Dealing with Haters

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  • 24lol25
    24lol25 Posts: 49
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    Tell them, "At least I can change my weight. You can't fix ugly though. Stop acting like irritating, insecure ___ and stfu. You guys are pathetic and should stop wasting my time with your bs." Feel free to add on, and be creative with the blanks. They deserve to be told off, and understand that they can't push you around like that. One day, they will end up pretty lonely. Girls like that are always the ones that feel miserable later on dealing with all sorts of drama. At least that's what I've witnessed. But really try and ignore that crap. I know it's hard but you're better than they will ever be. :)
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Too many pages to read and this may have been mentioned, but have you considered possibly kicking their *kitten*? lol just wondering.

    Yea, I know violence blah blah, not the answer, blah. But I bet they would STFU.
  • Marcia315
    Marcia315 Posts: 460 Member
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    Too many pages to read and this may have been mentioned, but have you considered possibly kicking their *kitten*? lol just wondering.

    Yea, I know violence blah blah, not the answer, blah. But I bet they would STFU.

    but do it off campus so she doesn't get expelled.

    I agree, they need a good *kitten* kicking.
  • Marcia315
    Marcia315 Posts: 460 Member
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    Tell them, "At least I can change my weight. You can't fix ugly though. Stop acting like irritating, insecure ___ and stfu. You guys are pathetic and should stop wasting my time with your bs." Feel free to add on, and be creative with the blanks. They deserve to be told off, and understand that they can't push you around like that. One day, they will end up pretty lonely. Girls like that are always the ones that feel miserable later on dealing with all sorts of drama. At least that's what I've witnessed. But really try and ignore that crap. I know it's hard but you're better than they will ever be. :)

    And start the conversation with
    "are you serious? This again? When are you going to grow up and go pick on someone your own size?"
  • AmyEdwards2
    AmyEdwards2 Posts: 7
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    Wow I am speechless right now that this type of bullying is happening to you as a young adult. I actually had to click your name to see how old you were because I assumed that kind of childish behhavior would only come from middle school or high school kids.

    I have no advice for you other only some support. I am so sorry that has happened to you. Please don't let them get inside your head, I know that is easier said than done.

    Also karma...it happens and those mean girls will get theirs in the end. You might not get to see it but you can be assured that it will happen. You just cannot go around acting like a fool without that coming back to you.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I'm sure you'll probably get through all pages of responses to get to mine! LOL BUT...thought I'd chime in.

    Yes, document everything, and talk to a school counselor.

    (But I'd also be very inclined to say, "Rather to be fat and pretty than skinny, ugly and rude - and besides, I can always lose weight." or "Boy I'd hate to be behind you guys in class with all that hot air you're giving off!!" (or all the smoke they're blowing, whatever) But they'd probably find a way to twist it around to be hateful again. Don't know if you've heard of the comedian Ron White talk about "You can't fix stupid." It's hysterical.)

    I know it's hard to try not giving them the time of day or behaving as if their unbelievably horrible behavior isn't affecting you. Un-friend them, or block any messages from them. You don't need them tearing you down.It is a case that you can try to use to build your armor up. You know you're doing the right thing by doing spinning class. A friend of mine used to do that, and I completely commend her for it!! I'm not sure I've got that in me to do it.

    I remember talking to my brother-in-law's brother - he had asked how I'd lost the weight so far. I told him what I'd been doing. He asked about if I'd done surgery. I told him I'd looked into it and was working with some people, but hadn't had it yet. His mother proceeded to preach about, "That's the problem with your whole family. You research things to death instead of just getting it fixed." Normally, that would totally have unglued me. But that day, I just simply said, "Ok" and got up and walked away. I told myself, "She has no idea what she's talking about....she's not my doctor, not my dietician, not my therapist. She has the right to her opinion, and I have the right to totally ignore it."

    There are a variety of reasons why people bully others. A large part of it is deflection. If they're creating a situation of "Hey look over there..." then nobody's looking at them. That's why if you usually "call them out" - they'll usually back off.

    Wish I had some great advice to give.....other than grace/smarts (people like you) usually outlast those who have none (like them).
  • DirrtyH
    DirrtyH Posts: 664 Member
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    It's just chronic harassment that creates a hostile environment. Report it to someone and have them sanctioned.

    If it is legal, record them doing it for evidence, and post it on YouTube.

    I like this one.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    Too many pages to read and this may have been mentioned, but have you considered possibly kicking their *kitten*? lol just wondering.

    Yea, I know violence blah blah, not the answer, blah. But I bet they would STFU.

    lol I'm dyin' over here Jae -- but honestly, if she was under 18 I'd probably be thinking the same.
  • madhamey
    madhamey Posts: 70 Member
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    I am digusted with these people... take it as incentive to achieve your weight loss goals.
  • NextPage
    NextPage Posts: 609 Member
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    It is hard to believe that these are grown women in their 20s particularly since most 2 year olds have a better grasp of what it means to be kind and decent.

    Keep your chin up and rise above their antics while getting support from others (friends, college officials, etc). You are on this site as part of your quest to become happy and healthy - the best you. Stand up for yourself but don't take actions or say things that put you in the same league as them. Posting tasty stuff on facebook etc. may give you short-term satisfaction but in the long-term this type of behaviour can result in "losing yourself". You seem like an intelligent, thoughtful women who cares about others. Hopefully, these girls will some day develop these wonderful traits themselves.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Too many pages to read and this may have been mentioned, but have you considered possibly kicking their *kitten*? lol just wondering.

    Yea, I know violence blah blah, not the answer, blah. But I bet they would STFU.

    lol I'm dyin' over here Jae -- but honestly, if she was under 18 I'd probably be thinking the same.

    I know- as an adult, i don't fight. But I also don't have other adults bullying me. So if they want to act like high school girls, they can also get their *kitten* whooped like high school girls.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    as far as being over 18 and fear of the law...

    when i worked in a department store some lowlife 16 year old started *kitten* with me. i let it go until he did it again and did so to try to impress the new kid who was also laughing. i was 19 and grabbed him and jacked him up. he said go ahead hit me the cops will love it.

    my reply was:

    oh i get it you think i wont beat you to a bloody pulp cause ill get arrested and go to jail? hmm lets think about it. i have never been in trouble with the law so to leave you in a pool of your own blood i will at worse get probation for 6 months. I can live with that.

    threw him on the ground.

    he immediately went running to a female coworker and asked her to walk him to his car because he though i was going to kill him.

    ================

    now since then i have grown up just a bit. i say just let it go and try to tune them out. the worse thing you can do to someone who is trying to get under your skin is to let them know it's working.

    as others have said, buildup your evidence then present it to the dean or whomever since the dean seems to be caught up in trying to get a piece of *kitten*
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    Ultimately, they keep doing it because it is a rewarding experience for them. Probably because they are controlling the encounter. Take that (either the control or the pleasantness) from them, in whatever way you prefer, and they won't want to do it anymore.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    If it is legal, record them doing it for evidence, and post it on YouTube.
    Also this, and it might only take holding up your phone with the camera pointed at them (because they can't tell if you're actually taking video.)

    (But be sure to find out if it's legal in your state.)
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    Too many pages to read and this may have been mentioned, but have you considered possibly kicking their *kitten*? lol just wondering.

    Yea, I know violence blah blah, not the answer, blah. But I bet they would STFU.

    lol I'm dyin' over here Jae -- but honestly, if she was under 18 I'd probably be thinking the same.

    I know- as an adult, i don't fight. But I also don't have other adults bullying me. So if they want to act like high school girls, they can also get their *kitten* whooped like high school girls.

    True!! From the sound of it, it probably would not be the first time for these horrible women. Ugh!
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    I'm sorry this is happening to you, it is wrong and unacceptable. Please do not let this go. You have more power in this situation than you realize.

    1. Document everything. Start using your phone and laptop to record your classes and any interactions you may have with them. Record their name, date, time, location, comments, and the names of anyone else in class who was nearby. Save all emails, texts, and messages.

    2. Go to someone at the school for help. The dean, a counselor, a trusted professor, whoever you can. Report it. Get the process moving. Follow-up with the teacher who spoke to them and get any paperwork about the reprimand. If the teacher didn't document it, get them to do it. This bullying and harassment absolutely needs to be in their student files. From what you've said, it seems you are studying for a job in the medical field that will involve patient interaction - make sure any potential employers know what type of people these women are by making sure it gets into their records. Call a damn meeting of the dean and every single one of your teachers if you have to; make them aware of the situation and the expectations that this behavior is to be documented, reported, and appropriate action is to be taken. Bullies thrive on people feeling helpless. There is no shame in standing up for yourself and using the resources available to you.

    3. Do not engage them. Do not make smart *kitten* remarks, do not insult them, do not retaliate. I know it is tough to do that when you just want to punch their faces in, but you take away any chance they have of claiming that they were behaving this way because of something you did if you do not do anything that could be construed as provoking them.

    4. Look for resources in your community outside of your school who have dealt with these situations before and can provide support, guidance, and legal insight to you through this process. You may even be able to find a lawyer willing to help you out and be present in any dealings with the school through one of these organizations.

    And don't you dare give up spin class. I've seen fit people give up on spin classes or be so sore they can barely move the next day. You got this. :flowerforyou:
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
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    It is hard to believe that these are grown women in their 20s particularly since most 2 year olds have a better grasp of what it means to be kind and decent.

    Keep your chin up and rise above their antics while getting support from others (friends, college officials, etc). You are on this site as part of your quest to become happy and healthy - the best you. Stand up for yourself but don't take actions or say things that put you in the same league as them. Posting tasty stuff on facebook etc. may give you short-term satisfaction but in the long-term this type of behaviour can result in "losing yourself". You seem like an intelligent, thoughtful women who cares about others. Hopefully, these girls will some day develop these wonderful traits themselves.

    This is wisdom speaking.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    Since they obviously have some bizarre weight issues themselves, I would try to find ways to call them fat. (Yes, it's petty and body-shaming and no, I wouldn't be proud of it. I'd still do it though.) Start saying things like "Are you sure you want to eat that?" or "Wow, do you know how many calories are in that?" Bonus points if you can get other people to say it instead of you.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    There are always going to be horrible people in the world. Your best response is a slow, blank, bored look in their direction, then a slow head turn back to whatever you were doing.

    Laugh in derision when you get a picture or they send you a message. Don't reply. Look upon them as if you were an adult facing someone else's kids. Turn your nose up.

    And keep going. You can change your body, your health, and your mindset. It's harder to change a rotten personality.
  • LouLouBeans
    LouLouBeans Posts: 30
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    They are making a lame attempt at trolling you. Trolls come in all ages and types, and aren't limited to the Internet. Nothing pleases a troll more than getting a response of any kind out of the intended victim. I would definitely report them again, though. Present the evidence that the morons gave you. It saddens me when a school won't take bullying seriously.

    Ignore them and focus on yourself. Eventually they will get bored and move on to someone or something else. They certainly won't be coming out from under the troll-bridge anytime soon.

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