Men, how do you feel about SAHM?
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I thought there would be more in this thread about pintrest.
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bump0
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I'm about to make OP vomit.
I'm just a lazy SAHM. I'm in the PTA, army FRG leader, run a group that organizes and find sponsors for troop care packages, volunteer at healthy eats in my district which helps get farm produce to the poor, and I volunteer and my child's school 3 times a week. I am always cooking brownies for bake sales, hosting a fundraiser, planning a field day at the school, or pestering the working parents about volunteering.
Because of me and people like me, my child and 400 other children (including those of working parents) have new PE equipment, our PTA funds the music program 100%, including the music teacher's salary, our troops have letters, baked goods, toiletries and other essentials they wouldn't otherwise have, and other military wives have a place to go when they need help. When my husband gets back from deployment, I will be contributing to bake sales and fundraisers for the troops and spouses.
Yet I'm supposed to be ashamed of being so "suburban" and cliché. I'm lazy, wasting my education, and have no dreams or aspirations, eh? I'm the coolest PTA mom you will ever know, and my dream is for my child and his classmates to have PE and music despite state budget cuts. My dream is to get every child to read 200k words each year through our reading program.
You can be a lazy SAHM just as easily as you can be a lazy employee. One doesn't make you better than the other. What matters is the effort. Next time you want to ask a SAHM "what they do all day", remember that SAHMs are the reason your children's school run efficiently, your troops get care packages, and any other cause taken up by busy SAHMs.
Thank you for posting this. I really think some people believe that working and paying taxes is enough to make the world go 'round and that it's the only contribution that matters. They don't seem the realize the number of people who step up and offer their time and expertise to keep things functioning and how much more it would cost each of us in taxes if people like SAHMs were not doing these things.0 -
I can say I have experience as a full-time working single mother, SAHM and full-time married mother to 3. The full-time wokring single mom was rough. My son was 2 and in daycare of 9 hours a day. I was always stressed and never had time for him. I ended up cutting back on lots of things and down sizing my apartment to a 1 bedroom so that I could work part-time and be able to enjoy him rather then always being too busy to listen to what he had to say.
I re-married when he was just shy of 5 years old and was a SAHM for 7 years. At which I returned to work part-time due to my husband being laid off from work. I also finished my college degree in that time.
I have been back to work full-time (out of my home from 7 am until 5:30 pm Mon-Fri) for a little over a year now. I can honestly say I miss the healthy balance of working part-time. I was still contributing financially yet I was always there when my kids came home from school. I cooked every night, I never missed a class activity or my oldest honor roll awards. NOW I miss everything...field trips, field day, class activities, my oldest soccer games, awards ceremonies etc etc.
I would give anything to be home with my kids again!!!0 -
I feel like it's hard to justify staying home once the kids go to school full time. Except for summers... I wouldn't want to send my kids to day care all summer. Luckily their mom is a teacher and also has the summer off.
We have a cleaning lady that comes once every two weeks for a few hours. We spend a lot of time doing laundry and cooking, but nothing we can't handle outside of work hours. I don't understand why people seem to think it's so difficult.0 -
I think the OP is just trying to stir the pot, but being a SAHM is not the right choice for everyone and is not always even the best choice for the children. I know several moms that are BETTER parents because they are working and really can't deal with being home. I have tried working full time, part time, staying home, working from home. Right now I am staying home but still take projects from a law firm when I have time and work when the kids are in school or at night. In each situation I feel like I am "missing out" on something. I'm a lawyer and I'm still paying off my student loans to an ivy league school. Yes, part of me feels like I am "wasting" my education. But when I was working full time or part time in an office, I felt like I was missing out on raising my kids. I know at the end of my life I will never wish I had billed that extra hour and will always cherish the extra time I have with my kids, but that doesn't mean that women don't crave more than just being mommy sometimes. It is just not that clear cut. I was raised in the feminist era and was told repeatedly that we can be whatever we want and can do anything a man can do. But the reality is that we can't do what a man can do without a lot of mommy guilt.0
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I'm about to make OP vomit.
I'm just a lazy SAHM. I'm in the PTA, army FRG leader, run a group that organizes and find sponsors for troop care packages, volunteer at healthy eats in my district which helps get farm produce to the poor, and I volunteer and my child's school 3 times a week. I am always cooking brownies for bake sales, hosting a fundraiser, planning a field day at the school, or pestering the working parents about volunteering.
Because of me and people like me, my child and 400 other children (including those of working parents) have new PE equipment, our PTA funds the music program 100%, including the music teacher's salary, our troops have letters, baked goods, toiletries and other essentials they wouldn't otherwise have, and other military wives have a place to go when they need help. When my husband gets back from deployment, I will be contributing to bake sales and fundraisers for the troops and spouses.
Yet I'm supposed to be ashamed of being so "suburban" and cliché. I'm lazy, wasting my education, and have no dreams or aspirations, eh? I'm the coolest PTA mom you will ever know, and my dream is for my child and his classmates to have PE and music despite state budget cuts. My dream is to get every child to read 200k words each year through our reading program.
You can be a lazy SAHM just as easily as you can be a lazy employee. One doesn't make you better than the other. What matters is the effort. Next time you want to ask a SAHM "what they do all day", remember that SAHMs are the reason your children's school run efficiently, your troops get care packages, and any other cause taken up by busy SAHMs.
^ this was my sister for YEARS. She didn't have a job outside the home but did all of this kind of stuff and then some. She was always doing for others, helping out where she could and had her kids in tow as she did it all. Now she works part time at a school (while her kids are in school, still home whenever they are) and STILL does the extra curricular stuff.
I couldn't do it. No way. It takes a special kind of person to be able to do it.
Are all SAHMs like this? No. But as the poster I quoted points out, there are lazy employed people everywhere. Just because you get out of bed everyday and leave your home to "work" doesn't mean you're actually doing more or contributing more.0 -
Not a man, but a mostly Stay at Home Mom.
I say mostly because I do work outside the home at my own business... 1 day a week most weeks, and then there is one week a month where I work 2 days.
I homeschool my kids, so I am working as a teacher at home, not sitting around watching TV. I also am an artist, so I work at that at home when the homeschooling is done, and I build frames for my paintings in my woodshop, and I sometimes repair small engines at home, and this week I'm repairing a vacuum for our homeschool co-op. Also during the "art show" season I do a lot of running around from one show to another.
Really, I think its a matter of individual choice, if I wasn't homeschooling, I think staying home all the time would be difficult for me. Once the kids were off to school I'd start feeling really useless... unless of course I disciplined myself into doing something productive like painting, woodshop, or repair work.0 -
I'm about to make OP vomit.
I'm just a lazy SAHM. I'm in the PTA, army FRG leader, run a group that organizes and find sponsors for troop care packages, volunteer at healthy eats in my district which helps get farm produce to the poor, and I volunteer and my child's school 3 times a week. I am always cooking brownies for bake sales, hosting a fundraiser, planning a field day at the school, or pestering the working parents about volunteering.
Because of me and people like me, my child and 400 other children (including those of working parents) have new PE equipment, our PTA funds the music program 100%, including the music teacher's salary, our troops have letters, baked goods, toiletries and other essentials they wouldn't otherwise have, and other military wives have a place to go when they need help. When my husband gets back from deployment, I will be contributing to bake sales and fundraisers for the troops and spouses.
Yet I'm supposed to be ashamed of being so "suburban" and cliché. I'm lazy, wasting my education, and have no dreams or aspirations, eh? I'm the coolest PTA mom you will ever know, and my dream is for my child and his classmates to have PE and music despite state budget cuts. My dream is to get every child to read 200k words each year through our reading program.
You can be a lazy SAHM just as easily as you can be a lazy employee. One doesn't make you better than the other. What matters is the effort. Next time you want to ask a SAHM "what they do all day", remember that SAHMs are the reason your children's school run efficiently, your troops get care packages, and any other cause taken up by busy SAHMs.
^ this was my sister for YEARS. She didn't have a job outside the home but did all of this kind of stuff and then some. She was always doing for others, helping out where she could and had her kids in tow as she did it all. Now she works part time at a school (while her kids are in school, still home whenever they are) and STILL does the extra curricular stuff.
I couldn't do it. No way. It takes a special kind of person to be able to do it.
Are all SAHMs like this? No. But as the poster I quoted points out, there are lazy employed people everywhere. Just because you get out of bed everyday and leave your home to "work" doesn't mean you're actually doing more or contributing more.
Totally agree.0 -
We have a cleaning lady that comes once every two weeks for a few hours. *snip* I don't understand why people seem to think it's so difficult.
Really? :huh: :noway:0 -
I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.0 -
If I was pulling in enough to comfortably handle our current standard of living, then I'd be totally cool with her staying home with the kids.0
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I try not to judge the choices others make.
I am not interested in being a SAHM. I do NOT think SAHMs are lazy. I wish I had time to clean more, keep up with my kids school, appointments, etc. My girls are supposed to have teacher conferences this week. I have no idea when one of them is (they scheduled it automatically and I was supposed to change it if I needed but I didn't). And I never scheduled the other. Sometimes I wish I had a secretary for the family "stuff", plus a chef and house keeper. Maybe I"ll get us a hot "sister wife" who can stay at home for us as neither my husband nor I are interested. We also enjoy two incomes.0 -
And I don't get why someone would want to be an accountant, or a lawyer, or a plumber...but I don't have to "get it". We all have different aspirations...and for some people being with their children as a full time present parent, instead of only being there for them for the few hours between work and bedtime, is their goal. I wonder, is being a teacher or day care provider something worthy of aspiring to? Because that's what a stay at home parent is, plus a whole lot more...and they do it without a paycheck and with very little time off. Or is it the paycheck that makes a career choice make sense?I honestly just don't get it. Clearly I am alone. And that's ok. More power to you guys I guess. But I really don't get it. I especially don't get you saying 'SAHM as a career goal', that sentence makes zero sense to me. Because then saying 'a mom who has a career' would no longer make sense. It messes with my brain. lol.
I'm not a parent...but, I STRONGLY believe that if more families had a SAHP, we'd have fewer societal problems.0 -
I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
That was judgey. Glad to see it goes in both directions.0 -
Eh, I am sure it is rough in the beginning, but once the children are of school age, then I can't see how it is hard. You have 8-9 hours to do whatever you please
Really? Clearly you have no idea what its like to be a Stay-at-Home-HOMESCHOOLING-Mom. When my kids start "school" my job gets 10 times harder than it was before. Every fall I hear other parents saying things like, "Yay!! School is starting!! Finally!" And I am thinking... "Summer went by way too fast."
And even for the moms who don't homeschool, school doesn't last 8-9 hours, more like 5 or 6, and in that time many of them are really busy volunteering at school, cleaning house and preparing meals, and doing other things that make homelife more pleasant for the rest of the family.0 -
What part did you not understand? The cleaning lady is pretty cheap compared to what it would cost if one of us didn't work.
We have a cleaning lady that comes once every two weeks for a few hours. *snip* I don't understand why people seem to think it's so difficult.
Really? :huh: :noway:0 -
I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
Exactly!!
It's the parents that do not hire others to clean their homes or take their children to all the sports games that have no time! By the time I get my kids from their games etc and cook dinner it is 7 pm and they go to bed at 8. It sucks spending an hour a day with my children who are 15, 10 and 8. They are only little once.0 -
i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.
Well, I agree with you there because what if you never get married…. or get a divorce?? Or your husband dies? Then you have no job or education to fall back on, and you struggle just to feed your children.
Maybe it is just me, but I feel that life is about aspirations and having skills and growing. I saw this and laughed my *kitten* off because working parents still have their children at the end of the day. They don't just disappear. They will still be annoying when you come home from work.
I think people have their opinions about life and how it should be lived. And then life happens. You make adjustments. Your opinions become softer, and you understand that there is a time for things. One woman I know became a SAHM because the day she was to return to work, she dropped her child off at day care and instead of going to work, drove around near the day care for hours. Sometimes you don't know how you'll react until you have children. I'm not into the mommy wars thing. Just like some people like chocolate ice cream, and others like vanilla, some people choose a different lifestyle than one you would choose for yourself.0 -
So, derailing the other OPs thread asking for advice just wasn't enough for you, huh?
Shesh...
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I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
Exactly!!
It's the parents that do not hire others to clean their homes or take their children to all the sports games that have no time! By the time I get my kids from their games etc and cook dinner it is 7 pm and they go to bed at 8. It sucks spending an hour a day with my children who are 15, 10 and 8. They are only little once.
I'm glad some people do hire "cleaning ladies", if they didn't I'd be out of a job.0 -
I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.
If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.
My daycare provider is NOT taking over my role as a parent.0 -
So this is not some kind of vegetarian "ham" substitute?
You win! :drinker:0 -
A lot people I know don't have the same job or career their entire lives. I've been a day care provider, a graphic designer, a high school teacher, so far. So, it's no different...when that phase of their lives is over...they do something else.I agree with the people saying how in the world is SAHM a "career goal"??. Even if you stay at home with your kids from the moment you get pregnant until the moment they go to college, that's less than 20 years. Last time I checked, from age 16-65+ (typical American working ages) is at least 49 years. So what are you gonna do for those other THIRTY YEARS?0 -
I had to Google SAHM :blushing:0
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So, derailing the other OPs thread asking for advice just wasn't enough for you, huh?
Shesh...
Am I the only one who uses these threads as a measure of who to add to my FL and who to leave off?0 -
I wish we were in a position for my wife to be a SAHM. I think it is best for the kids period. That's what is important, not our career goals, not my personal aspirations, not my dreams. That all went out the window when I made the decision to have kids. It is now all about guiding them to be happy, respectful, intelligent parts of society.0
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It's a great feeling. I get to take my DD to school and pick her up and do homework with her and play and hang out. I think a father/daughter connection is important because from my understanding females tend to gravitate towards men who usually have some of the same traits/behaviors as their fathers.I love my wife, whatever she chooses to do. The end.*
*well, not totally. I want someone home with the kids, but I'm okay if that person is me. Actually, I'd be thrilled if it were me. :bigsmile: I believe very strongly in having that immediate and constantly available influence during the early years if it is financially feasible.
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My daughter is the same way, very attached to me, and I am COMPLETELY jealous of you. I'm taking her out to dinner and dancing this weekend (she's nine). She looks forward to this event more than Christmas, and I'm not kidding at all.
edit: Just to add it in, my wife and I felt very strongly that she finish her nursing degree before my career started. So we worked an extra two years wife her going part time and me working night shifts so that one of us could always be home with our first child. I delayed going to work in my field until she was done. No way I wanted her to not have a degree and a possibility to make a stable and desirable income if something were to happen down the road to me (making it not possible to work) or to our marriage (making it harder for our kids, in addition to the hardships that women face in divorce...it's part of being a decent human being who has full buy in to the relationship).
You win as a dad. And husband.0 -
So... you want them to be able to freely choose whatever career they want to have - as long as they choose what you would choose?i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.
Got it.0
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