husband jokes' about my body
Replies
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to be honest actually just hearing about this pisses me off, you have nothing to worry about, he is just an idiot, you are creating a life within your body, what is he doing other than putting you down in your life? he is worthless, and i am sorry i am saying this because i know he is your husband but any man that treats a girl like this deserves to be hit, so what if u gained some weight, its not a big deal, it is all due to having the child in you, its good for you to gain the weight, and just keep your nutrient levels and stay hydrated, use coconut oil on the skin to help with u not to gain stretch marks if that will help ease you a little but next time he says anything just ignore him, he knows nothing!!!0
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Some people don't get it. He has a different sense of humor than you do, and what he finds amusing: you don't. Try to remind yourself that he doesn't mean anything by it. Ultimately also try to work thru the feelings you have about your body image.0
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Some people don't get it. He has a different sense of humor than you do, and what he finds amusing: you don't. Try to remind yourself that he doesn't mean anything by it. Ultimately also try to work thru the feelings you have about your body image.
See, I disagree that he doesn't mean anything by it. This is behavior designed to wreck self-esteem and increase dependence, implying that he tolerates it but she's clearly subpar. I don't know the OP's situation other than what has been said here but this, on its own, sounds very much like abuse. Putting her down, then making it HER fault that she's upset about it. All the while seeking her attention and praise. Bottom line is, even in the (imo) unlikely event that it really is just innocent joking around in his mind, she's made it clear that his 'jokes' are hurtful. Being dismissive of that isn't really any better. If you're hurting someone you love by something as pointless as a joke, then stop, because clearly you're the only one who thinks you're funny. That is just basic courtesy, especially in regards to someone you claim to love.
OP, is he controlling or manipulative in other ways? Does he, even in very subtle ways, try to keep you from dressing a certain way, seeing certain people etc? Like I said, I don't know your situation beyond what you've written here so I may be way off base, but if this is a pattern, it needs to be addressed before you find yourself isolated and completely dependent on him, especially since you'll have a child to consider, too.0 -
Thank you all for your messages and your advices. It actually made me feel way better. We live overseas, and all my family is in the US, but I will go away at least for the week end, I wont try to explain anything to him, just tell him that I need a break for a couple of days, we are supposed to be gettkng a heat wave over the weekend, so I will get some Quality me time before the work week starts.. Hopefully having some time by himself will makes him realize that his Jokes arent actually funny !!
I just cant belive he is sleeping soundly, no guilt or concern what so ever....grrrrrrrrr
A weekend for yourself may be a good thing. He won't realize that his "Jokes" aren't funny when you get home. As a man I can honestly say that we are not wired like that. Things need to be said and explained, or they will not be understood by both parties involved.
The book would make a good weekend read... I'm just sayin'...0 -
Thank you all for your messages and your advices. It actually made me feel way better. We live overseas, and all my family is in the US, but I will go away at least for the week end, I wont try to explain anything to him, just tell him that I need a break for a couple of days, we are supposed to be gettkng a heat wave over the weekend, so I will get some Quality me time before the work week starts.. Hopefully having some time by himself will makes him realize that his Jokes arent actually funny !!
I just cant belive he is sleeping soundly, no guilt or concern what so ever....grrrrrrrrr
A weekend for yourself may be a good thing. He won't realize that his "Jokes" aren't funny when you get home. As a man I can honestly say that we are not wired like that. Things need to be said and explained, or they will not be understood by both parties involved.
The book would make a good weekend read... I'm just sayin'...
Thank you for the suggestion, I looked up the book, and it looks like a great one.Unfortunatly we don't live in an english speaking country, I wil try to see if i can find a translation, otherwise, i will just wait a few weeks, as soon as I finish my 2nd trimestre, I am flying back home .
He is not controlling another aspects, but he is always needy of my attention, he always need my opinion , my help, my approval, ...i call it mediterranean boy syndrome, and he is obsessed with beauty and perfection at all time.
So to him, if i am dressed to T, nails, hair done, etc,... its just normal, looking good its just "part"of being a woman, but getting a zit, if i miss the gym, if my hair gets greasy... i am failling at my job as a woman.
The ways he picks on my body, he does it, when my lips get dry, if one of my nail breaks, if my hair is not done,... he needs to pinpoint any "negatif"change.
With pregnancy its worse, bc with the hormones, i do tend to break out now and then, i get tired and have to stay in bed for a day or two which translates to i just stayed in pyjama,...he will be supportive at first , but it will be smth like this : get some rest, listen to ur doctor and just lay down, ( in the course of the day), did your hair get greassier !? You are blue/pale/puffy why !? ( I AM SICK), ohh so you wont stay like that, but you really dont look good" if i give him a look, he says " its normal u are sick u wont look like Sofia Vergara 24/7". SO WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO WALK AROUND PINPOINTING ALL THAT IS "WRONG" WITH ME!?!?0 -
This is what I do. I tell him off every time he puts me down. Then I use that anger and workout. I make sure I make myself feel good. Uggghhhh0
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When unreasonably criticized I always try to think "I am a mirror, what does this person see in me that they feel bad about in themselves?" and then I ask the person how they feel about themselves in regards to their comment. If the person isn't willing to recognize that they are really seeing something they have a problem with and not something wrong with me, then I just tell them I feel sorry that they have such a negative view and wish them to get better. Sometimes people have issues and don't know how to deal with them except to lash out at someone else. And it really hurts when that someone is a person close to you.
It seems like he has body issues for himself and wants to make someone else feel the same or worse than he does. That's a ****ty way to work out his problem. If he doesn't want to accept that he needs to change the way he copes with his problem you will have to change how you react in order for him to not get the results he is looking for. Hopefully he can learn to attach a filter between his brain and his mouth. The way he focuses on flaws instead of on the beautiful things isn't a very happy or fulfilling thing. Focusing on what you have and showing gratitude is much more peaceful.
I hope you feel better0 -
I'm no expert on this, but it seems as if your husband sees you not as an individual, but as a reflection of himself and an accessory. Narcissist, because it is all about him, how others perceive him. And you are his pregnant wife/prop (bearing his boy-child) to make him took like the ultimate man, so you had better look great too.0
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He's being a jerk. Plain and simple.
Focus on the baby's health right now. Your baby needs you to feed him and help him grow. Ignore the comments or perhaps shoot some back at him
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I'm no expert on this, but it seems as if your husband sees you not as an individual, but as a reflection of himself and an accessory. Narcissist, because it is all about him, how others perceive him. And you are his pregnant wife/prop (bearing his boy-child) to make him took like the ultimate man, so you had better look great too.
Wow! What a great answer. Makes mine seem terrible, lol. But no, seriously, this is great advice.0 -
After your last post, some things are clearer. I agree with what everyone is saying that his behavior regarding this is unacceptable, but then I'm a liberated American female. It seems it is a cultural problem; he probably comes by this attitude from what he has witnessed his whole life and how he was raised. These things are hard to change. I'm not a marriage counselor, nor am I in your shoes. I think the likelihood of him changing is very slim. He is happy with himself and how he deals with you so there is no incentive for him to change. You are the unhappy one, so it will be up to you to change your attitude, your response to his attitude, or your situation. It doesn't seem fair, nor do I feel it is right, but it is the reality. We can only change the things we can control.
As most of us live where it is not acceptable, we must remember when giving advice that there are countries in this world where women have no rights some of your suggestions can lead to beatings, being cast-out, or worse.0 -
I have a great solution!! No more sex, no more bj's (if you do that ) and no more cooking for him!! That'll teach him not to mess with women about weight, especially pregnant women!!! 0
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Agree with claudiak.; you should be proud of your pregnancy and body!0
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I have read through every reply on here and I want a like button!!!! Just focus on you.. To be honest taking a few days out of the house might make you feel more in control of your emotions and may also give him time to realise what he is doing. Ask him how he would feel if you said he looks fat or got a wobbly bit!!! maybe he'll think twice. My friends husband id the same. He's not got a good body but if she puts on a few pound he'll tell her and she has to keep a size 0 figure to avoid these remarks. If my Hubby was like that he'd be out the door!!
Take care
S X0 -
As soon as you return to an English-speaking community, seek counseling to figure out why you married a man like this. And then figure out your options. Otherwise, you have signed up for a miserable life. I'm so sorry.0
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throw water on him.Thank you all for your messages and your advices. It actually made me feel way better. We live overseas, and all my family is in the US, but I will go away at least for the week end, I wont try to explain anything to him, just tell him that I need a break for a couple of days, we are supposed to be gettkng a heat wave over the weekend, so I will get some Quality me time before the work week starts.. Hopefully having some time by himself will makes him realize that his Jokes arent actually funny !!
I just cant belive he is sleeping soundly, no guilt or concern what so ever....grrrrrrrrr0 -
When your self esteem is intact - no amount of insults can get to you.0
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Well that's silly, how your husband is so pricky. Just have in mind that you must not forget that your actions do bigger influence on the baby, not husband, so it's stupid to talk like this 'to be beautiful for husband', when he acts like a total frog himself! Just have in mind, that all pregnant women are extremely beautiful and of course there's nothing wrong with teasing once in a while, but not that harshly! Everyone would go insane after few days of this! Just keep calm and have quality time for yourself and the little one.
People are so strange and obscure sometimes...0 -
step 1) buy a pair of steel toe boots
step 2) kick him hard in the goodie box
step 3) "stop being a whiny baby I was only kidding"
I am a mom of 5 after having a baby your body shape changes it will never be what it was pre pregnancy
during pregnancy it is a beautiful thing you are growing a life your child that make you a stunning beautiful creature
he is an *kitten* tell him I said he is an *kitten* he should be groveling right now and stop with his childish behavior
as your husband the father of the child he should be taking care of you
making certain that you are not experiencing extra stress
he should be telling you how fantastic you look
because no matter what the package looks like a pregnant woman is a miracle of nature and is beautiful
I also like the idea of taking off for a few days to your moms till he grows up leave him a note and say "not kidding Im gone till you straighten up" Do not tolerate this treatment for "love"0 -
This would be divorce for me. This is basically bullying and abusive behaviour.0
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step 1) buy a pair of steel toe boots
step 2) kick him hard in the goodie box
step 3) "stop being a whiny baby I was only kidding"
I am a mom of 5 after having a baby your body shape changes it will never be what it was pre pregnancy
during pregnancy it is a beautiful thing you are growing a life your child that make you a stunning beautiful creature
he is an *kitten* tell him I said he is an *kitten* he should be groveling right now and stop with his childish behavior
as your husband the father of the child he should be taking care of you
making certain that you are not experiencing extra stress
he should be telling you how fantastic you look
because no matter what the package looks like a pregnant woman is a miracle of nature and is beautiful
I also like the idea of taking off for a few days to your moms till he grows up leave him a note and say "not kidding Im gone till you straighten up" Do not tolerate this treatment for "love"
Came here to suggest this type of sensitivity training. I'm surprised it hasn't already happened to him given how hormonal pregnant women are. My wife punched me when she was pregnant, for a lot less than what he said.0 -
When your self esteem is intact - no amount of insults can get to you.
No amount of self esteem gives others the right to treat you poorly. Good self esteem helps to ensure that you don't feel like **** when others (who are supposed to love, honor and cherish you) treat you like ****.0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.
lol0 -
Emotional abuse at it's finest. If you want to put up with that, that's your prerogative. Did I read right you weight 120-something at 5'8"? That's underweight, for one. I don't understand.0
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I hate to say this but in my opinion it's only going to get worse if he 'gets away with it' now. You might get swollen feet, or a condition in your pelvis that means you're unable to walk, or any number of pregnancy-related conditions. And trust me, when you have a newborn baby in the house you will be lucky to have the time/energy to shower let alone do your hair and nails.
I worry about what he would do too with a child who does not conform to his ideals.
Is there anything you do like about this guy? You haven't said.
PS I would also check with your GP about when is best to fly if you're flying back to your family after your 2nd trimester. Some airlines ask for a letter from your midwife after a certain number of weeks.0 -
As someone that has been married forever to a man who never said a bad word about me getting really fat, thin and fat gain and now shrinking.. Same nice words if I am fat or thin. I would expect NO less ever. I am shaking my head wondering why you are putting up with him one more second. I personally would put some fear in him by taking some time alone and explaining why. If he ever puts you down again after a warning kick his manipulative butt to the curb. If he is so into perfection in your body and his what is he going to say about a slightly chunky toddler with their cute little fat thighs? Your a big girl and can walk away. A child he decided to erode their confidence cant.0
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:grumble:
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No one should call you a whale, a tennis racket or anything else. You're a person. More importantly, you're his wife and soon-to-be mother of his child. If you did have a daughter, can you imagine him nitpicking at her, making her cry, possibly giving her body image issues or an eating disorder, and constantly making her feel not good enough? If a friend told you that their husband was doing this, how would that make you feel? That's not fair or right... I agree about needing to set boundaries and clearly explain that calling you names, pinching you, and commenting negatively are not acceptable behaviours, but you have to first believe yourself that you have the right to set those boundaries and choose what you will and will not tolerate.
Best of luck...0 -
this is verbal abuse..simple as that. what he says makes you feel small and worthless and you have told him it hurts and he's still doing it ,that makes it verbal abuse in my opinion.0
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Honey, you've been inundated with advice and opinions here and probably don't need another... I can't help myself tho. Day in and day out I see girls and women living and breathing for one main purpose, to be noticed! Recognized! Complimented!! It's such a vicious mindset and only spirals downward... You aren't going to change your husband. But you can take control of this situation. Determine within your heart that YOU are a priority in your life. WHEN THIS SWEET BABY GETS HERE, HE OR SHE WILL DRAW THEIR OWN CONFIDENCE FROM THEIR MAMA. That's a big heavy load to lay on your shoulders, but there you have it. Beginning this moment, refuse to stand still for him to criticize and judge you. Also, I have to say that 2 wrongs never make a right. It is imperative that you never lower yourself to his actions. I'm guessing that his confidence is even lower than yours. I'm certainly not saying to pile on on the compliments to him. But if you notice that he looks especially nice, tell him! And never voice out loud your own body insecurities. Speak life, girl! It's your choice. Speak life and light or death and darkness. Bottom line, you can own this situation! When he speaks negative to you, walk away and refuse to respond. Refuse to moan and groan and make him say "oh honey I was just kidding". That gives him the upper hand. Don't absorb his negative comments! Rather, throw your shoulders back, chin up and let them bounce right off of you. YOU can be the person that will ultimately show your man the correct way to treat others. Before I end this, I must also say that in most situations like this, how your husband treats you will also be the way that he treats your children. You need to think long and hard about this. I wish you the very best.0
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