Why are people so hateful??

Aaron_K123

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

They don't?

If you are an adult and in a situation in which you are free to walk away and someone else calls you a name that is now illegal?

AglaeaC

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

I'm sad to hear that. I recall one post from you with which I didn't agree, but otherwise there's been sound advice in a straight-forward cut-the-crap way from you.

nutmegoreo

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

You are probably thinking about the cases of Facebook bullying that resulted in a couple of suicides.

Let me be clear for you. Those were situations in which people purposefully when after people and in ways above and beyond being mean. That is not the same as calling someone stupid, refuting their arguments, etc. To draw a parallel for MFP, a person would need to constantly follow a person around the forums, message them constantly, and circumvent any ignoring/blocking that the "bullied" user put in place.

Which is so totally against the guidelines that it would get your user profile deleted STAT.

Apparently not since there's a certain individual who was doing way worse last night…. actually making threats, harassing, and making racist comments to a number of individuals last night and his account is still active.

Major failure on the mods behalf.

His profile is still there, but judging from a lack of posts, I'd say he's banned from posting at least.
Last night's insanity was the closest thing I've seen here that could be called bullying or harassment. I'm sorry that guy picked on you the way he did.

Agreed, that was by far some of the worst stuff I have seen. Trust me, that's saying a lot. I was also surprised to see the account still active.

Stiang

Helping people is the same as teaching. You have to take a break from it once in a while before it breaks you.

Some people are open to help. Others just want confirmation that they are going down the right track. If they reject your advice, they are most likely one of them and NOTHING you say will get through. You can either keep your sanity and move on to the next "student" or try to help that one until the "light" comes on...but most likely in an internet forum that will not happen.

I've seen the "light" come on for some of the students I have had in the past - but that was after I had explained it in various terms to make it "work" for them. That's hard to do when you have multiple voices in a forum also "teaching". Not speaking from forum experience, but a one-on-one conversation may work better to get your message across.

nutmegoreo

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

That makes me sad, because you were one of the people I first appreciated here.

likitisplit

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

The random PM you get that says, Hey - you made it click for me.

The trick is: don't emotionally engage. Provide information, not advice. To use your example: "Here are the three problems with eating 500 calories." Leave it there. The person either stops doing what they are doing, or continues. Hopefully, your info will ring a bell when they get a bit more experience.

Thank-you for this.

See?

One of the big challenges is that people are at all different stages in the game. And the stuff that works for me now...well it might not have work except that I went through that Almond Milk/cleanish eating phase, you know.

Aaron_K123

The person can remove themselves from a bullying situation online.

Just debating at this point but can't the bully stop as well?

In case you are unaware, bullying in person and over the internet is ILLEGAL. It is taken very seriously by authorities.

ETA: Not talking to you zeroaccess. Talking to the person above you.

Do you think that I am unaware of much or that I am a bully?

But since we're all adults here, there really is no "bullying" and certainly nothing the authorities would take very seriously.

So you think adults can't be bullies? Ok. :laugh:

Adults can be bullies but no I do not see how an adult can be bullied on an internet forum. Bullying requires a situation from which you cannot safely extricate yourself. Otherwise its just a person being annoying.

I was bullied as a child. There was a place I was legally required to be (school) there were people there other than myself who were also required to be there and some of them were much larger and could easily overpower me. They used that power as a form of coercion in an enviornment in which I could not leave. That is bullying.

As an adult what is that situation? Where is the situation in which you cannot leave? Can you be bullied as an adult? Sure, in real life...its called coercion (think mafia extorting a buisness). But how does that happen online on a public forum in which you are here voluntarily and can block any user with a button press?

I can safely assure you that you have absolutely no way of bullying me right now.

nutmegoreo

heh.

"Nut me, Goreo."

It's like a taunt against a boss character in Mortal Kombat 18.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I needed that. :flowerforyou:

Unknown

This content has been removed.

AglaeaC

Helping people is the same as teaching. You have to take a break from it once in a while before it breaks you.

Some people are open to help. Others just want confirmation that they are going down the right track. If they reject your advice, they are most likely one of them and NOTHING you say will get through. You can either keep your sanity and move on to the next "student" or try to help that one until the "light" comes on...but most likely in an internet forum that will not happen.

I've seen the "light" come on for some of the students I have had in the past - but that was after I had explained it in various terms to make it "work" for them. That's hard to do when you have multiple voices in a forum also "teaching". Not speaking from forum experience, but a one-on-one conversation may work better to get your message across.

Helping is the wrong word to describe how I think about it. "Consulting" is more appropriate, but regardless it takes some energy away from me to process my reaction when I'm told I've said something negative to someone. likitisplit already described it as writing a comment and just leaving it to be read or not.

likitisplit

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

I haven't seen Jonnythan around much either

nutmegoreo

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here?

I don't know. Sometimes I am at point of just letting people do what they want and let them figure it out. It's taken me several times to lose weight and I finally found something that works and all because of the "meanies". :ohwell:

I am at that point too.

likitisplit

Helping people is the same as teaching. You have to take a break from it once in a while before it breaks you.

Some people are open to help. Others just want confirmation that they are going down the right track. If they reject your advice, they are most likely one of them and NOTHING you say will get through. You can either keep your sanity and move on to the next "student" or try to help that one until the "light" comes on...but most likely in an internet forum that will not happen.

I've seen the "light" come on for some of the students I have had in the past - but that was after I had explained it in various terms to make it "work" for them. That's hard to do when you have multiple voices in a forum also "teaching". Not speaking from forum experience, but a one-on-one conversation may work better to get your message across.

Helping is the wrong word to describe how I think about it. "Consulting" is more appropriate, but regardless it takes some energy away from me to process my reaction when I'm told I've said something negative to someone. likitisplit already described it as writing a comment and just leaving it to be read or not.

A lot of the time, when the forums get too noisy, I'll PM a couple things to try.

laflordivina

Anyone else come in line with some down right hostile threads going on here.....This is supposed to be a place of help and support, not ripping each other to shreds on who is right and wrong. Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will for someone else and vice versa. Am I alone on this? :grumble:

Some people are jerks, some are oversensitive, and some ignorantly cling to myths that have been debunked with science.

^^This. Take what you can, research what you read, and add the people you can connect to as friends for support.

Aaron_K123

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

You are probably thinking about the cases of Facebook bullying that resulted in a couple of suicides.

Let me be clear for you. Those were situations in which people purposefully when after people and in ways above and beyond being mean. That is not the same as calling someone stupid, refuting their arguments, etc. To draw a parallel for MFP, a person would need to constantly follow a person around the forums, message them constantly, and circumvent any ignoring/blocking that the "bullied" user put in place.

They were also children.

nomeejerome

I have learned the most from the people who are called mean etc. on a regular basis.

nutmegoreo

Helping people is the same as teaching. You have to take a break from it once in a while before it breaks you.

Some people are open to help. Others just want confirmation that they are going down the right track. If they reject your advice, they are most likely one of them and NOTHING you say will get through. You can either keep your sanity and move on to the next "student" or try to help that one until the "light" comes on...but most likely in an internet forum that will not happen.

I've seen the "light" come on for some of the students I have had in the past - but that was after I had explained it in various terms to make it "work" for them. That's hard to do when you have multiple voices in a forum also "teaching". Not speaking from forum experience, but a one-on-one conversation may work better to get your message across.

This is more fitting than you know. :drinker:

Stiang

Helping people is the same as teaching. You have to take a break from it once in a while before it breaks you.

Some people are open to help. Others just want confirmation that they are going down the right track. If they reject your advice, they are most likely one of them and NOTHING you say will get through. You can either keep your sanity and move on to the next "student" or try to help that one until the "light" comes on...but most likely in an internet forum that will not happen.

I've seen the "light" come on for some of the students I have had in the past - but that was after I had explained it in various terms to make it "work" for them. That's hard to do when you have multiple voices in a forum also "teaching". Not speaking from forum experience, but a one-on-one conversation may work better to get your message across.

This is more fitting than you know. :drinker:

I have my moments - I'm just hanging around waiting for more cat gifs.

dbmata

I haven't seen Jonnythan around much either

That guy, smart as a whip, but delivery sucked in general. I noticed he's gone, figured he got banned due to delivery.

Aaron_K123

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

You are probably thinking about the cases of Facebook bullying that resulted in a couple of suicides.

Let me be clear for you. Those were situations in which people purposefully when after people and in ways above and beyond being mean. That is not the same as calling someone stupid, refuting their arguments, etc. To draw a parallel for MFP, a person would need to constantly follow a person around the forums, message them constantly, and circumvent any ignoring/blocking that the "bullied" user put in place.

Actually, I was talking about bullying in general. Not what happens on Facebook or Twitter or whatever other social media sites people use these days.

And that's not the "bullying" I'm referring to.

Can you give a single example of an adult being "bullied"? Even a theoretical example.

PikaKnight

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

You are probably thinking about the cases of Facebook bullying that resulted in a couple of suicides.

Let me be clear for you. Those were situations in which people purposefully when after people and in ways above and beyond being mean. That is not the same as calling someone stupid, refuting their arguments, etc. To draw a parallel for MFP, a person would need to constantly follow a person around the forums, message them constantly, and circumvent any ignoring/blocking that the "bullied" user put in place.

Which is so totally against the guidelines that it would get your user profile deleted STAT.

Apparently not since there's a certain individual who was doing way worse last night…. actually making threats, harassing, and making racist comments to a number of individuals last night and his account is still active.

Major failure on the mods behalf.

They deleted the thread and probably reprimanded the person. He could possibly be banned from the forums. How is that a fail?

And remember, YOU have every opportunity to ignore and block the person so as to not be able to be contacted again.

wheird

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

That makes me sad, because you were one of the people I first appreciated here.

It was a combination of weariness of defending science against opinion based pseudoscience, it being a near thankless effort, and the site staff ignoring common sense suggestions that would have greatly benefitted new users and freed up the advice-givers to concentrate their efforts more efficiently. That and it seemed like they were sometimes directly working against established science and setting back our efforts.

gmoneycole

It's a public website so you'll get everything in the threads. Sift through all the BS (like the Internet) and take useful information from it or go elsewhere for help. Try not to take things personally and just let it roll off your back. Of course if it's inappropriate report them. Good luck in your quest for fitness!

likitisplit

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

That makes me sad, because you were one of the people I first appreciated here.

It was a combination of weariness of defending science against opinion based pseudoscience, it being a near thankless effort, and the site staff ignoring common sense suggestions that would have greatly benefitted new users and freed up the advice-givers to concentrate their efforts more efficiently. That and it seemed like they were sometimes directly working against established science and setting back our efforts.

Are you talking about the MFP Blog and the sugar warning?

OMG.

AglaeaC

Anyone else come in line with some down right hostile threads going on here.....This is supposed to be a place of help and support, not ripping each other to shreds on who is right and wrong. Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will for someone else and vice versa. Am I alone on this? :grumble:

Some people are jerks, some are oversensitive, and some ignorantly cling to myths that have been debunked with science.

^^This. Take what you can, research what you read, and add the people you can connect to as friends for support.

It also helps to seek out the good rather than specifically go after the bad, but then again it is so simple and clever a solution that the non-"meanies" flat out ignore it.

dbmata

Are you talking about the MFP Blog and the sugar warning?

OMG.

Don't even get me started on that, the content on that blog is atrocious.

likitisplit

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

You are probably thinking about the cases of Facebook bullying that resulted in a couple of suicides.

Let me be clear for you. Those were situations in which people purposefully when after people and in ways above and beyond being mean. That is not the same as calling someone stupid, refuting their arguments, etc. To draw a parallel for MFP, a person would need to constantly follow a person around the forums, message them constantly, and circumvent any ignoring/blocking that the "bullied" user put in place.

Actually, I was talking about bullying in general. Not what happens on Facebook or Twitter or whatever other social media sites people use these days.

And that's not the "bullying" I'm referring to.

Can you give a single example of an adult being "bullied"? Even a theoretical example.

A rapist who sues for custody of the child after it is born and then uses that custody to wield power over their victim.

Aaron_K123

It's not bullying if it's a situation where an adult can walk away without real life consequences.

That is probably the most direct and succient definition of bullying I've ever seen. Well done.

Yeah, being bullied is when you are in a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence and you are bein coerced.

That does not exist here.

Good thing the authorities don't view the definition of bullying as "a situation you cannot walk away from without consequence."

You are probably thinking about the cases of Facebook bullying that resulted in a couple of suicides.

Let me be clear for you. Those were situations in which people purposefully when after people and in ways above and beyond being mean. That is not the same as calling someone stupid, refuting their arguments, etc. To draw a parallel for MFP, a person would need to constantly follow a person around the forums, message them constantly, and circumvent any ignoring/blocking that the "bullied" user put in place.

Which is so totally against the guidelines that it would get your user profile deleted STAT.

Apparently not since there's a certain individual who was doing way worse last night…. actually making threats, harassing, and making racist comments to a number of individuals last night and his account is still active.

Major failure on the mods behalf.

Well that is outrageous, we should stop paying those MFP mods right away for not protecting an adult from another adult on a free public webpage.

wheird

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

I haven't seen Jonnythan around much either

He either got fed up or collected too many strikes. It is a shame. He is a brilliant man.

nutmegoreo

I get an urge to start a thread with the request to provide your interpretation of the words:
Meanie
Bully
Hater

But you don't get to accuse anyone unless you post examples from the forums. Wonder how it would develop...

I don't think many people even know what the meaning of these words are.

Just disagreeing with someone, even if it's dangerous, and you get thrown into the lions den, for being a hater and rude.

Can I ask why people keep trying to help others here? I enjoy helping new people, but really the "you suck and are a mean hater for disagreeing with my 500 calorie a day juice cleanse" is really frustrating. Demotivating when it comes to helping new people, and I haven't been trying that long. Some of you have been here slugging through the trenches for a long time. You are articulate, thoughtful and helpful.

I'm probably being overly sensitive (obviously, I am) but what's the point in trying to help others when they backhand you for it?

A few people have directly informed me that the advice I've given them has been spot on. Others have done the contrary. As long as I feel there is even one person out there, who might find just what they needed to hear in what I had to say, I will keep posting. I admire those, who have been around much longer, because it takes a certain kind of teflon skin not to be bothered by the insulting insinuations that one is a hater, meanie, or bully.

I actually did stop helping people.

That makes me sad, because you were one of the people I first appreciated here.

It was a combination of weariness of defending science against opinion based pseudoscience, it being a near thankless effort, and the site staff ignoring common sense suggestions that would have greatly benefitted new users and freed up the advice-givers to concentrate their efforts more efficiently. That and it seemed like they were sometimes directly working against established science and setting back our efforts.

I certainly understand your point. Doesn't make me less sad. :flowerforyou: