rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

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  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
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    After seeing some of the replies in here, I think I am going to go with my plan B. Cats would make better companions than some of the people posting in here.... :sick:
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
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    Did you get your dating education in the misc section of bb.com?


    this made me laugh way more than it should have :laugh:
  • perseverance14
    perseverance14 Posts: 1,364 Member
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    I met my man over 2 years ago when I was about 40 pounds heavier than I am now. We met online and the moment I saw his picture, I was instantly in love with him. I wanted to meet him so bad. We met and had a few good weeks of "fun". I was totally, crazy madly in love with him and while he liked me, he was not genuinely interested. It really hurt me. I can't remember the last time I cried over a man. Deep down, I knew it was my weight.

    In September, he wound up finding me, not realizing it was me. When he sent me his picture, I about *kitten* myself that it was him. When I told him who I was,he was surprised he had found me. We wound up hooking up. All the feelings I had about him, being crazy in love with him, came right back. I told myself I'd just f!ck him and dump him, but I couldn't do it. We wound up starting to spend a lot of time together and I finally told him I love him.

    My dream was to hear him say that he loved me. And now he has. He told me, "Deep down I always knew you were the one. But you were just too big."
    I would never be with a man who didn't love me unconditionally, if you have to be under a certain weight, that is a condition.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

    Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

    Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

    txting you backk right after a date?

    my god girl, run for the hills.

    You are actually missing a prime moment to really make an impression on her if you dont text immediately.
  • mtyler7718
    mtyler7718 Posts: 24
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    If he is rejecting you simply based on 40 lbs of weight gain, then he is likely not the right person for you. A person who loves you unconditionally, loves you unconditionally.

    I DO believe in love online. I met my wonderful, accepting, beloved husband 14 years ago through a dating site. We married 7 years ago (and it would have been sooner if he had had his way but I was not ready--as my first husband died almost immediately after we married and it devastated me so that I didn't want to jinx us).

    The reason I relate to your post is that the photo that was posted to my profile was 20 lbs. lighter than I was at the time I posted it. When we met, the extra 20 lbs. didn't register so much as a blip on his radar (now by this point, I HAD told him on the phone that I weighed 20 lbs. more than in the photo). We talked for months because he was bicoastal and I was traveling a lot for business at that time so we didn't actually meet for 6 months--but like you, we pretty much fell in love even before we met face-2-face.

    I could so easily be you if it weren't for the man that I happened to come across. True beauty--the quality of who a person IS, cannot be defined by weight. If a man can't deal with an extra 40 lbs, then I don't think he's going to be able to handle the real ups and downs of a relationship. It sounds as though he is a nice guy--but maybe a little superficial.

    I don't know you--I'm new here. LOL--I'm trying to lose the 30 lbs. I have gained since I met my husband (and this is ON TOP of the 20 lbs from the photo!) but I feel for your situation because your story rang such a bell with my own world.

    My wonderful husband has taught me many things since I've known him but one BIG thing he taught me was to never settle for less. You ARE wonderful--and some day you will meet the person who knows what a truly beautiful person is (and that comes from within).

    In any case, ((((((((hugs)))))))

    Melinda
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Women are not vending machines where you put in coins of "nice" or "compliments" or "dinner" and sex comes out. Grow up.

    Damn it! :sad:

    There there...




    Your hair looks nice.

    You don't think I should go with chest hair braids?

    I think you're perfect just the way you are.



    Now let me get the door for you.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

    Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

    Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

    txting you backk right after a date?

    my god girl, run for the hills.
    Did you get your dating education in the misc section of bb.com?

    Winning quote of the day.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

    Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

    Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

    txting you backk right after a date?

    my god girl, run for the hills.
    Did you get your dating education in the misc section of bb.com?

    no, and i didn't know what that was... you knowing that speaks volumes.
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

    Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

    Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

    txting you backk right after a date?

    my god girl, run for the hills.

    Lol. You really are an idiot Scottie. Women appreciate men who don't play games and are up front and honest about their thoughts, feelings and intentions. If you were half the stud you claim to be, you would know that. I'm betting you don't have anywhere near the success that you say you do and that when your mommy does your laundry, it's more tube socks than anything else.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    Did you get your dating education in the misc section of bb.com?


    this made me laugh way more than it should have :laugh:

    don't worry, I am laughing with ya :laugh: :laugh: <
    see? (giggle snort even)
  • srv524
    srv524 Posts: 1,363 Member
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    Here's the corny but true response-

    **** him

    You don't need to change anything. He fell in love with you as a person, not you as a physical object of beauty.

    Use this as motivation. Lose weight, build a great body and then flaunt it in pics and around other guys and let him see what he's missed out. Don't let him get to you, be above him.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Options
    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Women are not vending machines where you put in coins of "nice" or "compliments" or "dinner" and sex comes out. Grow up.

    Damn it! :sad:

    There there...




    Your hair looks nice.

    You don't think I should go with chest hair braids?

    You could try them.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Options
    Here's the corny but true response-

    **** him

    You don't need to change anything. He fell in love with you as a person, not you as a physical object of beauty.

    Use this as motivation. Lose weight, build a great body and then flaunt it in pics and around other guys and let him see what he's missed out. Don't let him get to you, be above him.

    Except he lives 4 hours away. He won't be seeing anything. Which is good because she really should let this one go for everyone's sake.
  • SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish
    SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish Posts: 831 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    My very best advice to weeding them out is to see if they actually try to get to know you. Some flirting is fine, but too much too soon before they know anything more about you than you have boobs is a bit of a red flag. And if they stop talking when you arent flirting back at the level they want....well then they just weeded themselves out!

    I just gotta contribute to the nuttiness of this thread: "You go, girl!!"
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

    Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

    Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

    txting you backk right after a date?

    my god girl, run for the hills.
    Did you get your dating education in the misc section of bb.com?
    no, and i didn't know what that was... you knowing that speaks volumes.
    ohrlly? and how is that?
  • AmberM82479
    AmberM82479 Posts: 18
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    Love doesn't see color, weight, height, etc... If a person loves you, they love you no matter your physical appearance. (((HUGS)))
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    This thread is making me feel like I am more charming than what I give myself credit for.

    This thread is making me thankful a million times over that I'm married. Single ladies, I am so sorry. I don't remember it being quite this douchey when I was out there. :flowerforyou:

    I'm single and dating. I'm just grateful to be old enough and wise enough to spot the douches more readily. It can certainly be treacherous!

    yeah heaven forbid we take a chick out, pay for her meal, open all the doors, throw compliments around like madmen, and then drop you off back home politely.. and utalize the law of least effort which results on the lady throwing herself on us.

    yeah.. we are just awful...

    there is only one thing that keeps me up at night after doing this over and over...



    coffee.

    Honey, I don't need to suffer through dinner with a little boy who plays little boy games just to get a free meal out of someone. I make my own money - and I'll happily take myself out. Also, we can see through compliments that aren't genuine.

    Now, spending a great dinner with a smart, handsome guy who doesn't have an insecurity complex and a quid pro quo on the ready? Awesome. Getting a text later to say he had a great time? More awesome.

    Oh wait...I have a date with that guy on Thursday. So. Winning.

    txting you backk right after a date?

    my god girl, run for the hills.

    Lol. You really are an idiot Scottie. Women appreciate men who don't play games and are up front and honest about their thoughts, feelings and intentions. If you were half the stud you claim to be, you would know that. I'm betting you don't have anywhere near the success that you say you do and that when your mommy does your laundry, it's more tube socks than anything else.

    :laugh:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I googled "the law of least effort dating"

    http://www.authenticmanwithin.com/2011/05/the-law-of-least-effort/

    Thanks for this link. I read it and it's rather cute in an innocent pop psychy kinda way.

    But now that this thread has veered away from counseling the OP and branched off to a discussion on dating...

    Dating has become code for f***ing.

    We used to "date". Uh huh. I'm dating her. Mm hmm.

    In all sincerity Fitness Pals, I wondering what you think.

    Is it a good thing that women generally give the green light to run the bases within the first six weeks of "dating"?

    Who most benefits from this way of doing things? Women? Or men?

    Traditionally and historically (with exceptions in some cultures) women availed themselves only to husbands or clients.

    Women would provide sex for money or for the benefits that came with marriage (real estate, inheritance, financial security, emotional security, a committed father who lives in the home with his children, etc.)

    Now that sex is no longer a viewed as a commodity or as a leverage tool and is just being given away very casually to whoever catches the eye, it seem to me that women are displaying more emotional instability. To say the least.

    Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

    I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

    :flowerforyou: I may be in the 1%, but it seems the men I dated a few months ago that I said no to on the 1st or 2nd date (I like to say that if you cant recognize me in a grocery store, it is too early :wink:) are now calling me because they 'cant stop thinking about me'

    And before anyone looks at my age and thinks I am old fashioned, let me tell you my ideas on sex and dating have changed a great deal, and with the right person I may run him to the ground :laugh:

    As for the above note about texting after dropping her off. I love it. "Hey beautiful, great time. Cant wait till xyz date" Sigh.......

    You wait 3 days to call me and you will NOT like the sound of my voice :laugh:
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

    I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

    Contrary to what some may believe, "not giving it away" is not exclusively a trait reserved for the fairer sex.

    Agreed.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    I googled "the law of least effort dating"

    http://www.authenticmanwithin.com/2011/05/the-law-of-least-effort/

    Thanks for this link. I read it and it's rather cute in an innocent pop psychy kinda way.

    But now that this thread has veered away from counseling the OP and branched off to a discussion on dating...

    Dating has become code for f***ing.

    We used to "date". Uh huh. I'm dating her. Mm hmm.

    In all sincerity Fitness Pals, I wondering what you think.

    Is it a good thing that women generally give the green light to run the bases within the first six weeks of "dating"?

    Who most benefits from this way of doing things? Women? Or men?

    Traditionally and historically (with exceptions in some cultures) women availed themselves only to husbands or clients.

    Women would provide sex for money or for the benefits that came with marriage (real estate, inheritance, financial security, emotional security, a committed father who lives in the home with his children, etc.)

    Now that sex is no longer a viewed as a commodity or as a leverage tool and is just being given away very casually to whoever catches the eye, it seems to me that women are displaying more emotional instability. To say the least.

    Are there women out there who don't give it away? If so I'd love to hear from you :flowerforyou:

    I'd just like to believe I'm not the only one out there :blushing:

    Women enjoy sex too. So by having sex earlier in the relationship she gets...... more enjoyable sex. And maybe she gets a partner or spouse who loves her and wants to spend his life with her rather than a partner who just wants the commodity of sex. It's not a ****ing tool or a commodity. It's an enjoyable activity that also leads to procreation unless precautions are taken to avoid this result. Then end.

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