rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

wheird

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

My very best advice to weeding them out is to see if they actually try to get to know you. Some flirting is fine, but too much too soon before they know anything more about you than you have boobs is a bit of a red flag. And if they stop talking when you arent flirting back at the level they want....well then they just weeded themselves out!

I just gotta contribute to the nuttiness of this thread: "You go, girl!!"

I am a guy, brah

arewethereyet

Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

Contrary to what some may believe, "not giving it away" is not exclusively a trait reserved for the fairer sex.

Agreed.

Honestly, I have yet to meet him :ohwell:

mtyler7718

Seriously in this day and age, you never seen what each other looked like? With Skype, Facetime, etc etc how could you not. Sorry, I understand people meet online all the time, but surely they find a way to see each other before they meet "in person".

Honestly you never really know someone until you meet them and spend time with them in person. Their "online" personality could be totally awesome and also totally fabricated. This person could have been a real creeper. Please be careful in the future.

If you feel that you can improve on yourself, do it for YOU not anyone else. Changing for another person never works, and honestly if I were you I wouldn't give him a second chance. You are still the person he supposedly fell in love with online yet he rejected you in person. Forget about him. Pick your fabulous self up and get yourself back on track...but do it for yourself! Another person cannot make you happy, you have to find your happiness within. :ohwell:

I have an iPad, iPhone--and Skype but I never want to talk to people that way--especially not for a first impression. The cameras are crappy--I would never agree to meeting someone (romantically) on a warped electronic communication device. I met my husband online 14 years ago--so all the f-2-f devices were not available but if it were today, I would have waited for that amazing moment when we actually saw each other live for the first time!

But I understand! Different strokes for different folks--but I definitely can see why people would not want to do what you suggest!

MrTolerable

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

yeah.. we are just awful...

there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



coffee.

Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

txting you backk right after a date?

my god girl, run for the hills.

Lol. You really are an idiot Scottie. Women appreciate men who don't play games and are up front and honest about their thoughts, feelings and intentions. If you were half the stud you claim to be, you would know that. I'm betting you don't have anywhere near the success that you say you do and that when your mommy does your laundry, it's more tube socks than anything else.

honest about thoughts, feelings and intentions? - are you a chick yourself bro?!

smh..

chicks play the game hardcore, they love LOVE the dating thing.

puhlease bro, your lying to yourself if you think they want some sissy guy to open up about his feelings... a man is supposed to be a man.

jofjltncb6

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

My very best advice to weeding them out is to see if they actually try to get to know you. Some flirting is fine, but too much too soon before they know anything more about you than you have boobs is a bit of a red flag. And if they stop talking when you arent flirting back at the level they want....well then they just weeded themselves out!

I just gotta contribute to the nuttiness of this thread: "You go, girl!!"

I am a guy, brah

Your hair's pretty too.

jofjltncb6

Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

Contrary to what some may believe, "not giving it away" is not exclusively a trait reserved for the fairer sex.

Agreed.

Honestly, I have yet to meet him :ohwell:

Have you tried Tinder?

I recently heard that it's a great app to meet the best of the best in potential mates.

arewethereyet

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

My very best advice to weeding them out is to see if they actually try to get to know you. Some flirting is fine, but too much too soon before they know anything more about you than you have boobs is a bit of a red flag. And if they stop talking when you arent flirting back at the level they want....well then they just weeded themselves out!

I just gotta contribute to the nuttiness of this thread: "You go, girl!!"

I am a guy, brah

if you were on my friends list I would know that :grumble:

BusyRaeNOTBusty

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

yeah.. we are just awful...

there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



coffee.

Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

txting you backk right after a date?

my god girl, run for the hills.

Lol. You really are an idiot Scottie. Women appreciate men who don't play games and are up front and honest about their thoughts, feelings and intentions. If you were half the stud you claim to be, you would know that. I'm betting you don't have anywhere near the success that you say you do and that when your mommy does your laundry, it's more tube socks than anything else.

honest about thoughts, feelings and intentions? - are you a chick yourself bro?!

smh..

chicks play the game hardcore, they love LOVE the dating thing.

puhlease bro, your lying to yourself if you think they want some sissy guy to open up about his feelings... a man is supposed to be a man.

I prefer men who know how to capitalize appropriately.

arewethereyet

Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

Contrary to what some may believe, "not giving it away" is not exclusively a trait reserved for the fairer sex.

Agreed.

Honestly, I have yet to meet him :ohwell:

Have you tried Tinder?

I recently heard that it's a great app to meet the best of the best in potential mates.

Thanks Jof, but no thanks :laugh: POF was bad enough (what does that stand for again!!):huh:

srv524

Here's the corny but true response-

**** him

You don't need to change anything. He fell in love with you as a person, not you as a physical object of beauty.

Use this as motivation. Lose weight, build a great body and then flaunt it in pics and around other guys and let him see what he's missed out. Don't let him get to you, be above him.

Except he lives 4 hours away. He won't be seeing anything. Which is good because she really should let this one go for everyone's sake.

Exactly why she can send him a few "f you" pics then drop it.

1PatientBear

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

yeah.. we are just awful...

there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



coffee.

Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

txting you backk right after a date?

my god girl, run for the hills.

Lol. You really are an idiot Scottie. Women appreciate men who don't play games and are up front and honest about their thoughts, feelings and intentions. If you were half the stud you claim to be, you would know that. I'm betting you don't have anywhere near the success that you say you do and that when your mommy does your laundry, it's more tube socks than anything else.

honest about thoughts, feelings and intentions? - are you a chick yourself bro?!

smh..

chicks play the game hardcore, they love LOVE the dating thing.

puhlease bro, your lying to yourself if you think they want some sissy guy to open up about his feelings... a man is supposed to be a man.

Exactly. And a real man is up front with his woman, treats her with respect, supports her in the things that are important to her, talks to her about things that impact both of them and doesn't try to play games with her head. THAT is what being a real man is.

weird_me2

My very best advice to weeding them out is to see if they actually try to get to know you. Some flirting is fine, but too much too soon before they know anything more about you than you have boobs is a bit of a red flag. And if they stop talking when you arent flirting back at the level they want....well then they just weeded themselves out!

Thank you. This is good advice. :flowerforyou:

Good advice. Here are some other things I discovered through online dating:

-If his profile says he's looking for a woman who's 18 - 60 or 18 to his age (or younger than his age), it usually means he's not looking for a serious relationship (unless he's like 20, but then, don't think you are going to find too many of them looking for a serious relationship).

-If you are an educated adult, grammar and punctuation are important. I weeded out many guys solely on their written profiles. Superficial as it may sound, either they are so poorly educated that they don't know any better, or they are too lazy to write in full sentences with proper grammar and punctuation. Having an intelligent, well spoken partner was important to me and I realized that the guys too lazy to be bothered were not looking for something serious.

-If the guy wants to meet up immediately after "meeting" online, that's often a sign that they are looking for something other than a real relationship. On the flip side, if you really hit it off, there's almost no reason whatsoever why you can't find some time to meet IRL pretty quickly after meeting online. This one's not 100%, but if there's always an excuse, then the connection just can't be as great as you'd like to think it is.

-Don't get overly emotionally invested in any online "relationship". You really cannot truly know a person without meeting them in person. Sometimes it really clicks and everything is even better in person than it was online, but often that's not the case. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or the other person. I dated 3 men that I met online over the course of two years before meeting and settling down my DH. None of those three men were jerks or bad guys. We had a connection online, I met them, we went on multiple dates but it just wasn't there.

Finally, to repeat what other posters have said, make sure that you are happy with yourself before you try to find someone. It seems like the "jerks" really know how to find those women who aren't in a good place emotionally and the good guys tend to not want to start relationships with emotionally needy women, so it's doubly hard to find a good man if you aren't happy being by yourself.

wheird

Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

Contrary to what some may believe, "not giving it away" is not exclusively a trait reserved for the fairer sex.

Agreed.

Honestly, I have yet to meet him :ohwell:

I wait until I know the girl well before jumping into sex, even if I do flirt with them prior to that point. I feel it adds to the anticipation.

jofjltncb6

Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

Contrary to what some may believe, "not giving it away" is not exclusively a trait reserved for the fairer sex.

Agreed.

Honestly, I have yet to meet him :ohwell:

Have you tried Tinder?

I recently heard that it's a great app to meet the best of the best in potential mates.

Thanks Jof, but no thanks :laugh: POF was bad enough (what does that stand for again!!):huh:

(Just so we're all clear here, this was a site/app that a particularly vocal participant in this thread was touting a few...egads, a lot of...pages back. Based on the postings of those who supposedly use this site, I honestly can't recommend it at all...and would actually actively recommend against it...but n=1 and all that.

Okay, now back to sprinting towards the merciful roll...)

MrTolerable

I googled "the law of least effort dating"

http://www.authenticmanwithin.com/2011/05/the-law-of-least-effort/

Thanks for this link. I read it and it's rather cute in an innocent pop psychy kinda way.

But now that this thread has veered away from counseling the OP and branched off to a discussion on dating...

Dating has become code for f***ing.

We used to "date". Uh huh. I'm dating her. Mm hmm.

In all sincerity Fitness Pals, I wondering what you think.

Is it a good thing that women generally give the green light to run the bases within the first six weeks of "dating"?

Who most benefits from this way of doing things? Women? Or men?

Traditionally and historically (with exceptions in some cultures) women availed themselves only to husbands or clients.

Women would provide sex for money or for the benefits that came with marriage (real estate, inheritance, financial security, emotional security, a committed father who lives in the home with his children, etc.)

Now that sex is no longer a viewed as a commodity or as a leverage tool and is just being given away very casually to whoever catches the eye, it seem to me that women are displaying more emotional instability. To say the least.

Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

:flowerforyou: I may be in the 1%, but it seems the men I dated a few months ago that I said no to on the 1st or 2nd date (I like to say that if you cant recognize me in a grocery store, it is too early ) are now calling me because they 'cant stop thinking about me'

And before anyone looks at my age and thinks I am old fashioned, let me tell you my ideas on sex and dating have changed a great deal, and with the right person I may run him to the ground :laugh:

As for the above note about texting after dropping her off. I love it. "Hey beautiful, great time. Cant wait till xyz date" Sigh.......

You wait 3 days to call me and you will NOT like the sound of my voice :laugh:

totally believe it.. the girls that force me to chase them are the ones I actually consider having as a gf. The girls that don't just put out at all for a long time is someone I def consider even more hardcore, because I'm sure there is a great deal more morality in her than the typical moral vacuums I encounter.

and fine, I'm texting Ms. Brazil after the date tonight just that.

Andd, another rule of thumb gentleman, ALWAYS set up the SECOND DATE while ON the first date, odds of seeing that next date skyrocket - and make it super active and out of her comfort zone.. if she is an active person take her to an art museum, and if she is an artist take her on a hike.

and above all smile, be an authority figure, and never get to into the other person because you should love yourself wayyy more.

jofjltncb6

Here's the corny but true response-

**** him

You don't need to change anything. He fell in love with you as a person, not you as a physical object of beauty.

Use this as motivation. Lose weight, build a great body and then flaunt it in pics and around other guys and let him see what he's missed out. Don't let him get to you, be above him.

Except he lives 4 hours away. He won't be seeing anything. Which is good because she really should let this one go for everyone's sake.

Exactly why she can send him a few "f you" pics then drop it.

Remind me, but what did this guy do to deserve the harsh treatment?

csuhar

TL/DR

Part of me wonders if this might be a matter of the impact of meeting in-person. Anyone who's had to spend a lot of time away from loved ones will tell you that relationships feel different over a distance. I, for example, converse regularly with my parents over the internet, the phone, or video chat, but having the opportunity to go on vacation with them and actually BE with them had a different dynamic.

The way we interact over the internet or even the phone can feel very different versus the, for lack of a better word, pressure of interacting in-person. There's no taking time to compose your answer because you're actively conversing, and there's no easy way to gain distance from any friction points.

So the immediacy of actually being physically present with you could have influenced his reaction.

BrainyBurro

This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

yeah.. we are just awful...

there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



coffee.

Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

txting you backk right after a date?

my god girl, run for the hills.

Lol. You really are an idiot Scottie. Women appreciate men who don't play games and are up front and honest about their thoughts, feelings and intentions. If you were half the stud you claim to be, you would know that. I'm betting you don't have anywhere near the success that you say you do and that when your mommy does your laundry, it's more tube socks than anything else.

honest about thoughts, feelings and intentions? - are you a chick yourself bro?!

smh..

chicks play the game hardcore, they love LOVE the dating thing.

puhlease bro, your lying to yourself if you think they want some sissy guy to open up about his feelings... a man is supposed to be a man.

lulz. 24 years old and you think you have life all figured out. :laugh:

you belong on that show where children say funny things for the amusement of adults. :laugh:

LianaG1115

LOL I'm sorry I just can't help but sing Brad Paisley's "Online."

msf74

honest about thoughts, feelings and intentions? - are you a chick yourself bro?!

smh..

chicks play the game hardcore, they love LOVE the dating thing.

puhlease bro, your lying to yourself if you think they want some sissy guy to open up about his feelings... a man is supposed to be a man.

No, a man is supposed to be authentic.

You're young and I guess what you are seeing are games commonly played by people who have not yet reached emotional security (no matter how old they are...)

It's quite simple. A man who has his *kitten* together doesn't have to play games. He has high status / value and is therefore naturally attractive. At that point game playing falls away. He calls the next day if he is free and acts with courtesy. A woman doesn't gamble if she has the winning ticket in her grasp...