Body shaming at its absolute worst... thoughts please.

Sigmalongshot

You know, I'm a man at 5'7, and I now weigh about 10 stones (or 140 lbs).

But at one point, I almost killed myself with weight loss - and got to an all-time low of about 90 lbs. They sectioned me and gave me 2 months to live with liver and kidney failure - and you know what? I didn't even care. I thought I was still a blob.

The truth is, media and all sorts had skewed my view of "healthy". These disgusting rags convinced me that I was a gross guy. I was actually only about 11st to begin with, but I was always a bit chubby.

I just exercised and starved myself every day. The odd thing was, I saw people as they were. Girls that thought they looked "too curvy", I found sexy. I still called skinny girls "too skinny" for me. It wasn't until I jaundiced and passed out trying to hold my 1-year-old nephew that my family sectioned me - I'd forgotten to look inwards and see just how unwell I was.

Now, I'm pretty chubby and, to be honest, I don't care any longer. I nearly died being skinny. All I know is that I still see beautiful people everywhere I look, and the poison that are these tabloids have no place in this world.

6 stones, 10 stones, 20 stones - a person with a beautiful heart and attitude is beautiful. Simple, and clear.

SomeNights246

I couldn't get through it.

I wanted to finish reading it, so I could form a full opinion, but I could not. I could not finish reading it because it is clearly written by someone who has never been fat. It is written by someone who has never finished a pack of Oreos in one sitting, and then sat on their bedroom floor crying her eyes out because she does not understand why she cannot stop eating. It is written by someone who has never looked in the mirror, saw her rolls, wondered if she should wear those shorts in public, decide that she should be allowed to because dang it, it's 99 degrees today and she's hot!... only to walk into the store and be laughed at by a group of teenagers. It is written by someone who has never struggled with emotional overeating, compulsive overeating, binge eating, or any of the various reasons one gets overweight. These can include both psychological and physical health problems. It is written by someone who does not realize that those of us who have struggled with weight know we have a problem.

She speaks about obese people as though they have no right to live. She speaks about them as though they should constantly be depressed, ashamed, and hiding from the world. This line of thinking creates a vicious cycle. One in which the overweight person starts to believe people like her are right. And that they are worthless. One in which the overweight person feels like their worth is only determined by how much they eat, but wonders why they can't stop eating, so they eat more because at least food doesn't judge them. Like this woman does. The way she speaks only makes the problem worse. If she thinks, for one second, that obese people don't know they have a problem she is naive. The problem is that there is a stereotype of the jolly, overweight person. And this stereotype - I have come to learn - usually doesn't exist. Fat people can be happy. They can be depression free. They can be happy with their bodies. That doesn't mean they don't know they're overweight, it doesn't mean they don't know they have a problem. Nor does it mean that they should be forbidden from wearing shorts just so people like her don't have to see it. If you don't want to see it, don't look. I pass by many people in a day. Some of them are *gasp* overweight. I honestly couldn't even tell you the color of their jeans... because I don't pay that much attention to what other people are wearing. To be honest, I'm more worried about what I'm putting in my shopping cart.

At the end of the day, she doesn't get it. And she probably won't, because she's clearly afraid of being overweight and therefore, will likely do anything she can to prevent that. At the end of the day, she doesn't get what it's like to be that girl or boy sitting in their room, devouring cheese puffs, justifying each bite by saying this will be the last day I do this, tomorrow I'll start that diet. She'll never be that girl crying over a pint of ice cream. She'll never be that man who doesn't understand why one double cheeseburger does nothing to fill him up. But I was once. And so were many people here, I'm sure. At the end of the day... I'm more than my weight. And if I have a health problem, or a psychological problem... I'm aware. I don't need someone pointing it out in such a brash, rude manner.

It is okay to not be okay with obesity.

It is not okay to make those who are obese feel less than human.

Dragonwolf

'One was wearing shockingly skimpy crochet shorts, as seen on size-zero models in adverts'

This line stood out to me and after this I didn't want to read the rest... When have size zero models depicted HEALTH? Why can't big girls wear crochet shorts?. I am also shocked by how many people on here agree with this article. Aren't we supposed to be body confident and encourage each other to feel good about ourselves in the process of out weight loss journeys? I think I signed up to the wrong forum.

I don't think anyone's said that big girls couldn't wear crochet shorts if that's what they wanted. I think we all pretty much agree that putting others down and calling them names doesn't do anyone any good. Encouragement is definitely the way to go.

What we are saying, though, is that complacency about being overweight or obese is bad, because that excess weight comes with a myriad of expensive health problems. We're also saying that talking about it (tactfully) shouldn't be a taboo.

"Hey, being overweight/obese isn't healthy, I'd like to help you become more healthy," is a far, far cry from saying "hey, you're a fattie and should be ashamed of yourself for abusing your body like that," however, the underlying points are similar -- being overweight/obese is bad for your health, and we should strive to be healthy. The wording, however, makes all the difference, and that's where most of us are drawing the line, here.

Yes I understand but if health was the only reason she wrote this article I would have agreed with her. I would have seen it as a way of her trying to help the world, but with her disgusting choice of vocabulary and clear hatred for bigger people. I found the article uncomfortable to read and sadly I had the misfortune of reading the writing of a sad human being who takes pride in fat shaming and is a AND I QUOTE 'Self-confessed fattist'.

Most of us haven't disagreed on the front that the way she worded the article, nor her fat phobia/hatred, are sad and harmful. However, that doesn't change the fact that at least some of the underlying messages don't have merit. It is possible to agree with some things and disagree with others, and even not really care for the person who made the points (and even how they made them).

She sees excess fat as unhealthy -- that is technically not wrong.
She sees obese children as particularly bad, because obesity at that age sets them up for more struggle later on (even in weight loss) -- that is also not wrong.
She lays at least partial blame on the junk food manufacturers who specifically strive to make their food addictive, then market to children -- again, not wrong
She sees overfeeding children tantamount to child abuse -- most here have agreed to that as well (this one's a tad more subjective, though)
She mentions that obesity is very costly on the larger scale (NHS, health insurance, etc) -- again, not wrong

These points are what most of us here have agreed are valid points, but we've also agreed that the way she's presented them is horrible, poorly-written, counterproductive, and body shaming.

Dragonwolf

I couldn't get through it.

I wanted to finish reading it, so I could form a full opinion, but I could not. I could not finish reading it because it is clearly written by someone who has never been fat. It is written by someone who has never finished a pack of Oreos in one sitting, and then sat on their bedroom floor crying her eyes out because she does not understand why she cannot stop eating. It is written by someone who has never looked in the mirror, saw her rolls, wondered if she should wear those shorts in public, decide that she should be allowed to because dang it, it's 99 degrees today and she's hot!... only to walk into the store and be laughed at by a group of teenagers. It is written by someone who has never struggled with emotional overeating, compulsive overeating, binge eating, or any of the various reasons one gets overweight. These can include both psychological and physical health problems. It is written by someone who does not realize that those of us who have struggled with weight know we have a problem.

She speaks about obese people as though they have no right to live. She speaks about them as though they should constantly be depressed, ashamed, and hiding from the world. This line of thinking creates a vicious cycle. One in which the overweight person starts to believe people like her are right. And that they are worthless. One in which the overweight person feels like their worth is only determined by how much they eat, but wonders why they can't stop eating, so they eat more because at least food doesn't judge them. Like this woman does. The way she speaks only makes the problem worse. If she thinks, for one second, that obese people don't know they have a problem she is naive. The problem is that there is a stereotype of the jolly, overweight person. And this stereotype - I have come to learn - usually doesn't exist. Fat people can be happy. They can be depression free. They can be happy with their bodies. That doesn't mean they don't know they're overweight, it doesn't mean they don't know they have a problem. Nor does it mean that they should be forbidden from wearing shorts just so people like her don't have to see it. If you don't want to see it, don't look. I pass by many people in a day. Some of them are *gasp* overweight. I honestly couldn't even tell you the color of their jeans... because I don't pay that much attention to what other people are wearing. To be honest, I'm more worried about what I'm putting in my shopping cart.

At the end of the day, she doesn't get it. And she probably won't, because she's clearly afraid of being overweight and therefore, will likely do anything she can to prevent that. At the end of the day, she doesn't get what it's like to be that girl or boy sitting in their room, devouring cheese puffs, justifying each bite by saying this will be the last day I do this, tomorrow I'll start that diet. She'll never be that girl crying over a pint of ice cream. She'll never be that man who doesn't understand why one double cheeseburger does nothing to fill him up. But I was once. And so were many people here, I'm sure. At the end of the day... I'm more than my weight. And if I have a health problem, or a psychological problem... I'm aware. I don't need someone pointing it out in such a brash, rude manner.

It is okay to not be okay with obesity.

It is not okay to make those who are obese feel less than human.

You have said it far better than I've been able to.

dukslayer4051

im matt,


im a fat guy, im doing something bout it but i dont want my kids to have to go through the same struggles as i did. i got up to 344 lbs. its harder to lose than it is to maintain. maybe the wording was harsh...but at some point someone calling me fat may be what puts me in the gym or back on track.

its a harsh world and things aint easy, and its a tuff conversation no doubt but some, me included use that as motivation.

msf74

I couldn't get through it.

I wanted to finish reading it, so I could form a full opinion, but I could not. I could not finish reading it because it is clearly written by someone who has never been fat. It is written by someone who has never finished a pack of Oreos in one sitting, and then sat on their bedroom floor crying her eyes out because she does not understand why she cannot stop eating. It is written by someone who has never looked in the mirror, saw her rolls, wondered if she should wear those shorts in public, decide that she should be allowed to because dang it, it's 99 degrees today and she's hot!... only to walk into the store and be laughed at by a group of teenagers. It is written by someone who has never struggled with emotional overeating, compulsive overeating, binge eating, or any of the various reasons one gets overweight. These can include both psychological and physical health problems. It is written by someone who does not realize that those of us who have struggled with weight know we have a problem.

She speaks about obese people as though they have no right to live. She speaks about them as though they should constantly be depressed, ashamed, and hiding from the world. This line of thinking creates a vicious cycle. One in which the overweight person starts to believe people like her are right. And that they are worthless. One in which the overweight person feels like their worth is only determined by how much they eat, but wonders why they can't stop eating, so they eat more because at least food doesn't judge them. Like this woman does. The way she speaks only makes the problem worse. If she thinks, for one second, that obese people don't know they have a problem she is naive. The problem is that there is a stereotype of the jolly, overweight person. And this stereotype - I have come to learn - usually doesn't exist. Fat people can be happy. They can be depression free. They can be happy with their bodies. That doesn't mean they don't know they're overweight, it doesn't mean they don't know they have a problem. Nor does it mean that they should be forbidden from wearing shorts just so people like her don't have to see it. If you don't want to see it, don't look. I pass by many people in a day. Some of them are *gasp* overweight. I honestly couldn't even tell you the color of their jeans... because I don't pay that much attention to what other people are wearing. To be honest, I'm more worried about what I'm putting in my shopping cart.

At the end of the day, she doesn't get it. And she probably won't, because she's clearly afraid of being overweight and therefore, will likely do anything she can to prevent that. At the end of the day, she doesn't get what it's like to be that girl or boy sitting in their room, devouring cheese puffs, justifying each bite by saying this will be the last day I do this, tomorrow I'll start that diet. She'll never be that girl crying over a pint of ice cream. She'll never be that man who doesn't understand why one double cheeseburger does nothing to fill him up. But I was once. And so were many people here, I'm sure. At the end of the day... I'm more than my weight. And if I have a health problem, or a psychological problem... I'm aware. I don't need someone pointing it out in such a brash, rude manner.

It is okay to not be okay with obesity.

It is not okay to make those who are obese feel less than human.

Wonderful post.

Dagmere

I really disagree with the near exclusive focus on women. Women's bodies are always the object of scrutiny--whether objectification or ridicule. And it is probably why women suffer far more eating disorders than men.

This is particularly egregious considering that (in the US at least) the percentage of overweight men is greater than overweight women (74 versus 64 percent) although rates of obesity are exactly the same (36%). Why the hatred for fat girls and women rather than the disgust with a society that makes obesity easy, profitable and cheap, and health hard?

There is a very real obesity epidemic in this country, and elsewhere, but the target should not be (as it is here) shaming women, especially young vulnerable women. Why not the same disgust and vitriol for Big Food companies that put HFCS in everything, even bread and soup? Why not anger at schools that cut physical education out of the day? Why not the companies that make fruit drinks more available, and cheaper, than whole fruit? Why not the marketing of candy to kids? why not the restaurant chains that pump thousands of calories into a sandwich? We need to educate facilities, and communities, particularly lower income communities where fruit soda is easier to get than an apple. Personal responsibility plays a huge role, but so does community, society and education.

Its like blaming the entire housing crisis on greedy consumers who took out too much debt, without taking to task the banks and companies that made profits hand over fist from pushing huge high risk mortgage on uneducated consumers.

Absolutely agree!!! Cutting physical education in schools is simply a SHAME!! As much as I am for free marketing.. there is also something definitely wrong with prices, (as you mention) Healthy, raw food vs. processed food....

rachnado

I have never body shamed anyone, All my life I've been called horrible names because I am overweight. I would never do that to another.

Chezzie84

Bump for later

SnuggleSmacks

While I found the piece to be completely objectionable in both tone and content, I do agree with the underlying sentiment. It's something I've seen called "fat culture"...the insistence on acceptance and even celebration of being overweight. That being said, the author shows a distinct lack of empathy and a mean spirit, not to mention spreading blatant misinformation about proper nutrition:

Of course we can, and should, blame the greedy manufacturers of addictive sugar and fat-loaded foods for cynically marketing them at the young.

Edited for grammar

kmsnyg

Sorry double post

kmsnyg

I'm going to say something that will not earn me any friends.

The lady, as abrasive as she is, has a point. We have, and I see it everyday in my family, became a society of fat-acceptance. Several members of my family have judged ex-girlfriends for being "too skinny" when, in reality, they were at a perfectly healthy weight. They openly did this with great fanfare but, heaven forbid, you call someone fat or even overweight.

As more Americans become more and more overweight and obese the problem increases. Being overweight is not just a case of vanity. If that was the case, then whatever but if you can criticize the skinny, be prepared to get it in return. It's a situation that has lead to sky rocketing health cost, ruined lives, and wrecked families. Of Course, under eating is just as bad. The difference of course is that society accepts the health risk of being underweight and openly criticize those whom are underweight

Fat shaming is not ok but the level of misapplied political correctness that is applied to obesity status is overwhelming. It may not be those children's fault but the day you reach 18, except in special circumstances, it is. Their parents may have shown bad eating habits but that is hardly an excuse. A drug addict is still a drug addict even if their parents started them on it. Not that obesity is as bad as drugs.

We should come down on parents hard that raise obese kids. We are doing no one any favors by not doing it. Those children will, most likely, lead a life wrecked with health problems. Why are we protecting this? Why can't we just be honest and straight forward and say, "look, your kid is overweight. You're putting them at risk." Heaven forbid you say that, yet saying a kid needs to "put a little meat on his bones" is A OK.

To answer you question and to point at the elephant in the room, yes I've been body shamed. I was 6'2 and about 165 lbs, long distance runner and healthy. People told me I was twig and bones and that I was too skinny. I need to gain weight. Being skinny is unattractive. OMG look! I can see you ribs! Give me a break...

/end rant.

Totally agree! Obesity is costing the health care system aka your tax dollars.

As a fat person, I one hundred percent agree that my weight is unhealthy, and I am working hard to fix that. But the problem I have with the article is the fact that she seems to think that a person's worth to the world, as well as their self-worth, should be tied to their body weight, and that I vehemently disagree with.

Yes, I am a fat person. But that is not all that I am. I am smart, I have a M.D. and am working as a gastrointestinal pathologist at a major academic hospital in the US.

I am compassionate and care deeply about others.

I have a wonderful sense of humor.

I am more than my weight.

Yes, my weight is something I need to work on. But we all have flaws. Mine are just visible to the outside world.

And pardon my language, but I don't give a rats a** about folks tax dollars. I pay more in taxes than most folks, but I don't go bashing poor people because they aren't in the same tax bracket as I am.

I think the conversation is turning away from objectiveness about the dangers, cost, and behaviors of obesity and turning more personal so this will be my last topic on the subject. I understand why it can turn personal.

I don't think anyone here is advocating that a person's worth is measured by the scale. My post, which you quoted, most certainly didn't imply that in any way. I don't think pointing out to people that I know that they are overweight (they know) and being overweight comes with health and monetary risk is attacking their worth as a person. There may be a little chip on your shoulder if you read that from a comment like that.

I actually agree with your post ( and probably should not have quoted you). If she had stated things the way you had, I'd have not had a problem with it.

But she does think a persons worth is based on their weight.

And for the folks who keep bringing up tax issues--- enough. I pay school taxes when I never plan to have children. We pay taxes for lots of things we don't benefit from, it's life. Does the obesity issue need to be addressed-- of course. But making people feel bad about it is not going to accomplish that goal.

Bernadette60614

Shaming...be it for weight, smoking, drug addiction...whatever is counterproductive.

You don't tell someone that they are worthless, and then tell that they are capable of doing something exceptionally difficult.

What you do tell them:

You're worthwhile.

You can do something.

I'm willing to help you.

How shall we start?

giggitygoo

Ah The Daily Fail.

It never disappoints on the idiocy front. How the eff did this get published? Was no one around at any point in the editing process to be all:

Bernadette60614

I don't know if men are better at math or women are better than men, but I think we are all better than shaming others.

One of my favorite quotes:

Be kind whenever possible.

It is always possible.