Can your SO access your phone?

devil_in_a_blue_dress

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

I imagine that people are going to conclude that if you're saying if your S/O doesn't have access to your phone and look though it for fun, they aren't communicating openly/have something to hide based on the bolded portions.

My question to you is, what if you wanted to stop letting him go through your phone? What if he wanted you to stop? What if nothing else seems amiss, except that change? Would you two be suspicious of each other?

keefmac

I've been married for 5 years and with my wife for 14years in total, neither of us have locked phones and she will answer for me if I'm busy (covered in engine oil normally!).

I've never had the slightest inclination to "go through" her phone and same the other way round.

I'm glad I'm in a happy trusting relationship, not like some it seems!.

If your SO demands to go through your phone, or the other way round your relationship's already over imho.

VeryKatie

I lock my phone because I leave it unattended at work and I've had creepy coworkers read it before.. But I have not even had to think about it in the past if my bf grabs it and asks for the password.

I don't really care what he needs or wants it for. And I don't actually recall him asking for my phone, just the password. Didn't think anything of it. Pretty sure he just needed the internet or something. He can read what he wants. He lends me his all the time too. He doesn't lock it though since he keeps it with him in his pocket.

MeganAnne89

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

I imagine that people are going to conclude that if you're saying if your S/O doesn't have access to your phone and look though it for fun, they aren't communicating openly/have something to hide based on the bolded portions.

My question to you is, what if you wanted to stop letting him go through your phone? What if he wanted you to stop? What if nothing else seems amiss, except that change? Would you two be suspicious of each other?

I didn't mean to relate those bolded phrases to all relationships. That's just in relation to my own. So that's not what I'm saying.

At this point I think the other might think that something was happening, but only because we've been sharing our phones with one another for so long. If I were to suddenly say that I'm locking by phone and he's not allowed, at this point, what other conclusion could be drawn?

But at the same time, because we are so open and hash everything out, we would have a real conversation about it and make sure that we're both okay with that. And if one of us felt the need to set up a boundary like that, the other would respect it and understand why that new boundary was needed.

bugaboo_sue

I didn't mean to relate those bolded phrases to all relationships. That's just in relation to my own. So that's not what I'm saying.

At this point I think the other might think that something was happening, but only because we've been sharing our phones with one another for so long. If I were to suddenly say that I'm locking by phone and he's not allowed, at this point, what other conclusion could be drawn?

But at the same time, because we are so open and hash everything out, we would have a real conversation about it and make sure that we're both okay with that. And if one of us felt the need to set up a boundary like that, the other would respect it and understand why that new boundary was needed.

But if "you're so open and hash everything out" then why the need to just randomly go through his phone? I honestly don't get that. And if you do go through each others phone for the fun of it and you just suddenly decided that he is no longer allowed to do that, how could that be ok? What sort of justification could there be for the sudden change that doesn't arouse suspicion?

I trust my husband 100%. I go to him with everything. We have been together a long time and have never had an argument. We disagree but never had a screaming, angry, stomping-out-of-the-house-mad-for-days, argument.

But I still don't see the need to go through his phone and read all the texts he sent out.

So_Much_Fab

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue.

I think the general consensus is why you both would want to. If my BF wanted to consistently read all of my texts I would question it. Not because I have something to hide; but rather, because I would want to know why he wanted to. Alternately, I have zero desire to pick up his phone and look through his texts. I'm about as curious as they come but I've never once been curious about who he's texting or what he's saying. That, I believe, is a good boundary policy...transparent, yet there is respect and trust.

MeganAnne89

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

And I trust my husband 100% and I can go to him with absolutely anything. We have been married 8 years, together for 18 and have never had an argument. We disagree but we have never yelled at each other, stomped off in anger or anything like that. And while I have stated he has access to my phone and vice versa I have never felt the need to just start going through his text messages for no good reason. And that's what I'm not understanding is why the need to do that?

It's just in my nature. You can say that me just being curious is bull****, and based on your experienced with your husband I can understand why you'd say that, but that's literally all it is. I can't give you another explanation because there isn't one.

I don't do it because I feel the need to make sure that he's talking to people that I deem appropriate, it's nothing like that. I've never been insecure in our relationship like that and he hasn't either. This is just something that happens.

arnostbilej

I don't even understand why one person would answer the phone/text message for another person. If I'm calling John about something, why would I want his wife or SO to answer?? If he can't answer at the moment, let it roll into voicemail and he can call me back. But why should I have to have a conversation with a person I didn't call in the first place?

_HeartsOnFire_

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

And I trust my husband 100% and I can go to him with absolutely anything. We have been married 8 years, together for 18 and have never had an argument. We disagree but we have never yelled at each other, stomped off in anger or anything like that. And while I have stated he has access to my phone and vice versa I have never felt the need to just start going through his text messages for no good reason. And that's what I'm not understanding is why the need to do that?

It's just in my nature. You can say that me just being curious is bull****, and based on your experienced with your husband I can understand why you'd say that, but that's literally all it is. I can't give you another explanation because there isn't one.

I don't do it because I feel the need to make sure that he's talking to people that I deem appropriate, it's nothing like that. I've never been insecure in our relationship like that and he hasn't either. This is just something that happens.

But how can you be curious when he's already told you what's in it? That's what's baffling to me.

MeganAnne89

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

And I trust my husband 100% and I can go to him with absolutely anything. We have been married 8 years, together for 18 and have never had an argument. We disagree but we have never yelled at each other, stomped off in anger or anything like that. And while I have stated he has access to my phone and vice versa I have never felt the need to just start going through his text messages for no good reason. And that's what I'm not understanding is why the need to do that?

It's just in my nature. You can say that me just being curious is bull****, and based on your experienced with your husband I can understand why you'd say that, but that's literally all it is. I can't give you another explanation because there isn't one.

I don't do it because I feel the need to make sure that he's talking to people that I deem appropriate, it's nothing like that. I've never been insecure in our relationship like that and he hasn't either. This is just something that happens.

But how can you be curious when he's already told you what's in it? That's what's baffling to me.

Lol because he doesn't quote word for word. He'll say something like, "I dunno, I just talked to Nigel."

MeganAnne89

Anyways. I have to stop responding here because I think I am going to go insane.

arnostbilej

Anyways. I have to stop responding here because I think I am going to go insane.

That is your best post yet!

cuckoo_jenibeth

Neither of us lock our phones or our computers, but it had never crossed my mind to check his history; and to my knowledge he feels the same. We have no reason to distrust & enough wisdom to know that if you can't trust, you shouldn't be together

Lisa1971

Yes, and I can access his.

iLoveMyPitbull1225

If you and your SO cannot access one another's cell phones, you have a serious problem on your hands.

chocolatewalnut

My phone is locked, but my SO knows the code. It's no big deal.

_HeartsOnFire_

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

And I trust my husband 100% and I can go to him with absolutely anything. We have been married 8 years, together for 18 and have never had an argument. We disagree but we have never yelled at each other, stomped off in anger or anything like that. And while I have stated he has access to my phone and vice versa I have never felt the need to just start going through his text messages for no good reason. And that's what I'm not understanding is why the need to do that?

It's just in my nature. You can say that me just being curious is bull****, and based on your experienced with your husband I can understand why you'd say that, but that's literally all it is. I can't give you another explanation because there isn't one.

I don't do it because I feel the need to make sure that he's talking to people that I deem appropriate, it's nothing like that. I've never been insecure in our relationship like that and he hasn't either. This is just something that happens.

But how can you be curious when he's already told you what's in it? That's what's baffling to me.

Lol because he doesn't quote word for word. He'll say something like, "I dunno, I just talked to Nigel."

So because he doesn't tell you word for word what was said between him and his friend...Okay...

sloth3toes

Doesn't everyone have a playa phone?

Guns_N_Buns

Anyways. I have to stop responding here because I think I am going to go insane.

That is your best post yet!

KombuchaCat

I don't lock my phone...I'd probably forget the access code then even I wouldn't have access to it.

Same here, my husband looks at my phone all the time. No secrets here!