Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

Selee1987

an example of his beliefs is: our daughter only has her "true" cousins and "true" aunts and uncles that are from his side of the family, my side of the family is nothing except for my parents who are the grandparents. just like his daughter (outside of our relationship) is "true" sister of our daughter, but my kids our step-sister/brother for our daughter.

am i making sense?

... You are, sure. But he seems very messed up. Your kids have to be the stepsiblings of your other kid?

yes, only because they bare his last name.

kirili3

yes, only because they bare his last name.

They can still be ordinary siblings, even if they have different surnames.

Lourdesong

I do agree we need help... but i don't think he will change any.
He thinks so highly of his beliefs, its very difficult to change his pov.
I do love this man, he treats me well and loves me. He just doesnt think things through at times.

an example of his beliefs is: our daughter only has her "true" cousins and "true" aunts and uncles that are from his side of the family, my side of the family is nothing except for my parents who are the grandparents. just like his daughter (outside of our relationship) is "true" sister of our daughter, but my kids our step-sister/brother for our daughter.

am i making sense?

I think you're saying that your children from your previous marriage are not to be understood as real brothers and sisters of the child you have with this man. Rather, they are to be seen as stepbrothers and sisters. Whereas, his child from a previous relationship can be understood as being a real sister to your daughter.

If this is correct, then your man sounds like a psychopath. He sounded like a psychopath in your previous posts as well, but he's being a psycho about and towards children as well as his woman it sounds like. Scary.

caesar164

All put downs and bashing aside; this is a serious issue. If that man does love you and I know you love him; you may need to seek the help of a professional, a counselor. I would not just act on what we are saying here. This relationship needs help! Hopefully things will improve, and hopefully he is willing to go through with some therapy for your relationship sake.

I do agree we need help... but i don't think he will change any.
He thinks so highly of his beliefs, its very difficult to change his pov.
I do love this man, he treats me well and loves me. He just doesnt think things through at times.

an example of his beliefs is: our daughter only has her "true" cousins and "true" aunts and uncles that are from his side of the family, my side of the family is nothing except for my parents who are the grandparents. just like his daughter (outside of our relationship) is "true" sister of our daughter, but my kids our step-sister/brother for our daughter.

am i making sense?

I don't believe in that term step brother or sister. When you grow up together in a household and you love each other, your simply brothers and sisters. And your the mom! You gave birth to those 4 kids, if anything, his daughter whom has a different mom is the "true" step sister, if you want to call it that. Who do you think your baby will be closest with, siblings from the same mother and household or a sibling from another mom?

patrickfish7

The only weight you need to lose is HIM...seriously.

The only important thing that matters is what YOU think, how you feel etc. Do YOU feel happy with your size, your weight etc? If you are, then to hell with whatever anyone else says. My wife is bigger now than when I married her but she is happy and that is ALL that matters. End of. I bust my *kitten* every day because I want to, not because other people tell me to.

To say you are physically unattractive is plain bull, jeez. That's even more ironic seeing as he's hardly bursting out of his top...

If you WANT to lose the weight, not if he feel you have to, then we can all help you

BioaerosolDoc

I was with a man for 5 years who said **** like this to me under the guise of "honesty"... it's not honesty, it's CRUELTY. The added facts, that he won't help out by watching ALL the kids so the OP can work out, that her kids are not their SIBLING's "true siblings" but HIS other child IS, the fact remains that this guy needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

OP, while you may indeed truly love him, and he may love you, you need to seek counseling because his love is not healthy. It is not the foundation of a relationship that you should be nurturing... because he will NEVER nurture you or your kids the way they deserve.

Btw, I'm 20 lbs heavier than I was when I dumped that *kitten*, and am with a man who loves me, loves my daughter, and works to make sure we're HAPPY... no matter what I weigh or how I look. Because he LOVES me.

caesar164

I kind of fear for you! Its making me emotional, I'm sensitive to any abuse or mistreatment to women, I have two sisters, and my mom , any mistreatment makes me think of them, and how I would hate for an of them to go through something like this. Something is not right with this man. just because you had a baby with him, shouldn't make you feel obligated to stay with him and have to endure mental and emotional abuse. This guy has serious issues.

Selee1987

I do agree we need help... but i don't think he will change any.
He thinks so highly of his beliefs, its very difficult to change his pov.
I do love this man, he treats me well and loves me. He just doesnt think things through at times.

an example of his beliefs is: our daughter only has her "true" cousins and "true" aunts and uncles that are from his side of the family, my side of the family is nothing except for my parents who are the grandparents. just like his daughter (outside of our relationship) is "true" sister of our daughter, but my kids our step-sister/brother for our daughter.

am i making sense?

I think you're saying that your children from your previous marriage are not to be understood as real brothers and sisters of the child you have with this man. Rather, they are to be seen as stepbrothers and sisters. Whereas, his child from a previous relationship can be understood as being a real sister to your daughter.

If this is correct, then your man sounds like a psychopath. He sounded like a psychopath in your previous posts as well, but he's being a psycho about and towards children as well as his woman it sounds like. Scary.

I thought this was funny, because he describes himself as a psycho and i've called him a psycho bf before

patriciapowerswilliamson

My "previous administration" used to make fun of me for being (66.5 inches and 150 lbs), calling me "baby fat" and making fun of my stomach. Well unfortunately, I am 50, I can't lose weight if my life depended on it because I had a hyster whatever and went through menopause. You get fat, my Doctor told me "good luck" losing 30 pounds, I am starving myself to death and working out like crazy. My current husband who knew me for 10 years when I was beautiful and thin, never has said one word about my weight.

I am older but let's face it, American society the fat-est nation in the world, loves to beat up on our women. We are told daily on talk shows... Reality TV which you younger Generations watch "ahem" the kardashian's that those women are the ideal. My generation, we had to compete against actresses and models.

Again, I want to emphasize that beauty, aging and body hate is something that women in the US are taught and that men, who are exposed to porno, men's magazines, The Kardashian's ( how did Kim really meet stardom? It was through Porn) that we women are being compared.

I can't as an old broad, tell you how to live your life but I will tell you that NO ONE can love you more than yourself. If you love yourself everything else falls into place and if your man tells you that he is not sexually attracted to you, the best thing you can do is wink, smile and say "ya know, I've done some thinking, your dique is a little lacking", and just walk away. But that takes some confidence..

I wish you nothing but the best and looking at your picture, you are just beautiful

blondageh

Sad. ???? Please stop asking him about your looks and take what people are saying to heart. He sounds like a real jackals, emotional abuser but honestly, you don't sound like you are in a position to make a decisions to stop taking it.

I truly hope you can learn your value and self worth for the sake of your children because you are a very beautiful girl. You do not need a man to tell you that. You just need to believe it and see it in the reflection on your children's faces.

traceywoody

Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive! He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

He should find you even sexier cause you gave him 4 KIDS! Hes a loser. Seriously. Thats my honesty.

I like this. And it is true.

chunt87

The more I read the worse this guy seems. You should really consider talking to someone in person about this like a counselor without him. Or a lawyer if you do decide to leave him to make sure he will help support your child you have in common. This looks like he is emotionally and mentally abusive and has some serious demons. I urge you to seek help before he crosses the abuse into physical. I know tgat spins scary because it is and it is very real.The above statements suggest that he thinks less in his heart of your other 3 children. Please do what's best for them and yourself. Be well.

CynthiaT60

First of all you've got to do this for you not for him, no matter how much you love him.

Here is a ginormous brain dump... I'm sure all the other MFPers are sick of seeing this already, but it's what helped me so I like to share it....

[...]
Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.

Great post. These are things I've been learning as well.

Shropshire1959

This is why so many of you have awful, broken relationships. If you cant take your spouse being honest, just break up already. It isnt like you arent headed down that path anyway.

I do appreciate that hes being honest. I've never had that blunt honesty before so it took me by surprise. I did however ask him and insisted on him telling me the truth.
I asked "do you find me physically attractive?" and he said "just lose weight and I'll have it all"

Does he actually have ANY redeeming qualities? Sounds like you're bringing up 5 kids all on your own!!!

Roaringgael

Its all been said.
Your gorgeous, he's very plain and rather unattractive.
He sounds like a **** and you are too trusting.
Get slim! He'll probably turn into a jealous idiot and then you'll see him the way he is.

p1xyn1xy

I'm sorry, the comment about the kids is horrifying to me. I hope he doesn't make them feel as unimportant and undeserving as it sounds. You're their Mom put a stop to that now. That sort of attitude can permanently mess with a child's head. They live together... they're siblings. END OF STORY. Whatever is going on between you two personally. Work through it, accept it, or reject it. If you want to lose weight... do it for yourself. Those that don't seldom succeed. What a corrosive sounding relationship. Good luck to you.

Mauthos

I kind of fear for you! Its making me emotional, I'm sensitive to any abuse or mistreatment to women, I have two sisters, and my mom , any mistreatment makes me think of them, and how I would hate for an of them to go through something like this. Something is not right with this man. just because you had a baby with him, shouldn't make you feel obligated to stay with him and have to endure mental and emotional abuse. This guy has serious issues.

Gotta say after reading through this entire thread, you make a lot of sense and I couldn't agree with you more. Well said man.

itsup2jojo

Good advice. It's nice to see men thinking that way.

surfin_bird1981

I'd be telling hubs to go fh, but that's me

Yep, me too...

arainiday1

I'm sorry, the comment about the kids is horrifying to me. I hope he doesn't make them feel as unimportant and undeserving as it sounds. You're their Mom put a stop to that now. That sort of attitude can permanently mess with a child's head. They live together... they're siblings. END OF STORY. Whatever is going on between you two personally. Work through it, accept it, or reject it. If you want to lose weight... do it for yourself. Those that don't seldom succeed. What a corrosive sounding relationship. Good luck to you.

I've been following this post.... this really upsets me too. your poor children are going to grow up feeling LESS THAN.
I don't care if they have a different dad. THEY ARE ALL YOUR CHILDREN.... You have got to STOP this right now. Not only is he emotionally abusing you, he is doing it to your children as well. You are their voice, it's up to you.