Do i have the right to be upset?
Replies
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honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
Im sorry but I call BS too - He would answer his phone otherwise.0 -
It's simple math OP:
My long distance bf + I was really looking forward + i a work every second weekend + bf texted me + big fight with his mom + not in the mood anymore. + he is sorry + I am crushed + he didn't respond to my texts. + he didn't answer + I am I overreacting? = (You're too needy / He's just not into you)
Do yourself a favor, move on, stop being a door mat and buy stock in Duracell until you are able to obtain and maintain a real relationship.
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This can't be the first time he has done something like this. Trust your gut when something does not feel right.
This has nothing to do with the fact that it is a long distance relationship- any relationship where red flags go off should be re-evaluated.
Looking back now, I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache had I listed to my gut when things started to happen in prior relationships.
I don't believe his reason, because when you are in a relationship, that person is your best friend, confidant, shoulder to cry on. You should be his escape from **** going on his life. His safe place. Instead, he is ignoring you.
So, if his reason is the TRUTH, then it is still a red flag because he does not view you as someone to share his life with. He is shutting you out. Nothing good can come from that.
If he is LYING, well, I think you should not be wasting your time with a liar.0 -
I spent 8 years in a LDR that, in hindsight, was emotionally abusive at best. When we started, I was 15 and he was 27. But that's a story for another time. In any case, it sounds like your BF may be very, very dishonest. My guess is that he's juggling girlfriends and for whatever reason, a different girlfriend just became a priority.
I know you won't believe it until after you're out, but it sounds EXACTLY like the stuff my ex used to do. He would get me excited to see him, and then at the last moment, back out, withdraw, and refuse to communicate. I would desperately call/text, go through the seven stages of grief, and at the last moment, he would apologize and draw me back in. This is how codependency starts. They LOVE the power they feel as they are manipulating your emotions. Mine did it for 8 years, and although I was not equipped to deal with it (see age difference above), and it was illegal, it happens to anyone at any age. I would recommend looking up books on sociopathic and narcissistic partners and what to do, how to move on, etc. If I'm right, those books will describe your BF to a T. Zari Ballard -- I think she's the author of one, but there are others. Do some research as you're stewing this weekend.
You have every right to be angry. Hold onto that anger and make sure that he accepts responsibility for being a ****. And if it happens again, it's time for you to move on.0 -
yeah something does not sound right.honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
that's what my sister said,she thinks its an excuse
Listen to your sister! What does a fight with mom have to do with seeing you? And then not responding to you? BIG red flag.
Riiiight. Way to read into things and assume the worst. It couldn't possibly be that he is telling the truth, is upset, and needs some time to himself. Right? Because that would be too simple.
OP, I would be disappointed, but not too awfully upset. LD is hard and it is not always going to work out perfectly. I understand the overnight shifts arent ideal, but we are talking one weekend here. BFD. I have been in LD relationships and I have my own personal issues as well as a job with an erratic schedule that requires extended traveling and it regularly screws plans up. I can barely plan grocery store trips with any degree of certainty.0 -
I say this with no real background - no clue how old you both are, how long you've been in a relationship etc., but you posted to a forum so you'll get forum opinions.
Sounds a bit shady to me... particularly not responding to your communication attempts. That smacks of "the less I say the less likely I am to trip myself up."
Tell him (don't ask) that you'll be coming there for the weekend - you'll get a hotel and you can both decompress in neutral territory. If he still says no... well then, he's in the phasing you out stage.
Sorry, I do hope I'm wrong and your heart is spared.0 -
But if he refuses to engage in a real conversation with you about why this hurts your feelings and makes you feel like he doesn't care- then that's a bigger problem. Like it's one thing to not realize your actions hurt me and then let's talk about it you make an effort to not do it again and we move forward, but to not come to the table and acknowledge the situation- that's a deal breaker IMO.0
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A fight with his mom and now he doesn't want to hang out?? What a ridiculous excuse. You went out of your way, above and beyond, to make sure that you were available for the weekend. While you should be understanding of his feelings, he should also be understanding and considerate of yours... which is exactly what he's NOT doing.
I agree with the rest of the people that the lack of response is what would have peeved me off the most.
Oh, and yes, you have the right to feel however you feel. But I agree in that I would also feel angry and hurt. I wouldn't text him or call him anymore, and wait for him to respond to you.0 -
You have the right to be upset about anything you want. Question his reasoning for being so mad at his "mom" that he can't come see you. I'm not saying he is lying, well I am saying he is lying. Question this. If I was that mad, I would want to get away for some time with my lady that I don't get to see often.0
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Wait, he texted you on Wednesday to say he wouldn't be seeing you on Friday because of a fight with his Mum?
Does he tend to sulk for a long time otherwise how does he know he will still be in a bad mood a few days later?
I don't get it...0 -
It sounds like he wants to break up with you without telling you he wants to break up with you. Its pretty easy to read between the lines.
By the way, from looking at your pictures I'm pretty sure you could find someone more local to you. Just saying.0 -
that's a hell of a flimsy excuse. do you happen to be dating a mama's boy? because those never end well.
Strong agree0 -
honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
Im sorry but I call BS too - He would answer his phone otherwise.
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Not that I'm an expert or anything but I sounds to me like he's got something else going were he's now living. If I had gotten into a fight with any family member I would want to get away and go be with someone I care about to put the fight behind me. You may have been able to provide a new perspective on the fight. Sound to me that he is also a mama's boy and your never gonna compete with that. If I were you I'd end it and move on. How long have you been with this guy??0
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I have to agree - sounds like he's lying. That's a really lame excuse, and his not responding is another red flag. I also agree with the people who said if you're dating a "momma's boy" --GET OUT!!! Really, those situations do NOT end well. And he's clearly not treating you with the same level of commitment and enthusiasm that you're extending to him. Sounds like heartache ahead. Easy to say, I know, but you're probably better off getting out. Sorry - just my opinion.0
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Also, I notice that it is people who have had the worst relationships that offer the most relationship advice.
How To Be Miserable 101.0 -
yeah something does not sound right.honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
that's what my sister said,she thinks its an excuse
Another for excuse. If a fight with his mom has him so upset that he can't see his girlfriend then his man card should be revoked anyway.0 -
the amount of projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much0 -
Also, I notice that it is people who have had the worst relationships that offer the most relationship advice.
How To Be Miserable 101.
^ truth, though in this case the dude sounds like a weeny0 -
Just to add on... I checked out your profile, not only is he a Mama's boy but he can't be too bright! You are quite the hottie! If he would rather spend time with his angry Mom let him. You shouldn't have any issues with upgrading!! Good luck.0
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Yeah I think he's lying to you, because he had a fight with his mom and is mad? Why wouldn't he want to get out of there and spend time with you and not be around her?
this0 -
Totally agree!!0
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you're 29?! how old is your boyfriend!?0
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You have every right to be upset. That's a really stupid reason to not come see you. Got in a fight with his mom? Get over it. Don't punish your girlfriend because of your personal crap.
If he's made frustrated such that he cancels plans that easily, I'd dump him. There are men out there who are made of stronger stuff than that. The man you're with needs to be a rock in the storm, not a piece of driftwood.0 -
I guess I just fail to see the logic behind the 'I had a fight with my mom, I don't feel like seeing you' excuse. And the fact that he's not replying to your texts, well, it's not very encouraging. Unless he's 22 and still lives with his mom and she took his phone away and is not allowing him to visit, then, well, you probably shouldn't be dating him then if you're 29 like the other poster said.
I'd just stop texting him so you don't sound needy or overly protective and wait until he contacts you again. But yeah, I'd be pissed too, and would probably not make more efforts to change shifts etc just to see him in the future. You seem to be willing to do more for him than he's willing to do for you, if a fight with his mom is really an excuse not to see you, and it's not a good sign.0 -
FYI.. if he loved you and had a big fight with his mom and was upset... the first place he would WANT to come would be to see you.
I think you should seriously think about the future of this relationship.0 -
His excuse doesn't pass the smell test...I'd be pissed.0
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Look OP, you have a choice. Your weekend is now free regardless.
Are you going to sit and stew on this all weekend or are you going to make the best of the free time that's been given to you?
If you made a sacrifice to have this weekend free, don't let it get wasted. Stop worrying about your boyfriend and his behavior. You can't control what he does. Start making some plans for yourself. Deal with him and his bull**** later.0 -
yeah something does not sound right.honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
that's what my sister said,she thinks its an excuse
Listen to your sister! What does a fight with mom have to do with seeing you? And then not responding to you? BIG red flag.
You certainly have the right to be mad AND the right to look closely at the entire relationship. This doesn't add up. He should want to get away from "mom" more after a fight so it sounds like BS to me.0 -
honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
Im sorry but I call BS too - He would answer his phone otherwise.
I was in a relationship with a guy for 2.5 years, and he moved for a job. We tried the LDR thing for 2 months, and he pulled the same BS yours is pulling now, to a T. Only it wasn't once, it was multiple times. I'm guessing this isn't the first time yours has pulled this crap either. Anyway, turned out he had a new GF in his new town. Dump his *kitten*. he's lying to you. If he cared, he would not cancel after you've gone to so much trouble to be able to see him. And he sure as HELL would not ignore your texts/calls. He's a liar and cheater, IMO.0
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