what is it with my wife?!

DBoone85

Just tell her to clean the house or get a job. Plain and simple.

This. But you need to grow some balls first.

JonnyMacAwesome

Dunno if I missed it but I'd be curious to know what she's asking you to do that you feel is "80%" of the chores... You may have no idea exactly how much she's done throughout the day compared to what she's asking your help with.

Here's what I already do:
-My 10-12 hour daily job
-All yardwork
-All trash & recycling collecting and removal
-All maintenance of the garage(dunno how, but it seems to get messy all the time)
-Always keep the kitchen clean

I clean up after myself. She does not. She leaves food out and all over the place, all the time.

What she is not asking me to do in addition to what I currently do:

-Vacuum(She doesnt even like how I vacuum so not sure why, but whatever)
-Dust
-Clean bathrooms

I don't even know what stuff is left other than "General Tidying Up"? and looking after the dogs.

Regarding my daughter:

-I give her bath time on all nights she needs it.
-We share story time every night, 1 reads 2 books, the other reads 1, and that switches each night
-My wife puts the baby to sleep after bath/story time.

After the baby is asleep we stay up for a few hours, so she can pump(breast milk) and while she is doing that, that's my "free time" to clean the kitchen and get some soapy water ready to wash her pump stuff.

I hope that clears things up a bit for you.

msbunnie68

so who makes beds/washes laundry/irons clothes/mops floors?

JonnyMacAwesome

so who makes beds/washes laundry/irons clothes/mops floors?

no one makes the bed... she washes laundry, I fold and put away. ...I buy clothes that don't require ironing, because I suck at ironing.

She mops the floors about once every 2 weeks.

Sorry I missed those.

Follow_me

Oh boy.... good luck bro!

PRMinx

I don't understand this at all.

If I was in a position to be a stay at home Mom for a few years, I would make it a point to ensure the house is clean, dinner is on the table, etc. I actually think that sounds a hell of a lot more fun than corporate America.

neandermagnon

Yeah, hire a housekeeper. Arguing about who does what is a waste of time, seriously invest in a housekeeper and you can thank me for saving your marriage later

Best $80 a week I have ever spent.

I would approach it by asking how you can better organize your to-do list so you can spend your evenings with the family, and not the dishes.

That request is pretty hard to argue with.

^^^ this is good advice

OP: does your daugther still wake up a lot in the night? If so your wife's probably constantly exhausted so will be slower at housework because of that. Plus kids basically wreck the place shortly after you tidy it, and your daughter's too young to be expected to clean up after herself, so it's kind of a hiding to nothing doing housework in the middle of the day when you have a kid that age. When they're older, they can help with cleaning up and that makes things easier.

But it does get easier as they get older, although your wife might choose to go back to work by then, in which case you'll still be in the same boat, but hiring a housekeeper could be a solution, especially with 2 of you working.

ScorpionQwean

I was a single mom of 2 kids when they were 2 and 4 years old. I worked full time, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, and even worked part time at night ...just to make ends meet.

Sorry folks... but there is no excuse! Just like there is no excuse NOT to workout.

It can be done. She is lucky to have you support her financially and emotionally... so she should give just a bit more. Unless she is lazy and doesn't want a clean house. Write down the chores and compromise.

cavia

Dunno if I missed it but I'd be curious to know what she's asking you to do that you feel is "80%" of the chores... You may have no idea exactly how much she's done throughout the day compared to what she's asking your help with.

Here's what I already do:
-My 10-12 hour daily job
-All yardwork
-All trash & recycling collecting and removal
-All maintenance of the garage(dunno how, but it seems to get messy all the time)
-Always keep the kitchen clean

I clean up after myself. She does not. She leaves food out and all over the place, all the time.

What she is not asking me to do in addition to what I currently do:

-Vacuum(She doesnt even like how I vacuum so not sure why, but whatever)
-Dust
-Clean bathrooms

I don't even know what stuff is left other than "General Tidying Up"? and looking after the dogs.

Regarding my daughter:

-I give her bath time on all nights she needs it.
-We share story time every night, 1 reads 2 books, the other reads 1, and that switches each night
-My wife puts the baby to sleep after bath/story time.

After the baby is asleep we stay up for a few hours, so she can pump(breast milk) and while she is doing that, that's my "free time" to clean the kitchen and get some soapy water ready to wash her pump stuff.

I hope that clears things up a bit for you.

I don't know how you go about resolving this. I don't even think you should be responsible for kitchen cleanup, imo. She's chosen to be the SAHP, taking care of the home is part of that role.

wolfsbayne

I was a single mom of 2 kids when they were 2 and 4 years old. I worked full time, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, and even worked part time at night ...just to make ends meet.

Sorry folks... but there is no excuse! Just like there is no excuse NOT to workout.

It can be done. She is lucky to have you support her financially and emotionally... so she should give just a bit more. Unless she is lazy and doesn't want a clean house. Write down the chores and compromise.

I agree with this so much. I did it and still do it. I'm fortunate that my SO helps out around the house even though he and I both work. We both appreciate what we have in each other. He gets upset with me, though, because I feel like I have to do everything. I've done it, though and I like the way I do it lol I also agree with the above posters..If I had the opportunity to stay at home (we have 3 boys between us, also), the house would be cleaned every day with dinner on the table when he came home. It's doable.

ScorpionQwean

It's so true. People would come over and say, "um, I thought you had kids?" Yup, I do, but I taught them to pick up after themselves too, when they were done for the night (7pm they were in bed every night)... I would clean up until the house was done.

I hired a landscaper to clean the yard too.

Look, people can make excuses for anything. I am sure this guy is working hard throughout the day to make sure there is food on the table and a roof over his, his wife and daughter's head. She should be grateful !!

ugh, some people...LOL

skippygirlsmom

I didn't read all the replies, but here's my input. There are 2 adults and a 11 month old living in your house, how much cleaning does your wife need to do a day if you are cleaning the one thing that gets the messiest, the kitchen? If your wife broke up the chores daily she would have lots of "free" time. Vacuum once a week for an hour, laundry once a week for 3 hours, dusting once a week for an hour, food shopping once a week 2 hours. Also if it's took much for her with an 11 month old, what's the plan for when your daughter gets more mobile and starts walking and getting into everything etc. Sounds to be like she needs to make a better plan for her time every day.

It's been a while also since my daughter was 11 months, but I recall her taking morning and afternoon naps. I worked full time, but on the weekends during those afternoon napsI would run out and cut the grass and do yard work.

As to your question of how to tell her, just communicate - tell her what you told us.

headofphat

I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:

She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).

To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.

However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.

^^^she gets it.

One person goes to work and brings home the money that pays the bills and puts food on the table. The other takes care of the house which means taking care of the baby and the chores during the day. Both jobs are equally important and both need to get done by the person who's job it is to do.

ShellF415

I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:

She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).

To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.

However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.

Yep

SMarie10

Interesting opinions on this topic. I like the idea that you each take 1.5 hours of your free time and divide the work.

Pirate_chick

:laugh: this is not going to end well. Being a stay at home mom is harder than you think. I suggest you take a vacation. 3 days or so, send your wife on a trip with her friends, and take care of the baby see if you feel like cleaning while the baby is asleep.

Smokey705

Just tell her to clean the house or get a job. Plain and simple.

This, and don't listen to these other women about getting a housekeeper. A stay at home mom has more than enough time to clean the house... Man up and lay down some rules for her.

skyekeeper

Marriage shouldn't be 50/50, it should be each person giving 100% and that includes this topic. Good luck.

MFPMol

This might sound crazy, but....talk to her instead of asking strangers for advice?