Do you think size affects someone's attractiveness?

GypsieFlower94

Bit of a strange question, and I know some larger people are totally happy together and the same for skinny and mixed couples.

My question is kind of the opposite of what you my think. Is it likely for a person to go for someone larger and less attractive personality wise and physically, especially when you are already taken?

I have been cheated on twice ( different ex's) with quite large, blonde women (I am brunette and range between slim- skinny fat). Personality wise, I have been told i am very caring and nice, and I know I do a lot to please my partner, but I still maintain independence.
The women I have been cheated on seem very full of themselves and quite rude and mean, and one in particular felt my then partner should droop whatever he was doing to see her, even if he was with me at the time.
So i feel we are nothing alike at all, yet it has happened twice now.

Of course it ruined my self esteem, especially after the second partner did it too, but it has been a bit of a motivation since I never want to look like them, especially since what they did with my partners at the time of the incidents.

I am wondering if anyone out there has had similar experiences, or have some insight into why this ma happen?

Like I know beauty can only be skin deep, but what would make you stray from a partner who is caring and nice, as well as who looked after herself well, to someone who is the complete opposite?

I suppose i am trying to avoid doing whatever i did wrong in the past with my current partner

rcc24again

For me sexy is sexy no matter what the size!

bd0027

I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

(However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)

jspierre

I've been cheated on several times as well, and I'm often told I'm too much of a 'nice guy', so I'm just going to throw this out there: maybe it had more to do with the other womens' personalities? In my experience, women with personalities like you described are usually more pushy and frank when it comes to letting a man know they are 'willing'. Actually, that applies regardless of gender. The squeaky wheel gets the grease so to speak.

Also, if I was going to cheat on someone, I'd probably want someone who was completely unlike the person I'm already with, so there's that to consider.

Finally, attractiveness is NOT just the size of your body or just your personality. There are no black or whites. It encompasses all of your physical attributes (bone structure, eye shape, nose, etc.), a lot of your non-physical attributes (voice, personality, social standing/finance, etc.), and some that are a bit of both (the way you hold yourself when standing or walking, or the image you project with your clothing, etc.). So, sure, I think size is a factor of attractiveness, but it is neither positive or negative, it just 'is'. Your unique aggregation of everything that makes you 'you' will always attract a certain subset of the population regardless of what you think of each of your individual attributes themselves. Changing any of those attributes will certainly affect the subset of the population that finds you attractive, but there will ALWAYS be people who find you very attractive, those who find you not unattractive, and those who find you unattractive. This is our genetics at work. The awesomeness in this, though, is that you can know and believe that, no matter what your size, you really are truly beautiful - it is statistically impossible that there are not hundreds of people on this planet right now who would not find you amazingly attractive.

I'm in no way qualified to lecture on the subject, though, so I'll shut up now. That's just my $0.02 for what it's worth. :happy:

Renwa82

Absolutely. No question.

77tes

Stolen sweets are sweeter. Cheaters cheat.

Kazzam33

For a starter if you think that you are an amazing GF then I really hope that you have given this guy the flick! He sounds like a real douche & you sound like you have a lot to offer someone so I think you should be with someone that appreciates that.

I don't think this has anything to do with you & they way you look or behave. Its his greed & lust getting the better of his seemingly small amount of good judgement.

Don't stay in relationships that are unhealthy sweetheart!

PS: I hope this doesn't leave you judging all big blondes as bad people too.

amwbox

Infidelity is no joke. I've been down that road several times, and its come the point where I'm just not interested in relationships anymore. Its a casual fling, or I'm not playing. Every single time they have made every indication that its something they would never do, that they are monogamous, and every single time they cheat anyways. They don't seem to dump me. They just cheat. Maybe its me lol. The last relationship had 2 years invested in it before someone sent my some pictures that made my head spin. Now I'm all done with the whole thing.

Anyways, that said...I doubt its about any particular sort of appearance. There is a (somewhat) sexist belief that men are slaves to the connection between their eyeballs and their other balls, but in all reality what caused them to cheap was probably some other totally random and unknowable thing. Its mostly likely some combination of douchebaggery and weakness of character. I've repeatedly watched married men with beautiful wives slink off and nail the trashiest, ugliest bar-scum around. Its not about looks...its about something else. The chase. The biological imperative to spread DNA far and wide. Self esteem or the lack thereof. Trying to see oneself as attractive, confident, a ladies man, whatever. And its usually the sort of good looking men that have come into adulthood with the ability to get laid pretty much on demand developing into their sense of self and personal identity. Not an absolute, just my personal observation.

Its really not your appearance. Its about the guy who cheats...because as hard as it may be to believe...men aren't actually so stupid, so impulse driven, and so mindlessly horny that their liklihood of cheating correlates with your attactiveness. Its a lot more to do with THEIR attractiveness and how they see themselves with regard to it or the lack of it.

FrozenSongBird

It's all a matter of taste, people like what they like. My tates change, my soon to be x husband was thin and lean. However I find men who are on the heavier side attractive too. I think "attractive" however is the whole package, not just one aspect or the other. You could be hot as hell but if your attitude is shiittastic I will lose interest in a heartbeat.

GypsieFlower94

Thanks guys, good advice

I know i shouldn't base my self worth on it, but it's hard not to. And it makes me worry my current fantastic partner may eventually stray too.

I feel like I was always "willing" even if i didn't give it up as easily at first, but once we started, which i had with both, I was giving them that and more, i was being what i believe to be the best gf i can, and I was getting crapped on for it.

Plus both of them came back afterwards. i said no obviously, but they still tried. I feel like maybe it was the "too nice" thing. i gave too much, they didn't have to work for anything, the other women played a little hard to get.

I think maybe it was to do with manipulation too? i got a lot of attention, maybe they felt insecure and went for someone they thought would be less likely to leave/ would be easier to manipulate due to self esteem from being larger?

I know for a fact the most recent was because he liked the attention and feeling of being a playboy, having two girls at once.

I just don't really know if it is anything I did. I don't think i am great at al, but I have been told i should be a model, that I am pretty and guys would be lucky to have me, etc. And both these ex's came back even if i didn't take them back.

So what would cause them to leave in the first place? Maybe it has nothing to do with size, but it has always been something in the back of my mind. Especially in the bedroom, i so much that a larger woman would never have been able to, and was very open, and I was good as a "housewife" when needed and a good companion rom what i understood, and I am sure there are plenty others out there in similar situations.

I feel like after a while, instead of blaming the guy for being a tool, maybe i should evaluate anything i did that made their eyes wander?

conqueringsquidlette

Attraction is such an individual thing that I don't think it's fair to come up with some sort of blanket statement about that. I've been attracted to people at a size that would *not* have been attractive to me if it was somebody else. In other words, I have dated people in the past who were quite large and have been totally attracted to them in very physical ways - but there have been other people who just wouldn't have been attractive to me at all at that size (even if they were attractive at smaller sizes - for example, I have an ex who I was SUPER into, physically, and who gained a fair amount after we split up and I don't even have a sliver of physical attraction for that person. It's just totally gone......).

Of course this is PHYSICAL attraction only that I'm talking about. Even in people that I haven't been *physically* attracted to, I've been so attracted to them in OTHER ways that I had was totally besotted. *shrug*

TLDR - human attraction is such a weird thing that I don't think you will get a good answer.

GypsieFlower94

For a starter if you think that you are an amazing GF then I really hope that you have given this guy the flick! He sounds like a real douche & you sound like you have a lot to offer someone so I think you should be with someone that appreciates that.

I don't think this has anything to do with you & they way you look or behave. Its his greed & lust getting the better of his seemingly small amount of good judgement.

Don't stay in relationships that are unhealthy sweetheart!

PS: I hope this doesn't leave you judging all big blondes as bad people too.

Thank you
No they are both long gone.

And i try not to judge anyone by their looks etc, though I will admit, straight after the incidents, any large blonde reminded me of them. Though i didn't hate the person who wasn't one of the two, it was just sad being around them due to the reminder.

Nikoruo

I believe so to a degree. If one can see beyond it and give the person a chance though i think they may be pleasantly surprised.

My fiancée me me from online so he got to know a bit of my personality before meeting me. He liked me so much he met me. When we met he was shocked by how big i was (Reasonably so). He gave me a chance and fell in love with me despite my weight.

On another note; i find faces beautiful even if bigger

Chris_Pierce

If you're in a real relationship with someone, and they cheat on you. it's not you, its them. Even if they say that it's you, it's them.

salladeve

Yes, absolutely size affects your attractiveness to someone. Some are only attracted to slim people, some to only fit bodybuilders, some to plus size people, the point is people are attracted to who they are attracted to. The spark has to be there, so that you even want to get to know the person.

After hearing your story, my personal opinion (for what its worth), is that you are picking the wrong people. You are choosing people that don't respect you or appreciate you for who you are. It is not your fault they cheated that is their own short coming. You need to be confident in what you have to offer as a person, and take time to get to know the potential boyfriend before committing yourself to the relationship.

Good luck

AzaleaNicole38

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Personally speaking, I'm overweight and my boyfriend is skinny. I will say that when we met I WAS much lighter, but now he doesn't love me any less... I hope. Haha

I've liked a lot of.. erm.. "less nice looking" guys. Now when I look back at them I think "what was I thinking?!" But for me personality is really everything. To each their own.

Don't let fuddy duddy guys bring you down. I'm sure you're sweet, and you're also pretty. I'd date you lol!
Mr.Right will come in time

GypsieFlower94

Yeah I also got a little pudgy with my partner due to comfort, though i am trying to slim down since he is a stick (lucky duck) without trying and I wanna kind of match him.

i think i am just worried it would happen again with this guys since i love my partner s much and I would never want to drive him to do what the other guys did.

Personally, i have also dated "charming" men, rather than hotties, due to the fact they're usually a lot nicer and better to be with. Which is why I was so surprised the last 2 strayed. They were not in the top 10 men of the year, let's put it that way.

I do agree, t is a personal taste thing, i GUESS i wonder what makes tastes change like that. If it wasn't me, and it is them, why did they suddenly peter the opposite of me, you know?

emdeesea

Well, for starters, you're 19, so if you're dating guys close to your age, you're dating boys, to be frank. And boys are the least likely to want to settle down with one and only one partner. It's in their evolutionary DNA to spread their seed to as many partners as they can - so of course, they're going to sleep with just about anyone who is willing, regardless of attractiveness.

This jumped out at me: "I feel like I was always "willing" even if i didn't give it up as easily at first, but once we started, which i had with both, I was giving them that and more, i was being what i believe to be the best gf i can, and I was getting crapped on for it."

Don't fall into the trap of losing your own identity. A lot of girls do this and they become dull, dull, dull. They sit around waiting for him to call, they don't hang out with their friends anymore, they give up their interests, etc., all for "The Relationship."

I'm not saying this is what you're doing, because obviously I don't know you, but be aware that you may be giving up too much of yourself, instead of remaining that independent person he originally was attracted to.

As far as them sleeping with overweight girls - eh. Go to any bar on a Friday night and watch the interaction. The guys will hit on the hot girls first, then as the night goes on and the more they're turned down, their standards get lower and lower. By the end of the night right before closing, they're hitting on whatever is left.

Finally, don't make your current partner pay for the sins of your former partners. That's not fair.

SteampunkSongbird

I was cheated on twice (by the same guy) and both times, the girls were considerably larger than me, although their looks weren't really the problem for me, the cheating was, so I never really gave their looks much thought. Sometimes people cheat because they are attracted to someone else, sometimes they fall in love with someone else, sometimes they do it to be cruel, and sometimes purely because they can; I don't think attraction is necessarily always a factor, although it's probably a reasonably big one. My ex cheated because he was a manipulative, mean-spirited person inside who was a friendly smooth-talker on the outside, and women seemed to like him; he was obese and weighed over 300 pounds. It's all a hard area to judge.

Myself, I've never been a 'looks matter' person, and I was never attracted to a certain thing in particular. My first boyfriend was a skinny goth with long hair, my second was obese (the cheater) and dressed very old-fashioned, and my fiancé now is slim, a modern/retro mix regarding style and 14 years older than me. I always considered the 'vibe' of a person if you will rather than their appearance.

sleepytexan

I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

(However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)

NO. just no.

GypsieFlower94

I definitely don't mak whim pay for it, i keep it to myself. He knows what they did, but I haven't ever told him or accused him of wanting to stray, i just worry it may happen.

I was dating a 23 year old the first time, and then a 21 year old. So yeah, pretty much boys haha.

I did try keep my independence, I would still see friends and have me time and such.

And both women weren't one night stands. They actively sought these women out and then got to know them and flirted etc and then the deed happened. If it was a one night thing, it would have been a bit different.

First case he met her through work, second case they were good friends before we met, didn't even know there was any sort of connection there, later found out there was constant flirting and idea planting, and then after the deed he told me.

it was just weird i think, since they were sought out, not one night stands.