Is marriage still worth it?
Replies
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After 43 years of marriage, I have found that here is the way to make it last; always respect your partner, even when the two of you don't agree. Realize that passion dies but love lasts. Be kind, never say or do anything to deliberately hurt the other. Accept that you will have different interests and must have room for yourself as well as your partner. Do things together you both enjoy, do things separately or with friends if it's something that your partnerr doesn't care for. Be spontaneous. Be willing to give in. If you are wrong, admit it and apologize. Remember it's not all about you. Keep communications open, always. Be emotionally supportive. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, NEVER, EVER LIE.
Is it worth it?? Absolutely. To have your best friend at your side, to know he'll always be there for you, will have your back in all circumstances, in addition to the social and financial protection of legal marriage; yes. I would not live any other way.0 -
That is a great question that will have many different answers.
I was with my wife for 22 years. Didn't have any abnormal problems until I took very ill. Up to that point nobody would of ever thought of us getting a divorce as we had a perfect marriage. Circumstances and feelings can get the best of some and people change.
Marriage is really it a lottery now a days. I would hazard its more disposable that ever before.
Best thing of the marriage was the kids, so I don't regret it.0 -
I would love to have kids and spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend, but seeing so many people going through a divorce and what effect it has on the finances and kids I am not sure if I want to ever go down that route.
Any experience or advice would be greatly appreciated.
If you base your life solely on what you see happening to other people, you'd never accomplish anything. You wouldn't have that body in your profile pic because most people you see have never achieved that level of fitness.
Do you think it would your relationship would last? Will you one day be able to go through periods of not really liking your partner but be willing to work through those times and letting go of any petty resentments that might crop up?
It's not always easy to spend time with the same person day in and day out. Only you can know if it's worth a shot.0 -
Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.
The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.0 -
Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.
The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.
[/quote
This is sad.0 -
Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.
The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.
This is sad.
Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?
Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.0 -
No. With such a high rate of failure and with divorce being so expensive, I just don't see the point. Too many people get financially ruined by it. Sure, there are marriages that work out, but it's not like you need to get married in the first place to have a serious, committed relationship. Separating when you're not married can be just as emotionally devastating, but something about one party packing up their stuff and closing the door behind him and that being the end of it (other than child support if children are involved) can be a huge relief.0
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34 years and counting. The best thing I have ever done. We have laughed, cried, mourned and had a life together. I could not imagine my life without him. Even now after all these years, I still get a little giddy when I see him. My life is so much better because of him. Make the right decision for you but don't miss out...0
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It's a risk, one only you can decide if it worth taking for you. I have days where I want to walk away, even now. But I don't and I won't because I love my husband. **** happens every day, it's how you respond to it that makes a difference. No one sets out to get married just so they can get divorced. You've made it work so far so that piece of paper should not change it.0
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22 years married and it's worth it.0
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ehhhh....it's annoying sharing a bed i can't imagine sharing everything else.0
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noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Only worth it if you choose the right partner.
If you do, then it is one of the most magnificent and incredible relationships you can ever have.
If you choose wrong, it's just a very sad situation - for all involved.0 -
I've only been married two years, but I've learned a lot. I've learned that many people, especially in my generation (I'm 22) are in it for "me". I guess that's why we're known as the entitled generation. Unfortunately, this mindset is the exact reason why people get divorced. My husband and I have a child, and since she was born the fireworks, the spark...the nookie. Its just not the same. Its watered down. But from what I hear, that can be a very normal occurrence for couples. Basically, the marriages that last compared to the marriages that don't come down to the understanding that a lifelong partnership isn't all about intensity and passion. It's about companionship/friendship.0
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Marriage sucks, and it's hard. But it's also amazing and wonderful. It has lots of ups and downs. And people give up to easily on marriages now a days. But on the flip side, people stay in really bad ones too. I think it's all your state of mind.
Only you know if you are ready to be married or not... but I was with my husband 6 years before being married and we had one kid together prior to it... it's exactly the same as it was... marriage doesn't change anything. So really it has to be comfort level between you and your partner.
But... if you plan to have kids... being married is less of a life time commitment as having kids together. My husband has two from a previous marriage and they are adults and his ex is still in our lives on a weekly bases. And will be until we die probably, because we have a good relationship with the kids and they of course want both their parents around. So I would think harder about who I have kids with then I would about who I marry hehe.0 -
Marriage Isn’t For You
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
Seth Adam Smith / November 2, 20130 -
Marriage is only a signature on a paper. there is no need.0
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If and when you are ready, you will know it. I have also seen many friends get married and break up. I got married at 44. That was the right time for me.0
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I was married in 98 and am currently in the middle of a divorce that I never dreamed would happen to us. Our kids are 13 and 11. It is the hardest thing I've ever done but it was necessary. I am not against marriage I just think it takes so much work and most people want things to be easy If they have to work hard it's usually not worth it to them0
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I do not see the point of marriage0
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I guess it depends on how strong your relationship is. I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for nearly 6 so far. We have 2 children and our 3rd is due next Sun.
My parents have been married for 40 years this October, so I've grown up in a 'traditional' household and think relationships are worth working for. Of course there are times when relationships get tested, but it doesn't mean you have to get divorced.
My husband's mum has been married 3 times, but she got married at 17 first time, and she had my husband at 17. My husband pretty much grew up without his dad, and I think that's made him want to be here for his kids, and for me.
I love my husband very much and can't imagine life without him, and I really hate the thought of my kids not having 2 parents.
Kids of a divorced couple still have two parents. My ex and I split when my son was five. My ex is a great dad even if we weren't compatible as husband and wife.0 -
I believe in marriage. In love. In romance. I'm a softie, romantic!
And I'm divorced.
Marriage is certainly not for everyone and it is not easy. But I read an interview with an elderly couple that said the key to their long marriage is respect, support and you never hold a grudge. I think it's as simple as that. Obviously there is more needed...passion, laughter, etc....but those won't last long if the respect is not there. Unfortunately the internet and social media has not helped the respect aspect. People cross lines that shouldn't be crossed and it just opens a can of worms.
The irony is that I know many in 2nd marriages that are doing well. Maybe they've learned from the first what is really worth being upset about and also just what to look for. Many people get married early on because they feel a pressure to. Maybe they are at a certain age or they start wanting children. That makes you make choices that might not be great in the long run. Not always!!
You need to have a good foundation. These are the high stress years. Jobs, mortgages, children, recession..That puts a stress on even the strongest marriages. If the foundation is good..you'll get up and over the hump. If it's swiss cheese...It's probably not going to last...at least not without misery.0 -
Marriage Isn’t For You
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
Seth Adam Smith / November 2, 2013
This was a lovely story thanks for sharing.0 -
It really just depends on your relationship. Getting married to someone just because it's 'the right time" is ridiculous as is people who get married just for the wedding and don't think 3 years down the road. We've been happily married for almost 10 years but we were best friends before that. Obviously our looks have changed but our friendship is still at the core and while people say marriage doesn't change your relationship, it does. There is a trust and more love than you can imagine when you stand up and declare to each other that you are in it for forever. Maybe with people who think of divorce as either an option or an inevitability, marriage is nothing, but I can't imagine what my life would be like without my husband. I wouldn't want to.0
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I was married in 98 and am currently in the middle of a divorce that I never dreamed would happen to us. Our kids are 13 and 11. It is the hardest thing I've ever done but it was necessary. I am not against marriage I just think it takes so much work and most people want things to be easy If they have to work hard it's usually not worth it to them
I got married in 1998 as well. Though we split in 2006, my son is 12, so roughly the age your kids are now. It gets easier. It's so hard being in a bad marriage. Though, getting divorced is tough, once you are through the logistics and settle into a new definition of normal, you'll hopefully feel the benefits of living separately outweigh the thoughts about divorce and having had to start over.0 -
No one here can answer that question for you.
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No one here can answer that question for you.
This. Everyone has their reasons to or not to get married. It's something I'd like to do one day, but when and if I do, it will be because I want to spend my life with that person. Not for other reasons. I think getting married "because it's what people do" or going in with a mindset that you don't know how long it'll last or whether it'll be permanent, then it's not really worth it. Obviously there are reasons that marriage doesn't work out for some even if they're really committed, but in the end I think that's really important that you're doing it for the right reasons, not because you feel obligated or anything like that. If it's what you really want, it'll be worth it to you. But marriage does not equate to selfless love and devotion or something like that. I think people get the wrong idea sometimes. If you just want to stay in a relationship, common law or just in general, then I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. It doesn't change how much you love someone, but I think right now marriage is seen as a convenience and a disposable thing, and in that case- yeah, there will be a lot of divorces.0 -
Bump0
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I would love to have kids and spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend, but seeing so many people going through a divorce and what effect it has on the finances and kids I am not sure if I want to ever go down that route.
Any experience or advice would be greatly appreciated.
If you have to ask then you answered your own question. You are not ready. When you are ready and find the right person then you won't need to ask!0 -
D'awwww, that's so sweet! :flowerforyou:Marriage Isn’t For You
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
Seth Adam Smith / November 2, 20130
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