Body shaming at its absolute worst... thoughts please.
Replies
-
As I said, other people are not here to decorate your world. Spending time commenting on the appearance of others and dictating to others what to and not to wear is time wasted.Oh wow, people wear what they WANT?! And they don't apologise for their fatness and force your poor eyes to look? Christ almighty what a *****. ***** needs to worry about herself and realize that other people aren't here to decorate her world.
they need to care about themselves, dress appropriately and present their best to the world.
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Seriously, if you have not figured out the world I feel sorry for you. Try getting a job rolling in for an interview with rolls and cellulite hanging out. Looks matter.
I love my obese friends, does not mean I enjoy it when they let it all hang out. Dress appropriate for your age/size/build.
The girls in the article were going on holiday, not for a job interview.
I understand that
but i was being attacked for saying people should dress appropriate at all ages weight and sizes
job interview, VK, whatever, dress right!
Profile pic, dress right!. Yeah, see how dumb that sounded?0 -
Such an interesting topic!
As with everything, there is a way "to do it" and a way "not to do it." I've told my 13 and 7 year olds this - tell the truth, but be mindful about it. If someone is overweight to an unhealthy extreme, it's perfectly okay (and even caring) to be honest, but it's HOW you say it that matters. If you approach it like a two year old ... "ewwww .... your butt is so big," it's highly offensive, inappropriate, and likely to cause emotional hurt to the other person. On the other hand, if you say something more like, "I want you to live a long, happy life - I want you to get your energy back, etc. - so it would be good if you could find a way to lose some weight" - it's not offensive at all (even if the truth hurts a bit, at least it's not the messenger causing the hurt).
I guess what I'm trying to say is:
Honesty is good; but attitude matters.0 -
I'm not a fan of shame, but I think it's a bit disingenuous to suggest that shaming someone isn't effective to move them toward action.
For crying out loud there an entire culture of shame in Japan surrounding women and their weight. It's a well studied phenomenon. There is an expectation of thinness, and negative social consequences, and yes shame, for not meeting those expectations. It's been enough to help keep Japanese women reversing the world wide trend of increasing obesity, as they are actually overall getting thinner.
There are societies and cultures in this world that simply do not tolerate obesity. I know a few people from various Asian cultures where it's common for people to flat out say to a friend or loved one "hey, you got fat". It's expected. The tiptoeing around fat is something that is becoming more pervasive in western societies but it's hardly universal. And the pressure to conform is powerful, and shame can absolutely be a powerful motivator.
Yes, shame is a very powerful force in Japan.
Say, what's the leading cause of death in that nation among males aged 20-44?
Japanese shame has been around since the Heian period? Really, you can not compare Japan or any Asian society to a Western one, they are just to different. In Korea, yes, people will point out to younger people that they have gained weight, however, older woman or men it is less of a big deal. It is more health or at least disguised better as health than vanity. Society does have a higher impact there on how people look. And if you make to many mistakes in Japan, don't do well enough, well, you have one option, yeah, not pretty. Go Samurai. >.>0 -
Being shamed is what got me wanting to be healthy in the first place. But I'm not a delicate little flower so....
I wouldn't consider myself a delicate flower but shame never worked for me.I wouldn't get upset over shaming comments, but why would I change for shallow people? I changed for me.0 -
Body shaming is just another fancy term for bullying. If you body shame others, congratulations! Your social skills have not evolved beyond middle school! It's recess all over again! If it makes you feel any better, use all of the excuses and justifications you like, but the fact of the matter is, you judge people based on their appearance, not on who that person is, their accomplishments or their contributions to the world.
Some people are happy with their appearance and the way they choose to live their life. It should have absolutely no effect on you one way or the other. Is someone's existence a personal affront to you because of their jiggling? Are you really that concerned that your health care costs will go up in such a way that you will never notice because someone, somewhere is fat?
I've got some great advice.
When you see someone whose appearance you just find to be awful, or think that they should take better care of themselves, do the following.
1. Take a deep breath
2. Deep breath, let it just fill up your lungs.
3. Exhale slowly.
4. Get over it.
You live your life, teach your children to grow up healthy and strong and lead by example. Leave other people alone. Everyone will be happier, especially you!
I go with this post ^ People need to have a little courtesy and act like a human being. I know that's just to dam hard for some people.0 -
I hate how my mom shamed me if I made mistakes and when I was chubby...imagine if that came from total strangers? oh my god...0
-
I think stupid people should stay at out of public as well. We don't all get what we want though.
Shaming...be it for weight, smoking, drug addiction...whatever is counterproductive.
You don't tell someone that they are worthless, and then tell that they are capable of doing something exceptionally difficult.
What you do tell them:
You're worthwhile.
You can do something.
I'm willing to help you.
How shall we start?
This is called coddling and does not work. The question is are u ready to drop the excuses? Ready to work hard sweat and be a tad uncomfortable? Do u really want this?
The 2 approaches are not mutually exclusive - people can be told they are worthwhile and can do something and also be told it will be uncomfortable and they need to sweat hard at it.
I don't think shaming people ever motivates them to do anything though.
I think nearly all people learn all things better through positive reinforcement and encouragement, rather than shaming and punitive measures.
Exactly. Why does it have to be either/or? Can we not, as a society, admit that being obese is unhealthy and encourage others to lose weight WITHOUT calling them "fatties" and telling them to "cover up"?? It is very rare that shaming someone actually accomplishes anything. So why do it, other than just to make someone feel bad? Trust me, no fat person looks in the mirror and doesn't know they're fat.
The most bothersome thing about this thread are those commenting about others' appearance. It's one thing to be concerned about the health of our country, it's another to bash someone b/c they have "dimples" (btw, a lot of thin women have cellulite, should they forgo the shorts too?).
yes no one wants to see cellulite and dimples on anything fat or thin.
These things exist, keep them at home, love yourself but the rest of the world does not need to see it and we dont WANT to see it. Keep it at home where it belongs0 -
Shaming...be it for weight, smoking, drug addiction...whatever is counterproductive.
You don't tell someone that they are worthless, and then tell that they are capable of doing something exceptionally difficult.
What you do tell them:
You're worthwhile.
You can do something.
I'm willing to help you.
How shall we start?
This is called coddling and does not work. The question is are u ready to drop the excuses? Ready to work hard sweat and be a tad uncomfortable? Do u really want this?
The 2 approaches are not mutually exclusive - people can be told they are worthwhile and can do something and also be told it will be uncomfortable and they need to sweat hard at it.
I don't think shaming people ever motivates them to do anything though.
I think nearly all people learn all things better through positive reinforcement and encouragement, rather than shaming and punitive measures.
Exactly. Why does it have to be either/or? Can we not, as a society, admit that being obese is unhealthy and encourage others to lose weight WITHOUT calling them "fatties" and telling them to "cover up"?? It is very rare that shaming someone actually accomplishes anything. So why do it, other than just to make someone feel bad? Trust me, no fat person looks in the mirror and doesn't know they're fat.
The most bothersome thing about this thread are those commenting about others' appearance. It's one thing to be concerned about the health of our country, it's another to bash someone b/c they have "dimples" (btw, a lot of thin women have cellulite, should they forgo the shorts too?).
yes no one wants to see cellulite and dimples on anything fat or thin.
These things exist, keep them at home, love yourself but the rest of the world does not need to see it and we dont WANT to see it. Keep it at home where it belongs
dafuq?
:noway:0 -
I think I love you.I agree with the article.
i was talking about this with my bf the other night, the young generation is mostly fat and they dont care. They are developing unhealthy life styles, it is gross to see rolls and dimples.
Who wants to spend their prime being unhealthy?
And why should the cost of our health care increase simply because people dont care about themselves?
Obesity should be warred on just like cigarettes and drugs, it is an overwhelming epidemic and a sad statement on how society is losing respect for itself.
If it takes shame to make people aware so be it. I wont coddle "feelings."
Put the chips down, cover up approropriately and get on a life style change.
I have not read the article - hard to open links on my ipad.
However, comments like "it is gross to see rolls and dimples" and people should "cover up appropriately" are not comments about health - they are comments about appearance.
I agree that obesity is a growing health problem and it needs to be addressed - but how people look and what they wear is not the issue - the health implications are.
Somebody obese and covered up is just as much at risk health wise as somebody wearing a crochet bikini.
if what we (we as in writers of articles or posters on MFP or anyone else publicly commenting) are concerned about are health issues, we need to make sure our comments are about health issues, not about appearance or clothing choices.
EVERYONE with any BODY SIZE should dress appropriately! I find thin girls in microbikinis look whoreish, odler women in bikinis look haggard, women who try to hard to be young when they are old are silly looking, and men with guts hanging out the bottom of their t shirt, gross!!!!!!
WE ALL need to dress for our size, age and body type!
I dont leave my yard in my bikinni you know why? I have stretch marks, am I ashamed of my stretch marks? NO but they are MINE and the whole world does not need to see them, when I am swimming in public I wear a mom appropriate bathin suit, why? Because I am a MOTHER! And almost 40!
Just my opinion. If you think you can be a size 18 and up and rock the sexy clothes and people dont think it is gross you are wrong. It is disrespectful and tasteless looking. If you meet new people they wont see your lovely personality, they will remeber you as the fat person in a bikini with rolls everywhere.
I am not trying to be mean, just speaking the truth, the world is shallow. Take care of yourself. If you want to live in the make believe land of fat acceptence and everyone is outwardly gorgeous then go for it, but I will not coddle the obese and if I go back there I hope I have an honest enough friend to kick me in the *kitten* and tell me to get back on the wago rather than telling me fat is beautiful and I have a pretty face.
You know what I find really disgusting to look at? Terrible grammar. I find it gross, it makes message boards more difficult to read for the rest of us that have worked so hard to have good grammar, and it is costing me additional tax dollars because when children see adults using bad grammar they think it is OK and therefore, we have to pay more money for additional schooling.
I'm not being mean, just honest. People who are bad with the English language need to put in the work, pay the tuition to go back to school, and stop making the rest of us look at their horrible grammar until they do something about it. It's going to be hard, but it's important because it is the only way to demonstrate your intelligence on the internet.
What other reason could there be for their bad grammar, other than laziness?!? The rest of us learned it in elementary school! Every time I see one of those morons listening to their ipods and not reading a book, I want to throw up! I mean, how dare they read a magazine when they could be improving their obvious deficiency?
Coddling these terrible, lazy people will not help them. We have to confront them with their idiocy to help them change!0 -
Top-posters are a very close second to body-shamers on my list of people who should DIAF.
[TMYK.gif]0 -
As I said, other people are not here to decorate your world. Spending time commenting on the appearance of others and dictating to others what to and not to wear is time wasted.Oh wow, people wear what they WANT?! And they don't apologise for their fatness and force your poor eyes to look? Christ almighty what a *****. ***** needs to worry about herself and realize that other people aren't here to decorate her world.
they need to care about themselves, dress appropriately and present their best to the world.
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Seriously, if you have not figured out the world I feel sorry for you. Try getting a job rolling in for an interview with rolls and cellulite hanging out. Looks matter.
I love my obese friends, does not mean I enjoy it when they let it all hang out. Dress appropriate for your age/size/build.
The girls in the article were going on holiday, not for a job interview.
I understand that
but i was being attacked for saying people should dress appropriate at all ages weight and sizes
job interview, VK, whatever, dress right!
Dress right by your standards? I pass probably hundreds of people a day on my way to work, how do I please them all?? I'm confused!!
0 -
As I said, other people are not here to decorate your world. Spending time commenting on the appearance of others and dictating to others what to and not to wear is time wasted.Oh wow, people wear what they WANT?! And they don't apologise for their fatness and force your poor eyes to look? Christ almighty what a *****. ***** needs to worry about herself and realize that other people aren't here to decorate her world.
they need to care about themselves, dress appropriately and present their best to the world.
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Seriously, if you have not figured out the world I feel sorry for you. Try getting a job rolling in for an interview with rolls and cellulite hanging out. Looks matter.
I love my obese friends, does not mean I enjoy it when they let it all hang out. Dress appropriate for your age/size/build.
The girls in the article were going on holiday, not for a job interview.
I understand that
but i was being attacked for saying people should dress appropriate at all ages weight and sizes
job interview, VK, whatever, dress right!
Profile pic, dress right!. Yeah, see how dumb that sounded?
0 -
I judge people by the standard that they set forth for themselves. If someone finds that being honest is a virtue and they lie, I will call them on their hypocrisy. In the same manner if someone believes that being healthy is a virtue and they are not taking steps to be healthy then I will again call them on it. Life is of course too short to do this with strangers, but with friends and family I think that to be a good relative/friend means to be open and honest with those that you love and to attempt to help them achieve the goals they set for themselves. I have a friend who weighs 365 lb's and doesn't care about his weight or health, so it's not something that we talk about. However when we(my friends and I) all decide to do an activity that he can not participate in because of his weight(rock-climbing, going on rides with a 300 lb limit), when he complains I will simply say "you are the one who is making the decision not to be able to do the things that we are doing, so don't get mad at us."0
-
Being shamed is what got me wanting to be healthy in the first place. But I'm not a delicate little flower so....
I was not shamed as a fat kid, surprisingly. I can count on one hand how many times I was poked fun at. Hell a boy once made a crack about my boy boobs in the sixth grade in front of the entire class, and immediately looked sorry for it and apologized to me right after class. I was never fat shamed at home or by family.
But I had lots of self inner shame. Somehow, despite no abuse or bullying, I just knew that being fat was all wrong. It didn't fit into my perception of self when I became aware that I was fat at the age of 11. Every day after it felt like I woke up in somebody else's body. I only finally escaped obesity (for a few years at least) because the state of fatness was just extraordinarily destructive to my sense of self, my esteem.
I can't speak for anyone else, but being told that it was alright to be fat would NEVER have worked for me. Hating being fat, and yes the shame of the loss of control, of how fat looked and felt, has always been the greatest driving force for me toward battling this problem. Anything less and I would never, ever have lost it.0 -
As I said, other people are not here to decorate your world. Spending time commenting on the appearance of others and dictating to others what to and not to wear is time wasted.Oh wow, people wear what they WANT?! And they don't apologise for their fatness and force your poor eyes to look? Christ almighty what a *****. ***** needs to worry about herself and realize that other people aren't here to decorate her world.
they need to care about themselves, dress appropriately and present their best to the world.
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Seriously, if you have not figured out the world I feel sorry for you. Try getting a job rolling in for an interview with rolls and cellulite hanging out. Looks matter.
I love my obese friends, does not mean I enjoy it when they let it all hang out. Dress appropriate for your age/size/build.
The girls in the article were going on holiday, not for a job interview.
Yes I don't think anyone is denying there are times when one needs to dress 'appropriately' ,meaning dress for the expectations of other people - job interviews being one of them,.
At a job interview it matters what other people think of your presentation.
At the beach, it doesn't.
This seems a fairly obvious distinction to me - no-one is suggesting going to a job interview with 'rolls and cellulite hanging out'
For that matter no one is suggesting going to an interview with casual shorts and lots of flesh showing if you are skinny either.
Completely irrelevant comparison.
ETA I don't get what "think of the children" means - I would like my children to see all body shapes enjoying life, wearing whatever clothing they choose (when appropriate, as outlined above)
In a setting where it is suitable for children to see skinny people wearing shorts or bikinis (you know, like a beach holiday) then it is suitable for them to see obese people doing likewise.0 -
I will never understand why people care so much (or at all) about bodies that are not theirs.
^^This0 -
This content has been removed.
-
I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.0 -
This content has been removed.
-
That was an option but I was highly outnumbered. I could have ended up tying itt from my hospital bed. Plus I was kind of busy eating sour patch kids and BBQ chips.I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.
You made the right call.0 -
That was an option but I was highly outnumbered. I could have ended up tying itt from my hospital bed. Plus I was kind of busy eating sour patch kids and BBQ chips.I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.
You made the right call.
I wouldn't exactly say the "right" call. I mean, BBQ chips?0 -
This content has been removed.
-
Oh yea. So good!!!
That was an option but I was highly outnumbered. I could have ended up tying itt from my hospital bed. Plus I was kind of busy eating sour patch kids and BBQ chips.I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.
You made the right call.
I wouldn't exactly say the "right" call. I mean, BBQ chips?
Apparently ketchup chips are not a thing in the states??? And if you want to have ketchup chips you literally need to put ketchup on your chips... what's that about??
And I've also recently learned that not everyone knows about all dressed... I don't know if they're available and just not celebrated the way they should be or if this is another thing that isn't available in the States... but honestly, if they're there, go try some.
Not hating on BBQ, but honestly, there are better options out there.0 -
I think we've all done it at some time or another, including to ourselves. That said, it's not a thing we really *should* do. I hate mean nasty articles; all they do is make people feel like crap. Fat is not a moral failing. There are lots of reasons that make people fat (or skinny), and it's wrong to judge and point fingers. If we're in a position to advise someone at all (usually because that person has asked for help, or is complaining about their body and doesn't know what to do) then I think it's best to advise for health, such as recommending eating more nonstarchy vegetables and taking a walk every day, and let them deal with any size issues themselves or with their doctor.... unless they specifically come to you saying "I don't like my weight, do you know how I can change it." but then that advice should be offered in a nonjudgmental way and for the ultimate goal of improving health rather than just focusing on looks.
First reply on the thread and it summed up my thoughts exactly!0 -
"One way to start might be by calling a fat girl a fat girl. No apology required."
Wow, really...the author here is completely off base and really truly shows that type of person she is. Before starting my weight loss journey I was told that I needed to "put the fork down, because I was fat..." Although I completely understood and acknowledged my problem needed addressed, I was so mad that the point was essentially lost.
Do we simply tell an anorexic... "Your too skinny eat a hamburger." Does that really get you anywhere, does that work?
Instead I talked at length with a person that is very close to me. She expressed concern about a number of things. My health, my self confidence, my family. Ultimately she said something that will always stick with me. She said, "Your a wonderful person...I don't want your weight to stop you from being happy, losing exciting opportunities you may have had otherwise because of being ashamed, I love you and only want to see the best for you and in you.. you deserve it."
When we were done talking I felt motivated, not bad or upset. 44 lbs lost later and I am still just as motivated and excited about continuing to change my life.
If you think you are so perfect yourself that you can openly mock the problems of others... you are the one with a problem. We all have our struggles in life.0 -
This content has been removed.
-
Oh yea. So good!!!
That was an option but I was highly outnumbered. I could have ended up tying itt from my hospital bed. Plus I was kind of busy eating sour patch kids and BBQ chips.I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.
You made the right call.
I wouldn't exactly say the "right" call. I mean, BBQ chips?
Apparently ketchup chips are not a thing in the states??? And if you want to have ketchup chips you literally need to put ketchup on your chips... what's that about??
And I've also recently learned that not everyone knows about all dressed... I don't know if they're available and just not celebrated the way they should be or if this is another thing that isn't available in the States... but honestly, if they're there, go try some.
Not hating on BBQ, but honestly, there are better options out there.
I've seen ketchup chips here occasionally. Not being a huge ketchup fan I've never tried them.0 -
Oh yea. So good!!!
That was an option but I was highly outnumbered. I could have ended up tying itt from my hospital bed. Plus I was kind of busy eating sour patch kids and BBQ chips.I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.
You made the right call.
I wouldn't exactly say the "right" call. I mean, BBQ chips?
Apparently ketchup chips are not a thing in the states??? And if you want to have ketchup chips you literally need to put ketchup on your chips... what's that about??
And I've also recently learned that not everyone knows about all dressed... I don't know if they're available and just not celebrated the way they should be or if this is another thing that isn't available in the States... but honestly, if they're there, go try some.
Not hating on BBQ, but honestly, there are better options out there.
I've seen ketchup chips here occasionally. Not being a huge ketchup fan I've never tried them.
It's like I don't even know you!0 -
Oh yea. So good!!!
That was an option but I was highly outnumbered. I could have ended up tying itt from my hospital bed. Plus I was kind of busy eating sour patch kids and BBQ chips.I went to the beach today and saw all kinds of people. Thin, obese, in shape, not in shape etc. Everyone was having a great time. Women of all sizes in 1 and in 2 piece suits. They appeared to be comfortable with how they were presenting themselves. Now I may have my opinion on what I thought of each but that doesn't matter. What matters is how they feel about how they look. I have no right to tell people what to wear regardless of what I think.
Impossible.
You should have told each of them about the MFP forums where they could properly learn how they are supposed to feel about themselves.
You made the right call.
I wouldn't exactly say the "right" call. I mean, BBQ chips?
Apparently ketchup chips are not a thing in the states??? And if you want to have ketchup chips you literally need to put ketchup on your chips... what's that about??
And I've also recently learned that not everyone knows about all dressed... I don't know if they're available and just not celebrated the way they should be or if this is another thing that isn't available in the States... but honestly, if they're there, go try some.
Not hating on BBQ, but honestly, there are better options out there.
I've seen ketchup chips here occasionally. Not being a huge ketchup fan I've never tried them.
It's like I don't even know you!
:laugh:
I'm also not a huge chips fan. I like them, but I rarely spend my calories on them.0 -
This content has been removed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions