what is it with my wife?!

JonnyMacAwesome

LOL, sorry, had to type the subject in mockery of that one girl's "problem".

But seriously... Curious for opinions, probably gonna get some trolls, but here's my dilemma.

How do I ask my wife to do more housework while she is at home? ...no it's not sexist, I'll give you some backup as to what I am talking about.

She always nags me to do housework when I come home from working 10-12 hour days, complains if I don't get X number of chores done before we go to bed, etc.

She is a stay at home mom. Not that she doesn't do anything, because she definitely does a lot with out 11 month old daughter, but our daughter also naps right after lunch until around 4-4:30pm every day. She's got 4 hours where she can basically do light chores and stuff without causing a ruckus.

So how do I approach her without getting into a stupid argument, about her picking up some slack around the house? I leave for work at 6am, get home around 6:30pm, my daughter starts bath/bed time at 8...I don't get much time to spend with her.

Any suggestions?

Beautiful_disaster40

Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later

Crimson_Fire

So you want her to work during her 3-4 hours of free time, but you are complaining because she asks you to help out during your free time? Maybe y'all should talk about it, nicely and calmly, and decide on a compromise that you both are happy with...

or the housekeeper idea.

JonnyMacAwesome

Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later

That's not an affordable option right now, otherwise we would have done that already...but thank you for the tip.

Beautiful_disaster40

Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later

That's not an affordable option right now, otherwise we would have done that already...but thank you for the tip.

It's cheaper than a divorce my friend

giggitygoo

Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later

Best $80 a week I have ever spent.

I would approach it by asking how you can better organize your to-do list so you can spend your evenings with the family, and not the dishes.

That request is pretty hard to argue with.

JonnyMacAwesome

So you want her to work during her 3-4 hours of free time, but you are complaining because she asks you to help out during your free time? Maybe y'all should talk about it, nicely and calmly, and decide on a compromise that you both are happy with...

or the housekeeper idea.

Originally before our baby when she was working part time, we had a deal that she would do all the housework except cleaning the kitchen and I would take care of that.

Now that she is not working away from home at all, she wants me(who has taken on extra work hours to survive on a single income) to do more than just clean the kitchen, which I still do daily...

She asks me not to help out, but to do it instead of her...helping is one thing, being a slave entirely different...she also gets all day with our daughter, I get less than 2 hours per day.

Just adding perspective.

wheird

Housekeeper, or perhaps a designated "cleaning time" for the both of you?

JonnyMacAwesome

Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later

That's not an affordable option right now, otherwise we would have done that already...but thank you for the tip.

It's cheaper than a divorce my friend

That "D" word isn't in either of our vocabulary.

I would love to be able to afford one - but I just don't make enough money to do so yet. We have a single income(mine) right now...that makes things a lot tougher, and she's not ready to leave the baby for a part time evenings/weekends job yet.

emdeesea

Ooh I don't see this ending well.

shewentwhoa

Just tell her to clean the house or get a job. Plain and simple.

mamaomefo

Each of you spend 1.5-2 hours of your free time doing chores, (you after the baby goes to bed, her while the baby naps). Or whatever portion you two think is fair.

darrensurrey

At some point, you're going to get, "I GAVE YOU YOUR DAUGHTER!!!"

You can't win.

You don't have kids, do you? (Always wanted to play that card.)

Myhaloslipped

lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.

Guns_N_Buns

I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:

She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).

To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.

However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.

vjohn04

just show her this post.

JonnyMacAwesome

lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.

So far it seems like the most logical of the options provided, also @mamaomefo's suggestion too.

I'm going to see if I can work both of them into one plan and see how that goes... It's probably all in the approach...and I suck at soft approaches.

JonnyMacAwesome

I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:

She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job)

While I agree with you, I'd be fine with a part time evenings/weekends job... then no baby$itter required...

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Do you make it a point spend time with your child so she has time to herself?

Is she happy staying at home?

Is she depressed?

wheird

lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.

So far it seems like the most logical of the options provided, also @mamaomefo's suggestion too.

I'm going to see if I can work both of them into one plan and see how that goes... It's probably all in the approach...and I suck at soft approaches.

Sorry man, it isnt exactly an equal distribution of labor and responsibility, but the designated cleaning time may be the only way of making her think that you are both meeting halfway.

JonnyMacAwesome

Do you make it a point spend time with your child so she has time to herself?

Is she happy staying at home?

Is she depressed?

Yes, I spend every moment I can with our daughter when I am at home, especially on weekends so she can do what she wants.

She prefers to stay home, as long as she gets to be with our daughter. She generally goes out at least once on the weekend for a few hours to volunteer at the local dog rescue.

She is not depressed, very happy actually...