what is it with my wife?!
JonnyMacAwesome
Posts: 770 Member
in Chit-Chat
LOL, sorry, had to type the subject in mockery of that one girl's "problem".
But seriously... Curious for opinions, probably gonna get some trolls, but here's my dilemma.
How do I ask my wife to do more housework while she is at home? ...no it's not sexist, I'll give you some backup as to what I am talking about.
She always nags me to do housework when I come home from working 10-12 hour days, complains if I don't get X number of chores done before we go to bed, etc.
She is a stay at home mom. Not that she doesn't do anything, because she definitely does a lot with out 11 month old daughter, but our daughter also naps right after lunch until around 4-4:30pm every day. She's got 4 hours where she can basically do light chores and stuff without causing a ruckus.
So how do I approach her without getting into a stupid argument, about her picking up some slack around the house? I leave for work at 6am, get home around 6:30pm, my daughter starts bath/bed time at 8...I don't get much time to spend with her.
Any suggestions?
But seriously... Curious for opinions, probably gonna get some trolls, but here's my dilemma.
How do I ask my wife to do more housework while she is at home? ...no it's not sexist, I'll give you some backup as to what I am talking about.
She always nags me to do housework when I come home from working 10-12 hour days, complains if I don't get X number of chores done before we go to bed, etc.
She is a stay at home mom. Not that she doesn't do anything, because she definitely does a lot with out 11 month old daughter, but our daughter also naps right after lunch until around 4-4:30pm every day. She's got 4 hours where she can basically do light chores and stuff without causing a ruckus.
So how do I approach her without getting into a stupid argument, about her picking up some slack around the house? I leave for work at 6am, get home around 6:30pm, my daughter starts bath/bed time at 8...I don't get much time to spend with her.
Any suggestions?
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Replies
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Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later
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So you want her to work during her 3-4 hours of free time, but you are complaining because she asks you to help out during your free time? Maybe y'all should talk about it, nicely and calmly, and decide on a compromise that you both are happy with...
or the housekeeper idea.
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Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later
That's not an affordable option right now, otherwise we would have done that already...but thank you for the tip.0 -
Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later
That's not an affordable option right now, otherwise we would have done that already...but thank you for the tip.
It's cheaper than a divorce my friend0 -
Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later
Best $80 a week I have ever spent.
I would approach it by asking how you can better organize your to-do list so you can spend your evenings with the family, and not the dishes.
That request is pretty hard to argue with.0 -
So you want her to work during her 3-4 hours of free time, but you are complaining because she asks you to help out during your free time? Maybe y'all should talk about it, nicely and calmly, and decide on a compromise that you both are happy with...
or the housekeeper idea.
Originally before our baby when she was working part time, we had a deal that she would do all the housework except cleaning the kitchen and I would take care of that.
Now that she is not working away from home at all, she wants me(who has taken on extra work hours to survive on a single income) to do more than just clean the kitchen, which I still do daily...
She asks me not to help out, but to do it instead of her...helping is one thing, being a slave entirely different...she also gets all day with our daughter, I get less than 2 hours per day.
Just adding perspective.0 -
Housekeeper, or perhaps a designated "cleaning time" for the both of you?0
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Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later
That's not an affordable option right now, otherwise we would have done that already...but thank you for the tip.
It's cheaper than a divorce my friend
That "D" word isn't in either of our vocabulary.
I would love to be able to afford one - but I just don't make enough money to do so yet. We have a single income(mine) right now...that makes things a lot tougher, and she's not ready to leave the baby for a part time evenings/weekends job yet.0 -
Ooh I don't see this ending well. 0
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Just tell her to clean the house or get a job. Plain and simple.0
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Each of you spend 1.5-2 hours of your free time doing chores, (you after the baby goes to bed, her while the baby naps). Or whatever portion you two think is fair.0
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At some point, you're going to get, "I GAVE YOU YOUR DAUGHTER!!!"
You can't win.
You don't have kids, do you? (Always wanted to play that card.)0 -
lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.0
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I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).
To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.
However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.0 -
just show her this post.0
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lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.
So far it seems like the most logical of the options provided, also @mamaomefo's suggestion too.
I'm going to see if I can work both of them into one plan and see how that goes... It's probably all in the approach...and I suck at soft approaches.0 -
I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job)
While I agree with you, I'd be fine with a part time evenings/weekends job... then no baby$itter required...0 -
Do you make it a point spend time with your child so she has time to herself?
Is she happy staying at home?
Is she depressed?0 -
lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.
So far it seems like the most logical of the options provided, also @mamaomefo's suggestion too.
I'm going to see if I can work both of them into one plan and see how that goes... It's probably all in the approach...and I suck at soft approaches.
Sorry man, it isnt exactly an equal distribution of labor and responsibility, but the designated cleaning time may be the only way of making her think that you are both meeting halfway.0 -
Do you make it a point spend time with your child so she has time to herself?
Is she happy staying at home?
Is she depressed?
Yes, I spend every moment I can with our daughter when I am at home, especially on weekends so she can do what she wants.
She prefers to stay home, as long as she gets to be with our daughter. She generally goes out at least once on the weekend for a few hours to volunteer at the local dog rescue.
She is not depressed, very happy actually...0 -
Okay, I'll probably get some feedback on this but I say, she's a stay at home mom. That's her job. Take care of the kids and clean. I'm not saying she should do ALL of the housework. You live there too so you should contribute. But I think she needs to do the majority since she stays home. Just my opinion. I've always worked outside of the home so maybe I haven't walked in her shoes.0
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Try talking to her about it at a time when no chores need to be done. If you only bring it up when something needs to be done and you ask her to help, it sounds like you are trying to push it off on her. That's when the stupid argument start. Go out to lunch one day or over dinner, and do the old "can we talk about something" thing. Then be honest, in as nice a way possible. Tell her how you feel and that you are just looking for some help.0
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You two have obviously discussed this before so I would suggest you use sit down with her at a time there will be no interruptions and talk to her about it. She probably will have some good points to bring up. Don't lose your temper and just be honest with her.. Explain how you feel and let her talk. Even if she hurts your feelings let her get it all out. We men were given two ears and one mouth which means we should listen twice as much as talk. When your both done discussing it like adults then ask her for suggestions how to fix it. Don't let anymore resentment build up.0
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lol, I love the title of this thread. I absolutely see your point, but I do agree that this argument may not go well. Maybe wheird's designated cleaning time would work.
So far it seems like the most logical of the options provided, also @mamaomefo's suggestion too.
I'm going to see if I can work both of them into one plan and see how that goes... It's probably all in the approach...and I suck at soft approaches.
Sorry man, it isnt exactly an equal distribution of labor and responsibility, but the designated cleaning time may be the only way of making her think that you are both meeting halfway.
It's all good wheird, even if it's not "equal" I just don't want to being the guy busting my butt at work for our income, then doing 80% of the housework on top of it all.0 -
Although I was a stay at home mom to two kids...I also did all yard work, taxes, housework, and raised two kids. But hubby worked sometimes very long hours to take care of us too. He still works, I still am a stay at home mom, grandmom, etc. It works well for us. We've been married 40 years!0
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You agree that you both put in 12 hour days of work (though they may be spread through different hours), make up a list of chores and frequency and divide them evenly (you pick one, she picks one, you pick one, etc just like grade school teams). You each decide when you will do yours (she can do hers during naptime or during the evening instead of spending time with you if she wants, you can do yours in the evening instead of spending time with her or your daughter or you can wait and do it after daughter is asleep or try to use weekends to catch up).
If that interferes with your time to do other things you WANT to do instead of NEED to do... welcome to the real world - compromise, help each other out, find other times, or set priorities differently. Be adults. This isnt a p***ing contest of who does more than who.0 -
I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job)
While I agree with you, I'd be fine with a part time evenings/weekends job... then no baby$itter required...
If she had any paying job (full time or part time), then it'd be reasonable to ask that you contribute a little to the housework.0 -
how old is your baby ?0
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Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later
Hire a housekeeper...WTF!?!?!?
Tell her do some damn work or she can switch places with you.0 -
I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job)
While I agree with you, I'd be fine with a part time evenings/weekends job... then no baby$itter required...
If she had any paying job (full time or part time), then it'd be reasonable to ask that you contribute a little to the housework.
She always will refuse to clean the kitchen...and I'm ok with always cleaning it, because I can't stand a messy kitchen and food garbage...0
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