The dying art of will power.

flcaoh

Thanks so much Banks. I seriously needed that this morning. When I woke up, I was beyond frustrated with my lack of success recently but I know 100% it's due to my lack of will power. Thanks for the wake up call! Back on the wagon I go!!! :bigsmile:

Doozie

Thank you so much for bumping this post. It is exactly what I need to see.
Thank you Banks for your commitment and research you do for all of us on MFP. You are very wise!

cp005e

Banks, I read this post every time you bump it. I have been wanting to respond for a long time, but have not been sure exactly how to express what I am thinking.

I agree with most everything you say. However, I would term what you are describing more as COMMITMENT than WILLPOWER. Or, as you say, conviction.

Personally, I hate willpower. I never felt like my "willpower" was something I could depend on. To me, willpower is the ability to withstand a temptation each and every time it comes up - the thing that I have to rely upon time and time again when faced with a decision. When it's a day by day, minute by minute situation - I can't rely on willpower to make the right decision every time. Willpower is what fails me when I am procrastinating from anything I don't feel like doing - whether it be cleaning, going through paperwork, exercising, or finishing my master's degree. And that is why so many of my past diets and weight loss plans have failed - I could keep up my willpower and self-denial for a while, but eventually would lose steam and start making wrong decisions again.

But! This does not mean I am failing now - on the contrary, I've lost 40 pounds in 6 months. The difference this time is that I don't just want to be thin - I want to change my life. I want to healthy - for as long as I possibly can on this earth. And as long as I keep believing that I am worth it - I don't need willpower. Making the right decisions is easy - because I've made that huge, high-level commitment to myself. In a way, it's like marriage - once you make that commitment, you shouldn't have to constantly remind yourself not to flirt with other guys. You know you're with the one you want to stay with, and you know how important that commitment is, and so - you just don't. I think religion is the same way for many people. You have your core beliefs, and making good decisions flows naturally from that solid foundation.

So - sometimes I have an off week. Work, family, injury, whatever gets in the way. But I don't have to get depressed about it, or feel like a failure. Because I know that I will re-commit and do better next week. For me, an off week is not getting enough exercise, or maybe eating a few more calories than I've budgeted for. But... I still get some exercise (which is more than I used to!), and when I eat too much, it's still not much if any more than I am actually burning - it's just not my deficit for losing. So that's OK, and I know I can recover. And sometimes (like for my 30th birthday weekend) - I treat myself. That's fine, too. Because I know that I am committed to a healthier lifestyle, and there is absolutely no question that having a treat is going to throw me off that path. It won't.

This past weekend I was away at a working event for my job, and they took care to feed us very well. And I saw some people going nuts - taking multiple servings, extra desserts, drinking, etc. etc. But that wasn't even a consideration for me. Did I eat more calories than I normally do at home? Probably. But I didn't go crazy. I had a normal-sized portion at meals, and it was tasty. Fine. I had one bite of a co-worker's carrot cake because everyone said how good it was. Great - I enjoyed it. But I have learned over the past several months that there's no being "on my diet" or "off my diet". This is just how I live now. AND IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO. When you stop to think about it, usually whatever is tempting you just isn't that great. If it is, usually having a small amount is just as satisfying as eating a huge portion. Most importantly, I know that self-control empowers me to reach my goals and live the life I want. Going overboard just isn't an option, because it doesn't fit into my new lifestyle or the commitment I have made to myself.

Thanks for your original post. I agree completely - I kept finding myself balking at the term "willpower", so I hope I have managed to express myself well. Hope this helps someone! :flowerforyou:

banks1850

tomato tomaaaaato. Good post.

What you call commitment, I call willpower, others may call strength of conviction. But what it boils down to is pretty much the same thing I think, and that is this, the desire, and courage to make the decision that this is how our life must be, and to follow through with that decision to the end.

tashjs21

Banks you are awesome!

banks1850

Banks you are awesome!

LOL, will someone PLEASE convince my wife of this! I keep telling her, and she keeps laughing at me.

tashjs21

Banks you are awesome!

LOL, will someone PLEASE convince my wife of this! I keep telling her, and she keeps laughing at me.

:laugh: :laugh:
I am sure deep down she knows.

fatsis

Banks,

How did U know I needed this kick in the butt. I have been having a pity party today. I have not been as strict as I should have been the last 2 weeks. I was a 1lb away from my 4th of July goal, 1 freaking lb.
Now, I have gained 4-5lbs and feel my goal slipping away.

I had fast food Sunday for a cheat day and proclaimed I would be back Monday. I absolutely blew it last night and did not work out saving it for this morning. I woke up with a really sore neck and back and did not lift. I am hoping the pain goes away soon or I am going to have a real uphill battle.

So far today I have been on target with my food intake, but I still really,.really,really,really,really needed this kick in the *kitten*. I am pissed with myself and will use the anger to take back my health. Thank you so much.

tashjs21

Bumping for the evening crew!

banks1850

Banks,

How did U know I needed this kick in the butt. I have been having a pity party today. I have not been as strict as I should have been the last 2 weeks. I was a 1lb away from my 4th of July goal, 1 freaking lb.
Now, I have gained 4-5lbs and feel my goal slipping away.

I had fast food Sunday for a cheat day and proclaimed I would be back Monday. I absolutely blew it last night and did not work out saving it for this morning. I woke up with a really sore neck and back and did not lift. I am hoping the pain goes away soon or I am going to have a real uphill battle.

So far today I have been on target with my food intake, but I still really,.really,really,really,really needed this kick in the *kitten*. I am pissed with myself and will use the anger to take back my health. Thank you so much.

Ahh FS, you'll do the right thing! I know you will!

tashjs21

Bumpity Bumperson!
I may need this as a daily reminder!! :bigsmile:

Mary24

bumping, because I saw some posts recently that this may help with.

Those posts were mine!!!!:laugh: :laugh: Thank you Mr.Banks :drinker: :flowerforyou:
I to am going to print this and memorise it:laugh: :bigsmile:

fatsis

Banks,

How did U know I needed this kick in the butt. I have been having a pity party today. I have not been as strict as I should have been the last 2 weeks. I was a 1lb away from my 4th of July goal, 1 freaking lb.
Now, I have gained 4-5lbs and feel my goal slipping away.

I had fast food Sunday for a cheat day and proclaimed I would be back Monday. I absolutely blew it last night and did not work out saving it for this morning. I woke up with a really sore neck and back and did not lift. I am hoping the pain goes away soon or I am going to have a real uphill battle.

So far today I have been on target with my food intake, but I still really,.really,really,really,really needed this kick in the *kitten*. I am pissed with myself and will use the anger to take back my health. Thank you so much.

Ahh FS, you'll do the right thing! I know you will!

Thanks Banks.

Mary24

Banks, I read this post every time you bump it. I have been wanting to respond for a long time, but have not been sure exactly how to express what I am thinking.

I agree with most everything you say. However, I would term what you are describing more as COMMITMENT than WILLPOWER. Or, as you say, conviction.

Personally, I hate willpower. I never felt like my "willpower" was something I could depend on. To me, willpower is the ability to withstand a temptation each and every time it comes up - the thing that I have to rely upon time and time again when faced with a decision. When it's a day by day, minute by minute situation - I can't rely on willpower to make the right decision every time. Willpower is what fails me when I am procrastinating from anything I don't feel like doing - whether it be cleaning, going through paperwork, exercising, or finishing my master's degree. And that is why so many of my past diets and weight loss plans have failed - I could keep up my willpower and self-denial for a while, but eventually would lose steam and start making wrong decisions again.

But! This does not mean I am failing now - on the contrary, I've lost 40 pounds in 6 months. The difference this time is that I don't just want to be thin - I want to change my life. I want to healthy - for as long as I possibly can on this earth. And as long as I keep believing that I am worth it - I don't need willpower. Making the right decisions is easy - because I've made that huge, high-level commitment to myself. In a way, it's like marriage - once you make that commitment, you shouldn't have to constantly remind yourself not to flirt with other guys. You know you're with the one you want to stay with, and you know how important that commitment is, and so - you just don't. I think religion is the same way for many people. You have your core beliefs, and making good decisions flows naturally from that solid foundation.

So - sometimes I have an off week. Work, family, injury, whatever gets in the way. But I don't have to get depressed about it, or feel like a failure. Because I know that I will re-commit and do better next week. For me, an off week is not getting enough exercise, or maybe eating a few more calories than I've budgeted for. But... I still get some exercise (which is more than I used to!), and when I eat too much, it's still not much if any more than I am actually burning - it's just not my deficit for losing. So that's OK, and I know I can recover. And sometimes (like for my 30th birthday weekend) - I treat myself. That's fine, too. Because I know that I am committed to a healthier lifestyle, and there is absolutely no question that having a treat is going to throw me off that path. It won't.

This past weekend I was away at a working event for my job, and they took care to feed us very well. And I saw some people going nuts - taking multiple servings, extra desserts, drinking, etc. etc. But that wasn't even a consideration for me. Did I eat more calories than I normally do at home? Probably. But I didn't go crazy. I had a normal-sized portion at meals, and it was tasty. Fine. I had one bite of a co-worker's carrot cake because everyone said how good it was. Great - I enjoyed it. But I have learned over the past several months that there's no being "on my diet" or "off my diet". This is just how I live now. AND IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO. When you stop to think about it, usually whatever is tempting you just isn't that great. If it is, usually having a small amount is just as satisfying as eating a huge portion. Most importantly, I know that self-control empowers me to reach my goals and live the life I want. Going overboard just isn't an option, because it doesn't fit into my new lifestyle or the commitment I have made to myself.

Thanks for your original post. I agree completely - I kept finding myself balking at the term "willpower", so I hope I have managed to express myself well. Hope this helps someone! :flowerforyou:

Now thats the way to think:drinker:

Mary24

I just reread it you know sometimes I have to read things twice before they click so I thought I would also bump it for you:drinker: :drinker:

banks1850

My willpower told me to run today, even though I wanted to sulk over my screwed up house deal. I did, I ran 4 miles and burned up about 500 cals. I feel slightly better now.

cp005e

My willpower told me to run today, even though I wanted to sulk over my screwed up house deal. I did, I ran 4 miles and burned up about 500 cals. I feel slightly better now.

Good for you, Banks!!! I'm sorry about your house deal. I hope things get worked out soon!

tashjs21

Bumpity bump bump

Poison5119

Good post, well thought out, informative and useful.

Bumps to ya!

I laughed at my co-worker today when she bought an 8 oz bag of Chexmix to have some with her sandwich, and ate the whole bag. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I don't need to do that. One ounce is sufficient.

banks1850

bump