rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight
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respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...
no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..
and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!
and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.
I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?
when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.
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I've don't know what you look like or who you are but you are beautiful! You are caring, compassionate, and kind. This guy doesn't deserve you.
This is just me, but don't "fix' yourself for him. Be the person you want to be, and don't do it for anyone else other than you and know that you are WORTH it!
I'm so sorry for what you went through.0 -
na.I have rejected many though0
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Now, I'm going to give you some personal experience. I've met several people whom I've met online. Most are great, others don't live up to your expectations or the image you build up of them. It's entirely possible your friend likes your personality but isn't physically attracted to you. In this case, it's probably not meant to be. If a person cannot accept you 100% the way you are, then you need to move on.
^^ This!
Online relationships never work out because the person that people make up in their mind and the person they are in reality usually always clash. See this as a learning experience and work on getting yourself healthy for YOU, not for anyone else.
I'll let my wife of 23+ years know this valuable information...that since she and I met online 24 years ago and started developing a relationship online prior to meeting in person many months later, that it's just not going to work out.
She'll be devastated...
...or relieved. One of these. Maybe both. But it was inevitable that it wasn't going to work out...because never.0 -
I think I can speak from experience here. I spoke with my current boyfriend online for many many months before we ever met, it just wasn't feasible for us before that. I told him I was overweight and was working on losing weight before we ever met but never told him exactly HOW overweight I was (much more than you by the way.) He told me he loved me and a number on a scale would never change that.
When I finally did get the chance to met him I was incredibly nervous. He reassured me after meeting me that while I was much more overweight than he was expecting, he still loved me and always would, but that it might take some time for his brain to process everything. He insisted he didn't want to leave me or stop talking because of my weight, he wanted to help me get healthy. Six months later we moved in together and have been happy ever since.
I'm thinking your boyfriend may be feeling the same thing, but not wording it quite as well. It's always a shock to meet someone and realize they aren't exactly they way you pictured them in your mind. However, if I'm wrong and he has lost some or even all interest because of an extra 40 pounds, then good riddance.
Nobody's love for you should ever be conditionally based around your weight.0 -
hi everyone
i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".
so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.
i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.
Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.
It sounds like he wasn't physically attracted to you. That's a separate issue from liking/loving you as a person. It isn't something that can be faked, especially for men. It has to hurt to have found out the way you did but you are better off that he was honest and it sounds like he tried to let you down easy, which was kind of him. I would personally use it as the giant reality check that you mentioned. And for what it's worth, there will be other guys who may be physically attracted to you with the extra 40 pounds or not.
I'm not trying to be harsh. When I was single, I had several male friends that i was close to, loved and respected, who I learned had 'crushes' on me. I wasn't physically attracted to them though. That says nothing about what I loved about them as people, but physical attraction really DOES matter in a romantic relationship. Does it last forever? Maybe not. But it does matter. And for what it's worth, recognizing that I could love and care about a man but not find him physically attractive (whether due to weight or something else) helped me not take it personally as a overweight young woman when I would crush on a guy and the feeling wasn't mutual. It wasn't about the kind of person I was or whether or not he liked ME....he just didn't find me attractive. Big deal.
Eventually I found THE guy where the attraction was mutual AND we liked each other very much as people. And we've been together 15 years now.0 -
Two words of advice for you:
1. No matter what they say, no one will ever love you unconditionally. There are ALWAYS conditions. Make sure you know what they are before you become involved.
2. You will never be happy in a relationship/ someone else be happy in a relationship with you unless you are happy with yourself. It is evident you have self esteem issues and you tie your self worth to others opinions. Until you accept your assets and your flaws you won't be able to be happy and healthy.0 -
hi everyone
i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".
so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.
i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.
Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY
Instead of trying to find a soulmate online.....LOOK UP!0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.0 -
respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...
no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..
and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!
and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.
I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?
when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.
lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.
thanks for the example!!0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
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no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
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What's Tinder? Nix that. I don't care.0
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It sucks that this happened, OP, but I do not fault the guy at all. I think he made the best of it.0
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Two words of advice for you:
1. No matter what they say, no one will ever love you unconditionally. There are ALWAYS conditions. Make sure you know what they are before you become involved.
2. You will never be happy in a relationship/ someone else be happy in a relationship with you unless you are happy with yourself. It is evident you have self esteem issues and you tie your self worth to others opinions. Until you accept your assets and your flaws you won't be able to be happy and healthy.
Some of the best advice in this thread. :flowerforyou:0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that
It's okay, son...
...I got this.0 -
sure thing Flynn
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that0
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