Any child free peeps on MFP?

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Replies

  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    BTW, I would defend anyone who is childless by choice. I, in general, believe that people should have the right to be, do, live, etc. as they want.
  • NetflixFitness87
    NetflixFitness87 Posts: 25
    Your mom wishes she was child free :)

    I have been reading these comments and this made me LOL! :laugh:

    One of my besties is CHILD-FREE and she gets harassed all the time. She has also been with her b/f for 7 years or so and so there is of course, when are you getting married comment. To each their own I say! I am sure she dreads the day they do marry because I am sure the "when are you having kids" question will pop up more often. I never understood why people push for other couples to make these decisions. If they are happy, they are happy. They dont' need your advice. She has also told me that she doesn't want children, I respect that.

    The same can be said for me who divorced 10 years ago, I am asked non-stop, when are you going to re-marry! :huh:

    Also my boyfriend is childless (37 yr old) but accepts that I would like to remain BABY-FREE since my kids are older. Maybe I should start that thread. :wink:

    Cheers, fun topic to read and interesting responses all around. We all have to do what makes us happy!
  • shapefitter
    shapefitter Posts: 900 Member
    BTW, I would defend anyone who is childless by choice. I, in general, believe that people should have the right to be, do, live, etc. as they want.

    Thank you.
    Thank you.
    Thank you.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    There are so many factors that go into the choices we make. People that choose not to have kids for environmental reasons have other deeper more personal reasons as well why they do not want to birth children. Adopting and fostering is a very important and involved job that should not be entered into lightly or by every person. It is a commitment that a person needs to be certain is right for them and the child(ren). Pre-counseling may determine that it isn't. Some people have an instinctual drive, influences from family or their upbringing. We are humans, learning as we go along, from all of our life experiences. I had a very strong drive to be a mother when I was young. I have since reflected on the many origins of that. Personally, I learned a lot from motherhood that was important to me personally (but would not be for other people). I have 2, and have made the firm and solid decision to never be pregnant or birth any more children.

    I think it's sad if a person experiences difficulty from their child free choice.

    I wish people could respect each other. Respect a child free choice. And be respectful to children and parents.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member

    I'm child free by choice, not because I never wanted to have children of my own, but because society today seems like such a terrible environment to raise kids in, what with all the mass school shootings, terrorism, etc. going on. Basically, I'm too chicken to have kids because of everything that's going on in the world today. And for that reason, I actively prevent it from happening.

    This partially contributes my choice to not have kids. Glad I am not the only one who thinks that way.
  • YesIAm17
    YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
    I planned on being child free by choice, but then it just happened. I was young. But I'm glad I was young because now I'm 36 and almost empty nesting, it's nice to have a house sitter/pet sitter when I go on vacation without having to hire one! lol

    I tell him all the time I had him just so I would have a free maid now that he is a teenager. (half joking)

    My boyfriend is strictly child free by choice, thinks babies are horrible parasites and the world is far too overpopulated and hopes for a massive catastrophe that leaves a clean slate, just the animals to inherit the planet.

    So your boyfriend hopes that you, him, your son, and everyone you know and love dies a horrific death?

    I wonder what a psychologist would say that that tells us about him? And what it tells us about anyone who would choose to be with him knowing that about him, and to expose their impressionable teenage child to him?

    I feel bad for your son :(
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
    Child free by choice here. Fiance is twice my age and has no kids/no desire to have children. :drinker:
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    I planned on being child free by choice, but then it just happened. I was young. But I'm glad I was young because now I'm 36 and almost empty nesting, it's nice to have a house sitter/pet sitter when I go on vacation without having to hire one! lol

    I tell him all the time I had him just so I would have a free maid now that he is a teenager. (half joking)

    My boyfriend is strictly child free by choice, thinks babies are horrible parasites and the world is far too overpopulated and hopes for a massive catastrophe that leaves a clean slate, just the animals to inherit the planet.

    So your boyfriend hopes that you, him, your son, and everyone you know and love dies a horrific death?

    I wonder what a psychologist would say that that tells us about him? And what it tells us about anyone who would choose to be with him knowing that about him, and to expose their impressionable teenage child to him?

    I feel bad for your son :(

    I think her boyfriend is probably referring to something like the biblical flood. Sometimes I think this planet needs a fresh start as well.
  • YesIAm17
    YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
    I planned on being child free by choice, but then it just happened. I was young. But I'm glad I was young because now I'm 36 and almost empty nesting, it's nice to have a house sitter/pet sitter when I go on vacation without having to hire one! lol

    I tell him all the time I had him just so I would have a free maid now that he is a teenager. (half joking)

    My boyfriend is strictly child free by choice, thinks babies are horrible parasites and the world is far too overpopulated and hopes for a massive catastrophe that leaves a clean slate, just the animals to inherit the planet.

    So your boyfriend hopes that you, him, your son, and everyone you know and love dies a horrific death?

    I wonder what a psychologist would say that that tells us about him? And what it tells us about anyone who would choose to be with him knowing that about him, and to expose their impressionable teenage child to him?

    I feel bad for your son :(

    I think her boyfriend is probably referring to something like the biblical flood. Sometimes I think this planet needs a fresh start as well.

    "leaves a clean slate, just the animals to inherit the planet. " <--- Think that is pretty clear and not at all what the bible says. Boyfriend doesn't seem to be referencing the bible or anything like it at all, just hoping for massive widespread death and destruction that leaves no humans. At least based on OPs paraphrasing.
  • HolaMonkey
    HolaMonkey Posts: 13 Member
    No kiddos. I'm happy with my life the way it is. So is my fiancé.
  • MrGonzo05
    MrGonzo05 Posts: 1,120 Member
    The world is terribly happy with one of me.
  • Lowland70
    Lowland70 Posts: 6 Member
    Yup - but obviously I'll change my mind (ask anyone they've told me often enough since I was 19 years old).:huh:

    Haha me too 43 now so I think the clock might be winding down on that one.
  • BobbiTracey
    BobbiTracey Posts: 53
    My mind is honestly quite boggled by these responses. I guess most people here do not know of "childfree by choice" being a thing?

    it's not the same as just not having kids, or having an empty nest because your children are older now...

    I think a lot of people would find you pretty mind boggling as well!
    I'm 18 and obviously have no kids yet. I'm an Aunty to three young ones and at my age that's quite enough for me! However, somewhere down the track I'd love to have a few kids of my own. Can I ask, out of curiosity of course, why did you choose not to have kids?
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    I planned on being child free by choice, but then it just happened. I was young. But I'm glad I was young because now I'm 36 and almost empty nesting, it's nice to have a house sitter/pet sitter when I go on vacation without having to hire one! lol

    I tell him all the time I had him just so I would have a free maid now that he is a teenager. (half joking)

    My boyfriend is strictly child free by choice, thinks babies are horrible parasites and the world is far too overpopulated and hopes for a massive catastrophe that leaves a clean slate, just the animals to inherit the planet.

    So your boyfriend hopes that you, him, your son, and everyone you know and love dies a horrific death?

    I wonder what a psychologist would say that that tells us about him? And what it tells us about anyone who would choose to be with him knowing that about him, and to expose their impressionable teenage child to him?

    I feel bad for your son :(

    I think her boyfriend is probably referring to something like the biblical flood. Sometimes I think this planet needs a fresh start as well.

    "leaves a clean slate, just the animals to inherit the planet. " <--- Think that is pretty clear and not at all what the bible says. Boyfriend doesn't seem to be referencing the bible or anything like it at all, just hoping for massive widespread death and destruction that leaves no humans. At least based on OPs paraphrasing.

    I just reread her comment and she didn't say it like that. And I was referencing the flood as an example. Quit being a douche.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Most likely won't have any human kiddos but do feel some guilt for not providing grandchildren. I'm open to my life and wishes changing, though. I don't think I'll ever want to actually create children, but if children end up in my future, I'd be happy to foster or adopt.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    The assumption being that those with large family do not adopt, foster, etc. because of having a large family.

    my angle: if one has a large family, i should hope to god it's large because you've adopted/fostered, and not because you've just made a bunch more people. having said that: make a bunch of kids if want. but plan and prepare for them. make sure you have the resources.

    down the street from my mother is a couple who has 7 kids. i've met them; they seem like super nice, good people. they own (at least) one business, big property, nice house, lots of stuff. as far as i can tell the oldest are off to college and the youngest are about in middle school. i never asked, but i've guessed they've adopted/fostered some of their kids, because mom and dad are white and a couple of the younger kids are mixed. even if none were adopted/fostered, i would still have no problem because (as far as i can tell) these younglings are not running around terrorizing the neighborhood, they're well fed/clothed, etc. prior to this family moving to the neighborhood there was a family two houses down who had 8 biological kids, college-age to age 3. they had a small house and apparently not as much resources, but the kids seemed exceptionally well cared-for and well-mannered. no problem there. elsewhere in my town there's a young mother on her own with 4 young kids and another on the way, daddy's in "treatment" (i.e. jail), and the 3-year-old likes to take off all his clothes and sit naked in a snowbank during outside playtime at Head Start, because he needs attention (this from his teacher @ HS). that's a problem.
    Just so you know I am not offended or upset with you or your opinion, I just like to have to think and be able to both support my opinions as well as seeing the "fallacies" in the position of people whose opinion is different from mine. Keeps me sharp in my old age :wink:

    GMTA even when they disagree
    :flowerforyou: :bigsmile: :drinker:
  • establishingaplace
    establishingaplace Posts: 301 Member
    The assumption being that those with large family do not adopt, foster, etc. because of having a large family.

    my angle: if one has a large family, i should hope to god it's large because you've adopted/fostered, and not because you've just made a bunch more people. having said that: make a bunch of kids if want. but plan and prepare for them. make sure you have the resources.

    down the street from my mother is a couple who has 7 kids. i've met them; they seem like super nice, good people. they own (at least) one business, big property, nice house, lots of stuff. as far as i can tell the oldest are off to college and the youngest are about in middle school. i never asked, but i've guessed they've adopted/fostered some of their kids, because mom and dad are white and a couple of the younger kids are mixed. even if none were adopted/fostered, i would still have no problem because (as far as i can tell) these younglings are not running around terrorizing the neighborhood, they're well fed/clothed, etc. prior to this family moving to the neighborhood there was a family two houses down who had 8 biological kids, college-age to age 3. they had a small house and apparently not as much resources, but the kids seemed exceptionally well cared-for and well-mannered. no problem there. elsewhere in my town there's a young mother on her own with 4 young kids and another on the way, daddy's in "treatment" (i.e. jail), and the 3-year-old likes to take off all his clothes and sit naked in a snowbank during outside playtime at Head Start, because he needs attention (this from his teacher @ HS). that's a problem.

    Bad parenting has nothing to do with the size of a family. And I would think any sane person, parent or not, would agree that bad parenting is a problem.
  • establishingaplace
    establishingaplace Posts: 301 Member
    My mind is honestly quite boggled by these responses. I guess most people here do not know of "childfree by choice" being a thing?

    it's not the same as just not having kids, or having an empty nest because your children are older now...

    I think a lot of people would find you pretty mind boggling as well!
    I'm 18 and obviously have no kids yet. I'm an Aunty to three young ones and at my age that's quite enough for me! However, somewhere down the track I'd love to have a few kids of my own. Can I ask, out of curiosity of course, why did you choose not to have kids?

    There are SO many different reasons people choose not to have children: dislike or children, rather focus on career and/or travel, spouse didn't want kids, history of mental health or medical issues, etc. etc. For me personally, it comes down to the fact that I have never once felt called to be a mother and knew when I was a kid myself that I was never going to have kids. I am possessive of my free time and would ignore/resent a child being there demanding it. I'm not convinced that actually having a child would change that for me or that a child is a great reward worth the sacrifices I would have to make. Raising a kid is a big deal! I think you really have to be 150% on board with what you're getting yourself into. Those who are make amazing and wonderful parents. They enjoy raising children, so they should be the ones doing so. Not someone like me who "might" change their mind if I happen to get pregnant (and I got sterilized to remove the possibility of an "oops").
  • kimacduff
    kimacduff Posts: 29
    My mind is honestly quite boggled by these responses. I guess most people here do not know of "childfree by choice" being a thing?

    it's not the same as just not having kids, or having an empty nest because your children are older now...

    I think a lot of people would find you pretty mind boggling as well!
    I'm 18 and obviously have no kids yet. I'm an Aunty to three young ones and at my age that's quite enough for me! However, somewhere down the track I'd love to have a few kids of my own. Can I ask, out of curiosity of course, why did you choose not to have kids?

    There are SO many different reasons people choose not to have children: dislike or children, rather focus on career and/or travel, spouse didn't want kids, history of mental health or medical issues, etc. etc. For me personally, it comes down to the fact that I have never once felt called to be a mother and knew when I was a kid myself that I was never going to have kids. I am possessive of my free time and would ignore/resent a child being there demanding it. I'm not convinced that actually having a child would change that for me or that a child is a great reward worth the sacrifices I would have to make. Raising a kid is a big deal! I think you really have to be 150% on board with what you're getting yourself into. Those who are make amazing and wonderful parents. They enjoy raising children, so they should be the ones doing so. Not someone like me who "might" change their mind if I happen to get pregnant (and I got sterilized to remove the possibility of an "oops").

    I agree. This was something I thought about since I was in my teens.This is an important decision to make. Someone's life is on the line here. Being the oldest of 4- I knew what it would take to take care of children from an early age. I decided that I might not have what it takes patience wise to be a good parent. I don't hate kids. I just didn't want any of my own.
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
    My mind is honestly quite boggled by these responses. I guess most people here do not know of "childfree by choice" being a thing?

    it's not the same as just not having kids, or having an empty nest because your children are older now...

    I think a lot of people would find you pretty mind boggling as well!
    I'm 18 and obviously have no kids yet. I'm an Aunty to three young ones and at my age that's quite enough for me! However, somewhere down the track I'd love to have a few kids of my own. Can I ask, out of curiosity of course, why did you choose not to have kids?

    There are SO many different reasons people choose not to have children: dislike or children, rather focus on career and/or travel, spouse didn't want kids, history of mental health or medical issues, etc. etc. For me personally, it comes down to the fact that I have never once felt called to be a mother and knew when I was a kid myself that I was never going to have kids. I am possessive of my free time and would ignore/resent a child being there demanding it. I'm not convinced that actually having a child would change that for me or that a child is a great reward worth the sacrifices I would have to make. Raising a kid is a big deal! I think you really have to be 150% on board with what you're getting yourself into. Those who are make amazing and wonderful parents. They enjoy raising children, so they should be the ones doing so. Not someone like me who "might" change their mind if I happen to get pregnant (and I got sterilized to remove the possibility of an "oops").

    I agree. This was something I thought about since I was in my teens.This is an important decision to make. Someone's life is on the line here. Being the oldest of 4- I knew what it would take to take care of children from an early age. I decided that I might not have what it takes patience wise to be a good parent. I don't hate kids. I just didn't want any of my own.

    I also agree with alphaloria. I've never felt any "motherly urges" right down to never having participated in nurturing fantasy play as a child--I nurtured animals but not baby dolls and never once pretended to be a mommy. I've never particularly liked children, even as a child, and as an adult I don't feel any want to have children even though I respect those who do make excellent parents. I like being an auntie and that's about as much interaction with kids as I can handle.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Most likely won't have any human kiddos but do feel some guilt for not providing grandchildren. I'm open to my life and wishes changing, though. I don't think I'll ever want to actually create children, but if children end up in my future, I'd be happy to foster or adopt.

    :heart:
  • xMrBunglex
    xMrBunglex Posts: 1,121 Member
    Married 21 years - we met in our early 20s.

    I've always felt that there are already too many people on the planet, and, being an atheist, I don't believe I'll spend eternity watching the lives of my descendants from a cloudy paradise after I'm gone.

    We decided we didn't want to be young parents, but maybe "someday" we'd have kids. Then as our 30s went by, and all of our friends started banging kids out, we realized we really had no desire to have one. Or any.

    Now in our early 40s, we might have a regret or two about not having them. For example, I feel pretty bad for my parents not getting grandkids. They tell me over & over that they're OK with it, but I still feel a little guilty. However, that's no reason to have kids!

    And the regrets don't really outweigh the benefits, in my personal opinion. The incredible pets we have (& have had), our savings accounts, vacations, our RV (yessss!), investments we've made, etc. We have friends & family that consider us selfish, and I suppose we are.

    But we're pretty damn happy!
  • lorigem
    lorigem Posts: 446 Member
    I guess I lucked out because my parents have 3 AMAZING grandchildren from my brother. I understand my mom would have liked to have grandkids from her only daughter but like Mr Bungle said, not a great reason to have them.

    And as for my in-laws - feel kind of bad for them. Two sons and no grandchildren. Though I might add that if we did have children, they wouldn't be able to take advantage quite so much as they are in England. So it still wouldn't have worked out.

    Regardless, I don't have children not because I don't like them but because I like my life the way it is. And I'd be a terrible mom - no maternal instinct whatsoever. I mean, we just got a new puppy and I'm scared to death that we are going to raise her to be a barking, whiny lunatic. I hope that's not the case :tongue:

    And to the great parents of the world (my brother and sister-in-law included), especially working parents, KUDOS for your hard work.
  • Skinny_Mocha
    Skinny_Mocha Posts: 208 Member
    Great thread - thanks for starting this. I had no idea there were so many like minded folks out there. I am currently surrounded by friends and family who are actively, purposely, procreating. I have to keep making younger friends to avoid baby prattle.
  • establishingaplace
    establishingaplace Posts: 301 Member
    Great thread - thanks for starting this. I had no idea there were so many like minded folks out there. I am currently surrounded by friends and family who are actively, purposely, procreating. I have to keep making younger friends to avoid baby prattle.

    I don't know where you live, but I know in NJ and PA there are childfree groups. There's one called No Kidding, which I think spans an area if not all of the US with local chapters. If you have access to MeetUp, that site might have a childfree group, or you could start one of your own. I started a MeetUp group a couple of years ago for couples that were 30+. We have a great core group of members who get together for hikes, dinners, happy hours, etc., and more stuff seems to happen outside of the official group than through the group.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member

    i don't go around turning my nose up at those who choose to reproduce (ok, a little: you have 4 kids? great: how many are adopted/fostered?? oh, you're just making more? :smh:). i know that i am in the minority. i know that reproducing is a basic human drive that is incredibly instinctual and fundamental to the human experience. not wanting to reproduce makes me the weird one. i'm okay with that. i'm weird for a lot of other reasons too, so i'm accustomed to the feeling. i also know that humans tend toward uncharitable judgment on things they don't understand, and weird minority incliniations are generally not well understood. i expect to get flak for not following the status quo, and i'm okay with that. humans are goofy critters.

    Are you kidding me? These aren't pets we're talking about here.

    1 adult + 1 adult = 2 people. you may make 2 people to replace those when they inevitably wear out. need more people in your family? adopt and/or foster. 2 ppl making >2 ppl is selfish when parentless children continue to suffer and the world is running of clean air and water. IMHO.

    So you don't want people judging you for not wanting to reproduce, but you're judging others for choosing to have biological children over fostering or adoption. They're not the same. Not even a little. When it comes to adoption and fostering, adopting an infant is the closest thing to having a biological child but they're still not at all the same. It costs thousands and thousands of dollars, can require leaving the country multiple times, additional money for prenatal care depending on the situation, and possible heartbreak if the birth mother changes her mind or things fall through for some other reason.

    Adopting or fostering a child isn't even in the same ballpark. You're talking about kids who have been abused, neglected, disappointed, and often act out because of it. No one wanting to be a parent hopes that their kids will grow up to be emotionally stunted and require intensive therapy to be a functional person. If you raise a child who requires it, of course you'll provide that and help them in whatever way you can, but no one intentionally raises a child that way. To suggest that it's selfish for people to have more than 2 kids rather than adopt or foster a child is completely absurd. Just as absurd as suggesting that someone who is "childfree" is selfish for not reproducing, or not fostering, or not adopting. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and even less are cut out for fostering or adopting a child (not a baby), which is unfortunately why so many fostered kids have such a hard time.
  • Dylllie
    Dylllie Posts: 72
    No children for this college girl!
  • PartyKardy
    PartyKardy Posts: 172 Member
    Child free fo life!


    I am actually just going to collect pet rabbits forever haha :D
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member

    i don't go around turning my nose up at those who choose to reproduce (ok, a little: you have 4 kids? great: how many are adopted/fostered?? oh, you're just making more? :smh:). i know that i am in the minority. i know that reproducing is a basic human drive that is incredibly instinctual and fundamental to the human experience. not wanting to reproduce makes me the weird one. i'm okay with that. i'm weird for a lot of other reasons too, so i'm accustomed to the feeling. i also know that humans tend toward uncharitable judgment on things they don't understand, and weird minority incliniations are generally not well understood. i expect to get flak for not following the status quo, and i'm okay with that. humans are goofy critters.

    Are you kidding me? These aren't pets we're talking about here.

    1 adult + 1 adult = 2 people. you may make 2 people to replace those when they inevitably wear out. need more people in your family? adopt and/or foster. 2 ppl making >2 ppl is selfish when parentless children continue to suffer and the world is running of clean air and water. IMHO.

    So you don't want people judging you for not wanting to reproduce, but you're judging others for choosing to have biological children over fostering or adoption. They're not the same. Not even a little. When it comes to adoption and fostering, adopting an infant is the closest thing to having a biological child but they're still not at all the same. It costs thousands and thousands of dollars, can require leaving the country multiple times, additional money for prenatal care depending on the situation, and possible heartbreak if the birth mother changes her mind or things fall through for some other reason.

    Adopting or fostering a child isn't even in the same ballpark. You're talking about kids who have been abused, neglected, disappointed, and often act out because of it. No one wanting to be a parent hopes that their kids will grow up to be emotionally stunted and require intensive therapy to be a functional person. If you raise a child who requires it, of course you'll provide that and help them in whatever way you can, but no one intentionally raises a child that way. To suggest that it's selfish for people to have more than 2 kids rather than adopt or foster a child is completely absurd. Just as absurd as suggesting that someone who is "childfree" is selfish for not reproducing, or not fostering, or not adopting. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and even less are cut out for fostering or adopting a child (not a baby), which is unfortunately why so many fostered kids have such a hard time.

    My older sister is adopted and she is a train wreck. I am happy with the two kids I have and the swimmers are out of the pool, but if I chosen to have more, there is ZERO chance I would ever adopted or fostered. My personal experience with adoption is such that I would not want to risk a repeat of the same thing. And yes, I am well aware that biological children can be train wrecks as well, but at least I would know their genetics and everything they have been through from the day they were born.

    Get off your hypocritical high horse mank32.
  • myuhmaya
    myuhmaya Posts: 71 Member
    I plan on having 7.

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