what is it with my wife?!

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Replies

  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    JMO of course, but it sounds to me like she is using the baby as an excuse. Being a SAHM means the home and all the little ones in it are your JOB!. What would happen if you just didn't do the other things? Would she eventually do them or would the house fall down around your ears? Who does the yard work and the repairs around the house? If you were the stay at home parent I would say the same thing, the house is your job, quit trying to push it off on the person who works 10-12 hours a day outside of the house. Come on really sounds like she is just lazy to me, and if she can get you to do her work for her then all the better.
  • traceywoody
    traceywoody Posts: 233 Member
    You two have obviously discussed this before so I would suggest you use sit down with her at a time there will be no interruptions and talk to her about it. She probably will have some good points to bring up. Don't lose your temper and just be honest with her.. Explain how you feel and let her talk. Even if she hurts your feelings let her get it all out. We men were given two ears and one mouth which means we should listen twice as much as talk. When your both done discussing it like adults then ask her for suggestions how to fix it. Don't let anymore resentment build up.

    This is really good advice, especially the part about asking her for suggestions on how to fix it. It is about finding a win/win situation, one that really works on every level for you both.
  • RockWarrior84
    RockWarrior84 Posts: 840 Member
    Tell her to go back to work if she does not want to do stuff around the house. if the kid is too much for her and wearing her out. Then maybe a babysitter is the thing to do. I know kids are time consuming but its a give and take.

    If I were in your shoes I would be pissed I was having to come home and do chores all night and not able to spend any time with my kid. Because a lot of the time the situation is reversed to where the working parent is too tired and does not have time for the kids and other parent has to do more around the house rather then the stay at home parent not doing stuff around the house.

    IMO she is using the baby as a crutch to not do stuff. My best friend had twins, being a stay at home mom and doing classes online, she still did the chores around the house and then when her husband got off work he basically took over the kids and helped with dinner.
  • Dr__Girlfriend
    Dr__Girlfriend Posts: 100 Member
    If it's just her, you, and the baby, how is there so much cleaning to be done every day?

    Maybe you both (or she) needs to lower her standards and expectations of what equates to "cleanliness". Do you guys really want to spend your lives working, doing chores, and sleeping? There is so much more to life ;x

    Idk my husband and I clean like once a month lol. I run the dishwasher every couple of days. Our house is fine >_>
  • babyblues4
    babyblues4 Posts: 241 Member
    I run a home daycare and look after 5 toddlers all under 3 plus my own 5 yr old. On top of that I have 3 older children. In the course of a day I'm able to prepare breakfast for the daycare children and my 5yr old. Lunches for my husband and 3 older children. Lunch and snacks for daycare kids. Outside play, circle time, learning activities, diaper changes, crafts and get them down for nap by 1pm. Clean up and tidy up toys once all the daycare kids have gone home. I also make dinner for my family and hubby cleans up the kitchen after dinner. I also am able to find down time to have lunch and some screen time! One child would be a walk in the park lol

    Really, you need to sit down and discuss with your wife and figure out a cleaning schedule that you both share. In our house hubby cleans the kitchen, dusts and vacuums.... I clean the bathrooms, do the laundry and wash the floors. We work as a team :)

    Good luck!
  • krawhitham
    krawhitham Posts: 831 Member
    Good question. I'm waiting for my bf to bring this up to me, and at that time I will ask him to either buy me a new car OR to pay for a portion of what I'm paying in rent and utilities monthly - THEN I'll do more house work. Chores are 50/50, it doesn't matter if the person works inside the house or outside of the house.
  • Dr__Girlfriend
    Dr__Girlfriend Posts: 100 Member
    I'll tell you something about my life that I think is unique. Because there is such a crammed schedule in my life, sometimes I do my house work in a very unique way.

    You would be absolutely shocked at how much can get done in 20 minutes if you go all out, balls-to-the-wall HIIT on it.

    I literally break into a full speed run, dripping with sweat (it doubles as a workout) getting things put in their place.

    I can load and unload a dishwasher in just a couple minutes flat when I want to.

    I can hang up a load of laundry in just a couple minutes if the effort is there.

    I can pick up, clean and vacuum a floor, than put away the vacuum in just a couple of minutes if I want too.

    There's a secret about this.

    If the house is already clean, the 'daily cleaning' isn't really much.

    Gather toys in a bin. Check.

    Hang up the wash. Check.

    Spray down counter tops. Unload dishwasher.

    Reload and start dishwasher. Wipe down counter top. Check. Check.

    Light a candle. Check.

    Grab that sweeper and run it over the floors. Check.

    This junk can be done in 30 minutes flat if someone wants to make the effort.

    I run this gig after work from 5:15 to 5:35 and than I have the whole darn evening free to cook, spend time with my daughter, my boyfriend, swim, lift, work-out, watch movies.

    Get it done, get it knocked out, keep it knocked out.

    The cleaner you keep it the easier it is to clean.

    The messier it gets the more daunting and prolonged it is.

    Dude, seriously. This is my life! It takes me less than an hour to deep clean the entire house including the bathroom, and have nothing else to do.

    Your wife sort of reminds me of past roommates, who had never lived on their own. They don't clean or are really slow at it because they don't KNOW HOW. They are BAD at cleaning because they haven't practiced or don't have rhythms down, or like my roommates, were extremely mothered. I guess I've just been cleaning so long that I can clean my house in like 20 minutes.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Oh god just roll
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    If she were truly depressed, then she wouldn't act "happy", and she wouldn't give a crap about the mess, therefore she wouldn't be nagging husband to do it.

    She needs to suck it up and get over herself and realize everybody is tired, that doesn't give you a pass to ignore your responsibilities and expect someone else to do it.

    Not true at all. I was depressed for a long time and no one knew.

    But I think you're right about her just being lazy and entitled. OP mentioned that her family also acts entitled so...apple doesn't fall far...
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Oh god just roll

    Do you have anything productive to add?
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Today, in my home, I haven't done jack crap. lol. Oh well.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    I don't get why people care if she's depressed or bored.

    If I get depressed or bored, I still grab my coffee, put my fat butt in the car and drive to work.

    Being depressed or bored does not negate responsibility.

    Spoken by somebody who hasn't suffered through depression....

    ETA:

    funny-gif-dog-sheet-rolling.gif
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    How is it that this got a part 2? I mean, really! :laugh:
  • amywise10
    amywise10 Posts: 33 Member
    Have you tried saying "No"? No, I won't wash the dishes after working a 60 hour week...No, I won't clean the bathrooms, fold the laundry, vacuum, etc. From what I've read it sounds like y'all need to sit down and talk about your expectations of each other.
  • rosebette
    rosebette Posts: 1,659 Member
    I spent so much time following these posts that I haven't done any of the things I meant to do today -- cleaned the bathroom, wash the kitchen floor, folded the laundry, stripped the beds. I guess my husband should divorce me.
  • JenniferAutumn
    JenniferAutumn Posts: 228 Member
    So OP- Did you have a discussion with your wife?
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
    I don't get why people care if she's depressed or bored.

    If I get depressed or bored, I still grab my coffee, put my fat butt in the car and drive to work.

    Being depressed or bored does not negate responsibility.

    Spoken by somebody who hasn't suffered through depression....

    ETA:

    funny-gif-dog-sheet-rolling.gif

    Whoops, replied to wrong post. but I agree with this "Being depressed or bored does not negate responsibility." Taking into account the people who actually suffer from depression, for a lot of people depression is the new black.
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
    I spent so much time following these posts that I haven't done any of the things I meant to do today -- cleaned the bathroom, wash the kitchen floor, folded the laundry, stripped the beds. I guess my husband should divorce me.

    On a side note, I totally cleaned all that yesterday. Bathroom, kitchen, it was awful. But when I walked into the bathroom this morning, I was all "ahhhh, that's nice."
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
    So OP- Did you have a discussion with your wife?

    I did...and surprisingly she sounded receptive to the idea of a chore schedule or list... so I'm picking up a whiteboard after work today so we can hang it and get everything laid out this weekend.

    It went far smoother than I thought it would...it may have helped that I brought flowers and dinner home from work with me though. lol
  • JenniferAutumn
    JenniferAutumn Posts: 228 Member
    So OP- Did you have a discussion with your wife?

    I did...and surprisingly she sounded receptive to the idea of a chore schedule or list... so I'm picking up a whiteboard after work today so we can hang it and get everything laid out this weekend.

    It went far smoother than I thought it would...it may have helped that I brought flowers and dinner home from work with me though. lol

    Best of luck. :)

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