Is marriage still worth it?

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  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    After 43 years of marriage, I have found that here is the way to make it last; always respect your partner, even when the two of you don't agree. Realize that passion dies but love lasts. Be kind, never say or do anything to deliberately hurt the other. Accept that you will have different interests and must have room for yourself as well as your partner. Do things together you both enjoy, do things separately or with friends if it's something that your partnerr doesn't care for. Be spontaneous. Be willing to give in. If you are wrong, admit it and apologize. Remember it's not all about you. Keep communications open, always. Be emotionally supportive. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, NEVER, EVER LIE.

    Is it worth it?? Absolutely. To have your best friend at your side, to know he'll always be there for you, will have your back in all circumstances, in addition to the social and financial protection of legal marriage; yes. I would not live any other way.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
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    That is a great question that will have many different answers.

    I was with my wife for 22 years. Didn't have any abnormal problems until I took very ill. Up to that point nobody would of ever thought of us getting a divorce as we had a perfect marriage. Circumstances and feelings can get the best of some and people change.

    Marriage is really it a lottery now a days. I would hazard its more disposable that ever before.

    Best thing of the marriage was the kids, so I don't regret it.
  • Strokingdiction
    Strokingdiction Posts: 1,164 Member
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    I would love to have kids and spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend, but seeing so many people going through a divorce and what effect it has on the finances and kids I am not sure if I want to ever go down that route.

    Any experience or advice would be greatly appreciated.

    If you base your life solely on what you see happening to other people, you'd never accomplish anything. You wouldn't have that body in your profile pic because most people you see have never achieved that level of fitness.

    Do you think it would your relationship would last? Will you one day be able to go through periods of not really liking your partner but be willing to work through those times and letting go of any petty resentments that might crop up?

    It's not always easy to spend time with the same person day in and day out. Only you can know if it's worth a shot.
  • youdontknowwhatyousaw
    youdontknowwhatyousaw Posts: 221 Member
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    Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

    The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

    The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.
    [/quote









    This is sad.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

    The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.









    This is sad.

    Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?

    Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.
  • KingofWisdom
    KingofWisdom Posts: 229 Member
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    No. With such a high rate of failure and with divorce being so expensive, I just don't see the point. Too many people get financially ruined by it. Sure, there are marriages that work out, but it's not like you need to get married in the first place to have a serious, committed relationship. Separating when you're not married can be just as emotionally devastating, but something about one party packing up their stuff and closing the door behind him and that being the end of it (other than child support if children are involved) can be a huge relief.
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
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    34 years and counting. The best thing I have ever done. We have laughed, cried, mourned and had a life together. I could not imagine my life without him. Even now after all these years, I still get a little giddy when I see him. My life is so much better because of him. Make the right decision for you but don't miss out...
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    It's a risk, one only you can decide if it worth taking for you. I have days where I want to walk away, even now. But I don't and I won't because I love my husband. **** happens every day, it's how you respond to it that makes a difference. No one sets out to get married just so they can get divorced. You've made it work so far so that piece of paper should not change it.
  • Noogynoogs
    Noogynoogs Posts: 1,028 Member
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    22 years married and it's worth it.
  • myuhmaya
    myuhmaya Posts: 71 Member
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    ehhhh....it's annoying sharing a bed i can't imagine sharing everything else.
  • SEAFOODMAN
    SEAFOODMAN Posts: 342
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    noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :smile:
  • golfmanwl
    golfmanwl Posts: 69
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    Only worth it if you choose the right partner.

    If you do, then it is one of the most magnificent and incredible relationships you can ever have.

    If you choose wrong, it's just a very sad situation - for all involved.
  • ColeCake292012
    ColeCake292012 Posts: 247 Member
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    I've only been married two years, but I've learned a lot. I've learned that many people, especially in my generation (I'm 22) are in it for "me". I guess that's why we're known as the entitled generation. Unfortunately, this mindset is the exact reason why people get divorced. My husband and I have a child, and since she was born the fireworks, the spark...the nookie. Its just not the same. Its watered down. But from what I hear, that can be a very normal occurrence for couples. Basically, the marriages that last compared to the marriages that don't come down to the understanding that a lifelong partnership isn't all about intensity and passion. It's about companionship/friendship.
  • o0vibeke0o
    o0vibeke0o Posts: 11 Member
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    Marriage sucks, and it's hard. But it's also amazing and wonderful. It has lots of ups and downs. And people give up to easily on marriages now a days. But on the flip side, people stay in really bad ones too. I think it's all your state of mind.

    Only you know if you are ready to be married or not... but I was with my husband 6 years before being married and we had one kid together prior to it... it's exactly the same as it was... marriage doesn't change anything. So really it has to be comfort level between you and your partner.

    But... if you plan to have kids... being married is less of a life time commitment as having kids together. My husband has two from a previous marriage and they are adults and his ex is still in our lives on a weekly bases. And will be until we die probably, because we have a good relationship with the kids and they of course want both their parents around. So I would think harder about who I have kids with then I would about who I marry hehe.
  • golfmanwl
    golfmanwl Posts: 69
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    Marriage Isn’t For You


    Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

    Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

    I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

    Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

    Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

    Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

    My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

    It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

    My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

    No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

    Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

    But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

    I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

    To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

    And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

    Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.


    Seth Adam Smith / November 2, 2013
  • MissSaturday
    MissSaturday Posts: 784 Member
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    Marriage is only a signature on a paper. there is no need.
  • opalsqueak007
    opalsqueak007 Posts: 433 Member
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    If and when you are ready, you will know it. I have also seen many friends get married and break up. I got married at 44. That was the right time for me.
  • chelstakencharge
    chelstakencharge Posts: 1,021 Member
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    I was married in 98 and am currently in the middle of a divorce that I never dreamed would happen to us. Our kids are 13 and 11. It is the hardest thing I've ever done but it was necessary. I am not against marriage I just think it takes so much work and most people want things to be easy If they have to work hard it's usually not worth it to them
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    I do not see the point of marriage

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