Do you think size affects someone's attractiveness?
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Yes. Nobody likes little lollipops as much.0
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It's most definitely not you, if what you say about yourself is true. Most likely the guys have some issues that make them go for women with bad personalities, as you have said. When it comes to looks, I'm not sure guys care that much about a woman's size, as long as they look feminine. Just my two cents
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If you're in a real relationship with someone, and they cheat on you. it's not you, its them. Even if they say that it's you, it's them.
This. Cheaters gonna cheat, no matter how awesome you are. You might want to re-evaluate the kinds of guys you partner up with. Figure out if these guys had similar personality traits and then maybe try to avoid that kind of guy in the future. :flowerforyou:0 -
Of course size affects someone's attractiveness.0
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Cheating is about more than just the other person's attractiveness. Your posts make me wonder if you are a little insecure, and if you try to get validation through relationships. (Not a huge sin, lots of people go through that, you keep growing up and address that.) I was surprised to see in your profile that you are getting married, just because I wouldn't have thought you had been in your current relationship that long.
The reason I wonder about insecurity is because you say you want to know what to work on about yourself, but your thread title really asks a very different question. It's normal to need reassurance after bad experiences. It's ok to own that. :flowerforyou:
Thanks for the input
I guess it did impact my self esteem once the exact same thing happened twice with similar women. If they were completely different circumstances and types of people or even smaller and prettier I would be able to make sense of it a bit more I think.
I think I did go off on a tangent, but the essence of what I was trying to ask was more along the lines of, what makes you change attraction/ what you're attracted to? Since most women have been left for younger/ prettier/ thinner women, what makes some men go for women worse than their partner?
I know my partner would never cheat, and I don't hold what my ex's did over his head at all, I suppose a small part of me feels like I want to ensure it doesn't happen again since I care so much about my current partner by making myself the best I can be.
I am one of those people who does care a lot of other people's opinions of me, especially those I need to "impress" I guess, i.e partner, employer, etc. People I feel I need to be my best for even if it isn't expected.
About getting married, the wedding isn't until April 2016,maybe longer due to certain things, so a while away. We've been dating a bit over a year, and saw each other for a bit before that, and we've been living together for a few months now. Only been officially engaged for about a week or two now, but I had known that was the plan a few months back, he's not good at secrets. The relationship has been pretty much perfect for us all the way through, and I feel like I made the right choice saying yes. Plus I obviously love him more than anything.
I would usually be the person saying its way too soon/ rushed/ whatever, but it just feels right, and it doesn't feel too fast at all with him, especially since the wedding isn't too close, so I guess maybe when you know you know.
I do think maybe opportunity and the ego thing had a lot to do with both. the first relationship was pretty abusive from his side, and he knew I would leave soon, I think getting with her was to make sure he wasn't alone?
And the second, I would say it's more the player/ ego thing.0 -
PS. Sorry for making this a relationship type topic, I honestly didn't mean for it to, though my motivation behind the question was for this reason.0
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If similar things are happening to you,chances are you are falling for similar jerks over and over again,and also may be you put up with more nonsense than most women.attractive ness is important but loyalty and fidelity is your partners prerogative as well.never ever close your eyes to the negative points of the person you find attractive.if you have qualms about someone's integrity, probably it is justified.
Everyone is attractive in there own way.take care.0 -
People who are cheaters are people who will cheat no matter what. It has NOTHING to do with your looks.
But I see that you've suffered from a pattern of cheating partners. The question is, what are you doing to attract the cheaters? Not that you are consciously trying to be with people who cheat but when there are repeated issues in our lives, it means that something is trying to tell you something. I've been with guys who are losers for a long time and I realized that it's because I've had low self-esteem and settled for these guys because I thought I wasn't going to get someone better.
I found a guy who I was comfortable in my own skin and never had to feel insecure about my looks or relationship at all. In fact, he gave me confidence and I know that I will never return to settling for people who aren't compatible with my standards.
You are young and you are probably not exposing yourself to mature individuals. Once you know what you want in a person, you will attract the right person who fits you and your personality. I'm sure deep down you knew that the other two were not right for you at all and it's a good thing things ended very soon!0 -
Ummm...I get where you're coming from.
But I'm fat. AND pretty. And awesome. You seem to be of the belief that skinnier=prettier and I just have to mention, that isn't necessarily true for all people.
The reason you got cheated on was because the men were lacking morals. People change, needs change, preferences change. When I was your age I liked long hair and tight jeans on men and if they didn't listen to the same music they didn't stand a chance. I grew up. I learned to pick better men.
So, have your rant against fat blondes, but keep in the back of your mind that it had nothing to do with them either.0 -
I'm a man who lives by the golden rule. If some girl or boy has me so smitten and I want to be with her/him so badly that I want to dump my current partner for him/her then that's just what I do. Not that I approach romantic relationships causally. I just believe it is far far better to be honest. I get what you are saying though many people don't. When it comes right down to it OP the sad truth is that probably 50% of people are selfish *kitten*/*****es who don't care about other peoples feelings. And another 30% are weak willed spineless worms who would cheat with someone because they don't have the spine to tell you that their feelings to you are gone to your face. There are good people out there. But male or female they are very hard to find. Being Bisexual myself I should know that this applies to men and women equally lol.
And as far as being attracted to heavy/ugly people. You need to realize that attractiveness REALLY REALLY ISN'T ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. I know I know caps but attractiveness is far more about how you act towards someone than pure visual or tactile sensations. Seduction is an art form and while I am no master of it I've learned to play the game. And it is very often the uglier/fatter and nastier people of this world that become proficient at this skill. Because they can't just rely on how they look or who they are. In that sense your looks have made you complacent. Not a criticism at all but I hope you see this is where your weakness is. Seduction is about being someone he wouldn't even THINK of leaving to accomplish this desiring you has to be part of his daily routine. Make sure you arouse him at least once a day. Note : I am not saying have sex with him daily this is actually counterproductive but say ... walk past him in tight jeans swaying your butt around. Or lean over him to get the remote and brush him with your boob or something. Or there's always the old steadfast of really going to town on that banana your eating. The point is you have to make him desire you. So that when the time comes to hit the bedroom he wants you more than anything. You need to hook him on you like a drug.
Of course love is the most important thing. But if you really want to curve those seed spreading instincts you need to make him think of you every time he feels desire. To the point where the idea of sleeping with another woman is simply ludicrous.
All that being said though none of this was your fault. Those guys weren't honest and that makes them *kitten* and you are lucky to be rid of them. I am just saying that the reason you lost them in the first place to people who are less attractive than you might well be a large gap in seduction skill.0 -
Ummm...I get where you're coming from.
But I'm fat. AND pretty. And awesome. You seem to be of the belief that skinnier=prettier and I just have to mention, that isn't necessarily true for all people.
The reason you got cheated on was because the men were lacking morals. People change, needs change, preferences change. When I was your age I liked long hair and tight jeans on men and if they didn't listen to the same music they didn't stand a chance. I grew up. I learned to pick better men.
So, have your rant against fat blondes, but keep in the back of your mind that it had nothing to do with them either.
That isn't what I was saying at all. I don't have a problem with larger blondes, blondes, or larger people. I know heaps of pretty large people and completely disgusting looking skinny people. I never said skinny is prettier, I purely said in both these circumstances, I know that I would have been ranked higher than the girls I was cheated on with.
This was never a rant against fat blondes either.
I knew it wasn't really their fault, it was my partner's fault at the time. I also never blamed them at all in any of my responses so I don't know what gave you that idea.
I had low self esteem due to family things/ being young and immature/ abusive ex, etc, so I would say that's why I was attracted to the same kind of guys. Though physically they were nothing alike and their personalities were also different, which I found even more confusing when they did the same thing.
I have had the same experience as pucklemore where I reidentified my self worth and wouldn't settle, and then I found someone great who makes me feel safe and like no other woman even exists
See the thing is, I think I always gave to much, I was always "ready" with my partner, they didn't have to work hard for very much and I think they just found me boring since they had now "conquered" me and I wasn't a challenge.
Both girls were not very nice, one was actually incredibly nasty to the partner of mine she ended up hooking up with, and she was a complete b***h to others according to mutual friends, So I guess maybe with that one the cruel to be kind was more his thing than nympho gf who would do anything he wanted in any circumstance and wanted him to be happy.0 -
Again, it had nothing to do with you. There's this myth that if you get cheated on, it's because "clearly you weren't giving him what he/she needed." It's the Jerry Springer effect.
I got a little touchy to be sure, cause I don't see what their size mattered at all. I've been the other woman, but never intentionally. And I've had the girlfriends call me horrible names, even after they realized that I had no idea. I didn't understand, and I still don't, why we blame the other women.
And others have said it, and it's probably driving you nuts, but you're young. Kiss a lot of frogs. And a lot of pigs. And don't marry the first person you think you're in love with. The first time I was engaged, my 70 year old grandma (who is seriously the most incredible woman on the planet) said to me that if you weren't ready to elope with him while sober, with no fanfare and no dress and no registry and no big party when you got back, then it wasn't time to get married.
I always liked that advice, and take it to heart. My grandparents have been married 75 years. (They are almost 90.)
Now that I am older, I look at the whole "challenge" thing differently. When I was your age, I was all about what they wanted and when they wanted it. Cause frankly, I didn't even know what I wanted. I had a boyfriend from the time I was 14 and didn't spend any significant time single until I was 30. I had no time to learn who I was. Challenge to me now is keeping myself interesting for ME. Finding my own hobbies and my own friends and my own time is important to my self development and it makes me more interesting.0 -
I think that for some people that cheat, it's not so much about who they are cheating with, as it is that they enjoy the feeling they get from cheating. Also, sometimes their options are limited because not everyone wants to get involved with someone that is cheating. These would be some of my guesses.0
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Caring and nice only goes so far.... you need some sexual attraction as well. The women they cheated with were probably really dirty...0
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Honestly?Yes0
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Again, it had nothing to do with you. There's this myth that if you get cheated on, it's because "clearly you weren't giving him what he/she needed." It's the Jerry Springer effect.
I got a little touchy to be sure, cause I don't see what their size mattered at all. I've been the other woman, but never intentionally. And I've had the girlfriends call me horrible names, even after they realized that I had no idea. I didn't understand, and I still don't, why we blame the other women.
And others have said it, and it's probably driving you nuts, but you're young. Kiss a lot of frogs. And a lot of pigs. And don't marry the first person you think you're in love with. The first time I was engaged, my 70 year old grandma (who is seriously the most incredible woman on the planet) said to me that if you weren't ready to elope with him while sober, with no fanfare and no dress and no registry and no big party when you got back, then it wasn't time to get married.
I always liked that advice, and take it to heart. My grandparents have been married 75 years. (They are almost 90.)
I get what you mean. The size only mattered because it was so different to my own. If they were both extremely skinny, I would be in the same predicament. It just happened they were larger, and the exact opposites of me in every way, whereas previous to cheating my partners had told me I was their "type" and what they wanted etc. Which is why it was so confusing.
I know why women blame he other woman, and it's a sad truth: We don't want to blame or be mad at someone we love. We don't want to believe they are that scummy to do that to us. So it MUST have been the other woman seducing him like a witch, that skank.
And it isn't the case. It is never the case. The other woman could put her breasts in his face, and it still isn't her fault. Makes her a bit of a slut, but it isn't her fault if he decides to motorboat them.
I know it wasn't so much my fault, but I feel kinda like a woman who's husband tells them their gay. Like, I have done everything I can, but I wasn't enough because they turned to the exact opposite of me. I know that wasn't true, and I can't speak from experience on the gay partner thing, but from imagination I would imagine you would feel so horrible, even if it is a good thing the truth is out and you can both move on, you know?
Also in regards to the whole marriage thing, I get what you mean, and as soon as it is I would marry my partner right now if we had the resources, withy no one there and without the fancy dress. I know I want to be with him forever. And I know people will think I am young or I don't know what I want yet or whatever, but I have been in 2 pretty long, bad relationships, and I know what I want, and I was just lucky I found him early in life so I get to spend as much of my life with him as I can 0 -
People cheat because they are c**ts.0
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Sorry to burst your bubble people but saying that cheating always has 100% nothing to do with the person who get's cheated on is a naive generalization. What if the cheated was a total controlling ***** or someone who treated their partner like a desire less ornament. I'm not saying that cheating is RIGHT but all too often the reason is at least understandable. A couple of times I have honestly found myself sympathizing with the cheater in some cases I've heard of. Usually after the fact when I hear what their partner made their relationship like from some third party.
I'm not saying that makes braking your word ok or anything I'm just saying that in order to keep a partner you have to be more to them than their boss or a burden. Very often people who just get cheated on all the time are doing something wrong. Either not picking their partners well or not being a good partner themselves. It's a cruel fact of life I am afraid.0 -
Sorry to burst your bubble people but saying that cheating always has 100% nothing to do with the person who get's cheated on is a naive generalization. What if the cheated was a total controlling ***** or someone who treated their partner like a desire less ornament. I'm not saying that cheating is RIGHT but all too often the reason is at least understandable. A couple of times I have honestly found myself sympathizing with the cheater in some cases I've heard of. Usually after the fact when I hear what their partner made their relationship like from some third party.
I'm not saying that makes braking your word ok or anything I'm just saying that in order to keep a partner you have to be more to them than their boss or a burden.
People get cheated on regardless sometimes. I know plenty of people, men and women including me, who were the submissive person, did everything the partner wanted to, tried to please them however and whenever, and still had their own life and was still independent. The only thing missing was they weren't a challenge anymore.
And some people cheat because of "valid" reasons, they can't leave in their opinion, their partner is a witch, etc. But either way, ending it is always better than cheating. I would have rathered been left than feel the way I do, even now, about what they did.
Also, it isn't always the person's fault they chose the wrong guy/girl. Sometimes it is, but a lot of times you get sort of "tricked" into it. People put on masks, act different to who they really are, usually at the start. You won't always know until it is too late. They're not gonna walk up to you, say " im gonna cheat on you one day" and then expect you to date them. They will say what you want to hear until they are comfortable enough to be themselves, or until they have manipulated and brought you down enough they know you wont leave.0 -
Sorry to burst your bubble people but saying that cheating always has 100% nothing to do with the person who get's cheated on is a naive generalization. What if the cheated was a total controlling ***** or someone who treated their partner like a desire less ornament. I'm not saying that cheating is RIGHT but all too often the reason is at least understandable. A couple of times I have honestly found myself sympathizing with the cheater in some cases I've heard of. Usually after the fact when I hear what their partner made their relationship like from some third party.
I'm not saying that makes braking your word ok or anything I'm just saying that in order to keep a partner you have to be more to them than their boss or a burden. Very often people who just get cheated on all the time are doing something wrong. Either not picking their partners well or not being a good partner themselves. It's a cruel fact of life I am afraid.
In situations like that, you should end the relationship.0 -
...If they were completely different circumstances and types of people or even smaller and prettier I would be able to make sense of...
...someone larger and less attractive personality wise and physically...
...someone they thought would be less likely to leave/ would be easier to manipulate due to self esteem from being larger?...
...it was just weird i think, since they were sought out, not one night stands...
...most women have been left for younger/ prettier/ thinner women, what makes some men go for women worse than their partner?...
Let me see if I can help parse it for you.
Fat does not equal a worse personality or being less physically attractive.
Fat does not equal more easily manipulated or inherent low self esteem.
Fat does not mean that you should only be a one night stand because you're somehow not worth any sort of long term relationship.
Fat does not equal older, uglier or worse.
If it happens once, you can say it's not you, it's him. If it keeps happening, though, you ought to step back and consider the possibility it might be you. I think what you said in your post offers a clue, because you seem quite fixated on appearances. Physical fitness and beauty will get you noticed, but it's not what most people base the decision of whom to spend their lives with on. Do the things you said in your post make you sound like a nice, caring, giving person to you? You see now how there's a lot of negativity towards other people implied in it, right? And it's not even about things that are important. I think if you stopped comparing yourself to others in such a competitive way and instead tried to appreciate them as individuals, you would be happier, and better company.0 -
Sorry to burst your bubble people but saying that cheating always has 100% nothing to do with the person who get's cheated on is a naive generalization. What if the cheated was a total controlling ***** or someone who treated their partner like a desire less ornament. I'm not saying that cheating is RIGHT but all too often the reason is at least understandable. A couple of times I have honestly found myself sympathizing with the cheater in some cases I've heard of. Usually after the fact when I hear what their partner made their relationship like from some third party.
I'm not saying that makes braking your word ok or anything I'm just saying that in order to keep a partner you have to be more to them than their boss or a burden. Very often people who just get cheated on all the time are doing something wrong. Either not picking their partners well or not being a good partner themselves. It's a cruel fact of life I am afraid.
In situations like that, you should end the relationship.
Oh I quite agree that their is fault on the cheaters part for not being upfront and honest about it. But sometimes their are other life concerns that make ending the relationship problematic. Remember I said cheating was UNDERSTANDABLE not ACCEPTABLE
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Simply put, confidence is sexy.0
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Sorry to burst your bubble people but saying that cheating always has 100% nothing to do with the person who get's cheated on is a naive generalization. What if the cheated was a total controlling ***** or someone who treated their partner like a desire less ornament. I'm not saying that cheating is RIGHT but all too often the reason is at least understandable. A couple of times I have honestly found myself sympathizing with the cheater in some cases I've heard of. Usually after the fact when I hear what their partner made their relationship like from some third party.
I'm not saying that makes braking your word ok or anything I'm just saying that in order to keep a partner you have to be more to them than their boss or a burden. Very often people who just get cheated on all the time are doing something wrong. Either not picking their partners well or not being a good partner themselves. It's a cruel fact of life I am afraid.
In situations like that, you should end the relationship.
Oh I quite agree that their is fault on the cheaters part for not being upfront and honest about it. But sometimes their are other life concerns that make ending the relationship problematic. Remember I said cheating was UNDERSTANDABLE not ACCEPTABLE
It's not acceptable or even understandable to me. Be a grown up, use your words, be honest with your partner, and leave the relationship if its "that bad" you are considering cheating. Its not your fault OP. They are little immature boys who aren't able to be in an honest relationship.
Confidence is always sexy for sure, it's in all shapes and sizes.0 -
...If they were completely different circumstances and types of people or even smaller and prettier I would be able to make sense of...
...someone larger and less attractive personality wise and physically...
...someone they thought would be less likely to leave/ would be easier to manipulate due to self esteem from being larger?...
...it was just weird i think, since they were sought out, not one night stands...
...most women have been left for younger/ prettier/ thinner women, what makes some men go for women worse than their partner?...
Let me see if I can help parse it for you.
Fat does not equal a worse personality or being less physically attractive.
Fat does not equal more easily manipulated or inherent low self esteem.
Fat does not mean that you should only be a one night stand because you're somehow not worth any sort of long term relationship.
Fat does not equal older, uglier or worse.
If it happens once, you can say it's not you, it's him. If it keeps happening, though, you ought to step back and consider the possibility it might be you. I think what you said in your post offers a clue, because you seem quite fixated on appearances. Physical fitness and beauty will get you noticed, but it's not what most people base the decision of whom to spend their lives with on. Do the things you said in your post make you sound like a nice, caring, giving person to you? You see now how there's a lot of negativity towards other people implied in it, right? And it's not even about things that are important. I think if you stopped comparing yourself to others in such a competitive way and instead tried to appreciate them as individuals, you would be happier, and better company.
Actually, if you read my posts and don't take everything out of context, you will find I never implied or said any of those things.
...If they were completely different circumstances and types of people or even smaller and prettier I would be able to make sense of...
I meant if the two women were different.
...someone larger and less attractive personality wise and physically...
Both partners used to make fun of fat people. Both partners also use to tell me my body type was what they liked. Both girls were not very good personality wise, and both partners came crawling back to me. They were less attractive on the inside and out not only in my opinion but others from both my ex's side and others that knew the girls prior.
...someone they thought would be less likely to leave/ would be easier to manipulate due to self esteem from being larger?...
This ex was manipulative, even with me, which is why I know this was a factor, he did tell me later it was part of the reason.
...it was just weird i think, since they were sought out, not one night stands...
I was a sure, good girlfriend who most of the ex's friends would say they were lucky to have me, and then I was cheated on not in a night of passion, but in a thought out plan to go behind my back.
...most women have been left for younger/ prettier/ thinner women, what makes some men go for women worse than their partner?...
This did sound very physical, but it is a fact most women have lost their partner to people deemed more attractive, and this still applies to personality too.
I am pretty damn mad that I can work hard ot make myself a great person, friend, and girlfriend, and have that all thrown bak in my face for someone who doesn't care, doesn't take care of themselves, and would be ok being the other woman knowingly, like in both of my cases.
I have lots of friends and previous partners of different body size, physical appearance, personalities and interests. I care for/ cared for them all deeply.
For you to assume I am basing things only on the physical shows you are being ignorant of all the evidence in my posts stating the opposite.0 -
Fat girls give better head? :laugh:0
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Sorry to burst your bubble people but saying that cheating always has 100% nothing to do with the person who get's cheated on is a naive generalization. What if the cheated was a total controlling ***** or someone who treated their partner like a desire less ornament. I'm not saying that cheating is RIGHT but all too often the reason is at least understandable. A couple of times I have honestly found myself sympathizing with the cheater in some cases I've heard of. Usually after the fact when I hear what their partner made their relationship like from some third party.
I'm not saying that makes braking your word ok or anything I'm just saying that in order to keep a partner you have to be more to them than their boss or a burden. Very often people who just get cheated on all the time are doing something wrong. Either not picking their partners well or not being a good partner themselves. It's a cruel fact of life I am afraid.
In situations like that, you should end the relationship.
Oh I quite agree that their is fault on the cheaters part for not being upfront and honest about it. But sometimes their are other life concerns that make ending the relationship problematic. Remember I said cheating was UNDERSTANDABLE not ACCEPTABLE
Ah, so you did. My apologies. Monkey branching is a pet hate of mine!0 -
I know that I would have been ranked higher than the girls I was cheated on with.
doesnt sound like you have problems with self esteem to me...0 -
Can I just say, for anyone else wanting to paint me as a fat person hater, my ex, the one that cheated on me, was "fat".
My best friend, female, is fat, and she Is the most gorgeous person inside and out, funnily enough she Is blonde now, too.
My best friend who moved states who is male, also a little chubby. We were very into each other for years without even knowing the other felt the same and only told each other long after the feelings were gone.
I DO NOT HATE FAT PEOPLE OR THINK THEY ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE.
Anyone that makes that conclusion is not reading my comments and replies properly, as I make a point of pointing that out.0 -
I know that I would have been ranked higher than the girls I was cheated on with.
doesnt sound like you have problems with self esteem to me...
I said ranked higher, not that I am the best. If I am a 5, they would have been a 4 at least. Even if I8 thought I was a god damn 10, what is wrong with people being happy with themselves ad thinking they look good.
If you find yourself more attractive than someone else, doesn't mean you think yourself attractive, you just think they are worse than you.0
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