Why do people get so mean?

jofjltncb6

Nope, I have no problems with disagreements. A good "argument" is a fantastic way to put forth new and challenging ideas. That is how we learn and grow. But one doesn't have to be disrespectful about it.

Like the above respirator se to this question about turning off your tablet and cell phone..... How is being that sarcastic, to a question, helpful? I have to wonder what is going on in that individual's mind? Are they just in a bad mood today, or are they really one of those "mean" people, recognize it, and they are taking offense to the question? Kind of one of those best defense is a good offense type of thing?

I know perfectly well that I can choose to stop using this site if I wish. And I also know perfectly well that what I may consider "mean" behavior, others may not. And quite possibly, "mean" may not have been the best descriptive word. But why is it so easy to jump to sarcasm, far-fetched examples, obviously unhelpful comments, etc.? And nothing has happened to me; I was just reading some threads and felt bad for some of the OPs who clearly were asking for help and were subsequently being berated for their questions or postings or whatever.

Just sad to me, I guess. Or maybe I was completely wrong about the intentions of MFP. I thought it was a community for mutual support. Which yes, of course, includes disagreements. I was hoping to find a place where so much rudeness didn't exist.

I don't think that was sarcasm.

When I find that I'm getting my feathers a little too ruffled I switch off my computer and go do something else.

There's also an ignore feature, if you click the arrow underneath a poster's avatar.

MFP is a community like any other-- there are all personality types here. There are lots of people who prefer a soft approach, as you seem to do. There are many others who prefer sarcasm/bluntness. My advice is to take the feedback that suits your personality type and ignore the rest.

Nah, don't do this^. It's more fun when people who have a different style of communicating in public make entire threads calling out others for not being like them. Bonus points if you call them names while doing it (and not just "mean" and "unhelpful" and other vague terms like that).

_Terrapin_

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

There are thread posts which come up repeatedly; ie, sugar, Paleo, banana girl, and for some who've been on here for while(more then a year) it is like Groundhog Day. The vast majority of people on here will call someone out when they post material which misleads others; ie--I gained muscle mass while eating a deficit. Hope this helps.

futurejedi

haven't you heard the birds the word

AtticWindow

The people here aren't mean; they're smug. It's a small difference, but significant enough that they'll never admit to being mean, only correct, so I wouldn't waste your breath.

BurntCoffee

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

Forty6and2

The people here aren't mean; they're smug. It's a small difference, but significant enough that they'll never admit to being mean, only correct, so I wouldn't waste your breath.

I would argue that we're not even smug. (Yes, I'm grouping myself into the "mean people" group because I can't tell you how many times I've been called mean over the past few days for trying to help somebody.) When we try to give advice to people and they just think they're so special that it doesn't apply to them, it gets grating. On top of that, we're called "haters," "meanies," and (my personal favorite) "lunatics."

jofjltncb6

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

I based my analysis entirely on your judgmental post...

...because you reached a conclusion about certain people and what it says about them as people based entirely on the style of their posts. That's a judgment...(and IMHO a remarkably flawed one at that).


(edit: to fix the plurality of my object)

snazzyjazzy21

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

You literally just made a conclusion about a group of people based on your personal interpretation of responses to threads. That's rather judgemental.

TheNoLeafClover

What is so wrong about anecdotal observations? So many people want stuff "backed up with science" and scoff at these one-off stories, but sometimes, this leads to scientific discoveries. These "anecdotes" may be the next decade's "science"! And even if they are not, what harm is it to politely hear another person's experience? You might actually find something helpful and useful in it. And, if not, you're free to ignore it. No one is twisting your arm to do anything that you don't feel is healthy or right for you.

Please read any of the following for an explanation of what is wrong with anecdotal observations:
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-anecdotal-evidence.htm
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/the-role-of-anecdotes-in-science-based-medicine/
http://osmosis-online.com/2010/01/09/seeing-is-not-always-believing-why-anecdotal-evidence-is-not-proof/

MyChocolateDiet

This is one of the most tightly moderated forums I've ever been on. Posts get removed all the time because they ruffle someone's feathers and offend delicate sensibilities. Most "mean" people here aren't mean, they are blunt and to the point, and don't blow smoke up people's a$$es by holding hands and telling them what they want to hear.
Actual MEAN-i.e. insulting, derogatory, racist, etc. posts get removed almost immediately.

Sometimes people hear things they don't want to. Or it wasn't presented in the way they wanted it to be. Life is hard.

Not always. Not if they are helping to "motivate" someone.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1278013-i-will-post-a-funny-status-a-day-here

Did you report the offending post? (I didn't read the thread)

No, this time I decided to do an experiment and see if anyone else reports it. Apparently I am the only mexican on this site? and/or the only person who thought a racial joke was innapropriate? *shrugs*

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

Can you really not see how your post was judgmental? You are saying that anyone who responds with snark is passive aggressive and that their snark proves that they need validation. That's a judgment.

snazzyjazzy21

This is one of the most tightly moderated forums I've ever been on. Posts get removed all the time because they ruffle someone's feathers and offend delicate sensibilities. Most "mean" people here aren't mean, they are blunt and to the point, and don't blow smoke up people's a$$es by holding hands and telling them what they want to hear.
Actual MEAN-i.e. insulting, derogatory, racist, etc. posts get removed almost immediately.

Sometimes people hear things they don't want to. Or it wasn't presented in the way they wanted it to be. Life is hard.

Not always. Not if they are helping to "motivate" someone.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1278013-i-will-post-a-funny-status-a-day-here

Did you report the offending post? (I didn't read the thread)

No, this time I decided to do an experiment and see if anyone else reports it. Apparently I am the only mexican on this site? and/or the only person who thought a racial joke was innapropriate? *shrugs*

I read the first four jokes and didn't finish the rest. I had a feeling the 'quality' of jokes would only decrease...

brower47

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

I based my analysis entirely on your judgmental post...

...because you reached a conclusion about certain people and what it says about them as people based entirely on the style of their posts. That's a judgment...(and IMHO a remarkably flawed one at that).


(edit: to fix the plurality of my object)

It's funny because its true.

PikaKnight

Snarky comments are nothing more than passive aggressiveness. It really says a lot about that persons need to feel validated.

You seem remarkably judgmental...and so definitive about it too.

I guess that really says a lot about the type of person your are.




(Did I do this right? Reach a conclusion based on something as simple as a subjective style in an online forum? I hope I did it right...)

No, not really. Why would you think I am judgemental?

I based my analysis entirely on your judgmental post...

...because you reached a conclusion about certain people and what it says about them as people based entirely on the style of their posts. That's a judgment...(and IMHO a remarkably flawed one at that).


(edit: to fix the plurality of my object)

MyChocolateDiet

This is one of the most tightly moderated forums I've ever been on. Posts get removed all the time because they ruffle someone's feathers and offend delicate sensibilities. Most "mean" people here aren't mean, they are blunt and to the point, and don't blow smoke up people's a$$es by holding hands and telling them what they want to hear.
Actual MEAN-i.e. insulting, derogatory, racist, etc. posts get removed almost immediately.

Sometimes people hear things they don't want to. Or it wasn't presented in the way they wanted it to be. Life is hard.

Not always. Not if they are helping to "motivate" someone.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1278013-i-will-post-a-funny-status-a-day-here

Did you report the offending post? (I didn't read the thread)

No, this time I decided to do an experiment and see if anyone else reports it. Apparently I am the only mexican on this site? and/or the only person who thought a racial joke was innapropriate? *shrugs*

I read the first four jokes and didn't finish the rest. I had a feeling the 'quality' of jokes would only decrease...

lol/ it did, and toward the bottom was the racial one. but nevermind...everyone is being SO SUPPORTIVE in that thread and LOLing it up. i wonder if that 's the kind of unconditional support this OP seeks?

psych101

Good grief here we again.

Just because people don't agree with an OP, it doesn't mean that they're mean or smug - some of us have been at this a long time, and have done a *kitten* ton of research and have learnt from others on this site. So, if you're going to post:

- but aren't logging or weighing food
-or you're eating ridiculously low calories
- or you try to sell me something
- or if you write a post as fact, when it's clearly incorrect

then I'd expect people to correct you, to give you advice, to tell you not to do X but to do Y instead. Some folks just don't sugar coat that - we're all adults here (have to be over 18) so I don't think the majority of us need info sugar coated.

wheird

The people here aren't mean; they're smug. It's a small difference, but significant enough that they'll never admit to being mean, only correct, so I wouldn't waste your breath.

I'm mean. I'm also smug. And I'm intelligent enough not to care what the normies think about it.

AwesomeGuy37

Moderators do a good job here. Their job isn't to weed out offensive posts, but to stop posts that violate the guidelines.
Saying "If you want to stop being offended, throw out your computer" doesn't mean that you literally should do that. It means that you can't control what others post and will fail trying. Your topic here is an attempt to police the internet. :drinker:

PikaKnight

The people here aren't mean; they're smug. It's a small difference, but significant enough that they'll never admit to being mean, only correct, so I wouldn't waste your breath.

I'm mean. I'm also smug. And I'm intelligent enough not to care what the normies think about it.

Muggles I tell ya

AtticWindow

The people here aren't mean; they're smug. It's a small difference, but significant enough that they'll never admit to being mean, only correct, so I wouldn't waste your breath.

I would argue that we're not even smug. (Yes, I'm grouping myself into the "mean people" group because I can't tell you how many times I've been called mean over the past few days for trying to help somebody.) When we try to give advice to people and they just think they're so special that it doesn't apply to them, it gets grating. On top of that, we're called "haters," "meanies," and (my personal favorite) "lunatics."

That's certainly fair. Neither description takes any skin off my nose, though it's equally grating to see people so constantly up-in-arms at being annoyed by people. I never understand why the people accused of being mean are so quick to tell others to click the ignore button, but never consider ignoring the people who are annoying them. I assume it's because one party thinks its better than the other, and thus we have smug.