Corrupt a Wish

mikeyrp

I wish I could find some motivation today

You are suddenly motivated to spend all your money on buying me a brand new Lamborghini

I wish I could afford to insure a Lamborghini

neandermagnon

Granted, you now live in the arctic where insurance premiums are really low and you even get a discount for keeping your Lamborghini in its own special garage igloo.

I wish I could get free Indian food delivered to my door.

Drama_Free_Zone

Granted, however, the booming Indian Cuisine market has driven out all it's competition and their quality drasticly drops after a week. You are now unable to have anything but Indian food delivered and it is so horribly under seasoned that it may well be left over C-Rats that were repurposed from world war 2.

I wish that I didn't have to drive to new york on saturday. *yawns*

amusedmonkey

Granted, you now live in the arctic where insurance premiums are really low and you even get a discount for keeping your Lamborghini in its own special garage igloo.

I wish I could get free Indian food delivered to my door.

Granted, but it has cockroaches in it.

I wish I had a million dollars.

mikeyrp

I wish that I didn't have to drive to new york on saturday. *yawns*
- Granted - but squeezing the whole of new york into your living room has caused a lot of mess and their is a possibility that we have achieved critical mass and will soon have a black hole to deal with...

I wish I had a million dollars
-Granted - its yours. I'm net telling you where I put it though.



I wish my dog would stop digging up my plants.

ellantz8

Granted, the earth about you has been salted. Your once fertile outdoor oasis will not show any form of life for decades to come and your dog lays by the door whimpering and missing his old garden...
I wish my daughter would stop being an irrational emotional mess!

aurorareigns

Granted, now she has no emotions

I wish I could fly

cookieinbk82

Granted, now you just flew into a tree and broke your wings.

I wish I could tap dance.

zcb94

Granted! You can now tapdance the night away, right before you slip and fall while practicing in the kitchen. Oopsie! Get well soon!:flowerforyou:

I wish MFP had an exercise option for laughter. Everybody knows that it burns quite a few calories, and the average joyful Christian does a lot of it

mikeyrp

Granted. Its a secret option which you can only access after logging over 100,000 calories of exercise in a day from a registered fitness tracking device.

Try laughing after that!!!

I wish the summer would come back.

TheNewPriceIsLoading

Granted, though, it's in Neverland.. Sorry.

I wish for my fat to go away.

SuperVixen2B

Granted. You're given a pill that guarantees loss of 1lb per week. Unfortunately, it's a plot by an alien race to use your fat to replicate themselves....which is against intergalactic law. They are found out and have to rush the process and get out of dodge. Emergency protocol means they don't just use your fat, all of your cellular matter is used up and you're left a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor. Sorry about that.

I wish the AC was fixed at work.

assthetik

It is fixed but the butt-ugly AC guy took a shine to you and he won't leave you alone now


I wish i had a 1000 friends on mfp

mikeyrp

You now have 1000 friends - and they all hit 'Like' on every post - and it keeps flashing up on your phone... Do you really want 1000 'likes' for "assthetik bured 10 KCal running for the bus for 1 minute "

I wish my phone would work properly!

Saiyanbrahh

Fixed but someone stole it.

I wish coach wont bench me coming season weather I play good or bad

mikeyrp

Fixed but someone stole it.

I wish coach wont bench me coming season weather I play good or bad

Coach doesn't bench you because an horrific pelvic injury prevents you from ever playing again, thus you are forced to leave the team forever.... It also hurts when you pee.


I wish more people would play this game.

5tevenw

Granted more people are playing now but your
computer keeps crashing so you don't have
access to it anymore ( and somebody stole your phone too )



I wish I had my own island

neandermagnon

Granted. You now have your own island. Unfortunately, due to it being geographically isolated and undiscovered for the last 60 million years, as soon as you arrive, you find out that it's the one place on earth where the dinosaurs didn't go extinct. You find this out by being attacked by a pack of velociraptors. Fortunately, you are rescued, but due to the fragile ecosystem and its scientific importance, you're not allowed to set foot on your island ever again, and even the scientists can only study it remotely using robots that are robust enough to survive being attacked by various dinosaurs that live on the island.

I wish I had a little country cottage.

crepes_

Granted. You are now the proud owner of a miniature country cottage replica. It's the only one of its kind so try to be caref.... oops, I stepped on it.

I wish I could stop time and snoop through people's houses. (I'm so nosy)

mikeyrp

Your wish is granted - you can stop time and look through other peoples houses.... but you cant start time up again and now the world is just one giant tableau. You will never know the joys of human company again. your pet dog's only use is a foot stall. Worst still, as food is also frozen in time it becomes rock hard and you cant bite into it. Doughnuts become rock cakes, rock cakes become heavy metal cakes, heavy metal cakes become singularity cakes. In summary - its not good.

To compound matters further the first house you "snoop around" (aka break into) contains evidence that all your friends and loved ones are conspiring against you - via a cunning plan to inject all your carefully planned diet food with lard. Even the dog was in on it... distracting your with daily walks whilst they raided your fridge. You will never have the opportunity to confront them due to the whole frozen time thing....

Later that day (well, the same time that day.. but later) you find a letter in your own mail box saying you won the lottery - but the you will never be able to collect the prize.... ha ha ha the irony.....


I wish I was better at playing the guitar.

neandermagnon

Granted. You go down to the crossroads at midnight and try to flag a ride... the devil appears and you give the devil your guitar. He plays the blues on it, and gives you your guitar back. After that, you can play the guitar better than the best, and you rocket to superstardom.

Unfortunately, the devil has taken your soul in return for this, and so your ability to experience pleasure is greatly diminished and you feel like an empty shell, not really experiencing your life any more... and no amount of fame, money or anything else, even the ability to play the guitar as well as you do, can fill the hole where you once had a soul. You turn to drugs and in the end you are found dead in your own swimming pool and your soul is trapped in oblivion.... forever.



I wish I'd bought an Acer laptop instead of this stupid Dell one that is doing my head in.

mikeyrp

Granted. You go down to the crossroads at midnight and try to flag a ride... the devil appears and you give the devil your guitar. He plays the blues on it, and gives you your guitar back. After that, you can play the guitar better than the best, and you rocket to superstardom.

Unfortunately, the devil has taken your soul in return for this, and so your ability to experience pleasure is greatly diminished and you feel like an empty shell, not really experiencing your life any more... and no amount of fame, money or anything else, even the ability to play the guitar as well as you do, can fill the hole where you once had a soul. You turn to drugs and in the end you are found dead in your own swimming pool and your soul is trapped in oblivion.... forever.

Cool - I got a pool!

I wish I'd bought an Acer laptop instead of this stupid Dell one that is doing my head in.

Your Acer laptop turns out to be just as bad as the Dell. Maybe you should have opted for a Mac? (not funny but probably true).


I wish my dog would learn to clean its own number 2's up.

neandermagnon

Granted. Your dog has been given that thing that the apes in "dawn of the planet of the apes" had which enhanced their cognitive abilities... your dog is now super intelligent and a lot more self-conscious about where it relieves itself, so seeks out privacy and cleans up after itself so you don't have the hassle of any of that any more. However, your dog is now less satisfied with life generally, being the only super-intelligent dog in existence. It doesn't have any gripes against humans, because you've been such a good owner, so there's no worries of any repeats of the situation in planet of the apes. However, as much as your dog loves your company, it feels the need to travel around the world to "find itself" and widen its experiences and just generally be better travelled and get more out of life, so it heads off with a doggy packpack to do just that, so for the five years while your dog wanders the world gaining life experience, you're stuck at home with no pet, missing your dog's company and the dilemma as to whether you should get a new dog in the meantime and the fact that this new dog won't actually be able to clean up its own number 2's.

I wish I had a pet falcon.

MikeCrazy

Granted, You and your falcon go hunting, and because your falcon is far sighted, she mistakes your eyes for her eggs and claws them out.

I wish I had cosmic powers (without being a genie).

crepes_

Granted. You have inherited omniscience and can see through space and time. You know know the secrets of the universe, but you're realizing more and more that it's a bit too much to carry on your shoulders. Not only is humanity corrupt and you know see, hear, and feel all the negativity that exists in our society, but you now know just how close we have come to total extinction and exactly when and how it finally happens. Then you explode.

I wish I worked in an aquarium.

mikeyrp

I wish I worked in an aquarium.

Granted. A new job is invented especially for you. You get to clean up fish poo all day.

I wish my posts didn't make me appear to be a copromaniac

DenDweller

Granted. Your posts now make you be appear to be a necrophiliac. Your obsession with feces, however, remains.

I wish I got a good night's sleep last night.

mikeyrp

Granted... so good that you haven't even got up yet... you must have sleep-posted! You also sent an email to all your work colleagues offering to take them out to a very expensive restaurant... food and drinks on you.


I wish I could run a sub 1:30 half marathon.

zcb94

Congratulations! Unfortunately, you've run so fast, you don't even notice that you've pulled a hamstring until the day after your 1st place, record-time finish. OUCH!

I wish all sweets/sweet drinks were sugar-free, but still tasted like themselves instead of possessing that characteristic artificial whang that sweeteners offer (fudge still tasted like fudge, etc.).

TheBeerRunner

Wish granted, though now everyone will die of brain cancer in 20 years.

I wish that tomorrow it's announced that scientists have solved the problem to achieving Faster Than Light travel and will begin testing prototype FTL drives.