Sexual Harassment at the Gym..

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  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    wait a cotton pickin minute. i sersly thought that sexual harrasment included when people act like d!ckwads loud enough intending you to hear. srsly. this is the thing, no? or is that just how we are told not to act just in case someone is sensitive?
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I'm personally more of a writer than a speaker. So if I were in that situation, I would personally write a letter to management describing all that was overheard and who said them (naming all people involved). I would also write how it made me feel and how I am now considering going to another gym and encouraging all my women friends to join me somewhere else where they act more professionally.

    I just have an easier time expressing how I feel when writing things down than speaking to someone in person, but that may be just me. But if you are "non-confrontational," this might be a solution for you as well so you don't technically confront, but you still make everything known.

    Whether this situation fits the actual definition of sexual harrassment or not doesn't matter. If it wasn't important to the OP and it didn't bother her, she wouldn't be here asking for advice. Letting people speak like this making you feel uncomfortable is not acceptable...so doing nothing at all will never change anything. She shouldn't have to change gyms because some people are uncouth jackholes...
  • WakkoW
    WakkoW Posts: 567 Member
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    I don't think this is sexual harassment. Seriously, just because you overhear something you don't like doesn't mean you are being harassed.

    But, it is highly unprofessional for the owner to be partaking in the conversation.

    However, I assume you are an adult with the ability to speak up. Say something. Some people are just socially stupid and really don't have a clue.

    If you like the gym, say something. If not, quit and go somewhere else.
  • KoopaSix
    KoopaSix Posts: 252 Member
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    thats not sexual harassment

    not even close

    Bingo. It wasn't directed towards you. It's not their fault you were within earshot and didn't like what they were saying. I will agree that in a business setting this would be deemed unprofessional and they should be more mindful of their surroundings, But come on..you're a big girl, surely you've heard worse. Let's put on our big girl pants and chill out a little. If you can't then terminate your membership and move on. No one can make this decision but you and the fact that you look for influence on a message board shows just how much you care about your gym in the first place.

    It would take alot more than "words" to make me leave my gym. This may sound cold and very blunt but this is my opinion you asked for. Good luck.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    It definately made you feel uncomfortable, but by now, you can clearly see it is not sexual harassment. I agree with Dave and others that say that you should probably make it politely known that you can hear them so they will stop. You shouldn't have to feel like you're being pushed out of a gym you love because you are uncomfortable with some inappropriate buttheads.

    Good luck!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    wait a cotton pickin minute. i sersly thought that sexual harrasment included when people act like d!ckwads loud enough intending you to hear. srsly. this is the thing, no? or is that just how we are told not to act just in case someone is sensitive?
    No. Sexual harassment is when sexual comments and actions are regularly directed at someone (male or female) IN THE WORKPLACE and really when it's used to exert power over that person.

    Overhearing an unpleasant and unprofessional discussion at the gym is not sexual harassment and unless this happens a lot or was directed in a harassing manner toward a specific person, I don't even understand why this is an issue.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    You have two choices. The indirect socially acceptable for women route where you use your rapport/professional relationship with his fiancee to have her work on it for you OR davpul's answer with the ear and the cleared throat.

    I think you can try them in that order. Unfortunately dave there is a pre- first step that some women still use in sticky situations.

    Months ago when I was playing nice I'd do the former.

    Now that I'm fed up with what I've been seeing, I'm resorting to the latter style. Sometimes you just gotta make things known.

    Actually, the throat-clearing ear-pulling answer is probably the worst. When offensive conversations are pointed out, humans tend to become defensive, which will only make the offenders (a) use even worse language and (b) actually target the OP.

    You should not let that stop you. Tell them you don't appreciate it. Just be aware that you will may have to escalate it, which in this case would be a call (or letter) to the gym manager.


    "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

    -Edmund Burke
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    i feel like i'm in bizarro world. last week the SWAT team needs to be called because a guy was riding a bike, but if i hear disgusting language at the gym i'm supposed to grin and bear it because they weren't talking directly to me?
  • tabbyblack13
    tabbyblack13 Posts: 299 Member
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    Anyone hearing the comment can considered harassment especially if the comments are directed to a class that the person hearing is a part of. I would tell your trainer and explain that because you are offended after hearing this comment, and while you like coming here, you will not pay your money to be offended.

    You are paying to be apart of this gym. There should be a clause about harassment (sexual or other) in the contract you signed. You might be able to leave right away if you do not feel safe. The excuse of "Guys will be Guys" is stupid. If they talk openly like this they most likely will not respect you or your progress.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
  • trivard676
    trivard676 Posts: 90 Member
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    Maybe I missed this, but is this something that you've talked to these people about? Has it happened more than once? It could be that these people (while very classless) genuinely do not know that they are offending people with their talk. Believe it or not, there are people out there that do not take the consideration of others into mind when they open their mouths.

    That being said, you're a paying customer at the gym, and seeing as how you have a physical trainer, I'm sure that you're a good paying customer. If the environment makes you feel uncomfortable, speak up, either by writing a letter (you can hand-deliver it) or by talking to the owner directly. You're probably not the only person who feels uncomfortable by this and any owner who would allow this kind of thing to happen and make well-paying customers uncomfortable doesn't deserve your business.
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
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    a good christian wouldn't do such things
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
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    I don't think it's sexual harrassment because honestly you were evesdropping on their conversation - HOWEVER, had you let them know you could hear them and politely asked them to move or stop, if they had continued, it could be. That being said - like most everyone else, you are an adult. If you don't want to hear it, ask them to stop. if they don't, then complain to management or press charges. but if you don't say anything and it bothers you that bad, quit going to that gym or get a set of headphones and stop being nosey - it's not their responsibility to filter whos listening to their private conversations. The owner should know better but sometimes 'guys will be guys' and same with females.
  • wildcat97
    wildcat97 Posts: 1 Member
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    I'm a little more outspoken than most, but I would have walked over and asked if they used those words and discussed such topics in front of their daughters, nieces or their daughters friend. If they said yes, then I would be out of there as I don;t want to be around or give my business to such people.
    To me it sounds like they were trying to make you uncomfortable since there was group of them and one of you- in which case I ask embarrassing questions about their manhood.... that makes them uncomfortable and therefore quiet...
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    i feel like the direction this thread has taken is gonna make me faint.

    fave part: all the nearly nekkie people weighing in on this topic.
    least fave part: it's already past 9pm pacific time and nobody is over here sexually harrassing me by PM
  • JourneyingJessica
    JourneyingJessica Posts: 261 Member
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    Overhearing an unpleasant and unprofessional discussion at the gym is not sexual harassment and unless this happens a lot or was directed in a harassing manner toward a specific person, I don't even understand why this is an issue.


    ^ This!

    I'd look at things like this. You've been going to this gym for 11 months now. Is this the first time you've come across this? If its a one time thing where you overheard a conversation that wasn't met for you. I'd be inclined to let it go. How many of you have had convos you'd be mortified if someone overheard?

    If theres a pattern of this happening thats different. Your options then are stay, say something or find a new gym. I can't add anything to the suggestions already offered on this one.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    Hmmm...

    Are we sure there's not something up with the guy? I know some people can have conditions that make communication, boundaries etc... weird. A common symptom of Asperger's is not understanding body language.

    It could be that they didn't realize you were listening or uncomfortable.

    Iono.
  • fredgiblet
    fredgiblet Posts: 241 Member
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    I hear things I disapprove of all day long.

    I just put my head phones back in and focus on my goals.

    QFT
  • DucklingtoSwan
    DucklingtoSwan Posts: 169 Member
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    So I've been reading all of this and trying to think of what i could have done in that situation (and it does sound like you were not necessarily eavesdropping, but they were being pretty loud and you really couldn't help overhearing.) I should also mention that it would take a lot to actually offend me enough to pipe up (at least, the stuff you describe and not something being aimed at anyone in particular.)

    I am normally pretty good at tuning that kind of crap out, but if it got really bad I'd probably just start waving my hands around my ears and call out, "Whoa, whoa! TMI! TMI! Take it to the locker room, gentlemen!" But of course the trick is to put just the right spin on it - just enough for them to get the message but also "lighthearted" enough so that it doesn't really come across as getting all up in their business. But then I should also mention that I'm becoming more and more the outspoken ***** in my old age ;-)

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