what is it with my wife?!

Options
13567…26

Replies

  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    Options
    I am a stay at home mom with a part time job. I have 3 kids, one goes to school but I take care of a 4 month old and 3 year old during the day. I feed them and make 4 meals for myself throughout the morning/afternoon and prep cook my food so i can stay on track .I also find 30 minutes to workout then clean most of our house, then I go to work until 5-5:30 and get back to make dinner.. I understand about wanting free time -but- you both have to compromise.. she cannot expect you to do all of the housework just like I cannot expect my husband to do all of it. I get what I can done, then he takes care of the remainder..it is a team effort, divide and conquer. Having kids and a job is about learning to juggle while keeping your sanity :wink: :tongue:
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Options
    I would just talk to her...
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    Being a stay-at-home mom is 24/7/365. Been there, done that. HOWEVER - part of my 24/7/365 job was keeping house. It just makes sense. Was my house spotless? No. I needed to prioritize time with my children. But there was also plenty of time to get house cleaning done to an acceptable level. Then the weekends were a team effort to do a little deeper cleaning as needed.

    Being a stay-at-home mom is hard - but housekeeping is part of that job. I had a much better time after I found www.flylady.net The general belief is that you can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes. I basically started by setting the timer for 15 minutes and cleaning the kitchen - when the timer went off - I stopped even if it wasn't done. I then spent time playing with the baby, etc. A little later, another 15 minutes. Then during nap time I would power through chores for half of that time - and then the other half of that time was for me.

    I love fly lady!
  • roanokejoe49
    roanokejoe49 Posts: 820 Member
    Options
    Just tell her to clean the house or get a job. Plain and simple.

    This. And from a hot chick. Awesome.
  • GuyIncognito123
    GuyIncognito123 Posts: 263 Member
    Options
    Threaten to cut her off if she doesn't do more (it always worked on me) :laugh:
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    Options
    I was a SAHM for many years. I always had dinner ready and the house clean (but I am a neat freak). That was part of my job. However...he always did do things like taking out the trash, cleaning up dinner dishes some nights, etc. You two need to meet in the middle and find our what works for both of you.
  • QAPmom
    QAPmom Posts: 458 Member
    Options
    I'm with you I guess...she's a "stay at home" mom. I have kids of my own and work full time, however, if my husband was working 10-12 hours a day I don't feel that chores should land on him (yes maybe bigger things most women can't do on their own) but she's at home with an 11 month old that takes naps while you provide for your family and are working with her staying at home to raise your daughter...I know ALOT of people who have 3-4 kids working full time and can manage to clean the house...its not that hard.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Options
    I went from a 9-5 to a stay at home mom of 1. I did most the house cleaning and cooking...except yard and laundry (I hate laundry). I always made sure there was a home cooked meal at least 5 days a week for my husband. I knew how exhausting it was to work all day then come home to chores. You say she only worked part time before the kid? If so, why?

    Maybe your wife was so used to you doing everything before, that it hasn't occured to her to shoulder a bit more, being that she's the stay at home person.
  • 303enfield
    303enfield Posts: 239 Member
    Options
    to be fair this is a job for DR Phil
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Options
    Get a set
    and have an adult conversation with your partner and tell her how you feel. Unless of course, she rules the roost.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    Try maybe talking to her... Seems like a radical idea I know.
  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
    Options


    I have seenthis argument many times before on different forums, usually with the SAHM crowd arguing that their job is 24/7/365 and the hardest job in the world, which I personally feel is vastly overstated.

    They're lying (or grossly over-estimating the amount of work they really do). I'm a SAHM with three boys (2 are on the Autism spectrum). I will honestly admit I can get away with 3 solid hours daily (well, spread out) of sitting on my behind doing nothing (or, ahem, working out, cause that's ma thang now, lol). The other 8 hours are spent playing with kids, cooking, running errands, and -gasp- cleaning my house. There are more than enough hours during "9-5" to get my own chores done.

    Husband busts his *kitten* to give us a home and nice things in the same time frame. If he doesn't get his work finished in an 8-hour shift, HE is the one to stay and complete it. I would NEVER dare to insist my husband complete MY daily work because I'm "off the clock." That's ridiculous.

    But then, I've been called a misogynistic anti-feminist June Cleaver for my views. So, take this with a grain of salt, I guess.
  • Frank_Just_Frank
    Frank_Just_Frank Posts: 454 Member
    Options
    our daughter also naps right after lunch until around 4-4:30pm every day. She's got 4 hours where she can basically do light chores and stuff without causing a ruckus.

    Yeah but she doesn't "get off work" at any real point in time and I'm not convinced she does nothing for those few hours anyway. I say work with her a bit and also learn to let stuff go until the baby gets older.
  • morehealthymatt
    morehealthymatt Posts: 208 Member
    Options
    "Honey lets sit down and see what we both can do to get the housework done more efficiently that maximizes both of our time."

    Present it as something you BOTH need to do.

    Maybe it's a reallocation of duties. Maybe you do the laundry and she does the dishes (whatever...)

    Are there certain chores you can trade off with her?
  • justcat206
    justcat206 Posts: 716 Member
    Options
    When my kids were still small and I was still a SAHM I spent most of naptime catching up on sleep and not cleaning (my kids were up once every two hours for three years). When I DID have time to get the housework done it was very helpful to me to know what hubby's priorities were. In our case, he'd happily ignore a giant pile of laundry (that my mobile kids would just unfold before I'd made a dent anyway) but he'd get really stressed out if there were dishes in the kitchen sink when he arrived home. So I started with his biggest pet peeves and would work down the list until life interrupted. Maybe you could let her know what your biggest prioirities are so that she'll know where to begin. Likewise she could do the same for you. Sometimes it's easy to look at a mess and feel so overwhelmed you don't even know where to start, but if she had a list of "bathrooms, then mopping, then laundry, THEN trash" or whatever that might help a little?
  • kcmcd
    kcmcd Posts: 239 Member
    Options
    I'm a SAHM of three, and am responsible for all the inside chores plus 98% of the kid stuff. My husband takes on mowing the lawn (almost always) and making sure the trash gets to the curb (he's awful at this though - can never remember trash days). He's also our only income.

    The nicest thing my husband does for me when I fall behind on housework is start it for me. I can see the stuff pile up. I can't always get myself motivated to dive in. So if he runs the dishwasher, I'll come along and wash the pots, wipe the counters, sweep, and mop. If he has the kids pick up the living room, I vacuum and dust. Sometimes I just need a little momentum.

    We've been married for almost a dozen years. The division of labor has never been and will never be equal. Ever. Some days I work harder than he does, and some days he works harder than I do. He has more days off, and I have more flexible time. We don't fight about it because we don't try and assume we know what the other person has dealt with all day long.
  • Ang5669
    Ang5669 Posts: 14 Member
    Options
    ughhh....hate how some feel they are so entitled just because they sprogged out a child. You are sacrificing so she can have the time to stay home and be able to afford to do it. The least she could do is step up and clean a bit more. I have had this issue with my guy...I make a lot more money and get more days off than he does, but I also work a 60hr/ 6 day work week as apposed to his 5 day week, go in and come home when you feel like it job. My job is also much more stressful than his. I do my share but also expect him to do his. No one should be stuck with everything! Sadly I have known too many women who are looking to be kept and will birth as many kids as it takes with whoever it takes to get that.
  • SkimFlatWhite68
    SkimFlatWhite68 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Options
    Surely you talked about this before she had the baby and became a stay at home mum?

    It's hard to know what's going on here. I mean, does she sit on the lounge watching TV while she expects you to dust and vacuum, or is she cooking dinner and asks you to help with the washing up?

    A little bit of communication now will help with many problems down the track.

    Also, my girlfriends and I agree that a man who helps around the house is many many times more likely to get more action in the bedroom. So get that apron on and you will reap the rewards!!
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    I'm a SAHM of three, and am responsible for all the inside chores plus 98% of the kid stuff. My husband takes on mowing the lawn (almost always) and making sure the trash gets to the curb (he's awful at this though - can never remember trash days). He's also our only income.

    The nicest thing my husband does for me when I fall behind on housework is start it for me. I can see the stuff pile up. I can't always get myself motivated to dive in. So if he runs the dishwasher, I'll come along and wash the pots, wipe the counters, sweep, and mop. If he has the kids pick up the living room, I vacuum and dust. Sometimes I just need a little momentum.

    We've been married for almost a dozen years. The division of labor has never been and will never be equal. Ever. Some days I work harder than he does, and some days he works harder than I do. He has more days off, and I have more flexible time. We don't fight about it because we don't try and assume we know what the other person has dealt with all day long.

    This right here. :flowerforyou:

Categories