what is it with my wife?!
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It's cheaper than a divorce my friend
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That "D" word isn't in either of our vocabulary.
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The "D" word wasn't in mine or my ex-husbands vocabulary ......things change. What does she do when the child is sleeping? Is she hiring a babysitter to go shopping at the mall or getting a pedi? Then, my friend, you would have a leg to stand on.
Please don't be one of those men that think she is not "working" for those 11 hours you are at your job. When I was at home with an 11 month old, I took a nap while the baby napped. Not for four hours, but rarely some times, it was Trying to keep up with a crawling, learning to walk baby is exhausting all while trying to do laundry, feed the baby, play with the baby, plan and make dinner, clean up around the house the best I could, pay bills, etc.
My advice?
1. Don't have another child anytime soon. The work load doubles.
2. Don't approach your wife playing the victim. Tell her you value the time with her and your child. ASK HER how you can be a better husband and father all while trying to keep up with your honey-do list. Ask HER to help you figure out a system that works for BOTH of you.
3. DATE NIGHT. This is probably the best thing you can do for your marriage, seriously. Set aside one night a week. Every Tuesday, for example. Hire a babysitter, recruit and aunt, uncle or grandparent and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE TOGETHER! A movie, dinner, a walk, an ice cream cone....something that gets you out of the house and away from the baby, the chores, etc for AT LEAST an hour EVERY WEEK. You can change the nights if you need to but plan SOMETHING once a week!
4. If you don't listen to 1 and 2......plan on doing #3. THIS will be what saves you from the "D" word.
A cranky wife is NOT going to be a happy wife. I loved staying home with my babies. I had a job that allowed me to take a year off with each pregnancy. I took the whole year, both times, but I was also very happy to go back to my job after each maternity leave. Working a 40 hour per week job was less "work" than being a full-time, stay-at-home mommy.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Potty training at 11 months? Really? :huh:0 -
This thread has nothing to do with potty training. However with that being said, I am sure the OP will be doing the one training as it seems his wife doesn't do much at all.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.
My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.
But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*
If it took your youngest TWO YEARS to potty train, you were pushing it on her way too young.0 -
@LFDBabs
1: She wants another child, I'm totally content with just her, period.
2: This is not about me being a better husband, and I am not playing the victim. I do not believe you have read enough of this thread to gain a good grasp on my point at all.
3: I stated earlier, we just started doing date night again, and it hasn't happened every week, but we are both hopeful to get it back up to that frequency.
I understand a cranky wife is not a happy wife... same goes for the husband...who wants to be at a job busting their @$$ day in and day out, getting *kitten* on by the higher ups, putting in extra hours, only to go home and get *kitten* on some more for housework...0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.
My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.
But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*
Glad we sorted that out.0 -
I understand a cranky wife is not a happy wife... same goes for the husband...who wants to be at a job busting their @$$ day in and day out, getting *kitten* on by the higher ups, putting in extra hours, only to go home and get *kitten* on some more for housework...
:drinker: I agree with this. There needs to be some mutual respect between you two.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.
My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.
But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*
If it took your youngest TWO YEARS to potty train, you were pushing it on her way too young.
It's a long story... but I didn't start her potty training. Again, she didn't start UNTIL 2 years...0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.
My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.
But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*
If it took your youngest TWO YEARS to potty train, you were pushing it on her way too young.
It's a long story... but I didn't start her potty training. Again, she didn't start UNTIL 2 years...
yes, didn't start utnil 2, but wasn't done until 4... that, my dear, equals 2 years0 -
I'm not sure how all this potty training talk started...0
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I don't know, buddy. I was a single mom with a job and full-time school and managed to keep my house pretty darned clean and still have a social life on top of it.
I know raising kids isn't a walk in the park, and the lack of time multiplies the more children you have, but one 11-month-old (assuming no special needs) isn't really that much work.
At the same time, "happy wife, happy life," so pick your battles or seek counseling to talk it out.0 -
I'm not sure how all this potty training talk started...
Crap jobs, crap talk
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Just get rid of the lazy-*kitten* wife. My mom died when I was 3 months old. My dad took care of me, worked full time, took care of the house and yard and shopping and cleaning...everything....until I was old enough to help out. Our house was always spotless, we ate good meals off of clean plates and he never complained.
When I was old enough to do chores, I did them...but he still worked his *kitten* off to make sure our home was clean, neat, and comfortable. If she wants chores done, tell her to do them her damn self.0 -
OP, I completely see it. I was having similar issues. I work, husband works. He has Sundays off and a random weekday off (he's a mechanic). He works Saturdays which means I'm with kids all day and I clean. Sunday is "family day" so I really don't like to go off on my own for my own time.
On his days off, I'd come home to a house that was a mess. A yard unkempt. Laundry piled. Dishes crusty. And this man had ALL DAY with NO KIDS (Because they were at school and I was at work). Nothing was done. What was he doing? Ohhh motorcycle ride, working at a shop for cars he loved (without pay..just for fun) and sometimes he did nothing.
For many years, I would bite my tongue...didn't want to rock the boat. We had issues...every couple does. THIS was just the fuel that kept the resentment burning.
Finally I just laid it out for him. It wasn't a comfortable conversation. It wasn't a completely calm conversation. But he heard me and seems to be doing better. It is no longer the expectation that since I'm the wife, that I'm the maid.
In your situation, you work. You provide the money for all the things. Things she uses daily. Food, shelter, electricity, clothing, etc. And yet she isn't pulling her weight. You are feeling frustrated and maybe a bit used. If you stopped working or working so hard and money wasn't coming in, you can bet she'd say something.
At 24, she doesn't get it. HER JOB, regardless of being a man or woman, right now is the home. All of it. When you're home I'm sure you can help out, etc. But...the home should be relatively clean and meals should be prepared or at least thought about. I find that in the younger ages, people are resentful of 'traditional roles' as if it makes them less of a person. But this is what you two decided on and if she can't handle it, then maybe she should work.
I get your feelings. I do. It doesn't feel good to feel like you're doing it ALL when you are supposed to be a team. She's not participating in the duties. Resentment will build unless you TALK TO HER.
Talk to her. Lay it out.0 -
If she wants chores done, tell her to do them her damn self.
Yea. I'd probably just start saying no.0 -
I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).
To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.
However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.
^^^^^^^
THIS!!!! I am a mother of 5 and I would give anything to stay at home with my kiddos. If I did that would mean that MY JOB was to take care of the house and kids. End of story.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.
My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.
But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*
If it took your youngest TWO YEARS to potty train, you were pushing it on her way too young.
It's a long story... but I didn't start her potty training. Again, she didn't start UNTIL 2 years...
yes, didn't start utnil 2, but wasn't done until 4... that, my dear, equals 2 years
I'm not sure how that equates to pushing it on her too young. :huh:0 -
LOL, sorry, had to type the subject in mockery of that one girl's "problem".
But seriously... Curious for opinions, probably gonna get some trolls, but here's my dilemma.
How do I ask my wife to do more housework while she is at home? ...no it's not sexist, I'll give you some backup as to what I am talking about.
She always nags me to do housework when I come home from working 10-12 hour days, complains if I don't get X number of chores done before we go to bed, etc.
She is a stay at home mom. Not that she doesn't do anything, because she definitely does a lot with out 11 month old daughter, but our daughter also naps right after lunch until around 4-4:30pm every day. She's got 4 hours where she can basically do light chores and stuff without causing a ruckus.
So how do I approach her without getting into a stupid argument, about her picking up some slack around the house? I leave for work at 6am, get home around 6:30pm, my daughter starts bath/bed time at 8...I don't get much time to spend with her.
Any suggestions?
What specifically is she requesting from you?
Are these things that you can do on the weekends (yourself) or both of you share the load of the chores together?
I know growing up we had the usual, make our beds & keep our room(s) clean during the week, set the table, clear the table, clean the kitchen, sometimes help in the kitchen and then cleaning house as a "family" chore(s) on the weekend (usually on Sat's).
That entailed more in depth cleaning...dusting, vacuuming, gutters, paint/fix something, mowing etc.
I don't understand how your 11 month old is going down for a nap at that time...how long is she sleeping to when she's being laid down for bed at 8pm, that doesn't calculate 4 hrs of "free" time to me.
If shes being laid down for a nap at that time, then could it be that your wife is cooking your meal while your baby is napping?
I was a nanny for a a few yrs and the kids would either play or follow me around while I did things to help the lady out (she was a single mom of 2).
What about putting your baby in 1 of those doorway bouncers or if she cant walk w/out assistance, put her in a walker, that way she can watch "mom" without being too far away from her.
Its not easy seeing the same 4 walls day in & day out so even though you may think you've got it hard or the short end of the stick, at least you get to get out and see people every day.
She may miss that connection with not just "people" but 1's that can converse with her (unlike trying to w/ an 11 month old)!
Just some things to think over...good luck 0 -
I'm not sure how that equates to pushing it on her too young. :huh:
Not that this has anything to do with the OP....but....if it took 2 years to "train" her, she wasn't ready. There really shouldn't be any training for a child with the bathroom. The body should be ready (to hold urine/poop) and the mind should be ready. My mindset was that they weren't going to go to college in diapers. lol. I just waited until my kids told me they were ready. Both were using the potty in one day by age 3.0 -
I'll tell you something about my life that I think is unique. Because there is such a crammed schedule in my life, sometimes I do my house work in a very unique way.
You would be absolutely shocked at how much can get done in 20 minutes if you go all out, balls-to-the-wall HIIT on it.
I literally break into a full speed run, dripping with sweat (it doubles as a workout) getting things put in their place.
I can load and unload a dishwasher in just a couple minutes flat when I want to.
I can hang up a load of laundry in just a couple minutes if the effort is there.
I can pick up, clean and vacuum a floor, than put away the vacuum in just a couple of minutes if I want too.
There's a secret about this.
If the house is already clean, the 'daily cleaning' isn't really much.
Gather toys in a bin. Check.
Hang up the wash. Check.
Spray down counter tops. Unload dishwasher.
Reload and start dishwasher. Wipe down counter top. Check. Check.
Light a candle. Check.
Grab that sweeper and run it over the floors. Check.
This junk can be done in 30 minutes flat if someone wants to make the effort.
I run this gig after work from 5:15 to 5:35 and than I have the whole darn evening free to cook, spend time with my daughter, my boyfriend, swim, lift, work-out, watch movies.
Get it done, get it knocked out, keep it knocked out.
The cleaner you keep it the easier it is to clean.
The messier it gets the more daunting and prolonged it is.0
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