Can your SO access your phone?
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Replies
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It's not about having something to hide, it's about privacy. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that I give up my right to privacy and allow my SO to sift through every aspect of my life. That smacks of disrespect and co-dependency, both of which are no bueno for a healthy relationship.
^^^This.
I think the difference here is that some of us are sort of talking about different things. I look at my boyfriends phone when he's sitting next to me, and he does the same to me. However, just because I look at his phone, doesn't mean that when I do, I check his Facebook or any other site he's signed up with. It's literally just glancing at text messages, most of which are just with his guy friends or his mom, and most of mine are just with my girlfriends or my siblings or my mom.
So when he does that to me, or when I do that to him, I feel like I'm not losing any of my privacy, and neither does he, because I would tell him those things anyways.
I think that by suggesting that your SO looks at your phone, some of us are assuming that it's one person grabbing the other's phone without permission so that they can check every site they're a part of, every email they've ever sent, every text message they've sent or received, etc. when in reality, that's generally not what's going on.
You're right, there. A world of difference between sitting next to each other and sneaking a look to see if 'Sam' is Samuel or Samantha while they're in the shower.
But as someone already asked: why would you go through their phone when they are sitting right next to you and you could say "Hey, did you talk to so and so today?" or whatever without looking through their texts. While they're sitting next to you.
*shrugs* Maybe my husband and I are just weird because we actually talk to each other.0 -
It's not about having something to hide, it's about privacy. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that I give up my right to privacy and allow my SO to sift through every aspect of my life. That smacks of disrespect and co-dependency, both of which are no bueno for a healthy relationship.
^^^This.
I think the difference here is that some of us are sort of talking about different things. I look at my boyfriends phone when he's sitting next to me, and he does the same to me. However, just because I look at his phone, doesn't mean that when I do, I check his Facebook or any other site he's signed up with. It's literally just glancing at text messages, most of which are just with his guy friends or his mom, and most of mine are just with my girlfriends or my siblings or my mom.
So when he does that to me, or when I do that to him, I feel like I'm not losing any of my privacy, and neither does he, because I would tell him those things anyways.
I think that by suggesting that your SO looks at your phone, some of us are assuming that it's one person grabbing the other's phone without permission so that they can check every site they're a part of, every email they've ever sent, every text message they've sent or received, etc. when in reality, that's generally not what's going on.
I think most of us fail to understand why you'd want to look at your SO phone when they are right next to you. Couldn't you jus talk about it? Why do you need to physically go though the other person's phone to know what they are doing?
Well how it generally goes is we'll be chatting on the couch or watching tv and I'll say something like, "who did you talk to today? Did you talk about anything interesting?" (something like that), and then I'll pick up his phone as he's answering me. And that's pretty much what he does as well. At this point it's mostly just done out of habit. And I understand that some people don't believe me, but I very much do trust my bf and he trusts me. There's never been a time where I've gone to reach for his phone and he's yanked it away from me, and I've never done that either. There's no reason to be suspicious of one another, it's just a curiosity.0 -
yes my phone is locked, but then i have some sensitive information on there. I have texts from some of the older kids in family who have already left home and still tend to use me as listening tool to work it out in their own head.
i would not want anyone sharing private conversations that were of a delicate nature but do not directly involve me.
If he wants to check my phone then he is surely welcome too but i have nothing to hide apart from breaking confidentiality of some of my life long friends and the kids [20-32], The 7 and 10 yr old do not have phones yet. lol0 -
But as someone already asked: why would you go through their phone when they are sitting right next to you and you could say "Hey, did you talk to so and so today?" or whatever without looking through their texts. While they're sitting next to you.
*shrugs* Maybe my husband and I are just weird because we actually talk to each other.
I totally get what you're saying, but believe me, my bf and I talk all the time. We text each other a few times during the work days, and often our weekend nights (among other things) are spent chatting in bed for hours with one another. There isn't a lack of communication. We're just curious people. My friends and I have looked at each others phones before, why should this be any different?0 -
I lock mine due to having work data, emails, etc. on it but my husband knows how to access it. Why he would want to I don't know but he can.0
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It's not about having something to hide, it's about privacy. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that I give up my right to privacy and allow my SO to sift through every aspect of my life. That smacks of disrespect and co-dependency, both of which are no bueno for a healthy relationship.
^^^This.
I think the difference here is that some of us are sort of talking about different things. I look at my boyfriends phone when he's sitting next to me, and he does the same to me. However, just because I look at his phone, doesn't mean that when I do, I check his Facebook or any other site he's signed up with. It's literally just glancing at text messages, most of which are just with his guy friends or his mom, and most of mine are just with my girlfriends or my siblings or my mom.
So when he does that to me, or when I do that to him, I feel like I'm not losing any of my privacy, and neither does he, because I would tell him those things anyways.
I think that by suggesting that your SO looks at your phone, some of us are assuming that it's one person grabbing the other's phone without permission so that they can check every site they're a part of, every email they've ever sent, every text message they've sent or received, etc. when in reality, that's generally not what's going on.
I think most of us fail to understand why you'd want to look at your SO phone when they are right next to you. Couldn't you jus talk about it? Why do you need to physically go though the other person's phone to know what they are doing?
Well how it generally goes is we'll be chatting on the couch or watching tv and I'll say something like, "who did you talk to today? Did you talk about anything interesting?" (something like that), and then I'll pick up his phone as he's answering me. And that's pretty much what he does as well. At this point it's mostly just done out of habit. And I understand that some people don't believe me, but I very much do trust my bf and he trusts me. There's never been a time where I've gone to reach for his phone and he's yanked it away from me, and I've never done that either. There's no reason to be suspicious of one another, it's just a curiosity.
I guess most of us aren't getting why though you would feel the need to check his phone as you're asking him who he talked to and if they talked about anything interesting. I mean I might ask my husband if he's talked to someone recently but I won't grab his phone and check to make sure he really did in fact talk to that person.
It just seems a bit weird to me.0 -
I give my wife every password/access code just in case something happens to me. We share the same main email and I chose her passcode for her because she did not want a difficult one for her cell phone (mainly because if the iphone gets stolen I wanted someone to have a brick and not a new iphone5). We are both open so why shouldn't she be able to have access to everything about me. I don't care if I have access to everything she has but if it is important to her that I do, sure. The main thing is when we got married it was to be as one but maintain our individual uniqueness. A passcode will definitely not take away from that.0
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It's not about having something to hide, it's about privacy. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that I give up my right to privacy and allow my SO to sift through every aspect of my life. That smacks of disrespect and co-dependency, both of which are no bueno for a healthy relationship.
^^^This.
I think the difference here is that some of us are sort of talking about different things. I look at my boyfriends phone when he's sitting next to me, and he does the same to me. However, just because I look at his phone, doesn't mean that when I do, I check his Facebook or any other site he's signed up with. It's literally just glancing at text messages, most of which are just with his guy friends or his mom, and most of mine are just with my girlfriends or my siblings or my mom.
So when he does that to me, or when I do that to him, I feel like I'm not losing any of my privacy, and neither does he, because I would tell him those things anyways.
I think that by suggesting that your SO looks at your phone, some of us are assuming that it's one person grabbing the other's phone without permission so that they can check every site they're a part of, every email they've ever sent, every text message they've sent or received, etc. when in reality, that's generally not what's going on.
I think most of us fail to understand why you'd want to look at your SO phone when they are right next to you. Couldn't you jus talk about it? Why do you need to physically go though the other person's phone to know what they are doing?
Well how it generally goes is we'll be chatting on the couch or watching tv and I'll say something like, "who did you talk to today? Did you talk about anything interesting?" (something like that), and then I'll pick up his phone as he's answering me. And that's pretty much what he does as well. At this point it's mostly just done out of habit. And I understand that some people don't believe me, but I very much do trust my bf and he trusts me. There's never been a time where I've gone to reach for his phone and he's yanked it away from me, and I've never done that either. There's no reason to be suspicious of one another, it's just a curiosity.
I still don't get it - is it your phone that you so freely grab? And stop changing your story, you have already admitted that you are nosey and check your SO's phone to see what he did all day. Are you his conjoined twin? Can he do anything during the day that someone doesn't involve you? To have someone involved in my life to a degree you described would make me seriously uncomfortable. People need to respect boundaries.0 -
I guess most of us aren't getting why though you would feel the need to check his phone as you're asking him who he talked to and if they talked about anything interesting. I mean I might ask my husband if he's talked to someone recently but I won't grab his phone and check to make sure he really did in fact talk to that person.
It just seems a bit weird to me.
We're just curious people, is all it really boils down to. I don't look at who he talked to in order to corroborate his story. It's not like that at all. It's just a habit. In our relationship we've never had the boundary of "don't you dare look at my phone, you're a bad SO if you do!" kind of attitude. I guess it really just comes down to that. We have our own set of boundaries, I suppose.
We've just always been open about everything (and to that person who commented that they still close the bathroom door, that is definitely one of our boundaries. That still ALWAYS happens). Even when our relationship first started, we never established that kind of privacy boundary with one another.0 -
ZOMG! :laugh:
Saw this and rolled. THIS is why I lock my phone! I has pics of the hubs that I am not sharing with friends, LOL...That said? I do lock my phone. The hubs has access to it, as I have nothing to hide except maybe his bits, and I like to think he'd recognize them as his own, LOL... :laugh:0 -
But as someone already asked: why would you go through their phone when they are sitting right next to you and you could say "Hey, did you talk to so and so today?" or whatever without looking through their texts. While they're sitting next to you.
*shrugs* Maybe my husband and I are just weird because we actually talk to each other.
I totally get what you're saying, but believe me, my bf and I talk all the time. We text each other a few times during the work days, and often our weekend nights (among other things) are spent chatting in bed for hours with one another. There isn't a lack of communication. We're just curious people. My friends and I have looked at each others phones before, why should this be any different?
I wouldn't want to text/chat with a girlfriend who has a S/O that reads all her messages. It's simple respect and privacy.0 -
Yes, there are no secrets between us.0
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My phone's not locked and hers not either, I guess we could theoretically look into each other's phones but it doesn't really come up0
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I still don't get it - is it your phone that you so freely grab? And stop changing your story, you have already admitted that you are nosey and check your SO's phone to see what he did all day. Are you his conjoined twin? Can he do anything during the day that someone doesn't involve you? To have someone involved in my life to a degree you described would make me seriously uncomfortable. People need to respect boundaries.
I don't understand what part of my story that you think I'm changing.
I said that I snoop his phone yes, I just didn't realize that me leaving out the part that we do it right in front of one another, would make it blow up into this big thing. So I added that portion in. I'm not changing facts at all.
Anyways. No, thank you. We are not conjoined twins. He can do whatever he wants during the day. I don't stop him from spending time with friends or going out with friends that are girls, it's nothing like that. I literally just read his text messages sometimes and he reads mine. We're both fine with it, we both have our own lives that we live, we're just curious about one another.0 -
I guess most of us aren't getting why though you would feel the need to check his phone as you're asking him who he talked to and if they talked about anything interesting. I mean I might ask my husband if he's talked to someone recently but I won't grab his phone and check to make sure he really did in fact talk to that person.
It just seems a bit weird to me.
We're just curious people, is all it really boils down to. I don't look at who he talked to in order to corroborate his story. It's not like that at all. It's just a habit. In our relationship we've never had the boundary of "don't you dare look at my phone, you're a bad SO if you do!" kind of attitude. I guess it really just comes down to that. We have our own set of boundaries, I suppose.
We've just always been open about everything (and to that person who commented that they still close the bathroom door, that is definitely one of our boundaries. That still ALWAYS happens). Even when our relationship first started, we never established that kind of privacy boundary with one another.
I've never told my SO to not touch my phone. He will look at texts that come in on my phone and/or answer them for me if I'm not around. I send texts out for him, answer his phone when he's not around (and when I can run fast enough to answer it) and send emails for him.
I'm curious too but it doesn't mean I'm going to grab his phone and flip through his messages as I am asking him who he talked to. If you ask and he answers why the need to check his phone as well? And don't give me that "I'm just curious" BS. Like I said I'm curious too but I"m not going to double check with his phone.0 -
I still don't get it - is it your phone that you so freely grab? And stop changing your story, you have already admitted that you are nosey and check your SO's phone to see what he did all day. Are you his conjoined twin? Can he do anything during the day that someone doesn't involve you? To have someone involved in my life to a degree you described would make me seriously uncomfortable. People need to respect boundaries.
I don't understand what part of my story that you think I'm changing.
I said that I snoop his phone yes, I just didn't realize that me leaving out the part that we do it right in front of one another, would make it blow up into this big thing. So I added that portion in. I'm not changing facts at all.
Anyways. No, thank you. We are not conjoined twins. He can do whatever he wants during the day. I don't stop him from spending time with friends or going out with friends that are girls, it's nothing like that. I literally just read his text messages sometimes and he reads mine. We're both fine with it, we both have our own lives that we live, we're just curious about one another.
:huh: :huh: :huh: :noway:0 -
Phone doesn't lock.. Neither does his. Don't see the reason why we would need to lock them.
Both of ours lock but it's not a bit deal since we use the same unlock code. There are a lot of reasons to lock a phone especially if there is a chance of losing it.0 -
Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.
Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.
I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.0 -
Ya, nothing to hide0
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Yes. I don't lock it and tend to just leave it laying around the house. He does the same with his.
Neither of us feel the need to look through the others phone, but have not problem if either person wants to use the other's phone to call or text someone. When driving, he will have me read him texts and respond to them for him if his phone goes off. He also uses his bluetooth through his car stereo so no hiding who he's talking to if we're in the car together.
With current BF of 1-1/2 years, I have never felt the need to look through his phone or his stuff, however my ex-husband was a different story. He got to where he was constantly texting and would never leave his phone laying around nor could I use it to make a call if I didn't have mine or it was charging or whatever. I ended up looking online at his phone records since our phones were all on the same account. He had 3500 texts in one month plus bunches of phone calls all from the same number. Needless to say I confronted his *kitten* and indeed he was cheating.0
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