Do i have the right to be upset?

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  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    DTMFA
  • Behxo
    Behxo Posts: 1,190 Member
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    You'd think having a fight with his mom he'd WANT to get out of the house even more to come see his loved one away from the stress he apparently just went through... not stay in to just be mad and upset. :huh: Yes, I would be mad as well because it sounds like a load, especially since you had to make sacrifices and have probably waited a long time just to see him again.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    you have the right to feel any way you feel, because they are your feels.... that said, if he is sincerely upset, maybe try to be more understanding? And, if you can't, maybe rethink the relationship.
  • cosmiqrust
    cosmiqrust Posts: 214 Member
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    that's a hell of a flimsy excuse. do you happen to be dating a mama's boy? because those never end well.
  • heidispideymfp
    heidispideymfp Posts: 179 Member
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    What does his fighting with his mother have to do with him visiting you? I don't see a connection...and not replying to you is downright rude and not how to treat someone you care about.
    I'd be pretty upset, if I were in your shoes.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    Sounds like he had a fight with his mom and it ruined his mood. That sounds normal. IPO, I wouldn't be mad. Things happen.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Honestly, what I would do (and my opinion really doesn't matter much), I would stop all communication with him. Make other plans for your weekend, and enjoy! If he cares, he will call you. In the meantime, just don't think about it. Call up a girlfriend and have a blast! Make a day trip to the beach if you can or some other excursion. Don't sit at home alone just because he isn't coming.
  • americangirlok
    americangirlok Posts: 228 Member
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    If I just had a huge fight w/ a coworker or family member and was hacked off, a weekend away would be even more welcome than ordinary! But that's my game, if I get away maybe the problem will go away when I get back.

    Yes you have a right to be upset. Feelings are what they are, they aren't something you have to have a "right" to have. How you handle it, well that's up to you.

    I'd be hurt, I don't know the guy to know if he's lying or not. I do know that guys don't generally overthink things as much as girls do. Maybe he does feel like he wants to unplug and not feel like he needs to entertain you when he doesn't feel up to it? I guess at some point you talk to him and you either trust him and accept this or you don't. But I'd still be bummed and a little annoyed b/c I shifted my life around to accommodate you, b/c I make you a priority and the fact that you didn't, it would sting, w/out a doubt it'd hurt.

    I'm sorry though :(
  • RobynDCrossman
    RobynDCrossman Posts: 252
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    Do you have the right? Sure.
    Are you justified (in my opinion)? Probably not.

    People have bad days/bad times.
    It seems your relationship is LD but sufficient enough for quick trips.
    I married my LDR - and it involved 8 hour plane rides every 3 months.

    So, if a person is having a bad time and wishes to NOT take it out on you, consider yourself lucky.
    You wouldn't want him around and annoyed - especially when it can be rescheduled.

    Take it as it is, don't build it into something else.
  • JustFindingMe
    JustFindingMe Posts: 390 Member
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    honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.

    Im sorry but I call BS too - He would answer his phone otherwise.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    It's simple math OP:

    My long distance bf + I was really looking forward + i a work every second weekend + bf texted me + big fight with his mom + not in the mood anymore. + he is sorry + I am crushed + he didn't respond to my texts. + he didn't answer + I am I overreacting? = (You're too needy / He's just not into you)

    Do yourself a favor, move on, stop being a door mat and buy stock in Duracell until you are able to obtain and maintain a real relationship.

    6839tumblr_mdtiv4tdrv1r1yr6b.gif
  • willywonka_71
    willywonka_71 Posts: 41 Member
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    This can't be the first time he has done something like this. Trust your gut when something does not feel right.
    This has nothing to do with the fact that it is a long distance relationship- any relationship where red flags go off should be re-evaluated.
    Looking back now, I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache had I listed to my gut when things started to happen in prior relationships.

    I don't believe his reason, because when you are in a relationship, that person is your best friend, confidant, shoulder to cry on. You should be his escape from **** going on his life. His safe place. Instead, he is ignoring you.

    So, if his reason is the TRUTH, then it is still a red flag because he does not view you as someone to share his life with. He is shutting you out. Nothing good can come from that.

    If he is LYING, well, I think you should not be wasting your time with a liar.
  • SamLD88
    SamLD88 Posts: 111 Member
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    I spent 8 years in a LDR that, in hindsight, was emotionally abusive at best. When we started, I was 15 and he was 27. But that's a story for another time. In any case, it sounds like your BF may be very, very dishonest. My guess is that he's juggling girlfriends and for whatever reason, a different girlfriend just became a priority.

    I know you won't believe it until after you're out, but it sounds EXACTLY like the stuff my ex used to do. He would get me excited to see him, and then at the last moment, back out, withdraw, and refuse to communicate. I would desperately call/text, go through the seven stages of grief, and at the last moment, he would apologize and draw me back in. This is how codependency starts. They LOVE the power they feel as they are manipulating your emotions. Mine did it for 8 years, and although I was not equipped to deal with it (see age difference above), and it was illegal, it happens to anyone at any age. I would recommend looking up books on sociopathic and narcissistic partners and what to do, how to move on, etc. If I'm right, those books will describe your BF to a T. Zari Ballard -- I think she's the author of one, but there are others. Do some research as you're stewing this weekend.

    You have every right to be angry. Hold onto that anger and make sure that he accepts responsibility for being a ****. And if it happens again, it's time for you to move on.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.
    yeah something does not sound right.

    that's what my sister said,she thinks its an excuse

    Listen to your sister! What does a fight with mom have to do with seeing you? And then not responding to you? BIG red flag.

    Riiiight. Way to read into things and assume the worst. It couldn't possibly be that he is telling the truth, is upset, and needs some time to himself. Right? Because that would be too simple.

    OP, I would be disappointed, but not too awfully upset. LD is hard and it is not always going to work out perfectly. I understand the overnight shifts arent ideal, but we are talking one weekend here. BFD. I have been in LD relationships and I have my own personal issues as well as a job with an erratic schedule that requires extended traveling and it regularly screws plans up. I can barely plan grocery store trips with any degree of certainty.
  • Adaniel65
    Adaniel65 Posts: 105 Member
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    I say this with no real background - no clue how old you both are, how long you've been in a relationship etc., but you posted to a forum so you'll get forum opinions.

    Sounds a bit shady to me... particularly not responding to your communication attempts. That smacks of "the less I say the less likely I am to trip myself up."

    Tell him (don't ask) that you'll be coming there for the weekend - you'll get a hotel and you can both decompress in neutral territory. If he still says no... well then, he's in the phasing you out stage.

    Sorry, I do hope I'm wrong and your heart is spared.
  • americangirlok
    americangirlok Posts: 228 Member
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    But if he refuses to engage in a real conversation with you about why this hurts your feelings and makes you feel like he doesn't care- then that's a bigger problem. Like it's one thing to not realize your actions hurt me and then let's talk about it you make an effort to not do it again and we move forward, but to not come to the table and acknowledge the situation- that's a deal breaker IMO.
  • greentart
    greentart Posts: 411 Member
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    A fight with his mom and now he doesn't want to hang out?? What a ridiculous excuse. You went out of your way, above and beyond, to make sure that you were available for the weekend. While you should be understanding of his feelings, he should also be understanding and considerate of yours... which is exactly what he's NOT doing.

    I agree with the rest of the people that the lack of response is what would have peeved me off the most.

    Oh, and yes, you have the right to feel however you feel. But I agree in that I would also feel angry and hurt. I wouldn't text him or call him anymore, and wait for him to respond to you.
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
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    You have the right to be upset about anything you want. Question his reasoning for being so mad at his "mom" that he can't come see you. I'm not saying he is lying, well I am saying he is lying. Question this. If I was that mad, I would want to get away for some time with my lady that I don't get to see often.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Wait, he texted you on Wednesday to say he wouldn't be seeing you on Friday because of a fight with his Mum?

    Does he tend to sulk for a long time otherwise how does he know he will still be in a bad mood a few days later?

    I don't get it...

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