Why do people get so mean?

mactaffy84

Honestly, I think it is about time MFP moderators get more involved when people get so mean and disrespectful in these posts. It is a big turn off. You come for help, you come because you're scared about something, you come to reach out to your fellow man (or woman) because you hope to get some empathy or help or guidance or something. What happens far too often is that you are told you're a jerk, or wrong, or stupid, etc.

When have we, as a society, lost our ability to be courteous to our fellow human beings? Is the anonymity inherent in this site a reason to be so rude? You can disagree with someone without being horrible and disrespectful about it. And if you can't do that, maybe you should just ignore that particular post that ticks you off so much and move on!

What is so wrong about anecdotal observations? So many people want stuff "backed up with science" and scoff at these one-off stories, but sometimes, this leads to scientific discoveries. These "anecdotes" may be the next decade's "science"! And even if they are not, what harm is it to politely hear another person's experience? You might actually find something helpful and useful in it. And, if not, you're free to ignore it. No one is twisting your arm to do anything that you don't feel is healthy or right for you.

I wish that people would remember the "Golden Rule". Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Just my thought. Now, I suppose, comes more horrible behavior that we, as a species, have perfected.

jofjltncb6

The moderators deal with people who are truly mean. Consistently. (Interestingly enough, this very thread will likely become a casualty of the heavily-moderated environment that is the MFP forums.)

What you are calling "mean" sounds more like a difference of opinions. They generally won't deal with that...nor should they.

I'm more interested to know when we as a society lost our ability to have a disagreement with people without being called names for it.

ETA:
Some clues on the hunt for the background story:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1283974-it-starts-with-nutrition


And for completeness, here's a thread where she might be playing the role of "mean" person: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1276438-ughh


ETAM:
Also, contrary to popular cliche, I'm far more direct (and edgy) in real life than I am online...because I can judge the response better and because my audience is more narrowly defined.

Forty6and2

I wrote a blog post about the perspective of a "hater." It addresses your point about anecdotal "evidence"

If you care to check it out: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Forty6and2/view/-haters-why-we-do-what-we-do-657397

donyellemoniquex3

How to deal with mean people online:
1) Turn off computer / tablet / phone
2) Throw out computer / tablet / phone
3) Cancel Internet and phone / cellphone service

ew_david

I do wut I want

ThickMcRunFast

Usually when I am wrong, I want people to tell me I am wrong. So I can stop being wrong.

MyChocolateDiet

What happened?

sloth3toes

Gettin' in early, for mean people.

Iron_Feline

You don't think people who are wrong should be told they are wrong?

And that makes other mean? :noway:

mcafeekevin

I think you answer your own question "maybe you should just ignore that particular post that ticks you off so much and move on! ".

Haters will always hate, just say ****em and go on with life. Anyone can get their panties in a bunch over anything at any particular time, don't take it personal. Find the positive people and stick to them and let the negative people suck themselves all down to the bottom.

MyChocolateDiet

OP did someone try to tell you that you are wrong about something?

PurpleCupcakes01

What happened?

I don't know but I'm following so I can find out lol

Serah87

What she want's is that the "mean" people need to pat everybody on the back saying they'er, there, their, even if their ideal is dangerous, stupid and dumb. JS

eric_sg61

And if you can't do that, maybe you should just ignore that particular post that ticks you off so much and move on!

Or maybe start a thread complaining about it

MyChocolateDiet

And if you can't do that, maybe you should just ignore that particular post that ticks you off so much and move on!

Or maybe start a thread complaining about it

really i think she should tell us what happened. detailed. in her own words.

Serah87

Possible this thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1283974-it-starts-with-nutrition

Unknown

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MyChocolateDiet

^that's helpful but I think the OP should say it briefly. it's her bone to pick after all. she knows what she feels happened.

MelsAuntie

There is a HUGE difference in actually talking to a person face to face or on the phone, as opposed to posting something to the faceless, bodiless, web. There's little if any sense of an actual person out there on the other end, just a mob of unknown strangers, so one can say whatever the hell one wants to.

Unknown

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MyChocolateDiet

This is one of the most tightly moderated forums I've ever been on. Posts get removed all the time because they ruffle someone's feathers and offend delicate sensibilities. Most "mean" people here aren't mean, they are blunt and to the point, and don't blow smoke up people's a$$es by holding hands and telling them what they want to hear.
Actual MEAN-i.e. insulting, derogatory, racist, etc. posts get removed almost immediately.

Sometimes people hear things they don't want to. Or it wasn't presented in the way they wanted it to be. Life is hard.

Not always. Not if they are helping to "motivate" someone.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1278013-i-will-post-a-funny-status-a-day-here

BurntCoffee

I get it OP. I've seen it too.

mactaffy84

Nope, I have no problems with disagreements. A good "argument" is a fantastic way to put forth new and challenging ideas. That is how we learn and grow. But one doesn't have to be disrespectful about it.

Like the above respirator se to this question about turning off your tablet and cell phone..... How is being that sarcastic, to a question, helpful? I have to wonder what is going on in that individual's mind? Are they just in a bad mood today, or are they really one of those "mean" people, recognize it, and they are taking offense to the question? Kind of one of those best defense is a good offense type of thing?

I know perfectly well that I can choose to stop using this site if I wish. And I also know perfectly well that what I may consider "mean" behavior, others may not. And quite possibly, "mean" may not have been the best descriptive word. But why is it so easy to jump to sarcasm, far-fetched examples, obviously unhelpful comments, etc.? And nothing has happened to me; I was just reading some threads and felt bad for some of the OPs who clearly were asking for help and were subsequently being berated for their questions or postings or whatever.

Just sad to me, I guess. Or maybe I was completely wrong about the intentions of MFP. I thought it was a community for mutual support. Which yes, of course, includes disagreements. I was hoping to find a place where so much rudeness didn't exist.

Cranquistador

i do not think mean is what you think it is.

I think letting someone believe something that is clearly false and going to hinder his/her progress mean.

1princesswarrior

Possible this thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1283974-it-starts-with-nutrition

It starts here and goes back to the forum the OP posted a couple of weeks ago

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1267509-why-do-people-seem-to-bash-healthy-eating

that turned into a train wreck of clean eating, iifym, etc., etc., etc., argument and rolled once because apparently nobody understood her question but her

MyChocolateDiet

Nope, I have no problems with disagreements. A good "argument" is a fantastic way to put forth new and challenging ideas. That is how we learn and grow. But one doesn't have to be disrespectful about it.

Like the above respirator se to this question about turning off your tablet and cell phone..... How is being that sarcastic, to a question, helpful? I have to wonder what is going on in that individual's mind? Are they just in a bad mood today, or are they really one of those "mean" people, recognize it, and they are taking offense to the question? Kind of one of those best defense is a good offense type of thing?

I know perfectly well that I can choose to stop using this site if I wish. And I also know perfectly well that what I may consider "mean" behavior, others may not. And quite possibly, "mean" may not have been the best descriptive word. But why is it so easy to jump to sarcasm, far-fetched examples, obviously unhelpful comments, etc.? And nothing has happened to me; I was just reading some threads and felt bad for some of the OPs who clearly were asking for help and were subsequently being berated for their questions or postings or whatever.

Just sad to me, I guess. Or maybe I was completely wrong about the intentions of MFP. I thought it was a community for mutual support. Which yes, of course, includes disagreements. I was hoping to find a place where so much rudeness didn't exist.

Oh i see so nothing happened to you, so you are doing this on behalf of other people who posted threads? Who are not you?

1pandabear

I think you answer your own question "maybe you should just ignore that particular post that ticks you off so much and move on! ".

Haters will always hate, just say ****em and go on with life. Anyone can get their panties in a bunch over anything at any particular time, don't take it personal. Find the positive people and stick to them and let the negative people suck themselves all down to the bottom.

Agreed. And you can also pull down the little arrow beside the name and select "Ignore this user"

skinnyinnotime

Oh dear. Here we go, again...

BurntCoffee

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

PikaKnight

Nope, I have no problems with disagreements. A good "argument" is a fantastic way to put forth new and challenging ideas. That is how we learn and grow. But one doesn't have to be disrespectful about it.

Like the above respirator se to this question about turning off your tablet and cell phone..... How is being that sarcastic, to a question, helpful? I have to wonder what is going on in that individual's mind? Are they just in a bad mood today, or are they really one of those "mean" people, recognize it, and they are taking offense to the question? Kind of one of those best defense is a good offense type of thing?

I know perfectly well that I can choose to stop using this site if I wish. And I also know perfectly well that what I may consider "mean" behavior, others may not. And quite possibly, "mean" may not have been the best descriptive word. But why is it so easy to jump to sarcasm, far-fetched examples, obviously unhelpful comments, etc.? And nothing has happened to me; I was just reading some threads and felt bad for some of the OPs who clearly were asking for help and were subsequently being berated for their questions or postings or whatever.

Just sad to me, I guess. Or maybe I was completely wrong about the intentions of MFP. I thought it was a community for mutual support. Which yes, of course, includes disagreements. I was hoping to find a place where so much rudeness didn't exist.

Welcome to the Internet..and in a sense..life.

If you find these forums "rude" and "mean"...then I highly suggest just keeping to your own friend's list, facebook, and never venturing into any other forums..especially gaming forums. I've heard wedding and maternity ones are 100x worse than here as well.

PikaKnight

Oh dear. Here we go, again...

Right? It's another Bingo kind of MFP day it seems.