Sexual Harassment at the Gym..

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  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Hmmm...

    Are we sure there's not something up with the guy? I know some people can have conditions that make communication, boundaries etc... weird. A common symptom of Asperger's is not understanding body language.

    It could be that they didn't realize you were listening or uncomfortable.

    Iono.

    *fainted*

    (apparently now BOTH guys blabbering had aspberger's. anything else MFP? come on, I know you can do better!)
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    So I've been reading all of this and trying to think of what i could have done in that situation (and it does sound like you were not necessarily eavesdropping, but they were being pretty loud and you really couldn't help overhearing.) I should also mention that it would take a lot to actually offend me enough to pipe up (at least, the stuff you describe and not something being aimed at anyone in particular.)

    I am normally pretty good at tuning that kind of crap out, but if it got really bad I'd probably just start waving my hands around my ears and call out, "Whoa, whoa! TMI! TMI! Take it to the locker room, gentlemen!" But of course the trick is to put just the right spin on it - just enough for them to get the message but also "lighthearted" enough so that it doesn't really come across as getting all up in their business. But then I should also mention that I'm becoming more and more the outspoken ***** in my old age ;-)

    i think you have to be old and LOOK old to get away with this. i know this method would not fly for me.
  • thewhitedragonfly
    thewhitedragonfly Posts: 33
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    I love how people try to define sexual harassment. Like, that's not what she's asking about, get over it. She wants to know how to deal with this situation. Period.

    (And fyi, I no longer go to the gym. Too many creepy men.)
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    I love how people try to define sexual harassment. Like, that's not what she's asking about, get over it. She wants to know how to deal with this situation. Period.

    (And fyi, I no longer go to the gym. Too many creepy men.)

    ^^ Ophelia listened to Hamlet.
  • GillianMcK
    GillianMcK Posts: 401 Member
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    I would have probably said something and asked them to take the conversation somewhere that I couldn't overhear it, however I work part-time in a restaurant and have had to talk to customers in the past regarding language and conversation topics so I've had practice doing this.

    If the owner is joining in on this conversation in earshot of another customer it's rather unprofessional, I understand not wanting to raise it with your trainer if she's his fiancee, if you speak to her you can either say what the conversation was and how should it be dealt with or you can say who was involved in the conversation as well (you know her better than we do to gauge better how she would react)

    That being said, you've only mentioned a couple of parts of the conversation that you heard, could it be that they were discussing another persons behaviour and whilst not using appropriate language they were also expressing that they didn't feel that the other persons behaviour (porking every broad in sight) is appropriate?? Could you have overheard the worst parts of the conversation because of how they were articulating it.

    Unless they know that what they were saying was making you uncomfortable and you had asked them to stop then they are likely to continue, if you ask them to stop and they do continue then I would be leaving the gym and finding an alternative gym that was more professional, however you will most likely find that they just weren't aware that you could overhear them and if it's pointed out to them they will refrain in the future and you could stay at the gym and be quite happy??
  • cece_lily
    cece_lily Posts: 8 Member
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    I hear men at the gym talk crap like that all the time, but as long as it's not directed at me, I just ignore them. I figure that if I speak up whenever someone pisses me off (I have a bit of a temper), at one point I'm going to get in trouble for it, so unless it's really awful, I try to let it wash over me. That said, there's no reason you HAVE to let it wash over you - I like the one poster's suggestion of saying 'whoa, take it to the locker room!' if you hear it again - much more satisfying as it may be to tell people off properly, they're a lot more tractable when you're nice!
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    I think a few people need to take a refresher course on what constitutes sexual harassment - the definition has moved on since the 70s! I don't think this quite fits, but it's not far off.

    That said, the legally-essential factor is determining whether this behaviour qualifies as harassment is whether the perpetrators knew, or could reasonably be expected to know, that their behaviour/conversation was unwelcome and contributing to/creating a hostile environment. As things stand, while I think you could argue that they should know better, unless you bring up the conversation with someone in authority who can and will address the issue, or with the perpetrators themselves (I know that can be difficult - making your objections known often leads to escalation, unfortunately), and make it clear how unacceptable and uncomfortable their behaviour is, from a purely legal perspective, you'd have trouble arguing your case.

    I'm sure you're not planning to take this to a legal level (I certainly wouldn't advise it!) - if it's not resolved, there are other gyms, but addressing the issue is the only way it's going to go away. If I were you, I'd avoid straining your relationship with your trainer and go straight to gym management - whoever's at the top of the tree. They would, I'm sure want to know that an employee is contributing to an environment that might drive away paying clients, and should keep your identity confidential.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    wait a cotton pickin minute. i sersly thought that sexual harrasment included when people act like d!ckwads loud enough intending you to hear. srsly. this is the thing, no? or is that just how we are told not to act just in case someone is sensitive?
    No. Sexual harassment is when sexual comments and actions are regularly directed at someone (male or female) IN THE WORKPLACE and really when it's used to exert power over that person.

    Overhearing an unpleasant and unprofessional discussion at the gym is not sexual harassment and unless this happens a lot or was directed in a harassing manner toward a specific person, I don't even understand why this is an issue.

    don't for get persistent and pervasive.

    Sexual harassment must be persistent and pervasive.

    This was in no way sexual harassment.

    absolutely inappropriate? sure- you should have just said- excuse me -but that's wildly inappropriate and I don't appreciate it hearing about it- and move on.

    But it was absolutely NOT harassment.
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    "For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
    It could be argued...
    but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.
    '

    No, it's not. If someone finds something offensive even if it's NOT directed at them they can certainly complain. They can state that they felt uncomfortable and threatened by the conversation which would lead to a 'talking to' or an investigation. Either way HR would be involved.
  • Flossiesdoll
    Flossiesdoll Posts: 48
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    It can be really difficult for women to speak up and say they're not happy about something, especially if that something is male behaviour, for lots of reasons - the way we're socialised to keep quiet and not make a fuss is a major part of it. It's great when you get to my age and you realise you don't give a monkey's about being thought to be making a fuss!

    I would say to the OP that the best thing to do is to talk to the manager, explain that the content of the conversation made you uncomfortable and is likely to be off-putting for female customers (money often matters more than feelings), and see what he says. If he apologises and takes pains to make sure it doesn't happen again, great. If he dismisses your concerns, make it clear why you're taking your money elsewhere - and if the gym is part of a chain, let the higher-up managers know too. If you don't feel confident enough to talk the manager, tell your trainer or write a letter. You might decide not to carry on at that gym anyway, but you'll feel better about yourself if you raise it, I guarantee.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    "For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
    It could be argued...
    but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.
    '

    No, it's not. If someone finds something offensive even if it's NOT directed at them they can certainly complain. They can state that they felt uncomfortable and threatened by the conversation which would lead to a 'talking to' or an investigation. Either way HR would be involved.

    finding something offensive /=/ sexual harassment.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    "For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
    It could be argued...
    but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.
    '

    No, it's not. If someone finds something offensive even if it's NOT directed at them they can certainly complain. They can state that they felt uncomfortable and threatened by the conversation which would lead to a 'talking to' or an investigation. Either way HR would be involved.

    finding something offensive /=/ sexual harassment.

    This thread is sexually harassing me . . .
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    If it bothers you that much then switch gyms.

    but

    Please don't join my gym. Neither sexes that are currently here have time for your feelings if you decide to eavesdrop on their conversations. I am sure there is a planet fitness somewhere in your city that you might really enjoy.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    i really, really really, don't think the point of her post was that she had some legal sexual harassment claim and that she was feeling uncomfortable in her workplace but somehow that's all this thread is about. this reminds me of when i first got to this site and someone would ask how to tone their _____ and then there would be 4 pages about how the word "tone" was meaningless. those were fun times. wait, no, the opposite of that
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    meanwhile, back at the ranch, while nobody here cares if someone uses incredibly foul language at the gym but if a staffer at the facility does her job but says she's bored we need to get the State's Attorney on the case right away.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1238361-stupid-gym?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    i really, really really, don't think the point of her post was that she had some legal sexual harassment claim and that she was feeling uncomfortable in her workplace but somehow that's all this thread is about. this reminds me of when i first got to this site and someone would ask how to tone their _____ and then there would be 4 pages about how the word "tone" was meaningless. those were fun times. wait, no, the opposite of that

    The guys were being *kitten* hats and she should say something. I don't think that's in dispute. But, it's Monday and I'm pretty sure at least half of MFP is bored (or I'm projecting) and it's much more fun to argue over sexual harassment than to just agree that the guys were being *kitten* hats.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    meanwhile, back at the ranch, while nobody here cares if someone uses incredibly foul language at the gym but if a staffer at the facility does her job but says she's bored we need to get the State's Attorney on the case right away.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1238361-stupid-gym?

    I heart MFP so hard.
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    If this happened in the workplace it might be considered harrassment, but those policies don't necessarily extend outside the workplace. Is there a policy manual for the gym? If there is it may be addressed in their manual. You say the owner's fiance is your trainer? Why cancel the appointment? You could inadvertently bring it up in the conversation without naming anyone and just say that some of the guys were a little loud with their comments and it was embarrassing to you. She would probably tell him, he probably didn't realize that their "conversation" had gone too far for mixed company. He's in the business of making money and losing a membership is something that would affect him directly, especially if more women become uncomfortable there and leave.

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