Why does everyone hate me? The forum Survival Guide.

Therealobi1

I am just here to see how many times the word "butthurt" is used...

i have never heard of this word until i came onto this site. Its used quite alot.

Avalonis

So, your new here and you think you've found the support group you've been desperately seeking to hold your hand through the difficult months to come. You gingerly click on "Community" and either browse a few topics or get eagerly right to sharing your enthusiasm for the newest Rachel Ray endorsed magic pill or that diet plan you found on the internet that claims eating only chick peas will burn every once of fat on your body in 28 days. Then suddenly... something unexpected happens, a fellow user who you've pre-judged as an brother or sister in weight loss solidarity... disagrees. But not just disagrees mind you, but firmly and without consideration for your feelings makeing sure you are fully aware that your new plan of attack will not only fail? But they won't even listen to your clearly internet researched proof as to why they might just might not be privy to the bandwagon.

Then, much to your surprise.. several more members agree with your nemesis and it becomes an epidemic. If they would only listen to reason right? Clearly, you've been attacked and the only solution is to start a new topic let them all know how disappointed you are in how they've chosen to use the forum.

Does this sound like you? Then pay attention.

Welcome to - How to use the internet (specifically MFP) socially 101.

Lesson One: Realize... You could be wrong.

When more then one person contradicts a "dieting experiment" you bring to the table with logic (ie. Just eating food like a normal person), instead of arguing with them until your feelings are soaked in your own tears? Try listening. They clearly aren't trying to hurt you by helping you enjoy food, in fact they WANT you to succeed much more then the people who refuse to tell you the truth for fear it will hurt your feelings. Fun fact? There is so much more to learn if you approach a public forum with and open mind.

Lesson Two: You can't fight science.

Unless you have a medical condition that alters the way your body processes food? Chances are your composition directly relates to the calories you eat, just like everyone else. You are not the exception to the rule so don't waste a learning experience with self diagnosed mumbo jumbo. That piece of bread is NOT your enemy, stop villainizing it.

Lesson Three: Read more then you type.

One great way to avoid an onslaught of internet meanies is to learn the lay of the land long before you contribute to it. The forum is awash with hundreds of the same five topics. "How do I eat all of my calories?", "Why am I not losing weight?", "Does the Atkins Diet work?". If you take the time to look through the history of what others have pioneered, you will avoid an embarrassing faux pas. Plus, you joined this forum to lose weight which means you have something to learn about the process. If the elder members who HAVE reached their goal provide you advice (with a hug or a glare) shut up and listen. Arguing your point is like telling your doctor even though he's diagnosed you with a cold, you know it's a fever whether or not you have the symptoms to support it.

Lesson Four: Stop searching the internet for a substitute to hard work and responsibility.

If the first thing (or 15th thing) you contribute and defend to your death in a public forum is not sustainable and even dangerous? Realize not only will people disagree but they may even do so with prejudice. When you log in, you forget that you are NOT the only new cookie on the dessert tray. There are dozens of others just like you desperate seeking the magic answer to the weight loss goals they've set for themselves... I mean why else would you be here right? But when you post "solutions" that require rainbow colored pills, quarantining food groups, or drinking your meals like a kid with new braces? You are essentially affecting the health of every new virgin soul that stumbles on your witch doctory. I know you may think you are sharing the word of the gods, and the forum gurus just don't know it yet? But had you learned Lesson Three (see above) you'd realize 25 other people posted the same sorted public service announcement last month, each which also met a rather disagreeable end and for good reason.

And last...

Lesson Five: SURPRISE this is a PUBLIC forum.

I know, crazy right? But it's true!! There are people of all walks of life and varied personalities all inhabiting one little corner of the inter-webs. You know what that means? Different opinions, disagreements, and possibility of a lack of emotion when addressing your situation. Now I know you had hoped everyone here was as sweet as your Grandma Ester, I mean she would never say anything without a hug right? But that's NOT the real world. Other members may certainly identify with your struggle but the connection ends there. Don't expect that every one here is looking way to feel special while they shed pounds. Don't expect that everyone has the same level of decorum as you are sure you possess. And don't assume that opposition means "RUDE" when in most cases it's a clear offer of help short spoken or not.

For the most part, if you just read and learn? The forums are a fun place to grow and find success in your weight loss journey. But when you approach a herd of lions like an Alpha and no mane to support it? You will quickly find yourself in the middle of a feeding frenzy with barely enough room to come up for air. Health and nutrition is a very personal subject for a lot of people so when it becomes overly emotional "hurt butt" is a common result. Just realize that even if the lessons are hard? They are ALL trying to help you achieve LONG TERM success not short term Yo Yo-ing.

Now stop crying and start learning and if you feel the need to sniffle? Go spend an hour reading the comments on Youtube, because you've yet to experience "mean".

Good Luck!

You. I like you. Solid advice.

SamiAng

Anyone who thinks MFP is really unbearably mean clearly hasn't seen too much of the internet.... The meanest people on MFP are like a breath of springtime air compared to a lot of places online.

Yep! Have you ever been on weight watchers online? Some of the meanest b%tches!

nikkihk

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

bcf7683

I am just here to see how many times the word "butthurt" is used...

i have never heard of this word until i came onto this site. Its used quite alot.

Your continued revelations are entertaining. Only 28 more minutes until my lunch break... What else you got? :smokin:

Therealobi1

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

move on from what?

nikkihk

i am offended by this post

its not allowed.

Here:



So much hostility, maybe you DO need a card.. my bad.

Ooh you have found my weak spot cookies. and such a large one. Do you think i was hostile. I never thought of myself as hostile. mmh thats interesting.

Not toward me, no. But you've definitely made you own share of "snarky" comments. I'm all good with it if you are though?

Goofyrunnergirl

While I agree with a lot of what was said in the main post, I will say that in reading through the forums, some people are rude. It's their way of thinking, or nothing. MFP is here to support everyone trying to lose weight/be healthier. To reach that "goal", we all may be going about it in different ways. If that is vegan, Paleo, LCHF, everything in moderation, etc. there is science that will back up any of those (and more) ways of eating. But just because I eat one way to lose weight doesn't mean I should receive rude comments saying I'm wrong. You know that saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? I think more people here need to remember that. Quit being rude to your fellow weight-loss brother/sister. Encourage them to learn or try something new- especially if you think they are doing something wrong. Eh, sorry for the rant. There are some posts I can't stop reading fast enough because of the rudeness, and that's just sad.

Therealobi1

I am just here to see how many times the word "butthurt" is used...

i have never heard of this word until i came onto this site. Its used quite alot.

Your continued revelations are entertaining. Only 28 more minutes until my lunch break... What else you got? :smokin:

lol. tired now. and i have to go soon myself am sure you will be all happy to know.

nikkihk

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

move on from what?

Whatever this is I keep pressing reply to with you.

Therealobi1

i am offended by this post

its not allowed.

Here:



So much hostility, maybe you DO need a card.. my bad.

Ooh you have found my weak spot cookies. and such a large one. Do you think i was hostile. I never thought of myself as hostile. mmh thats interesting.

Not toward me, no. But you've definitely made you own share of "snarky" comments. I'm all good with it if you are though?

oh yes. the b word can definately not be used in this thread.

Therealobi1

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

move on from what?

Whatever this is I keep pressing reply to with you.

lol. if you stop i will stop.

IronPlayground

Ok, so I read the whole OP and every comment after. I don't know why!!!

Great post, though, OP. I'm sure this one will be used many times as a reference.

ndj1979

the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on
move on from what?

Whatever this is I keep pressing reply to with you.

lol. if you stop i will stop.

oh, hi...you again .the person that complains that if you do not like threads, then you should stay out of them ...yet, you do not like this thread but keep coming back in and commenting....brilliant!

Therealobi1

the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on
move on from what?

Whatever this is I keep pressing reply to with you.

lol. if you stop i will stop.

oh, hi...you again .the person that complains that if you do not like threads, then you should stay out of them ...yet, you do not like this thread but keep coming back in and commenting....brilliant!

HIyah, when did i say i didnt like this thread. pls find it for me.

SamiAng

Awesome! I don't know how you get things made "sticky", but this one should be...needs a little grammar and spelling editing though. Don't take offense, just trying to help! :flowerforyou:

Looks at the clock.... Girl, it was like 4:30 am when I wrote that, which is roughly half past the loss of the English vernacular and 4 hours away from a the now 26 hour involuntary insomniac video editing marathon I'm currently experiencing. Grammar or spelling is the LAST thing I'm thinking about right now. You're lucky I could see the screen well enough to press "Post Topic". ;D

Oh, I get it. I am not immune to spelling and grammar mistakes, far from it. Just saying it needs to be cleaned up a bit before become a sticky, especially since a lot of people get called out on their posts for similar mistakes.

Calling out spelling/grammar mistakes is actually against the Community Guidelines.

Just putting that out there.

Huh, I didn't know that. You see quite a bit of it on the boards, especially put in less-than-kind terms. Sorry, no offense meant, just think its important in getting one's point across in a post that is intended for a large audience.

its should be 'it's'...just sayin'

Therealobi1

the delivery but the post is not aimed at me anyway. i actually was responding to the bit you said after someone commented WOW. I simply said if you get tired dont respond.

You say that with the assumption that I ever do respond to the posts I'm addressing. Feel free to check my history... I don't. Now can we move on?

you do not need to defend yourself its the internet you can write it how you want.. The post was actually fine, I am not keen on
move on from what?

Whatever this is I keep pressing reply to with you.

lol. if you stop i will stop.

oh, hi...you again .the person that complains that if you do not like threads, then you should stay out of them ...yet, you do not like this thread but keep coming back in and commenting....brilliant!

i am feeling like you dont want me to participate in this post.

heathercondon79

Well said!

1daylate1dollarshort

TL;DR: other n00bs: forums could be useful, but mostly an amazing display of drama you'd have to see to believe.

I've been to all kinds of message boards. This one is by far the most entertaining. I thought people were rude at first (and yes, some people really are rude and condescending, not just blunt) but whatever. The more I read, the more hilarious it is. This is so entertaining. Just log on, log my calories, then if there's' nothing better to do, I click on any given thread (such as this one, title suggested it would be a goodie, though) and just kinda laugh A LOT.

To other n00bs: this place is utter insanity. If you like watching drama without partaking, kick back and read the MFP forums. Many laughs and WTF moments guaranteed! That will happen within moments, depending on how quickly you read.

I just want other n00bs reading this to catch that. I'm not engaging in any ridiculous argument. I'm on the message boards for the lulz and to occasionally offer input *that doesn't have to be taken seriously because we are all different and just because something works for me does not make it gospel* <---that's funny how that's everywhere here too. Laugh it off. Laugh most of it off. Such hypocrisy and body shaming and my way or the highway and misreading that leads to public whipping. Oh, it really is good times!

I'm not being sarcastic when I say- THANK YOU! Thank you for providing possibly the best, WTF entertainment on the web. I'm not talking about anyone specifically at all. Or to everyone because not everyone is like that. But it's so great.

10/10. Will check every day for all the hypocrisy and giggles. GRAB YO POPCORN! I'm thinking about recommending it to anyone who wants to be entertained for 10 minutes to a few hours.

Also- a lot of things can be useful. That being said, really don't post if you're sensitive. Only post if you want to share a success story or contribute to the crazy around here.

WJS_jeepster

Now stop crying and start learning and if you feel the need to sniffle? Go spend an hour reading the comments on Youtube, because you've yet to experience "mean".

Good Luck!

I really like this line : )

Yup... I like this line too... and could add Babycenter and sodahead into it too.

seriously. Try any forum where stay-at-home moms debate with working moms over "who's life is more difficult" Yikes.