the most when I chose to stay home with my kids was the people saying "but it's such a waste … you're so smart (etc) that you could be <fill in the blank here>" I am successful just as I am. I don't need a career to make me successful (but I have several somethings to fall back on, if the need arises). And I would never discourage a child from having SAHP as a career goal … but again would remind them to have several options.
ETA: It's ironic, OP, that you bemoaned "I forgot I was asking on an internet forum" but you're the only one really trying to stir the pot.
I honestly just don't get it. Clearly I am alone. And that's ok. More power to you guys I guess. But I really don't get it. I especially don't get you saying 'SAHM as a career goal', that sentence makes zero sense to me. Because then saying 'a mom who has a career' would no longer make sense. It messes with my brain. lol.
You don't get it, because you don't have kids. My question is, why do you want kids, just so you can let someone else raise them? If you have family to help take care of them while you have your career, then great. Many people don't have that. Are you going to let your kids stay in a daycare all day, while you work 8-12 hours every day? Do you know how nasty daycares are? Have you heard of all the cases of child abuse that go on in daycares, and even with babysitters? When people have children, they generally want to teach them their values, and teach them to have the behaviors that they want their children to posess. When you hand them off to someone else for most of the day, they will learn to behave the way those people teach them... or don't teach them. Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs there are. Being a stay at home parent is no walk in the park, although it is very rewarding.0 -
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My wife is a SAHM after many years working.
One of the reasons we moved out of MA was so she could have the choice not to work.
As it turned out, health made the choice for her.
Anyone who dares say the SAHMs do not work is full of crap.
The world would be a better place if more two parent households were single income.
Studies have found that the majority of the second income goes to taxes and the cost of bringing in the second income.
Car, insurance, take out food, laundry and cleaning services, day care and after school care.
My sister was earning a 6 figure income and left working full time because more than half her income was gone to the cost of her working. And she is about as liberal as they come. Granted, her day care costs were higher because her son has Down Syndrome. (I guess she is not as liberal as some, otherwise she wouldn't have a son at all)
Though one child is a freshman in college and the other is a senior in high school, my wife's day is no less busy. Shuttling my son to college rather than paying through the nose for R&B to live on a campus 10 minutes away. Fitness classes at the YMCA to help with some of her health issues. (3 of which would qualify her for disability)
But beware a greedy Washington. If too many dual income households decide that single income is a better way to live, they will find a way to penalize us. Just my family cost the feds over $20K a year in taxes.
The choice is yours.
All I can say is that we live better on a single income in NC than we did with two incomes in MA.0 -
Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system" or me to "take care of them"0
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My kids go to preschool too, and for the same reasons. I never said that everyone who has their kids less than 24/7 is hiring a substitute parent or anything of the kind. (But of course this is one of those topics where everyone has to find something to be really mad about.)
It's not judgey, it's interesting that we as a culture don't see the similarities.I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
That was judgey. Glad to see it goes in both directions.
I fail to see any similarities, honestly.
My daughter has gone to daycare for a year. Last year, when she was 3, she started asking to go to school. Until that point she spent days with either me or her father - we both have a lot of job flexibility. We would have been able to keep her home until she started kindergarten. That wasn't in her best interest. Period.
Whatever people what to do is fine with me, but children need to learn how to learn to other adults and navigate social situations. Aside from giving parents the freedom to work and provide financially, daycare does that. I am not hiring a substitute parent. I am paying for my daughter to have the opportunity to make friends, learn in more formal setting than our home, and acquire life skills like /sharing/having a routine.
Then I really don't understand your first comment.0 -
As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....
Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)
So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.
We're ok with that picture?
Hardly comparable.0 -
Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"
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As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....
Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)
So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.
We're ok with that picture?
That doesn't even make sense.
Seriously.0 -
Then I really don't understand your first comment.
Yeah, I'm pretty lost myself.0 -
Being in the dating world, I would not date a SAHM. I would much prefer to date someone earning a living to support herself and kids instead of relying on the "system"
And every single, SAHM said "Amen".0 -
Then I really don't understand your first comment.
Yeah, I'm pretty lost myself.
I guess we're finger pointing at parents who use child care providers "too much"?0 -
Then I really don't understand your first comment.
Yeah, I'm pretty lost myself.
I guess we're finger pointing at parents who use child care providers "too much"?
I wonder if bells go off when you hit the threshold.0
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