Sexual Harassment at the Gym..

froggilegs

I am seriously conflicted. And I need your advice. I REALLY like the gym I am going to , it is right next to my office, it's small, affordable, and most people are bodybuilders so it's inspiring and motivational! HOWEVER, today I went in to work out and there were a couple older male professionals talking with the owner. I overheard some vulgar language but chose to shrug it off, thinking their conversation was a quick one, "let boys be boys" and maybe the talk would be done when I was off the treadmill and I would no longer be using my headphones. But, when I moved onto weights, the conversation was continuing with increasing sexually expliit language that was offensive and incredibly demeaning... I was especially offended since the owner was a part of the topic, of which I still don't know but apparently needed to include lots of talk of male excrements and "porking every broad in site." I only have a month left of my membership.... and I don't want confrontation. How do I get through my last month? ALSO his fiancé is my trainer. I'm seriously considering canceling my appointment Wednesday.. but I also want to get as much from her as I can before I leave the gym. Help?

jillian_fan2425

It sounds like the conversation wasn't directed at you personally, which is a good thing, but I agree that it's an awkward situation and makes for a really unprofessional environment. Have you considered talking to your trainer about it? I wouldn't mention names, but just say that you heard some people having inappropriate conversations and it was a distraction for you, and ask if she has ever dealt with a situation like that before or if she has any advice for what to say or do. I just think maybe talking to another woman about the issue might be helpful, since she might understand where you're coming from. Hopefully it's just a one time occurrence, though.

annie_things

If you don't like confrontation you're going to have to deal with a lot of bad behavior in life. You don't need to be mean, but just a loud throat clear should do the trick. If it doesn't than you can say "excuse me" or something funny but designed to shut them down. If they don't move to a more private area than you can complain to management, which will do the confrontation with the owner for you. They don't need to stop talking about it, as it's they're prerogative but they need to learn to have some discretion.

DavPul

you're 24. that's the age of an adult. so act like an adult and tell them you don't appreciate that sort of language. that's not being confrontational. if you cleared your throat loudly and then pointed to your ear when they looked at you the problem would have been solved. you're grown now, and when grown people need a situation to change they ask for change, then demand change, and then move on if they still aren't satisfied. but first it starts with the asking.

DYELB

I am seriously conflicted. And I need your advice. I REALLY like the gym I am going to , it is right next to my office, it's small, affordable, and most people are bodybuilders so it's inspiring and motivational! HOWEVER, today I went in to work out and there were a couple older male professionals talking with the owner. I overheard some vulgar language but chose to shrug it off, thinking their conversation was a quick one, "let boys be boys" and maybe the talk would be done when I was off the treadmill and I would no longer be using my headphones. But, when I moved onto weights, the conversation was continuing with increasing sexually expliit language that was offensive and incredibly demeaning... I was especially offended since the owner was a part of the topic, of which I still don't know but apparently needed to include lots of talk of male excrements and "porking every broad in site." I only have a month left of my membership.... and I don't want confrontation. How do I get through my last month? ALSO his fiancé is my trainer. I'm seriously considering canceling my appointment Wednesday.. but I also want to get as much from her as I can before I leave the gym. Help?

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm

How is that sexual harassment?

MyChocolateDiet

You have two choices. The indirect socially acceptable for women route where you use your rapport/professional relationship with his fiancee to have her work on it for you OR davpul's answer with the ear and the cleared throat.

I think you can try them in that order. Unfortunately dave there is a pre- first step that some women still use in sticky situations.

Months ago when I was playing nice I'd do the former.

Now that I'm fed up with what I've been seeing, I'm resorting to the latter style. Sometimes you just gotta make things known.

Tikipeli

They sound like trashy people. I guess what you do depends on you and your feelings. If it seems right to you, file a complaint and see how they handle it. I like filing complaints because at the very least I express myself, even if the result doesn't come out in my favor. Then, decide if you want to stay or not. I personally don't like a non professional environment and wouldn't put myself there, but it depends on you and how you feel. Sucks because you said it was the owner contributing to the conversation not professional. He should be smarter than that.

annie_things

"For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
It could be argued...
but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.

Tikipeli

and if you change gyms, make sure they know that you are moving because of that.

MyChocolateDiet

It sounds like the conversation wasn't directed at you personally, which is a good thing, but I agree that it's an awkward situation and makes for a really unprofessional environment. Have you considered talking to your trainer about it? I wouldn't mention names, but just say that you heard some people having inappropriate conversations and it was a distraction for you, and ask if she has ever dealt with a situation like that before or if she has any advice for what to say or do. I just think maybe talking to another woman about the issue might be helpful, since she might understand where you're coming from. Hopefully it's just a one time occurrence, though.

I am not a fan of this vague "some people" style. People seem to use the vagueness of the statement/complaint/accusation to slither thru and continue.

No matter who you choose to tell I'd recommend you make it clear who you are referrring to.

CamilleJackie350

thats not sexual harassment

not even close

Shaynelle

I too do not like confrontation. I think it's rather mean some of the comments that have been made, considering the lady who posted this was simply looking for advice.

My suggestion was already mentioned, I would talk to your trainer about it, without mentioning names. Be subtle, which I'm sure you will be, and simply say something along the lines of what has already been suggested. I'm sure she will offer to speak to her fiance about it, which you should have nothing to worry about - if anything he / the owner, will most likely appreciate your discretion while at the same time letting him know that it bothers you. He doesn't want to lose any customers, so if he's smart he will steer clear of future inappropriate discussions while at his place of work.

Predat0r1502

I hear things I disapprove of all day long.

I just put my head phones back in and focus on my goals.

MyChocolateDiet

thats not sexual harassment

not even close

i feel like it kind of depends on if the loudness and then the "every broad in sight" was directed at her or meant for her to overhear. I see where it could be but it's a hard sell, i'll agree.

gyms are not meant to be a place for foul language and unprofessional behavior are they? i thought they were not. i see signs on mine clearly indicating no bad language. so that's where i'm coming from.

maybe a trainer can weigh in on the appropriateness of an ambience like that. if only there were trainers on this site...

Apocalypz

you're 24. that's the age of an adult. so act like an adult and tell them you don't appreciate that sort of language. that's not being confrontational. if you cleared your throat loudly and then pointed to your ear when they looked at you the problem would have been solved. you're grown now, and when grown people need a situation to change they ask for change, then demand change, and then move on if they still aren't satisfied. but first it starts with the asking.

Thank you. Change starts with one person. There's no reason to wait for someone else to do it.

DavPul

Hmmm.....it may not be sexual harassment, but I don't think that's the point of this post. It's unacceptable public behavior, and while it may not bother me, I can clearly understand it being a problem for someone else.

In fact, it wouldn't bother me one bit if I was there alone or my friends, it would bother THE HELL out of me if I was with my daughters. Or my mom. In both instances I would just make it known that I could hear them and I didn't appreciate it. 99 times out of 100 you only have to make your presence known for the convo to cease; they're from this planet so they know they're being rude.




*honestly, I feel weird. People leaving plates on the bar never bothers me but people talking dirty in mixed company does.

vorgas

"For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
It could be argued...
but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.

There is nothing saying the comments have to be directed toward the person offended. Otherwise, it would be the easiest dodge in the world to continue with the same sort of abusive behavior that went on before, only just having two guys talking to each other instead of directly to the female.

This is very much harassment/sexual harassment. It's just not intentional. Given that you were not close by, had earphones in, etc, they probably thought they were having a private conversation.

SunofaBeach14

You overheard a conversation that you weren't meant to hear. That's hardly harassment. That said, none too classy on their part, so next time catch eye contact and/or tell them you don't appreciate listening to it. Just also keep in mind that you probably didn't hear the entire conversation and what you heard may have been taken out of context. Maybe. Maybe.

VeronicaG2B

I think it is important to speak up. I don't like confrontation either, but when someone is being rude like that, I tend to say something - nicely, but directly. They generally shape up.

vorgas

*honestly, I feel weird. People leaving plates on the bar never bothers me...

You're not weird. You're a freaking PSYCHO!!!

jofjltncb6

In...

...for understanding that words mean things.

MyChocolateDiet

wait a cotton pickin minute. i sersly thought that sexual harrasment included when people act like d!ckwads loud enough intending you to hear. srsly. this is the thing, no? or is that just how we are told not to act just in case someone is sensitive?

Lyadeia

I'm personally more of a writer than a speaker. So if I were in that situation, I would personally write a letter to management describing all that was overheard and who said them (naming all people involved). I would also write how it made me feel and how I am now considering going to another gym and encouraging all my women friends to join me somewhere else where they act more professionally.

I just have an easier time expressing how I feel when writing things down than speaking to someone in person, but that may be just me. But if you are "non-confrontational," this might be a solution for you as well so you don't technically confront, but you still make everything known.

Whether this situation fits the actual definition of sexual harrassment or not doesn't matter. If it wasn't important to the OP and it didn't bother her, she wouldn't be here asking for advice. Letting people speak like this making you feel uncomfortable is not acceptable...so doing nothing at all will never change anything. She shouldn't have to change gyms because some people are uncouth jackholes...

WakkoW

I don't think this is sexual harassment. Seriously, just because you overhear something you don't like doesn't mean you are being harassed.

But, it is highly unprofessional for the owner to be partaking in the conversation.

However, I assume you are an adult with the ability to speak up. Say something. Some people are just socially stupid and really don't have a clue.

If you like the gym, say something. If not, quit and go somewhere else.

KoopaSix

thats not sexual harassment

not even close

Bingo. It wasn't directed towards you. It's not their fault you were within earshot and didn't like what they were saying. I will agree that in a business setting this would be deemed unprofessional and they should be more mindful of their surroundings, But come on..you're a big girl, surely you've heard worse. Let's put on our big girl pants and chill out a little. If you can't then terminate your membership and move on. No one can make this decision but you and the fact that you look for influence on a message board shows just how much you care about your gym in the first place.

It would take alot more than "words" to make me leave my gym. This may sound cold and very blunt but this is my opinion you asked for. Good luck.

sweetcurlz67

It definately made you feel uncomfortable, but by now, you can clearly see it is not sexual harassment. I agree with Dave and others that say that you should probably make it politely known that you can hear them so they will stop. You shouldn't have to feel like you're being pushed out of a gym you love because you are uncomfortable with some inappropriate buttheads.

Good luck!

rml_16

wait a cotton pickin minute. i sersly thought that sexual harrasment included when people act like d!ckwads loud enough intending you to hear. srsly. this is the thing, no? or is that just how we are told not to act just in case someone is sensitive?

No. Sexual harassment is when sexual comments and actions are regularly directed at someone (male or female) IN THE WORKPLACE and really when it's used to exert power over that person.

Overhearing an unpleasant and unprofessional discussion at the gym is not sexual harassment and unless this happens a lot or was directed in a harassing manner toward a specific person, I don't even understand why this is an issue.

craftywitch_63

You have two choices. The indirect socially acceptable for women route where you use your rapport/professional relationship with his fiancee to have her work on it for you OR davpul's answer with the ear and the cleared throat.

I think you can try them in that order. Unfortunately dave there is a pre- first step that some women still use in sticky situations.

Months ago when I was playing nice I'd do the former.

Now that I'm fed up with what I've been seeing, I'm resorting to the latter style. Sometimes you just gotta make things known.

Actually, the throat-clearing ear-pulling answer is probably the worst. When offensive conversations are pointed out, humans tend to become defensive, which will only make the offenders (a) use even worse language and (b) actually target the OP.

You should not let that stop you. Tell them you don't appreciate it. Just be aware that you will may have to escalate it, which in this case would be a call (or letter) to the gym manager.


"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

-Edmund Burke

DavPul

i feel like i'm in bizarro world. last week the SWAT team needs to be called because a guy was riding a bike, but if i hear disgusting language at the gym i'm supposed to grin and bear it because they weren't talking directly to me?

tabbyblack13

Anyone hearing the comment can considered harassment especially if the comments are directed to a class that the person hearing is a part of. I would tell your trainer and explain that because you are offended after hearing this comment, and while you like coming here, you will not pay your money to be offended.

You are paying to be apart of this gym. There should be a clause about harassment (sexual or other) in the contract you signed. You might be able to leave right away if you do not feel safe. The excuse of "Guys will be Guys" is stupid. If they talk openly like this they most likely will not respect you or your progress.

LiftAllThePizzas

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.