Why do people get so mean?

1911JR

yaaawwwwnnnnnn.....

stephe1987

There are always going to be people on here who are in a bad mood, looking for an argument, etc. This is the Internet, after all. You just have to learn to ignore these people.

angie007az

Just ignore them. They are looking for attention.

millerll

I've been on this site for 4 years, and I've seen mean. And the few times someone has been genuinely cruel, other members usually jump down their throats pretty quickly. Because we just don't like "mean" here. And the mods take care of anyone who is a repeat offender, so this site tends to be pretty easy going.

Have I seen snark, sarcasm, and verbal smackdowns? You bet. Usually when the poster is spouting nonsense that has no basis in science (you know - that thing you seem to consider trivial) that can potentially cause harm to another member. I doesn't help when you see the same thread topics day in and day out: Atkins, keto, low-carb, no-carb, Dr. Oz. What should my macros be? Should I eat my exercise calories? Why aren't I losing on 1200 calories a day? How do I get a thigh gap? Will this cleanse work?

And on, and on, and on..........Really, if people would learn to use the damn Search function, we'd all be a lot more patient. But mean? No, not even close.

wheird

The people here aren't mean; they're smug. It's a small difference, but significant enough that they'll never admit to being mean, only correct, so I wouldn't waste your breath.

I would argue that we're not even smug. (Yes, I'm grouping myself into the "mean people" group because I can't tell you how many times I've been called mean over the past few days for trying to help somebody.) When we try to give advice to people and they just think they're so special that it doesn't apply to them, it gets grating. On top of that, we're called "haters," "meanies," and (my personal favorite) "lunatics."

That's certainly fair. Neither description takes any skin off my nose, though it's equally grating to see people so constantly up-in-arms at being annoyed by people. I never understand why the people accused of being mean are so quick to tell others to click the ignore button, but never consider ignoring the people who are annoying them. I assume it's because one party thinks its better than the other, and thus we have smug.

It is true. I really do think I'm better than most people.

AtticWindow

Actually, I think "sourpuss" might be more appropriate than "mean"; mean suggests an aggression you don't really see before it gets locked by moderators. It's more like, "Hey, you clean eating kids, get off my lawn, rabble rabble!" and then equally sourpuss clean eating kids sulking away.

MyChocolateDiet

I've been on this site for 4 years, and I've seen mean. And the few times someone has been genuinely cruel, other members usually jump down their throats pretty quickly. Because we just don't like "mean" here. And the mods take care of anyone who is a repeat offender, so this site tends to be pretty easy going.

Have I seen snark, sarcasm, and verbal smackdowns? You bet. Usually when the poster is spouting nonsense that has no basis in science (you know - that thing you seem to consider trivial) that can potentially cause harm to another member. I doesn't help when you see the same thread topics day in and day out: Atkins, keto, low-carb, no-carb, Dr. Oz. What should my macros be? Should I eat my exercise calories? Why aren't I losing on 1200 calories a day? How do I get a thigh gap? Will this cleanse work?

And on, and on, and on..........Really, if people would learn to use the damn Search function, we'd all be a lot more patient. But mean? No, not even close.

This is actually a good point. I haven't been here as long as her but when someone is outright mean, it gets reported a lot by many people watching and is handled fast. Real "mean" does occur but the general community here does not support it or tolerate it.

BurntCoffee

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

You literally just made a conclusion about a group of people based on your personal interpretation of responses to threads. That's rather judgemental.

So wait, what was it you just did? Nevermind, I don't feel like humoring you. You shall not be validated this day. Nope.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I've been on this site for 4 years, and I've seen mean. And the few times someone has been genuinely cruel, other members usually jump down their throats pretty quickly. Because we just don't like "mean" here. And the mods take care of anyone who is a repeat offender, so this site tends to be pretty easy going.

Have I seen snark, sarcasm, and verbal smackdowns? You bet. Usually when the poster is spouting nonsense that has no basis in science (you know - that thing you seem to consider trivial) that can potentially cause harm to another member. I doesn't help when you see the same thread topics day in and day out: Atkins, keto, low-carb, no-carb, Dr. Oz. What should my macros be? Should I eat my exercise calories? Why aren't I losing on 1200 calories a day? How do I get a thigh gap? Will this cleanse work?

And on, and on, and on..........Really, if people would learn to use the damn Search function, we'd all be a lot more patient. But mean? No, not even close.

This is true.

When the bb.com guys came in and started calling women whales and such the regulars were all over that. True cruelty isn't tolerated here.

tgrey4

I get it, OP. I agree. I've only posted minimally in the forums for this exact reason. People tell me that if I get upset, it's my own fault, that I should leave or "turn off your computer/phone" if you don't want to hear what others have to say. For example, I once posted, mildly complaining, about how identical both the "regular" and "diet" versions of a drink looked and how, in a moment rushing to get through the store, bought the wrong one! I was upset, and just wanted to vent a little. I thought others would empathize and just reaffirm the importance of making conscientious choices, but no. I got a lot of bodybuilder types telling me that I should READ. As if I don't...? Anyway. I agree, hon.

MinMin97

Oh I LOVE these threads!!

_HeartsOnFire_

Good grief here we again.

Just because people don't agree with an OP, it doesn't mean that they're mean or smug - some of us have been at this a long time, and have done a *kitten* ton of research and have learnt from others on this site. So, if you're going to post:

- but aren't logging or weighing food
-or you're eating ridiculously low calories
- or you try to sell me something
- or if you write a post as fact, when it's clearly incorrect

then I'd expect people to correct you, to give you advice, to tell you not to do X but to do Y instead. Some folks just don't sugar coat that - we're all adults here (have to be over 18) so I don't think the majority of us need info sugar coated.

Agree because if you sugar coat *kitten* it's still just *kitten*.

Also, it's like a game we played in my 2nd grade class called telephone. We all sat in a circle. One person would whisper a secret to the next and so on until it got back to the first person. It would NEVER be what the person originally said either, because it's all about perception. What one person says another perceives different and someone else will perceive that also very differently.

wheird

I get it, OP. I agree. I've only posted minimally in the forums for this exact reason. People tell me that if I get upset, it's my own fault, that I should leave or "turn off your computer/phone" if you don't want to hear what others have to say. For example, I once posted, mildly complaining, about how identical both the "regular" and "diet" versions of a drink looked and how, in a moment rushing to get through the store, bought the wrong one! I was upset, and just wanted to vent a little. I thought others would empathize and just reaffirm the importance of making conscientious choices, but no. I got a lot of bodybuilder types telling me that I should READ. As if I don't...? Anyway. I agree, hon.

Welcome to MFP, you are judgmental.

MelodyandBarbells

How to deal with mean people online:
1) Turn off computer / tablet / phone
2) Throw out computer / tablet / phone
3) Cancel Internet and phone / cellphone service

Sorry, OP, I don't think you can be helped if this is your example of a mean post! I really think you need to relax a little and exercise your sense of humor

BurntCoffee

OP, Don't let these forums get to you. It's just not worth giving your energy to. Everyone has different communication styles and when people are passionate about diets, politics, and religion someone is bound to get their feelings hurt. When you post something just count on someone trying to be more right than anyone else or trying to make you feel stupid. But when you post opinions on here don't expect people to agree with you. It's really just the nature of the beast. Don't get too worked up over it. These people really matter very little in your daily life so don't give it too much of your energy. Use that energy to be a better you. You can't fix other people.

Good luck.

tgrey4

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

I 100% agree. Snark = passive aggression.

An aside: I feel like passive aggression is especially geographically regional in real life, and on myfitnesspal, regional in the sense of people's goals. I.E., the bodybuilders who must count every single number perfectly are more likely to be passive aggressive than people like me or a mother looking to lose 20 pounds, or a casual runner just keeping track of things. Does that make sense? Out of some perceived superiority, people feel they can be passively aggressive.

PikaKnight

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

You literally just made a conclusion about a group of people based on your personal interpretation of responses to threads. That's rather judgemental.

So wait, what was it you just did? Nevermind, I don't feel like humoring you. You shall not be validated this day. Nope.

They never claimed not to do so....while you...well, it became a pot meet kettle type of situation.

wheird

OP, Don't let these forums get to you. It's just not worth giving your energy to. Everyone has different communication styles and when people are passionate about diets, politics, and religion someone is bound to get their feelings hurt. When you post something just count on someone trying to be more right than anyone else or trying to make you feel stupid. But when you post opinions on here don't expect people to agree with you. It's really just the nature of the beast. Don't get too worked up over it. These people really matter very little in your daily life so don't give it too much of your energy. Use that energy to be a better you. You can't fix other people.

Good luck.

Nice little smug jab at the end there.

tgrey4

I get it, OP. I agree. I've only posted minimally in the forums for this exact reason. People tell me that if I get upset, it's my own fault, that I should leave or "turn off your computer/phone" if you don't want to hear what others have to say. For example, I once posted, mildly complaining, about how identical both the "regular" and "diet" versions of a drink looked and how, in a moment rushing to get through the store, bought the wrong one! I was upset, and just wanted to vent a little. I thought others would empathize and just reaffirm the importance of making conscientious choices, but no. I got a lot of bodybuilder types telling me that I should READ. As if I don't...? Anyway. I agree, hon.

Welcome to MFP, you are judgmental.

S'up.

Forty6and2

How to deal with mean people online:
1) Turn off computer / tablet / phone
2) Throw out computer / tablet / phone
3) Cancel Internet and phone / cellphone service

Sorry, OP, I don't think you can be helped if this is your example of a mean post! I really think you need to relax a little and exercise your sense of humor

How many calories can I burn by exercising my sense of humor?