Do you think size affects someone's attractiveness?
Replies
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Well to be honest you do make it pretty clear in your post that you consider these women to be less attractive than you. Both in the looks and personality department. The whole premise of your post is that these men left you for inferior options. So remind me how exactly where they inferior? And honestly you didn't limit your labeling of them to just terms of personality. That last long post seems like a helluva defensive reaction to me tbh.
Oh and as someone who has been fat most of my life I can say this. Most skinny people think fat people are less attractive than they are. Not only that many of them look apon us as some kind of alien species. Oh mentally they will tell themselves they don't discriminate but its total bs.0 -
I know that I would have been ranked higher than the girls I was cheated on with.
doesnt sound like you have problems with self esteem to me...
I said ranked higher, not that I am the best. If I am a 5, they would have been a 4 at least. Even if I8 thought I was a god damn 10, what is wrong with people being happy with themselves ad thinking they look good.
If you find yourself more attractive than someone else, doesn't mean you think yourself attractive, you just think they are worse than you.
wow...ok...0 -
Well to be honest you do make it pretty clear in your post that you consider these women to be less attractive than you. Both in the looks and personality department. The whole premise of your post is that these men left you for inferior options. So remind me how exactly where they inferior? And honestly you didn't limit your labeling of them to just terms of personality. That last long post seems like a helluva defensive reaction to me tbh.
I get defensive if someone tells me I am/ believe something I am not.
I do think these women were less attractive than me. As I have stated at least a few times, they were both quite mean, One was very mean to almost everyone including the partner that cheated on me with her, and neither took care of themselves in the least.
And yes I don't think they were very attractive but that is my opinion, they could have been to other people, they obviously were in some what to my ex's/
I was told by many mutual friends, or even the family of my ex, that I was far better all round than the women who I was cheated on with, and both ex's left the women and came back.
I could be a god damn 4, and that would mean these women were pretty bad if they were so much worse than me according to others.
It was defensive mainly because the 5 comments I made that could be twisted in some way, they chose to paint me as someone who has an issue with these women because of their size and looks.
Yes, it hurt I put in so much effort in all departments and they left me for people who clearly didn't. And I know they never ended up putting in the effort I did or my ex's wouldn't have come back to me after.
I feel, like most people have said, the physical come into it to some extent. How much you are attracted to someone, whether you do like big or small or whatever. My only concern was that it was someone so different to me, yet both times the different was the same.
I put effort into making myself the best I could be for them, and it wasn't enough for whatever reason. Twice.
Doesn't make it the other woman's fault for my ex's cheating. Doesn't mean I now have a problem with large blondes. It is just the situation I had.
Would everyone be so up in arms if both women were skinnier than me? no. Or if they were nicer people or better partners? no.
But because I have said I was better than them in these factors, that makes me some sort of weight supremacist?0 -
I think women, or men, who have been cheated on always ask these questions.... Why ? What did this other person offer that I didn't.... and a lot of time there is no answer. Then you start compairing yourself. It's not abnormal what you are going through OP. But most of the time, its really NOT about that. If you are worried about repeating the same problems with your current relationship consider some sort of pre-marital counseling. Make sure you are both on the same page about life in general. It won't hurt and helps open up lines of communication and that is the biggest relationship killer.0
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Attraction is based on many things… not just weight…or even personality. So… yes, It's entirely possible for a person to be attracted to a thin person and a fat person as well… even at the same time. Same with a super nice person or a royal B***h.
That being said… cheating is not about you. And I would daresay, more often than not… it's not even about the person they are cheating WITH… It's about them. They may have any number reasons/excuses for doing it… but it's their own issue.
If there is anything you are doing wrong… you're choosing the wrong guys.0 -
Well honestly without knowing some pretty personal and sordid details about your relationships there really is no way to tell for certain where the problem came from. I can only say this. Look at yourself criticize yourself but be confident in yourself. Examine their actions critically and compassionately. Look for improvement both in your actions towards your partner and in your standards for selecting your partner. As in everything else in life balance is key. People always want to say either it's the cheaters fault or its the persons fault for not being good enough like they know the whole damn score. But in the end at the final accounting every single situation is unique. And in the lottery of life good people can get cheated on time and time again and bad people can live happily ever after. It's one of the sucky things about living but hey i guess part of having free will is the freedom to *kitten* things up royally.
It's called the human race because some people lose
good luck. 0 -
Very true man.
Thanks for all your input by the way, it is very helpful
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It's due to personal preference... That's why you get some men who like skinny sticks that starve themselves, and other men feed their partners to get them more fat and hopefully obese.. Strange world out there0
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And in the lottery of life good people can get cheated on time and time again and bad people can live happily ever after. It's one of the sucky things about living but hey i guess part of having free will is the freedom to *kitten* things up royally.
THAT is so true!0 -
Can I just say, for anyone else wanting to paint me as a fat person hater, my ex, the one that cheated on me, was "fat".
My best friend, female, is fat, and she Is the most gorgeous person inside and out, funnily enough she Is blonde now, too.
My best friend who moved states who is male, also a little chubby. We were very into each other for years without even knowing the other felt the same and only told each other long after the feelings were gone.
I DO NOT HATE FAT PEOPLE OR THINK THEY ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE.
Anyone that makes that conclusion is not reading my comments and replies properly, as I make a point of pointing that out.
Except those people who are fat and less attractive, right? Like the ones your ex's cheated on you with? You know, the ones you rank higher than.0 -
Can I just say, for anyone else wanting to paint me as a fat person hater, my ex, the one that cheated on me, was "fat".
My best friend, female, is fat, and she Is the most gorgeous person inside and out, funnily enough she Is blonde now, too.
My best friend who moved states who is male, also a little chubby. We were very into each other for years without even knowing the other felt the same and only told each other long after the feelings were gone.
I DO NOT HATE FAT PEOPLE OR THINK THEY ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE.
Anyone that makes that conclusion is not reading my comments and replies properly, as I make a point of pointing that out.
Except those people who are fat and less attractive, right? Like the ones your ex's cheated on you with? You know, the ones you rank higher than.
No, I don't hate them either, I never said I did. In fact, the whole time I have never blamed them for what happened. I rank higher than them by not only my own opinion, but that of people who by all means should be on my ex's "side" I guess, like their friends or families.
Also, I don't think they are less attractive because they are fat, I think as a whole, inside and out, they are less attractive than me. Just like I would probably rank myself more attractive than a woman who is anorexic who thought she was the best and that no one else is as good as her.
It doesn't mean I am fantastic or even great, it just means as low as I am ranked, these women, by multiple accounts, were ranked lower.
If I thought I was more attractive than a skinny person, I doubt you would have a problem, but if its a larger person "oh no, it's fat hate". Please.
The only people who have taken offence to otherwise completely innocent comments on here are people that are in fact larger. I understand why you would be more sensitive to comments on weight. However I do not have a problem with people of any size at all. And I really wish you would stop taking it that way, since I have stated many times, with evidence through other comments, this isn't the case.
Also BunBun, I find it intriguing that once I clarified all the comments you had taken to try make it seem as if I did have an issue, you had no response, yet immediately took a positive comment and made a sarcastic, negative spin of it. Maybe it isn't me saying things that are negative towards size, but you reading it that way due to being sensitive on size?0 -
Just like I would probably rank myself more attractive than a woman who is anorexic who thought she was the best and that no one else is as good as her.
:huh: you think you're better than someone who has a serious mental illness?! great...0 -
Just like I would probably rank myself more attractive than a woman who is anorexic who thought she was the best and that no one else is as good as her.
:huh: you think you're better than someone who has a serious mental illness?! great...
I never said I am better, just that I would not class that as attractive. I was stating a situation where the other woman was not large, but once again, way to make everything negative.
I think no matter what is said you will take it and make it seem the worst it possibly can.
Yes Anorexia is a disorder. Where someone feels they are not good enough.
I am not perfect. Never said I was. But I am average pretty much all round. I just am the best I can be.0 -
Just like I would probably rank myself more attractive than a woman who is anorexic who thought she was the best and that no one else is as good as her.
:huh: you think you're better than someone who has a serious mental illness?! great...
Once again, way to be negative.
How exactly should your comment be taken in order for it to be positive!?0 -
I never said I am better, just that I would not class that as attractive. I was stating a situation where the other woman was not large, but once again, way to make everything negative.
I have never stated or implied I am better, or think I am better, than anyone based on size or attractiveness or whatever as a whole.
I only stated in the case of the two women I was cheated on with.
But that's fat hate isn't it?
And if they were skinnier, that would mean I was just jealous right?
And me thinking I could veer be better than someone who is known to be a huge cow makes me conceited, does it?0 -
Can I just say, for anyone else wanting to paint me as a fat person hater, my ex, the one that cheated on me, was "fat".
My best friend, female, is fat, and she Is the most gorgeous person inside and out, funnily enough she Is blonde now, too.
My best friend who moved states who is male, also a little chubby. We were very into each other for years without even knowing the other felt the same and only told each other long after the feelings were gone.
I DO NOT HATE FAT PEOPLE OR THINK THEY ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE.
Anyone that makes that conclusion is not reading my comments and replies properly, as I make a point of pointing that out.
Except those people who are fat and less attractive, right? Like the ones your ex's cheated on you with? You know, the ones you rank higher than.
No, I don't hate them either, I never said I did. In fact, the whole time I have never blamed them for what happened. I rank higher than them by not only my own opinion, but that of people who by all means should be on my ex's "side" I guess, like their friends or families.
Also, I don't think they are less attractive because they are fat, I think as a whole, inside and out, they are less attractive than me. Just like I would probably rank myself more attractive than a woman who is anorexic who thought she was the best and that no one else is as good as her.
It doesn't mean I am fantastic or even great, it just means as low as I am ranked, these women, by multiple accounts, were ranked lower.
If I thought I was more attractive than a skinny person, I doubt you would have a problem, but if its a larger person "oh no, it's fat hate". Please.
The only people who have taken offence to otherwise completely innocent comments on here are people that are in fact larger. I understand why you would be more sensitive to comments on weight. However I do not have a problem with people of any size at all. And I really wish you would stop taking it that way, since I have stated many times, with evidence through other comments, this isn't the case.
Also BunBun, I find it intriguing that once I clarified all the comments you had taken to try make it seem as if I did have an issue, you had no response, yet immediately took a positive comment and made a sarcastic, negative spin of it. Maybe it isn't me saying things that are negative towards size, but you reading it that way due to being sensitive on size?
Oh, my bad. I didn't think I needed to respond, you seemed to have done a well enough job of clarifying.
I'm not accusing you of fat hate, just thinking that you're better than everyone else it seems, including people with mental illness. Go you! I know there's no point in arguing with you since you're probably better than me anyway. Toodles! 0 -
Oh of course! that is EXACTLY what I have been saying this entire post. I am better than everyone? yeah no.
I have 2 serious mental conditions - depression and acute anxiety. I don't think I am better than most people. But I know for sure I am better than the two women that the cheating happened with.
And I may not be better than you, but at least I am honest, and I don't hate on someone for having their own opinion or for things they actually never said or implied.0 -
The only people who have taken offence to otherwise completely innocent comments on here are people that are in fact larger. I understand why you would be more sensitive to comments on weight. However I do not have a problem with people of any size at all. And I really wish you would stop taking it that way, since I have stated many times, with evidence through other comments, this isn't the case.
i missed this before... you dont know anything about me, but because i disagree with you it mush be because i'm larger than you...0 -
I'm sorry this has happened to you and I don't think it's your fault.
Look at David Beckham and Jude Law, or Arnold Schwarzenegger. They were all married to beautiful women but they went and had an affair with ugly women....why? I don't think it's about looks, I don't even think it's about you, I think it's because people like something new and if he was getting attention elsewhere different to how you gave it he would have ran for it. He's a creep basically but doesn't always have to be about the looks or size. I've met some huge women with amazing looking boyfriends and vice versa. It seemed to me these women and men were quite confident and bratty. Nice people even if nice looking can't always keep the attention of another.
I also look at it a little like the way of eating we are all on. Why have McDonald's when you've got a great piece of steak at home?
Well McDonald's is served quick, no thinking needed. In and out and eaten within seconds. Steak on the other hands needs cooked to perfection and enjoyed and taken time over. That stupid moment of madness and you've put that McDonald's meat in your mouth when really you should have went home and had that steak.0 -
Personally I don't get cheating at all. If you want to put your **** in numerous boxes then don't get in a relationship. If you don't want to be in a relationship then ****ing end it. Do I think size affects someone's attractiveness? Yes and no and maybe - there are more variables than just size when considering someone as a life partner. Oh and by the way its not your fault they cheated and it never is. Ever.0
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I haven't read the whole thread but I've read your first post, and my opinion is that the fact that both those women were larger than you doesn't really make a difference. I know you might be wondering whether it was your fault all along, especially after the second time, but I don't think you should focus on that. If your partner prefers larger girls, it doesn't mean that you have to become fat. If your partner doesn't like you being so caring and prefers rude girl, it's all about him. Until you're honest about who you are, it's up to them liking you or disliking you. They came to the point of cheating on you - so they weren't honest about what they felt about you. There is no evidence there was something they disliked in you at the point of looking for someone else... and there is no evidence you might have changed something to keep them close to you. You say you don't want this to happen with your current partner... just tell him how you feel and be honest. If he loves you, he's going to be honest with you too. I'm kind of strict when it comes to cheating: if someone cheated on you, he didn't love you that much in the end.0
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Pretty sure it is more of a "them" thing than you. Dude was going to cheat on you even if you looked like them.0
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First off, I don't think you can really define 'attractiveness', everyone is so different and want different things. I know you classify these girls as 'ugly' bc they really hurt you and they were jerks for cheating with your boyfriend, but try to think of the positive look on things, at least you found out sooner rather than later. I understand that they may have given you a bit of low self esteem, but why should you be the one who feels bad about yourself? You need to understand you did nothing wrong, they were D bags, and move on with your life with this new partner that you have. Try not to dwell on the past and enjoy your new partner (;0
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Initially attraction, then yes it does for me. You can call that shallow and I know that looks do not count for everything, but I'm being honest. Just as I wouldn't like someone that was painfully thin, I wouldn't find myself attracted to someone considerably overweight.0
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I would think people cheat due to their own self-esteem issues. I have an ex who cheated on me. She told me she was still in love with me a few years ago while married with a kid. Another ex cheated on me and we broke it off. She called me, pregnant and lonely, one day. Somehow we got into a discussion where she said her fiance wouldn't find out if we did anything because she was already pregnant.
Cheaters cheat. I didn't follow through with any of those offers. I have my dignity.0 -
Sadly I have had this experience with my husband of more than 20 years.
I know this sounds Freudian, but are you attracted to men with mommy issues? I think some men, particularly men that had inattentive unaffectionate mothers, have an unhealthy need to be needed and showered with attention from women and it does not matter what the women look like.0 -
I suppose i am trying to avoid doing whatever i did wrong in the past with my current partner
By this statement you are taking blame for what these men have done to you. Their cheating on you says much more about them than it does about you. As long as you are honest, faithful and considerate, you don't deserve to be treated like cr*p.0 -
In a word: YES!0
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This thread has rapidly descended into something with little connection to the original title.
On topic, for me, yes, I'm someone who finds the phrase BBW to be an oxymoron. But that's me. Some people prefer girls as big as possible. Not really sure what you hope to find out from this.0 -
I went through something similar a couple of weeks ago, last year my now ex started seeing another woman behind my back, seeing me half the week and seeing her the rest. When I found out I contacted the other person and told her what he had been doing and she didnt believe me, so i sent her screen shots of conversations. This put her off and after a month or two of him being nice to me I decided to try again with him. Exactly one year later and he has gone back off with her (even gave her things of mine as presents). Yet while he is now with her, he has been sending me messages saying how much he loves me and wants me back. People like that arent worth anyones time, they are best forgotten x0
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