Do i have the right to be upset?

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  • Go_Deskercise
    Go_Deskercise Posts: 1,630 Member
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    Did you actually tell him the trouble you went to? Because otherwise he has no way of knowing how inconvenient his cancellation was.


    Why even reply to the thread if you aren't going to read the entire first post?

    Pet Peeve: People that ask questions that are already answered had they just took the time to read before responding
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    Hell yeah you have the right to be pissed.

    Take this weekend and go do something super fun, just for yourself.
  • jmt08c
    jmt08c Posts: 343 Member
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    He's lying and cheating on you. He's got a different girl lined up for the weekend which is why he doesn't want to come to you, he's gonna get some play regardless. Chances are he was ignoring your calls/texts at the time because he was already with her. Been there done that.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Sounds to me like the OP is a stage 3 clinger. He should break up with her.

    but, what's her hotness level in relation to her clinger level??
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Uhh...I hesitate to automatically say he's lying, he's cheating on you, dump him. Different people handle things different ways.

    That said, the fact that he isn't responding to you is a giant red flag. He could very well may have had a fight with his mom and is in a crappy mood. BUT. Being an adult and in a relationships means communication. If he's not communicating with you and leaves you in the dark about what's going on/ignoring you, I would question his maturity level and go out on a limb and say he might be a little too selfish to be in a relationship.

    Also- keep in mind that Ignoring someone is also a pathetic way to tell someone you no longer want to have anything to do with them.

    You need to survey your own relationship. If there are other clues hinting towards him being a spoiled brat/blowing you off, then you know what you need to do.

    If everything is usually great and he's just having a bad time, fine. You still have a right to be mad that he's ignoring you and you need to tell him so when he decides to be an adult again.

    Just don't dump him immediately because a bunch of internet people are telling you he's cheating on you automatically. Only you know your relationship. Be rational and smart about it.

    ETA: Make the best of your weekend. Go out and have a blast and a few drinks with girlfriends. Or guy friends :)
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    My long distance bf was suppose to come this weekend to see me. I was really looking forward to it since its a long weekend which means we will have more time together .However he has Monday to Friday job so he is only available on weekends .As for my job,i a work every second weekend.

    I was suppose to work this weekend so I had to get someone else at work to switch shifts with. The lady is going to work my weekend for me and I am going to work the following weekend for her which is overnights. I coudnt find anyone else so I just accepted her overnights shifts even though I hate working nights .I just wanted to be free and spend time with my bf .However, my bf texted me last night and told me that he is not coming anymore because he had a big fight with his mom and he is really mad and he is not in the mood anymore. He told me that he is sorry and ask me to understand.

    I am crushed because for one, i had to go through trouble and inconvenience of switching my shifts from work with someone so I can see him.Since I already signed the approval forms I cant really go back to the lady and say never mind lets switch back the shifts.I now have to work overnights shifts for nothing which is going to be hard since I cant sleep well during the day. I told him all this and he didn't respond to my texts.I even tried calling him to see if i can convince him to still come and he didn't answer so it sounds like his mind is made up. I just feel like his excuse is weak for not coming to see me and obviously I cant see him next weekend since I have to work overnight shifts for the lady from work and the following weekend after is my regular weekend to work. I am I overreacting?

    I am trying not to leap to conclusions since obviously he has had no input here, but it is hard to look past him texting you to tell you he is not coming to see you this weekend. If I needed to tell someone bad news, I would call, not text. Has he responded to your texts or phone calls since last night?
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
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    More assumptions. It was never stated by the OP that he lives with his mom.

    I just went back and looked, and you're right. Wonder how that got stuck in my head?

    But - IMO something's up, it's the only assumption that I can make.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    What does his fighting with his mother have to do with him visiting you? I don't see a connection...and not replying to you is downright rude and not how to treat someone you care about.
    I'd be pretty upset, if I were in your shoes.

    Pretty much this.

    Maybe. We don't know the tone of the texts or calls. If she was being mean in the texts, like "thanks for making me waste my time, douche. now i have to work overnights. and i can't stand overnights, mamma's boy jerkface!"

    if that's the case, i don't blame him for not responding,
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    More assumptions. It was never stated by the OP that he lives with his mom.

    I just went back and looked, and you're right. Wonder how that got stuck in my head?

    But - IMO something's up, it's the only assumption that I can make.

    OP would be better off just letting him approach her when he is ready to talk about whatever inner turmoil with his mother that is keeping him away from her.

    She just make some plans for her weekend and leave him be. Call him next Tuesday or Wednesday, maybe.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    Honestly, what I would do (and my opinion really doesn't matter much), I would stop all communication with him. Make other plans for your weekend, and enjoy! If he cares, he will call you. In the meantime, just don't think about it. Call up a girlfriend and have a blast! Make a day trip to the beach if you can or some other excursion. Don't sit at home alone just because he isn't coming.

    This...also, if his fight with his mom has upset him that much, would you want him to come and be pouty/pissy all weekend? He'd be like a wet blanket to be around. Where's the fun in that? Maybe he doesn't want to ruin both of your weekends over his mood. You'd be all excited to see him, he'd be all down and depressed/upset...so then you'd be upset if he wasn't showing you the affection/attention you wanted and be wondering how he feels about you, and then that'd become a whole issue.
  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
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    Yeah I think he's lying to you, because he had a fight with his mom and is mad? Why wouldn't he want to get out of there and spend time with you and not be around her?

    You have every right to be mad. Not Lorena Bobbit mad, but miffed.

    Ding, ding, ding!! We have a winner! OP--you're right, the excuse is LAME. Smells like lies...remember, people always lie and they also never change, so you need to choose if this is the kind of lying you can live with long term.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    I do not do long distance. 4 hours is not long distance. I would drive that far for one night of spending time with a gf. But that is just me
  • JingleMuffin
    JingleMuffin Posts: 543 Member
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    The only reason to be upset is he's probably lying to you.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    Yeah I think he's lying to you, because he had a fight with his mom and is mad? Why wouldn't he want to get out of there and spend time with you and not be around her?

    You have every right to be mad. Not Lorena Bobbit mad, but miffed.

    Ding, ding, ding!! We have a winner! OP--you're right, the excuse is LAME. Smells like lies...remember, people always lie and they also never change, so you need to choose if this is the kind of lying you can live with long term.

    The issue that I see with all of the 'He's lying! Dump him!" responses is we only have a tiny part of the story. We don't know if he's done this to her before. If he has and the excuses then were lame then yeah, I'd say he's lying. If this is the first time he's done this then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Would I be upset and bummed? Yes but I don't think I would jump to the lying cheater conclusion yet.

    Also when he called her to tell her he was too upset to come see her that's when she should have said 'Awww. I'm sorry. I'll come see you then since I took the time off any way and I really want to see you."
  • 347Gigi
    347Gigi Posts: 99 Member
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    You have a right to be upset because it sounds like this relationship is most likely at its end. I believe he just doesn't have the courage to tell you goodbye because if his "other plans" don't work out he still has you to fall back on. Since you seem to care for him, I hope I'm wrong… Good luck.
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
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    There are too many variables here to get a good grasp on what is actually happening. Sure, the OP paints a picture that makes the guy seem shady, but maybe she's leaving things out and/or doesn't know everything about the situation (this may not even be intentional on her part).

    For example, what if the level of this "fight" was of the "you're disowned" variety?
    What if the OP was really hostile to the guy when she learned he wasn't visiting?
    What if something happened and the guy can't afford (for whatever reason) to make a trip this weekend, but is too embarrassed to come clean as to why he can't do it?

    I have no idea how the two of them interact, the scope of their relationship, or any of that. Aside from the obvious points (mommy fight combined with no longer wanting to make the trip even though the OP jumped through hoops) all I've really learned is that the OP is "good looking enough to attract someone else" and I fail to see how that's relevant.

    I do agree with the people who said that the bigger issue is that he's avoiding/ignoring the OP's attempts to communicate.
  • Chain_Ring
    Chain_Ring Posts: 753 Member
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    #FirstWorldProblems
  • yellowlemoned
    yellowlemoned Posts: 335 Member
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    Without knowing all the facts, here's my opinion.

    If he had a fight with his mom and doesn't want to visit now because he wants to be alone, it sucks. You have every right to be upset because you went though so much effort to change your plans to accommodate him, but I wouldn't say you have the right to be legitimately mad. Not answering your phone calls, texts, emails, whatever right away could be understandable if he is still really upset, but if he hasn't responded a day or two later still, you definitely have the right to be mad at that point. Also, I think it's perfectly fine for you to be able to question why exactly he doesn't want to come now, and you deserve a straight answer. He could be hiding something, or he could just really want to spend the weekend home trying to get over the fight with his mom. Just like you are entitled to feel the way you feel, he is entitled to feel the way he feels.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?

    im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much

    Seriously.

    To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?

    A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.

    Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.

    Yeah, but the BF wouldn't be alone as he still lives with Mommy. And, if you just wanted to be on your own because of a bad mood, wouldn't you at least tell your GF that rather than giving a sh!tty excuse and blowing her off?

    More assumptions. It was never stated by the OP that he lives with his mom.

    We don't know that he doesn't either, which as I said might be a good reason he doesn't want to come home.

    But that pretty much sums up the whole problem with giving advice. We don't know a lot of the story.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    Without knowing all the facts, here's my opinion.

    If he had a fight with his mom and doesn't want to visit now because he wants to be alone, it sucks. You have every right to be upset because you went though so much effort to change your plans to accommodate him, but I wouldn't say you have the right to be legitimately mad. Not answering your phone calls, texts, emails, whatever right away could be understandable if he is still really upset, but if he hasn't responded a day or two later still, you definitely have the right to be mad at that point. Also, I think it's perfectly fine for you to be able to question why exactly he doesn't want to come now, and you deserve a straight answer. He could be hiding something, or he could just really want to spend the weekend home trying to get over the fight with his mom. Just like you are entitled to feel the way you feel, he is entitled to feel the way he feels.

    Bingo! This^^^

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