what is it with my wife?!

Alluminati

Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.

She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.

A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...

I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.

Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.

Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!

Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.

Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.

I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.

My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.

My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.

But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*

If it took your youngest TWO YEARS to potty train, you were pushing it on her way too young.

It's a long story... but I didn't start her potty training. Again, she didn't start UNTIL 2 years...

yes, didn't start utnil 2, but wasn't done until 4... that, my dear, equals 2 years

did I wander in to Baby Center? **Checks web address**

Alluminati

I don't understand this at all.

If I was in a position to be a stay at home Mom for a few years, I would make it a point to ensure the house is clean, dinner is on the table, etc. I actually think that sounds a hell of a lot more fun than corporate America.

It is Pay sucks tho :laugh:

Hahaha. Yep! And that right there is the reason why I don't think I could ever do it. I could never be financially dependent on someone else. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, ESPECIALLY with how expensive child care is. it's just that circumstances in my childhood made me want to ensure that I have my own money all the time, no matter what.

Yup, if there's any wisdom to impart to future moms, that would be it for sure. HAVE YOUR OWN MONEY!

That_Girl

I don't get why people care if she's depressed or bored.

If I get depressed or bored, I still grab my coffee, put my fat butt in the car and drive to work.

Being depressed or bored does not negate responsibility.

Then you clearly have not been truly depressed. I'm not talking about being sad. Or unhappy. Those are things we can fix within ourselves. But depression, when it takes over, can be crippling. PPD can last until the child is 2. It's a horrible thing to go through. And the woman does go to work. She takes care of the child and maybe that's all she can do.

That was my thought before I read other things. I do believe she just thinks it's not her job. I know a couple of friends who stay home and do NOTHING because they feel like they shouldn't have to. It blows my mind.

AsaThorsWoman

This is why I absolutely refuse to ever tie the knot before living with someone for over a year.

That's not part of the traditional family values I espouse, but it does show a person's true colors before a mistake is made.

You don't really know someone until you've been in their world for awhile.

That_Girl

And I think her husband should care deeply if she is depressed. If she's just entitled, then there's another issue. But to not care about her mindset in all of this isn't very productive.

Cliffslosinit

I really don't want to get into the original question and all that followed....

Just wanted to say if we ever meet, the beer is on me!:drinker:

JonnyMacAwesome

This is why I absolutely refuse to ever tie the knot before living with someone for over a year.

That's not part of the traditional family values I espouse, but it does show a person's true colors before a mistake is made.

You don't really know someone until you've been in their world for awhile.

We lived together for about 6 months before we moved across Canada to Calgary(her family is all in Ontario, I have some here). We then lived with my parents in their condo for 2 months, and then got an apartment for 2 years. This January we moved to a rented house for space concerns...that's where we are now.

JonnyMacAwesome

I really don't want to get into the original question and all that followed....

Just wanted to say if we ever meet, the beer is on me!:drinker:

lol thanks. Appreciate the support man! :drinker:

SemperAnticus1643

As a single mom to 2 daughters and working 40+ hours a week while helping with homework, coaching softball, shuffling the girls back and forth to practices, being a spectator at the youngest's soccer games, spending quality time with my girls and going to the gym while doing all the chores in my own home (with the help of my 2 daughters), I know from experience that having a baby and trying to keep the house clean is a lot easier than what I do every day.

As a stay at home mom, I really think that it's her "job" to handle all the house stuff while you are out of the home providing said house for her. Depending on how big your home is and how many people are in your home, which I assume is 3, it shouldn't be difficult to maintain a clean home. If she does it right then she could have her "free time" while the baby sleeps.

JonnyMacAwesome

And I think her husband should care deeply if she is depressed. If she's just entitled, then there's another issue. But to not care about her mindset in all of this isn't very productive.

I do care, but it's tough for me to say whether she's depressed or not when all she tells me is butterflies, unicorns and rainbows...

That_Girl

This is why I absolutely refuse to ever tie the knot before living with someone for over a year.

That's not part of the traditional family values I espouse, but it does show a person's true colors before a mistake is made.

You don't really know someone until you've been in their world for awhile.

We lived together for about 6 months before we moved across Canada to Calgary(her family is all in Ontario, I have some here). We then lived with my parents in their condo for 2 months, and then got an apartment for 2 years. This January we moved to a rented house for space concerns...that's where we are now.

Is she close to her family? Is she close in proximity to them? I am not familiar with Canadian geography, excuse me.

That_Girl

And I think her husband should care deeply if she is depressed. If she's just entitled, then there's another issue. But to not care about her mindset in all of this isn't very productive.

I do care, but it's tough for me to say whether she's depressed or not when all she tells me is butterflies, unicorns and rainbows...

Of course. But she may be overcompensating if all you hear is the good stuff. There is bad stuff. Taking care of a child and a home can suck.

DBoone85

I'll tell you something about my life that I think is unique. Because there is such a crammed schedule in my life, sometimes I do my house work in a very unique way.

You would be absolutely shocked at how much can get done in 20 minutes if you go all out, balls-to-the-wall HIIT on it.

I literally break into a full speed run, dripping with sweat (it doubles as a workout) getting things put in their place.

I can load and unload a dishwasher in just a couple minutes flat when I want to.

I can hang up a load of laundry in just a couple minutes if the effort is there.

I can pick up, clean and vacuum a floor, than put away the vacuum in just a couple of minutes if I want too.

There's a secret about this.

If the house is already clean, the 'daily cleaning' isn't really much.

Gather toys in a bin. Check.

Hang up the wash. Check.

Spray down counter tops. Unload dishwasher.

Reload and start dishwasher. Wipe down counter top. Check. Check.

Light a candle. Check.

Grab that sweeper and run it over the floors. Check.

This junk can be done in 30 minutes flat if someone wants to make the effort.

I run this gig after work from 5:15 to 5:35 and than I have the whole darn evening free to cook, spend time with my daughter, my boyfriend, swim, lift, work-out, watch movies.

Get it done, get it knocked out, keep it knocked out.

The cleaner you keep it the easier it is to clean.

The messier it gets the more daunting and prolonged it is.

I think I love you. Marry me?

That_Girl

As a single mom to 2 daughters and working 40+ hours a week while helping with homework, coaching softball, shuffling the girls back and forth to practices, being a spectator at the youngest's soccer games, spending quality time with my girls and going to the gym while doing all the chores in my own home (with the help of my 2 daughters), I know from experience that having a baby and trying to keep the house clean is a lot easier than what I do every day.

As a stay at home mom, I really think that it's her "job" to handle all the house stuff while you are out of the home providing said house for her. Depending on how big your home is and how many people are in your home, which I assume is 3, it shouldn't be difficult to maintain a clean home. If she does it right then she could have her "free time" while the baby sleeps.

I had my world and home a lot more under control when I was a single mom. lol. Interesting...

JonnyMacAwesome

This is why I absolutely refuse to ever tie the knot before living with someone for over a year.

That's not part of the traditional family values I espouse, but it does show a person's true colors before a mistake is made.

You don't really know someone until you've been in their world for awhile.

We lived together for about 6 months before we moved across Canada to Calgary(her family is all in Ontario, I have some here). We then lived with my parents in their condo for 2 months, and then got an apartment for 2 years. This January we moved to a rented house for space concerns...that's where we are now.

Is she close to her family? Is she close in proximity to them? I am not familiar with Canadian geography, excuse me.

It's quite alright. She's not overly close to them, but she does miss them. Geographically they live just on the north side of the great lakes, and we live one province in from the west coast...so no, not close at all in proximity.

Her family is a whole other issue - they feel they are entitled to 2 or more visits per year from us, always going there, none of them ever coming to us...but that's nothing i want to bring up here.

Ilikelamps

ur a but hed

PinkyFett

I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:

She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).

To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.

However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.

I agree 100% percent. I am a stay at home mom... MY JOB is to cook, clean, and take care of my 3 1/2 year old daughter. My husband goes to work every day and I don't expect him to do anything other than take out the trash. He shouldn't have to come home and work after being at work all day.
If she doesn't want to handle the ALL of the responsibility of being a SAHM then she doesn't need to be one.
SMH at some women.... ugh...

Some women don't like being slaves. Hubby works 8 hours, why should you work 24? Marriage is a team, so I thought?

da_bears1008

Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.

She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.

A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...

I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.

Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.

Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!

Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.

Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.

I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.

My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.

My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.

But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*

If it took your youngest TWO YEARS to potty train, you were pushing it on her way too young.

It's a long story... but I didn't start her potty training. Again, she didn't start UNTIL 2 years...

yes, didn't start utnil 2, but wasn't done until 4... that, my dear, equals 2 years

I'm not sure how that equates to pushing it on her too young. :huh:

for a kid that is truly ready for potty training, it shoulld not be a 2 year process

JonnyMacAwesome

ur a but hed

lol wut?

That_Girl

It's quite alright. She's not overly close to them, but she does miss them. Geographically they live just on the north side of the great lakes, and we live one province in from the west coast...so no, not close at all in proximity.

Her family is a whole other issue - they feel they are entitled to 2 or more visits per year from us, always going there, none of them ever coming to us...but that's nothing i want to bring up here.

Seems important to me. If her birth family is entitled and expecting these things from you, then it would go to show that she would have the same connotations in life. Entitled. If they don't compromise, they probably don't do much in the family as well. If she grew up like that, it would explain a lot.

ETA: My mother raised me alone. She is a narcissistic piece of work. I was NO different until I had to look at myself (age 34) and change a lot about myself. We become what we're familiar with. It didn't seem wrong to me until I realized it was wrong and almost lost my marriage at that time (which wouldn't be a bad thing now lol but that's my Oprah show )