Childhood Obesity= CHILD ABUSE

MegE_N

I became fat as a child because I was raised by a single parent and had the freedom to make my own choices. I'd come home from school and he'd be gone until 8 o'clock at night. What's an 11 year old going to cook? Ramen, naturally, so I'd eat a lot of that. Combine that with the fact that I used to silently 'race' my dad to the finish when we were eating normal meals together (and he could put away 3 plates, he used to be a super active guy) and that was the end of that. It didn't even help that I played ice hockey 5X a week, I put on the weight.

I was never abused. I am disgusted and horrified by the use of the word 'abuse' to categorize my childhood or childhoods like mine because there are children out there who are beaten, starved, sexually assaulted and worse every day.

Fat =/= abused. Abused = abused.

likitisplit

When my dad was alive it was "You eat what's in front of you or you don't". He was a marine. Let's just say, I wasn't a picky eater.

Its interesting. Apparently its abusive to feed kids healthy food nowadays, since they'd rather eat crap. Of course they would! They're kids. Kids like crap. Fortunately, kids don't get to call the shots. At least I didn't. And I rather enjoyed the wholesome food I was raised on. Would I have rather had a cheeseburger? Sure. But...that was available so that's not what I ate.

Are you saying cheeseburgers aren't wholesome food? Well now I know you've lost it.

The weakness of your lack of argument shines through every personal attack.

A hamburger obviously CAN be, but since you seem unaware, the landslide majority of hamburger consumption comes from crappy fast food. Goes without saying that I'm not referring to the real deal. At least it should lol.

Ok. So, I get a Quarter Pounder. How is that crappy?

Bernadette60614

I would define abuse as intent to commit harm.

I don't think parents who have obese children for whatever reason intend to do harm.

Under these scenarios, OP, what would you do:

. Your child would rather not eat than eat a vegetable?

. Your child will sit at the dinner table until breakfast rather than eat a bean?

. When you take your child in for their annual check-up and their weight has fallen to below the appropriate percentile and you are chided by the pediatrician and you know that they won't eat a vegetable, what do you do?


.

likitisplit

When my dad was alive it was "You eat what's in front of you or you don't". He was a marine. Let's just say, I wasn't a picky eater.

Its interesting. Apparently its abusive to feed kids healthy food nowadays, since they'd rather eat crap. Of course they would! They're kids. Kids like crap. Fortunately, kids don't get to call the shots. At least I didn't. And I rather enjoyed the wholesome food I was raised on. Would I have rather had a cheeseburger? Sure. But...that was available so that's not what I ate.

Are you saying cheeseburgers aren't wholesome food? Well now I know you've lost it.

The weakness of your lack of argument shines through every personal attack.

A hamburger obviously CAN be, but since you seem unaware, the landslide majority of hamburger consumption comes from crappy fast food. Goes without saying that I'm not referring to the real deal. At least it should lol.

I haven't attacked you personally once.

It's because your opinions will not match his. Thus you are an uneducated internet bully. Just out to troll him and his expert advice he is trying to provide all of the parents in here. From his years of being a non-parent.

It's more the "now I know you've lost it" statement.

SconnieCat

Getting a kid to eat that stuff is. What do you do then? Put a feeding tube in? Let them "not eat at all then" and then you are abusive for not feeding them enough? Until you have kids of your own don't talk to me about how to feed them.

Also if it's so easy to make children eat healthy, maybe he should try it himself.

None of us got to this website because we overate celery.

k8blujay2

I made my kids LASAGNE, with garlic toast and they chose to go hungry rather than eat it. I'm happy if the older one substitutes apple slices for whatever balance meal I've prepared for them.

We went camping at a lake once and my daughter ate a whole carton of strawberries - a huge feat - she eats like three things, total. So we got home and I happily bought strawberries. She refused to eat them, claiming she only likes "lake strawberries".

It can be incredibly difficult to get your kids to eat stuff they've made up their minds about. They aren't little robots you get to program (unfortunately). I try hard to get mine to eat healthy, but some days I just don't have the fight in me and I'm thankful for nasty spaghetti o's and apple slices.

Exactly. One day my niece will be all about some healthy food, a week later she says she doesn't like them. Heck, later in the same day she'll tell you she doesn't like them.

Everyone used to be so impressed at how mine would eat broccoli, green beans, all manner of fruits (usually strawberries, melon, apples, grapes)... she would eat fruits and vegetables all the time... now... not so much... do I still keep getting her to eat a couple of bites... sure. Because their taste buds change all the time... do I have to bribe her sometimes with fruit snacks or an ice pop... yup... but as long as it's balanced, who the frak cares besides know it all busybodies...


BTW, my child is in the 50th percentile for weight... because she is a grazer... and sometimes that involves "snack foods"...

Oh my niece is actually a really amazing eater. She's even vegetarian. She loves fruits and vegetables, but not all kids are like that at all. She even has her moments. I'll also say my brother somewhat does what our dad did with her, pretty much, that's what you're getting. However, his cooking is amazing, so I have no doubts she wouldn't eat it all.

I wouldn't be surprised if mine did to be honest... but it's still too early to tell.

kethry70

The weakness of your lack of argument shines through every personal attack.

A hamburger obviously CAN be, but since you seem unaware, the landslide majority of hamburger consumption comes from crappy fast food. Goes without saying that I'm not referring to the real deal. At least it should lol.

You wanna talk weak arguments?

You're a non-parent, telling other parents how easy it is to make their kids eat healthy food, when you clearly have a problem doing it just for yourself, much less anyone else, much less a child.

You may not like that it's personal. But I don't like people with no idea what they're talking about lecturing others.

I love you

devil_in_a_blue_dress

The weakness of your lack of argument shines through every personal attack.

A hamburger obviously CAN be, but since you seem unaware, the landslide majority of hamburger consumption comes from crappy fast food. Goes without saying that I'm not referring to the real deal. At least it should lol.

You wanna talk weak arguments?

You're a non-parent, telling other parents how easy it is to make their kids eat healthy food, when you clearly have a problem doing it just for yourself, much less anyone else, much less a child.

You may not like that it's personal. But I don't like people with no idea what they're talking about lecturing others.

I love you.

TheVirgoddess

Do you have the luxury of stay at home with your children? Yes, I know, you dabble with your non-profit, but if I remember correctly from its web page you either home school or hope to. I am not bringing that up to be a jerk, but that kind of thing is an opportunity that a lot of women don't have. Which is why you, of all the people here, should understand the reality that equal access is kind of a thing.

The 21 year old bit of my quote, which this person removed from its context was referring to the OP, not adult children.

You don't have a very high opinion of me, do you?

Yes, I stay home. I run a non-profit and a small business, and I home school my kids. I'm incredibly lucky to be in the situation I am - and we work hard to keep it that way. I fully believe that every woman deserves the choices that I have - and more.

I did not realize your quote was taken out of context. I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread. But apparently I've upset you somehow, so I'll apologize.

I don't actually have any opinion of you. You seem to think when people challenge you, they don't like you. It's really odd because that only leaves you people agreeing with you so your feelings don't get hurt.

Again, you cut the quote off, but I was responding to you agreeing with somebody that is arguing that obese children should be removed from their homes because foods, kitchens, and computers are easy to come by. I just stated that seemed odd coming from somebody who helps people gain access to resources.

I don't like long quotes on the page, it's a little pet peeve of mine, so I often cut them down.

I don't think people don't like me when they challenge me in the least. I'm sorry that that's your impression of me.

I already explained that I didn't realize the quote was cut off and taken out of context - the *only* thing I agreed with was that parents don't have much luck influencing their adult children. I still believe that. No where did I agree with his assertions that people should just "read a book" or force their kids to eat in a certain way.

In fact, if you read any other post I've made in this thread, you'd see that I agree with you. Agreeing with one single point of a persons argument doesn't mean you agree with everything they say, ever.

rexroars

I definitely agree that it has to be a case by case decision, but it is DEFINITELY child abuse in some cases. Severe obesity can do as much damage to a child's body as some other physical abuses...

likitisplit

Getting a kid to eat that stuff is. What do you do then? Put a feeding tube in? Let them "not eat at all then" and then you are abusive for not feeding them enough? Until you have kids of your own don't talk to me about how to feed them.

No, it's actually not.. IF you started when they were BABIES. The problem comes when parents are not 'parenting' and they let the kids get away with not eating and throwing tantrums until they get something else. My cousins are ALL like this, my sister in law was like this and all her kids are like this.. Our child knows that if he doesn't eat what is put in front of him he does not get a special dinner made just for him. Unfortunately once you go down that path of letting them get away with poor behavior it becomes impossible to change.

This is the same silliness as parents who let their kids wear the same outfit every day because the kid won't wear anything else. Your job as a parent is to PARENT FIRST. If your children throw tantrums or whine, or cry or don't listen CONSTANTLY (because all kids do it occasionally)..You did it to yourself.

When I was weaning my child we started out with vegetables first... and then fruit... and like I stated before she would eat a lot of them... until she turned this magical age of THREE... she does not get a special dinner... never has never will (I don't do it for me, my husband or my child... do I need to use the "ain't nobody got time for that" img again)... she still won't eat whats on her plate. She still prefers snacks (and of course she doesn't get them in lieu of meals) and bread and rice.

My theory is that they NEED a high-fat, high-carb diet through the "I'm not eating years." They freaking live on crackers and air. At four, they start responding to "three bites" but you have to have something good to reinforce that with, and I'm not about to start paying my kids to eat.

DeltaZero

When my dad was alive it was "You eat what's in front of you or you don't". He was a marine. Let's just say, I wasn't a picky eater.

Its interesting. Apparently its abusive to feed kids healthy food nowadays, since they'd rather eat crap. Of course they would! They're kids. Kids like crap. Fortunately, kids don't get to call the shots. At least I didn't. And I rather enjoyed the wholesome food I was raised on. Would I have rather had a cheeseburger? Sure. But...that was available so that's not what I ate.

Are you saying cheeseburgers aren't wholesome food? Well now I know you've lost it.

The weakness of your lack of argument shines through every personal attack.

A hamburger obviously CAN be, but since you seem unaware, the landslide majority of hamburger consumption comes from crappy fast food. Goes without saying that I'm not referring to the real deal. At least it should lol.

I haven't attacked you personally once.

It's because your opinions will not match his. Thus you are an uneducated internet bully. Just out to troll him and his expert advice he is trying to provide all of the parents in here. From his years of being a non-parent.

It's more the "now I know you've lost it" statement.

I think it's because we are not valuing his opinions.

Grumpsandwich

The weakness of your lack of argument shines through every personal attack.

A hamburger obviously CAN be, but since you seem unaware, the landslide majority of hamburger consumption comes from crappy fast food. Goes without saying that I'm not referring to the real deal. At least it should lol.

You wanna talk weak arguments?

You're a non-parent, telling other parents how easy it is to make their kids eat healthy food, when you clearly have a problem doing it just for yourself, much less anyone else, much less a child.

You may not like that it's personal. But I don't like people with no idea what they're talking about lecturing others.

There are not enough "boom"s for this post.

BTW i am a parent of a TRUE picky eater.. And he WOULD starve himself if he didnt like a certain food.. This a kid will eat eventually when they are hungry. How good would a parent be if a kid refused dinner because he didnt like it and wouldnt eat breakfast then had to go to school hungry.. It happens. Have you any IDEA how stubborn children really are? See how long you last as an actual parent when the true loves of your life do this. Soooo tell me how you can force a child to eat what they dont want? I really would love to know.. So please enlighten me.... My father was a marine. When i didnt want something I would be forced to sit there until it was eaten. If i still wouldnt eat it I would get cuffed upside the head. Try doing something like that today

SomeNights246

It's not always the parents' fault... My daughter is 9 and loves to eat. She's been putting weight on over the last 6 months or so and is overweight. When we go shopping, I try to educate her about food and give her healthy alternatives to sweets and 'junk' food. I ensure she has fresh fruit and vegetables to snack on and encourage her to think about why she's eating (for instance, she'll say "I'm bored, can I have an ice cream?"). I tell her how the body works, that food is energy and if we don't use all the energy our bodies keep it as fat for another time. I don't restrict her from having treats, but they are just that, treats; not an everyday occurrence. However, she'll trade lunches with kids at school and will come home with chocolate wrappers in her pockets or if she has pocket money she'll go to the shops with her brothers and spend it all on crisps, fizzy drinks, sweets... I do my best to ensure that she gets a healthy, varied diet but I feel like she is sabotaging my efforts and ultimately herself. I don't want to make such a big deal of it that she develops an eating disorder or a dysfunctional relationship with food but I feel I can't just leave her to her own devices. I was a chubby teen and I was miserable. I believe I set a good example now with my eating habits and I get plenty of exercise and encourage her to do the same but I'm acutely aware that there's a fine line between encouraging someone to be healthy and forcing them into doing something they don't want and potentially causing a bigger problem further down the line.

I'm pretty stumped as to what to do...

P.S. My daughter may only be 9 1/2 but she is very forward and switched on, for those that may think she's unable to understand what I'm trying to teach her. She has started going through puberty already so I'm sure this is a contributing factor to her weight gain.

9 1/2 is too early to go thru puberty. High body fat % is a CAUSE of early puberty, not a result.
If she has just started to gain weight rapidly over the past 6 months, I would look at what has changed in her world in that period of time. Divorce? Move? change in friends? Has she seemed more anxious or depressed the last 6 months? There most likely is an underlying problem that you may or may not be aware of. Seek outside help if needed.

My kids never had pocket money at that age. There was no need for them to have money, as I was always with them to pay for anything they needed. Is she left without adult supervision very often?

So much of what you said is so wrong that I just don't even know how to respond.

I knew someone in 4th grade who had her first period at 9. She definitely did not have a high body fat %. She was thinner than the rest of us! Geeze. Premature puberty is not unheard of. And - take it from someone who lives and grew up in a lower economical area - is VERY common in poorer communities. There are a plethora of reasons. Weight can be one, yes. Among stress, evolutionary/biological things, diet, genetics, etc.

As for the actual topic, while I think the OP's way of presenting it was a tad over the top... in some cases, she does have a point. I am not saying all overweight children should be taken by CPS. I am saying, though, that there is a fine line between a child being overweight and a child being morbidly obese. I had a friend whose toddler was bordering on obesity. She had CPS speak to her about it, educate her on how to manage it, and the child is now a healthy weight. A little education goes a long way. However, I have also seen parents who just could not care less. They get told to stop giving their kids pop and give them water, or to feed them healthier foods in moderation. Not even put them on a diet, mind you. Just change their lifestyle. And they act like it's a personal offense. As though it's normal for kids to be over 200 lbs and everyone is just bullying them and their kid.

I remember seeing an article about some of the most obese people in the world or something. I don't know, it was floating around for a while. A couple of the people on the list were children. One was eleven. We are not necessarily talking about just being overweight here. I feel both sides make it about that without considering the alternative. It is unfair to target kids who are overweight, as that can be normal. Growth spurts, awkward stages, etc. However, this does not make morbid obesity acceptable. If a child is morbidly obese then I would say that yeah, that kind of is neglect.

k8blujay2

Getting a kid to eat that stuff is. What do you do then? Put a feeding tube in? Let them "not eat at all then" and then you are abusive for not feeding them enough? Until you have kids of your own don't talk to me about how to feed them.

No, it's actually not.. IF you started when they were BABIES. The problem comes when parents are not 'parenting' and they let the kids get away with not eating and throwing tantrums until they get something else. My cousins are ALL like this, my sister in law was like this and all her kids are like this.. Our child knows that if he doesn't eat what is put in front of him he does not get a special dinner made just for him. Unfortunately once you go down that path of letting them get away with poor behavior it becomes impossible to change.

This is the same silliness as parents who let their kids wear the same outfit every day because the kid won't wear anything else. Your job as a parent is to PARENT FIRST. If your children throw tantrums or whine, or cry or don't listen CONSTANTLY (because all kids do it occasionally)..You did it to yourself.

When I was weaning my child we started out with vegetables first... and then fruit... and like I stated before she would eat a lot of them... until she turned this magical age of THREE... she does not get a special dinner... never has never will (I don't do it for me, my husband or my child... do I need to use the "ain't nobody got time for that" img again)... she still won't eat whats on her plate. She still prefers snacks (and of course she doesn't get them in lieu of meals) and bread and rice.

My theory is that they NEED a high-fat, high-carb diet through the "I'm not eating years." They freaking live on crackers and air. At four, they start responding to "three bites" but you have to have something good to reinforce that with, and I'm not about to start paying my kids to eat.

Thankfully, my child will eat her meals at daycare.... thank you peer pressure!!! I think there is something to that though! We tell her (she is a pretty smart kid) that if she doesn't eat her dinner (at it doesn't have to be a lot, just a couple of bites here and there) that she won't get a snack later... that usually gets her to eat. and if not, oh well.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Do you have the luxury of stay at home with your children? Yes, I know, you dabble with your non-profit, but if I remember correctly from its web page you either home school or hope to. I am not bringing that up to be a jerk, but that kind of thing is an opportunity that a lot of women don't have. Which is why you, of all the people here, should understand the reality that equal access is kind of a thing.

The 21 year old bit of my quote, which this person removed from its context was referring to the OP, not adult children.

You don't have a very high opinion of me, do you?

Yes, I stay home. I run a non-profit and a small business, and I home school my kids. I'm incredibly lucky to be in the situation I am - and we work hard to keep it that way. I fully believe that every woman deserves the choices that I have - and more.

I did not realize your quote was taken out of context. I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread. But apparently I've upset you somehow, so I'll apologize.

I don't actually have any opinion of you. You seem to think when people challenge you, they don't like you. It's really odd because that only leaves you people agreeing with you so your feelings don't get hurt.

Again, you cut the quote off, but I was responding to you agreeing with somebody that is arguing that obese children should be removed from their homes because foods, kitchens, and computers are easy to come by. I just stated that seemed odd coming from somebody who helps people gain access to resources.

I don't like long quotes on the page, it's a little pet peeve of mine, so I often cut them down.

I don't think people don't like me when they challenge me in the least. I'm sorry that that's your impression of me.

I already explained that I didn't realize the quote was cut off and taken out of context - the *only* thing I agreed with was that parents don't have much luck influencing their adult children. I still believe that. No where did I agree with his assertions that people should just "read a book" or force their kids to eat in a certain way.

In fact, if you read any other post I've made in this thread, you'd see that I agree with you. Agreeing with one single point of a persons argument doesn't mean you agree with everything they say, ever.

Ah yes, but when you cut quotes off because it's your pet peeve (you case) or to make an irrelevant point (that other dude) and and then say "I agree with you" that makes what you are actually saying much harder to figure out.

PRMinx

I don't have kids, but I know I was impossible during some of my younger years. If it wasn't peanut butter and jelly, I wasn't eating it! Needless to say, there were nights I went to bed hungry.

When I got a little older, say 8 or so, my taste buds changed dramatically and I started eating more things (except I hid my brussel sprouts under my baked potato). I was raised in a home with fresh cooking all the time and my Mom would make my sister and I help her in the kitchen. I think this had a bigger impact on healthy eating habits than anything else - being part of the meal process made me proud of my work and so I wanted to eat it.

Also, my Dad was always very active and, since I wanted to spend time with him, exercise was a big part of my childhood.

But, all that said, there were years when I was really hard to feed. For sure.

likitisplit

Getting a kid to eat that stuff is. What do you do then? Put a feeding tube in? Let them "not eat at all then" and then you are abusive for not feeding them enough? Until you have kids of your own don't talk to me about how to feed them.

No, it's actually not.. IF you started when they were BABIES. The problem comes when parents are not 'parenting' and they let the kids get away with not eating and throwing tantrums until they get something else. My cousins are ALL like this, my sister in law was like this and all her kids are like this.. Our child knows that if he doesn't eat what is put in front of him he does not get a special dinner made just for him. Unfortunately once you go down that path of letting them get away with poor behavior it becomes impossible to change.

This is the same silliness as parents who let their kids wear the same outfit every day because the kid won't wear anything else. Your job as a parent is to PARENT FIRST. If your children throw tantrums or whine, or cry or don't listen CONSTANTLY (because all kids do it occasionally)..You did it to yourself.

LOL. My kids were so awesome about eating the healthiest stuff when they were babies. They adored my chicken stew. One of their favorites was a puree with chicken, tomatoes, cucumber and avocado. My oldest would forgo puffs and eat all the green beans until they were gone. All of them. In the pot, not just what she was served. She'd eat all kinds of fruit and vegetables and chicken and even some fish if it hadn't been previously frozen. I was so proud of my parenting/cooking abilities.

_KitKat_

In to read later....

You might be able to make an argument for neglect, but I too think that the leap to abuse is untenable.

I am responsible for what my children eat. I am responsible for bringing healthy food into our home, preparing it, teaching them how to prepare it, shop for it, budget for it, etc. This is one of my duties as a parent. If I'm not doing it, I see it as neglectful, especially because I know better.

I agree with this. Calling it abuse would overwhelm and already stressed system. I do think it should be monitored by doctors and if needed counseling should be available. If the parents has issues with food they would need help to be able to help their kids.

I will admit it upsets me when I see an obese child, as a parent I can not see allowing a health issue to happen and not doing everything in my power to stop or prevent it but how can a parent that has no clue about portion size teach portions and moderation to a child when they are unable.

Something does need done, unfortunately there is no right way or one size fit all solution.

I find it neglectful when people have overweight animals as well, people should not project their unhealthy issues onto those that can't fend for themselves.