Negative Language About Thin People

rml_16

Yep, it is jealousy.

Here is another thing: I do not know when I see another man if he is attractive to women or not (except in very extreme cases, or based on women's behavior). Women can make that determination about other women (and they are almost always right), I don't know how they do it (unless the woman is bisexual or lesbian), but you definitely know what most of us men think is sexy. I feel like if you didn't know, then you couldn't be jealous.

It's not hard to figure out what men find attractive in a woman...

Big tits...tiny little waist....and a big round thing, in yo' face!! :smokin:

Except for the men who like small tits and small *kitten* and don't really notice waist proportion.

Do some men like an hourglass figure? Of course. But only 8% of the female population possesses such a figure and I'm pretty sure more than 8% of the female population dates and even gets married.

rml_16

I must be totally oblivious, because I've been thin all my life and I haven't noticed people talking trash about my body in real life. I don't hang out with catty, negative people, though, so maybe that's why I'm not seeing it. I really don't have the time or patience for that kind of drama.

Once on MFP some guy was insulting other women and I called him on it and in his rant he called me "fat around the middle." I guess he thought I'd fall apart at his insult but it was really just silly. I don't consider a 40 year old woman with a 27 inch waist to be fat around the middle! I believe his comment was both inaccurate and mean-spirited, therefore, his comment was rendered invalid. It just made him look foolish. People who say ugly things to other people are just reflecting their own ugliness. That's their issue, so don't make it yours. Don't let them play off your insecurities.

Probably a lot of the time when people say hurtful things about other people it's because they are feeling defensive about themselves. Haters gonna hate. Shrug it off and move on. :flowerforyou:

You know, it comes from a lot of different places, though.

My fiance's 14-year-old daughter is super thin. She doesn't have an eating disorder, she simply takes after her father (and his mother). They're tiny people. She eats, she doesn't throw it up. She's very tall and thing. The girl could probably model -- high cheekbones and everything. She doesn't look skeletal, either. She's 5'6" and maybe 100 pounds. I've seen her in a bikini and you don't see bones on her body, so she has a healthy layer of fat.

We were out to dinner last month with friends. She ate a huge amount of food and there was no discussion about her weight. She hadn't expressed any thoughts on her body at all. It was NOT a topic of conversation. Yet my fiance's friend -- a 30-something man -- felt the need out of nowhere to tell her that "thin isn't in" and that she should eat more. He wasn't teasing her. He actually thought he was saying something helpful and positive.

And then we were visiting my fiance's father and I can't count how many times he told her she needed to "put some meat on her bones" or some variation of that.

It was ridiculous.

JagerLewis

Before I gained my weight, a couple of friends called me skinny b****. Then I went through a rough time in my life, put tons of weight on...no comments at all. Nobody seemed concered, nobody asked if I was ok, nothing. Now that I've lost most of the weight I've gained, I've reclaimed the name skinny b**** again. Yes, my two friends that call me this are over weight, and for as long as I've know them, they've been on the heavier side. They call my skinny b**** in a loving way, if that makes sense...they aren't being mean at all about it. But not once did I get a pat on the back for the hard work I've been doing with counting calories or working out everyday. Not one "well done". It hurts that I now know they are jealous. Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous?? I don't need daily complements....just an occasion you are doing so great! And if I slip and say I need to lose 5-7 more pounds....forget about it!

MyRummyHens

I get this all the time. I've dared to be the awful combination of slim, small framed and petite. Apparently it makes me disgusting.

I mean it's not like I chose my height or my frame size. The only thing I am responsible for is making sensible choices. Like working out and eating a normal (and not an excessive) amount.

AglaeaC

Before I gained my weight, a couple of friends called me skinny b****. Then I went through a rough time in my life, put tons of weight on...no comments at all. Nobody seemed concered, nobody asked if I was ok, nothing. Now that I've lost most of the weight I've gained, I've reclaimed the name skinny b**** again. Yes, my two friends that call me this are over weight, and for as long as I've know them, they've been on the heavier side. They call my skinny b**** in a loving way, if that makes sense...they aren't being mean at all about it. But not once did I get a pat on the back for the hard work I've been doing with counting calories or working out everyday. Not one "well done". It hurts that I now know they are jealous. Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous?? I don't need daily complements....just an occasion you are doing so great! And if I slip and say I need to lose 5-7 more pounds....forget about it!

Well, let's put it this way. You are living proof of what they might be telling themselves is impossible. You are "in their face" in every possible way. You've accepted the challenge, you've overcome obstacles, you haven't given up, and you've ended up a complete success as a result.

This can be too much for people to handle, if they are the type that doesn't deal with their problems, but likes to find every possible excuse under the sun, when in reality they should start by looking inwards and really take a long hard look at what they see. So many of us are incapable of examining our shortcomings, placing ourselves vulnerable in the company of others. It's a shame, because everyone has something to teach someone else, yet they dismiss that option and don't turn to you for help. It's not you, it's them. You should feel sorry for them more than anything else.

rml_16

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

AglaeaC

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

Projecting is one alternative, another is that OP knows who she's dealing with and has made a correct assessment about the people close to her.

JagerLewis

Before I gained my weight, a couple of friends called me skinny b****. Then I went through a rough time in my life, put tons of weight on...no comments at all. Nobody seemed concered, nobody asked if I was ok, nothing. Now that I've lost most of the weight I've gained, I've reclaimed the name skinny b**** again. Yes, my two friends that call me this are over weight, and for as long as I've know them, they've been on the heavier side. They call my skinny b**** in a loving way, if that makes sense...they aren't being mean at all about it. But not once did I get a pat on the back for the hard work I've been doing with counting calories or working out everyday. Not one "well done". It hurts that I now know they are jealous. Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous?? I don't need daily complements....just an occasion you are doing so great! And if I slip and say I need to lose 5-7 more pounds....forget about it!

Well, let's put it this way. You are living proof of what they might be telling themselves is impossible. You are "in their face" in every possible way. You've accepted the challenge, you've overcome obstacles, you haven't given up, and you've ended up a complete success as a result.

This can be too much for people to handle, if they are the type that doesn't deal with their problems, but likes to find every possible excuse under the sun, when in reality they should start by looking inwards and really take a long hard look at what they see. So many of us are incapable of examining our shortcomings, placing ourselves vulnerable in the company of others. It's a shame, because everyone has something to teach someone else, yet they dismiss that option and don't turn to you for help. It's not you, it's them. You should feel sorry for them more than anything else.

You're right, they do find every excuse under the sun, "I'm so busy", "people keep bringing us lunch at work". I do try to offer suggestions for them, but I don't think they really listen, or just don't want to put in the effort.

JagerLewis

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

AglaeaC

Before I gained my weight, a couple of friends called me skinny b****. Then I went through a rough time in my life, put tons of weight on...no comments at all. Nobody seemed concered, nobody asked if I was ok, nothing. Now that I've lost most of the weight I've gained, I've reclaimed the name skinny b**** again. Yes, my two friends that call me this are over weight, and for as long as I've know them, they've been on the heavier side. They call my skinny b**** in a loving way, if that makes sense...they aren't being mean at all about it. But not once did I get a pat on the back for the hard work I've been doing with counting calories or working out everyday. Not one "well done". It hurts that I now know they are jealous. Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous?? I don't need daily complements....just an occasion you are doing so great! And if I slip and say I need to lose 5-7 more pounds....forget about it!

Well, let's put it this way. You are living proof of what they might be telling themselves is impossible. You are "in their face" in every possible way. You've accepted the challenge, you've overcome obstacles, you haven't given up, and you've ended up a complete success as a result.

This can be too much for people to handle, if they are the type that doesn't deal with their problems, but likes to find every possible excuse under the sun, when in reality they should start by looking inwards and really take a long hard look at what they see. So many of us are incapable of examining our shortcomings, placing ourselves vulnerable in the company of others. It's a shame, because everyone has something to teach someone else, yet they dismiss that option and don't turn to you for help. It's not you, it's them. You should feel sorry for them more than anything else.

You're right, they do find every excuse under the sun, "I'm so busy", "people keep bringing us lunch at work". I do try to offer suggestions for them, but I don't think they really listen, or just don't want to put in the effort.

All right, if you've tried, now is the time to step back a bit. It can be overwhelming to hear repeatedly what is the healthy choice, when one isn't ready to act upon it yet. Just know that if they want your help, they'll seek you out when they are ready. In the meantime, just do your own thing, don't evangelise but let them initiate the conversation. It's a fine line between helping and "helping" (being a bit of a know-it-all).

JagerLewis

Before I gained my weight, a couple of friends called me skinny b****. Then I went through a rough time in my life, put tons of weight on...no comments at all. Nobody seemed concered, nobody asked if I was ok, nothing. Now that I've lost most of the weight I've gained, I've reclaimed the name skinny b**** again. Yes, my two friends that call me this are over weight, and for as long as I've know them, they've been on the heavier side. They call my skinny b**** in a loving way, if that makes sense...they aren't being mean at all about it. But not once did I get a pat on the back for the hard work I've been doing with counting calories or working out everyday. Not one "well done". It hurts that I now know they are jealous. Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous?? I don't need daily complements....just an occasion you are doing so great! And if I slip and say I need to lose 5-7 more pounds....forget about it!

Well, let's put it this way. You are living proof of what they might be telling themselves is impossible. You are "in their face" in every possible way. You've accepted the challenge, you've overcome obstacles, you haven't given up, and you've ended up a complete success as a result.

This can be too much for people to handle, if they are the type that doesn't deal with their problems, but likes to find every possible excuse under the sun, when in reality they should start by looking inwards and really take a long hard look at what they see. So many of us are incapable of examining our shortcomings, placing ourselves vulnerable in the company of others. It's a shame, because everyone has something to teach someone else, yet they dismiss that option and don't turn to you for help. It's not you, it's them. You should feel sorry for them more than anything else.

You're right, they do find every excuse under the sun, "I'm so busy", "people keep bringing us lunch at work". I do try to offer suggestions for them, but I don't think they really listen, or just don't want to put in the effort.

All right, if you've tried, now is the time to step back a bit. It can be overwhelming to hear repeatedly what is the healthy choice, when one isn't ready to act upon it yet. Just know that if they want your help, they'll seek you out when they are ready. In the meantime, just do your own thing, don't evangelise but let them initiate the conversation. It's a fine line between helping and "helping" (being a bit of a know-it-all).

Oh, I've never brought the subject up on my own. Its when they complain and give the excuses. I would never want to hurt their feelings.

Go_Deskercise

My sister has always been bigger than me and I always got snide comments about me "not deserving the body I got" or "it must me nice not to have to watch what you eat" or "I got the good genes" or any number of insults and little comments. Come to think of it, I still get those comments from her to this day, I've just gotten better at blocking them out. She use to be very heavy, but had lost a lot of weight last year. We were all very supportive during the process and were very proud of her! Since then, she has gained a lot of that weight back and "doesn't know why". My mom wanted me to talk to her and tell her what she has been doing wrong, but I am not touching that with a 5 foot poll. She is my sister and I love her, but she is stubborn and her comments to me are very negative and I don't need that in my life anymore

rml_16

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

You're thinking of this too simplistically and I think looking for a reason to be upset with people because you want validation you aren't getting.

I have been around weight loss message boards enough to tell you that people who are OPENLY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT get offended when people commend them on their weight loss. This is a regular occurrence. You will see someone post a thread complaining that "no one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss" and right below it a thread from someone complaining that someone complimented him or her on successfully dropping some pounds.

There is no winning and people don't know how someone will react so they say nothing.

dakotababy

I have never been called a "skinny b" before. I dont really know how I am going to react, as I do expect it to happen, just like how I was called a "fat b" prior to losing weight.

Part of me wants to kind of take it as a compliment though...or I can chose to be offended. Or I could chose to think nothing of it. I guess I will have to figure it out once it happens. I have no fear in calling a person out on their jealousy and insecurity if I do get any comments, because that is exactly what it comes down to.

I think it really is about perception, I honestly feel like smiling if I imagine someone calling me a skinny *****. lol It has a nice ring compared to fat *****.

lisajtubs

when i was in my very slim days, i was out in a club on the dancefloor having a fab time, and a heavier woman came up to me. she actually pushed me and said 'you think you are so special because you are skinny' i leant over and said 'nope,i know that im special for many reasons'

what i should have said is that if you boxed for 2 hours a night, 5 nights a week,plus jogged and swam, then you could be special too!

that shook me up a little actually!

buzzardsrule

Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.

This.

To be honest women can't win. If you're fat and deemed ugly rather than attractive then it's a daily verbal abuse assault course out there.

JagerLewis

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

You're thinking of this too simplistically and I think looking for a reason to be upset with people because you want validation you aren't getting.

I have been around weight loss message boards enough to tell you that people who are OPENLY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT get offended when people commend them on their weight loss. This is a regular occurrence. You will see someone post a thread complaining that "no one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss" and right below it a thread from someone complaining that someone complimented him or her on successfully dropping some pounds.

There is no winning and people don't know how someone will react so they say nothing.

Hmm...I would never be "looking for a reason to be upset with people", ever. Stress and depression helped put the weight on, I got rid of those, then came the ambition to lose the weight. Maybe I'm not the average person on message boards, but what I am is happy in my life and have let go of all the stress that doesn't need to be. I love my friends, I don't think negitive of them at all. All I was saying is the name they now call me again instead of giving a compliment. I know they think calling me skinny b**** is a compliment.

freshstart180213

I have to say women as a collective can be down right mean to each other why we do it who knows but I have always preferred mle friends as there is none of that from them they have an issue they come right out with it however we all do it to some degrees whether we mean to do it simply because women are competitive with each other perhaps society and socialisatn has a lot to do with it we are taught early on our worth comes from our looks and right now the fashion is to be a size 0 beauty and we buy into that whether we want tk or not as its in the magazines we buy or the adverts and tv we watch beauty and fulfilling some abstract definition of beauty is what we are taught we should strive for and no matter how much we kid ourselves or try to deny it I bet the majority of us on here are trying to lose weight to feel beautiful above the obvious need to be healthy I know I am even the people onhere trying to gain weight and have the same struggle as us but in reverse are probably here to gain weight to feel beautiful and feminine curves etc

As for women slating each other we all have a terrible habit of judging ourselves based on whag we see in other women we see a skinny woman we dont congratulate her for the hard work it takes to look that way and lets be honest with the hard work we put intolosing wdight here we shoukd understand that but we dont instead we see a great pair of legs flat tummies and wish we had the same so the *****yness begins and fit women are made to feel **** and larger ladies and men are one of the final taboos racism is ostracised people arnt allowed to get away with it ageism is similar but a lesser degree however weight is the perfect discrimination people can be offensive and think society wont speak up which for the most case is true

being large happens for a lot of reasons yes it is our own faults we ate more than we used up but thats not the whole story weight is a hell of a lot more to it than that emotion plays its role but society doesnt care about that it cares about how u look and those that dont conform offer the perfect scapegoats and while it maybe nice to play the blame game on men they make us women ***** against each other its there fault we have these ideals of beauty unfortunately that for the most part isnt the case women are vicious to each other because the person we are most vicious with is ourselves

hookilau

It goes both ways. If you're overweight, you're disgusting. If you're thin or underweight, you're disgusting. Men seem to focus on making life hell for bigger women (other women do too) and women focus on making life hell for smaller ones.

:blushing: aka: pecking order

rml_16

Actually most of the people in my life don't acknowledge my weight loss, not one word. I've lost 56 pounds so far, I went from a size 14 to a 4. I know they can tell, but why don't they say ANYTHING about it? Yes, I do have some people in my life that are encouraging to my weightloss efforts, but for the most part I'm on my own. Is the world really that jealous??

Weight is a touchy subject and sometimes people are afraid to offend, so they don't say anything because they don't know how the other person will take it.

Why do you assume they're jealous? Sounds like projecting and that's more about you than anyone else.

I agree that weight is a touchy subject...But if they know I'm counting calories, (when we're together I might pass on that margarita, and not touch the chips) and have really upped my workouts, they know I'm trying to lose the weight, so there wouldn't be any offence taken. I'm not projecting, I'm in a happy good place in my life. I call things as I see them.

You're thinking of this too simplistically and I think looking for a reason to be upset with people because you want validation you aren't getting.

I have been around weight loss message boards enough to tell you that people who are OPENLY TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT get offended when people commend them on their weight loss. This is a regular occurrence. You will see someone post a thread complaining that "no one has noticed or said anything about my weight loss" and right below it a thread from someone complaining that someone complimented him or her on successfully dropping some pounds.

There is no winning and people don't know how someone will react so they say nothing.

Hmm...I would never be "looking for a reason to be upset with people", ever. Stress and depression helped put the weight on, I got rid of those, then came the ambition to lose the weight. Maybe I'm not the average person on message boards, but what I am is happy in my life and have let go of all the stress that doesn't need to be. I love my friends, I don't think negitive of them at all. All I was saying is the name they now call me again instead of giving a compliment. I know they think calling me skinny b**** is a compliment.

Well, either they don't say anything or they say something. Your posts are contradictory and I'm confused now why you're apparently upset if you aren't upset.

Calling you "skinny *****" is mentioning your loss. I assumed you were not speaking of those people when you were calling people jealous for not commenting "at all" on your weight loss.