husband jokes' about my body
Replies
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I am married 32 years and my husband was never meaner than when I was pregnant or had small young children. I don't know why it affects some men this way, but I read it over and over and have experienced it myself. All I can say is put his negative comments on a shelf. They have nothing to do with you but more with his own lack of self esteem or anger or whatever other personal baggage he's carrying. Tell him his jokes are NOT funny.
Take care of yourself and your baby.0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
This is full of win :drinker:0 -
Book:
Boundaries
Written by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
ISBN-13 978-0-310-24745-6
May not fix everything, but will give you a place to start...
And another win!0 -
Oh honey. Get out NOW. Things will only get worse after the baby is here. Stories like these RARELY turn out better. Unless he recognizes that he is providing a challenge instead of support and agrees to work together to find a solution to his need to pick at you. But from the sound of it, he has a terrible case of "Gaslighting". He's keeping the power in his hands by making you and your thoughts seem unimportant with remarks like "you are being too sensitive."
Dude. Get the EFF out.0 -
I'm glad things are looking up for you. Him admitting to doing something wrong is the first step to making changes. Hopefully he will fix his behavior and start treating you with respect.
Please be careful though. A person can say they're sorry but it means nothing unless they change their actions. If he "teases" you again tell him off. Don't accept "it's just a joke." When he says that, what he's saying is that making you feel bad is a JOKE to him! It doesn't matter how sensitive you are... if he cares about you he will not deliberately hurt you. End of story.0 -
^^^^^^Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.0 -
Tell him you want him to start taking Viagra because he just isn't doing it for you.0
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All women deserve to be treated like a queen and like they should be treated with respect, honor, love, kindness, compassion, and like they are the best part of every man's world.0
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Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.
This.This.This.
What a jerk nozzle. Honestly. I agree with everyone else, go stay with your mom or a friend for a few days.
Yes - go to your mom's or a friend's. What he is saying is toxic, and he needs to know it is not acceptable.0 -
I'm not an old old guy, but I can see sixty from here. I've known a lot of different people in a lot of different situations over the years and have been able to observe some general trends in the way things go. I have never seen this sort of behavior not escalate into worse and worse.
He clearly has no respect for you as a person now. Do you think he will at some later time? Are you hoping, as some people do, that the baby will "bring you together?"
Run while you can, and be grateful that you saw that your path leads over a cliff early enough to go a different way.0 -
I wouldn't tolerate that crap... My husband and I have been married 10 years and if he did that to me, even joking, Id be totally done0
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Leave him so your child is not raised by such a jerk of a father.0
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I have been married for 26 years. I put on 20 pounds while we were engaged. I put on weight during two pregnancies and never lost it. I continued to gain, and gain, and gain. I am now working my way down from 300 lbs. My husband tells me I am beautiful. He tells me I am desirable. He supports my efforts to change for my own well-being. He wants me to feel better. He has NEVER, in 26 years made fun of me, or of my weight one single time. He has never said one word to make me feel bad about myself. (I can do that all by myself, but not him...he would never think of it.) And he is a wonderful father to two grown men.
This is what you deserve. It is what your child deserves. Don't settle for less.0 -
I'm not an old old guy, but I can see sixty from here. I've known a lot of different people in a lot of different situations over the years and have been able to observe some general trends in the way things go. I have never seen this sort of behavior not escalate into worse and worse.
He clearly has no respect for you as a person now. Do you think he will at some later time? Are you hoping, as some people do, that the baby will "bring you together?"
Run while you can, and be grateful that you saw that your path leads over a cliff early enough to go a different way.
I can see 60 too and I one million percent agree.
+100.0 -
I think you should drop that chump!!!!!
Your husband has no right to treat you that way.0 -
Taking a wild guess here but is he by any chance Italian?
He sounds like a total narcissist - everything is about him. He also sounds very immature and misogynistic as well. I can't imagine what it will be like once the baby arrives - especially if it's a girl. From what you have said he is pretty keen on a boy and doesn't seem to be very respectful of women at all. Fancy saying being pregnant with a girl would make you ugly WTF?!?
What will he do when your body has changed after pregnancy and is no longer the same? What about when you get older and saggier, grey hair and wrinkles? I hate to say it but he sounds like the sort of douche who always needs to have a young beautiful woman around to make him lookand feel like a man, so will he be faithful once you no longer focus all your attention on him him him?
I would seriously be slamming the door hard on his ar$e if I were you.
And I would totally do the penis shaming thing and point out that his hair seems to be thinning just the tiniest bit on the back of his head.0 -
Hello everybody, thanks you all for taking time to answer and support me!
I dont have relatives over here, besides his family, so I wont be able to move out for a while, I just got a room in a touristic center for the week end.
His comment about it being a boy not a girl its about some cultural old belief, that boy make that mum pretty during pregnancy, and girls make the mum swell even more and gets ugly. My sister in law is pregnant of a girl, and my in laws cant stop comparing us, how i stayed thin bc i have a boy and how she swell bc its a girl ( she is 8 months pregnant, thank god she gained weight),.... sensitivity or personal boundary seems be missing in the constitution of this country!!!
Anyways, this is how it went this morning, he wake up all lovey dovey, being all nice and sweet, he clearly knew i was still mad, saying come on, why I was still mad, I didnt respond, until he saw me packing, then he wents nuts, starting saying how i was blowing things out of propoertion, and get me to tell him what did he wrong!? Where was i going to go !? And why i was packing a swimsuit.
Then i went on: dont you dare make this about me overeacting and that his little whale needs a break and will go take a dive". He did his usual speech:" You know that i am just teasing you, i adore your body, i think you are perfect,..yadi yadi yada."
I then name how frenquently he does it, and how often i tell him that i find it hurtfull, whats the point of joking or teasing me about smth, that according to u its not even true, that i dont think its funny and that hurts me !?! And you know it does!!! Would you like me to give you a taste about your own medicine, would you think its funny, how would you react !?
He recognize, that he wouldnt like it either, he wont do it again and he apologize for being so insensitive, BUT, when i asked why does he do it then, he keeps on apologizing and saying that he doesnt know why, just didnt realize he went that far.
I then said, that for him to stop, he needs to know whats the reason behind that behavior, that i need a break for the weekend anyways, i will go back monday after work, but by then I hope he will figure out a solution to find out why.
He tried coming with me or making me stay, I just told him that I was not mad at him anymore, just really concerned about his behavior, and the baby and us serve healthier environnement to live in. BUT I really needed this weekend off everything.
He can understand, and he will go to therapy if he needed to , I jumped on the idea, and i said i think its great you thought of it, Monday after 6, works for me!
So we will see...thanks again, I really would have lost it without your support, thanks a lot!!
Good for you sticking to your guns. Following through on the therapy is great. Setting up boundaries is difficult. I applaud you. I hope he realizes his insecurity is the root of his hurtful behavior and you both work through it. I wish you the best of luck.0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.
+10 -
It says a lot about a man, in my opinion, when he treats his wife like crap when she's pregnant. One of the scariest, most insecure and most sensitive times in a woman's life, when she needs the MOST love and support.
My husband couldn't have been more loving and supportive of me when I was pregnant with my son. When I freaked out about my body, he would rub my stomach and say "that's our baby in there." Reminding me that my body was doing something amazing, making a new human being out of pieces of both of us. Something we had both hoped for and prayed about for many years.
And I'm sorry to say this, but pregnancy is just the beginning of things being "different" with you. Once the baby arrives, you are going to be in a WHOLE OTHER WORLD of "things are different." If he can't handle your pregnancy changes, I am not optimistic about his ability to handle fatherhood responsibly.
I'm not going to tell you to just leave, but I will tell you that his behavior is not acceptable and you need to have some pretty serious talks with him about it, starting right now. He may be scared of parenthood but he is expressing it in the worst, most hurtful way possible. And if he can't grow up before the baby arrives, honey, you are better off without him.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I am sure no matter what you looked like before, or what you look like now, you are beautiful. Good luck to you.
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You need to sit this clown down and give him a reality check. Anyone were to treat my spouse like that they'd get a fist in the face...can't even fathom being guilty of treating he like that MYSELF.
*sigh* Idiot.0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
^^ NOW this what you should do, he is a jerk!0 -
Tagben, go to the forum on www.marriagebuilders.com at:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php
The wonderful contributors there will give you step by step instructions and coaching on how to set boundaries against this type of behavior in a way that preserves your marriage and builds your love for each other.
It will show you methods to insist on a change in his behavior in a productive way, and if he chooses to change you can have an awesome marriage. If he doesn't choose to change, they will coach you through ways to "encourage" the change, or decide if he never will change.
All the best of wishes to you.
Edited to add: If he refuses to change that behavior, then it may be wisest to leave the marriage, but at least you will know that there was no other option and not second guess yourself later.0 -
I'm not an old old guy, but I can see sixty from here. I've known a lot of different people in a lot of different situations over the years and have been able to observe some general trends in the way things go. I have never seen this sort of behavior not escalate into worse and worse.
He clearly has no respect for you as a person now. Do you think he will at some later time? Are you hoping, as some people do, that the baby will "bring you together?"
Run while you can, and be grateful that you saw that your path leads over a cliff early enough to go a different way.
Good observation!0 -
What a douche bag! I hope you aren't stupid enough to starve the baby growing inside you to not gain anymore weight. Honey, we are women and this is what our body's are made to do. Ive had four kids, and my husband still tells me how sexy I am. If you don't want to get stretch marks, get some cream to prevent stretch marks, and rub in a circular motion. But I will tell you, a woman's body is amazing and you will bounce back after the baby is born. Don't lose your baby or have an un healthy child be born because your husband is a tool. If you want to starve yourself, do it after your baby is born. And kick that *kitten* to the curb if he can't learn what the word respect means.0
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Well my 6;4 300 pound husband says my stomach looks like regurgitated beef.Not cool I lost 145 pounds and had two kids. ..oh well im thin now too bad0
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Isn't 130 smalll for 5'8? Especially pregnant0
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Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.
This. And then add something about your boyfriend as you're walking away....0 -
You need to see a counselor. You need to speak to a professional, not strangers on the web. It sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship, or like you might have body dysmorphia, or some other issues.... What's clear is the situation isn't healthy.0
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Im totally frustrated with my husband. Im 20 weeks pregnant, i gained 5-6 pounds since i got pregnant (started at 123 lb now 128-129 for 5'8). I dont think i am fat, and i actually enjoy my pregnancy body, i dont feel like the rest of my body changed, beside bigger boubs and belly bump.
I am slight straight apple shape, but it never been an issue for me, i actually always liked my body, and always used to get compliments. My self esteem just dropped, even before getting pregnant, if i gain a pound or two, he will try to pinch on my waist or if i am naked he will tell me to look athim, stare at my belly/waist, for a little while, and i am juststanding therenaked , waiting/hoping for a compliment and he will say nothing. I f i ask him, he will just sigh and say: "nothing".
When i tried bringing it up, that it bothers me, he just turns the whole thing into a joke, saying, " im just teasing you are being super sensitive" or that i should know that he adores my body and that i used to model before so i shouldnt even question how attractive i am.
But i dont want to be attractive to others or to fashionmagazine or to other men, i want my own husband to compliment my body to not only pick on it.
Since i became pregnant, of course iam only getting thicker around my waist and my belly, so its getting worse. Today after athe silly fight, he tried making up with me, and he came over saying : well i am sorry my little whale, you actually not a whale, you were shaped as a tennis racket, now you look like a frog,....tahnk god you are pregnant of boy not a girl"
I just lost it, and started crying, he said come one im teasing you, and then decided thag i was jusg being dramatic and continued toact like nothkng was going on.
I cant even imagine how hard on me he is going tobe when i will gain more weight, orwill my body will change after the baby is born, what if im not stick skinny right away, or if I got stretch marks, or if my boubs saggs!
I really dont know what to do, it makes me want to stop eatkng completly so i wont gain another pound!!
Im sorry for the hormonal rant but i feel like im losign it and i dont know what to do anymore.
I'm not even going to read the other comments before I reply, so I'm sorry if this is redundant but here goes.
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY! Babies are a joyous occasion!
Alright, now...
First of all, and arguable most importantly, children are a product of their environment. Your son (I gathered you're pregnant with a boy?) will grow up with a father that treats women the way your husband is treating you. Do you want that? Is that OK to you? Do you want your son to look at his partner some day, much later on in life, and shake his head and sigh? No? Get him away from that. Now. Because he will turn out like his Father. It's a vicious circle.
Second of all, you need to eat and gain weight. Your son depends on it. His health depends on you eating and gaining weight, healthy weight mind you.
I can't believe this is even an issue. The tone of your whole post made it seem like, your husbands opinion > all.
No. your child comes first, you second, and your abusive husband dead last after the litter box.0 -
No. your child comes first, you second, and your abusive husband dead last after the litter box.
^^^^ THIS ^^^^
I'm not an abusive husband... but I am in that exact same pecking order. The kid first, the dog second, then, the wife... and if there's still a few minutes left in the day, me. That's just how life works. Some days the dog gets first priority. The boy is older now.
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