Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

Mr_Knight

Could he have been nicer about ending the relationship?

Yeah, probably.

Is he "vain" or "shallow" for ending the relationship?

No. At an absolute minimum, random folks on the internet don't know enough about all that went on to make that kind of judgement. Was it really the weight? Was it all the stuff going on that lead to the weight gain? Was it the lifestyle/personality changes that often come with large weight gains (let's be honest, you didn't put on "a little weight", you added half a person)? None of us here can know.

Bottom line, you've hit a life reset point. It's up to you how to deal with it.

mojohowitz

Lose the weight for YOU and your health. Once it's gone, you're the one who won't want to be with him anymore. Because you'll know, in the deepest part of yourself, that you deserve better.
That you're strong, capable, happy and fit. HIS LOSS!

+1

leodora1

Big hugs to you. It stinks. My advice though, screw him, you deserve better. A lifelong partner is someone who loves you through thick or thin (literally).

MissMariahLee

Even when you do lost the weight DO NOT take him back. I mean ultimately it's your choice but why would you want someone like that back? If you did get back together with him it would be for all the wrong reasons. You may have good memories with him and probably thought he was a wonderful person but his true colors are showing now. Focus on being single and yourself for awhile and learn to love yourself and then someone better will come along who appreciates you for what's inside. He'll realize someday that he made a mistake and by then you'll be happy and won't even want to look back. Screw him.

JulieGirl58

You are absolutely breathtaking and deserve much better than a shallow jerk like him. Lose the weight for your health, love yourself where you are right now, and hold your head up high. Be glad he is gone. What a scum sucking, slime dog, low life, pig. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Attraction is really important to some people. So I would advise you to really consider is you would be comfortable being in a relationship with somebody who made that their #1 priority.

Personally, I wouldn't because life happens and it changes how we look.

It sucks right now, but won't suck as much if you focus on moving on and not recapturing what was. Work on improving you health, nurture yourself.

Jacwhite22

Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

If he dumped you because you are fat move on. Find someone who will love you when you are fat or thinner..

Laurenloveswaffles

hi,

make 1 thing clear in mind that 1 pound fat approx. equal to 3500 calories,

and as you say you have to loose 80 pounds means 80x3500= 2,80,000 calories.

for a healthy weight loose its suggested to loose only 2 lbs in a week,

but all tries to loose more, as this is a game of calorie gain and loss,


plan your diet strongly, i am also doing the same.

drink warm water as hot as tea,
take dark black coffee,
do cardio exercise(1.5-2.5 hrs daily).
rope jogging.


your body needs at least 1700 calories for your basic needs,
try to loose 300-400 calories in exercise and take at-most 1200-1400 calories

so the difference goes to 300+300(basic need difference) = 600

in a week = 4200 means and in a month approx 16000 calories. means 4.5 lbs in 1 month.

and that is really great.


and as i see u in snap u are a beautiful lady, be strong.




and about your boyfriend i just want to say that tell him that love and affection is independent of age and weight, you have that for him but is he have same feeling for you.

Don't listen to this.

LifeWithPie

Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

Wait...he dumped you last weekend? In the other two threads you started you said he dumped you 'a few weeks ago'.

odusgolp

What a freaking ****. Good riddance!



I know you're hurting right now, but some day you will realize this guy a piece of poop. He does not deserve you. Let this motivate you if that's what it takes, but don't let it control you. You got this.


And as someone who didn't meet the real thing until after the age of 35... don't worry That means nothing. Plenty of great guys out there to treat you better than that douche.

Lemongrab13

While I can imagine that's crushing, 80lbs is not a "little weight".
Considering your weight gain is due to injury I think he should've been more understanding, or at the very least not have dumped you so cruelly. Perhaps he might've even left you because your injuries have affected you in other ways.
However, we only have your side. Maybe your weight was just the final straw.
But I can't fault him for leaving due to loss of attraction. A year isn't that long, and I think this view of "Everyone should love each other regardless of FUPA" is a bit over idealistic.

Regardless of his dumb d*ck, I think you should focus on bettering your health and your diet. Get your back sorted, then you can get to making yourself look like how YOU want to look:flowerforyou:

Barbellarella_

I think grammar may have been an issue as well.

GreenMantle

First off, I'm looking at your profile pic, and you are LOVELY, regardless of what anyone says. I've been dumped by a longtime boyfriend too, so I know that ultimately this is hard to hear right now and it may not penetrate fully, but not only do you need to not date someone so superficial, you need to erase that kind of person from your life. Period. In the long run, you'll be so much happier. Any relationship that's loving and supportive on one side and not the other isn't worth having.

It may not seem like it right now, but believe me- in a few weeks, you're going to feel better for having the negativity gone. You're going to feel free to do what you want with whom you want. And positive outlooks are great for getting fit and eating right

Hang in there. He's not worth it.

micfit9

That's not "unconditional" love and you deserve better.

If you want to lose weight for you that's one thing,
but don't change yourself for someone who can't accept you as you are.

There are plenty of men out there who find value below the surface.

Don't beat yourself up
Break up and move on

RawIndian

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

BarbellApprentice

hi,

make 1 thing clear in mind that 1 pound fat approx. equal to 3500 calories,

and as you say you have to loose 80 pounds means 80x3500= 2,80,000 calories.

for a healthy weight loose its suggested to loose only 2 lbs in a week,

but all tries to loose more, as this is a game of calorie gain and loss,


plan your diet strongly, i am also doing the same.

drink warm water as hot as tea,
take dark black coffee,
do cardio exercise(1.5-2.5 hrs daily).
rope jogging.


your body needs at least 1700 calories for your basic needs,
try to loose 300-400 calories in exercise and take at-most 1200-1400 calories

so the difference goes to 300+300(basic need difference) = 600

in a week = 4200 means and in a month approx 16000 calories. means 4.5 lbs in 1 month.

and that is really great.


and as i see u in snap u are a beautiful lady, be strong.




and about your boyfriend i just want to say that tell him that love and affection is independent of age and weight, you have that for him but is he have same feeling for you.

Don't listen to this.

I dunno. Might have to look into this rope jogging.

arrrrjt

What a jerk. I've always used breakups as a HUGE motivator to better myself - and I've never been dumped for being too fat. As a horseback rider who's had a few bad falls AND someone who has gained weight when I fractured my ribs, it SUCKS.

Trust me, he isn't worth a single tear over, what a douche.

msl333

I am so sorry for your pain. BUT i think you are much better off without someone like him. You are a beautiful woman you will find real love from someone that deserves u

Akimajuktuq

OP: I thought you must be 18 by what you wrote. Nope. Please, it's time to stop revolving your life around pleasing someone else. All there is is YOU. Do everything for YOU, please YOU only. If you are unhealthy (I'm talking mentally) you will only attract other unhealthy people to you, hence the latest jerk boyfriend. You do not NEED someone else; learn to be whole and everything will fall into place on its own over time.

Also, take ownership of your health (don't just blame the injury - you could still choose to eat healthy foods) and choose to do something about it. Feeling sad and putting yourself down is completely useless. Decide how you want to go forward from here and commit fully. Also, and most importantly, change your inner dialogue to only positive thoughts about yourself.

FatFreeFrolicking

If he can't handle you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best.

Jacwhite22

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

I am going to ask you to consider eating meat. It will do wonders to your body.

CA_Underdog

You aren't ugly. You aren't horrible. You did allow yourself to gain 80lbs and stopped being his idea of attractive. He deserves his right match as much as you. You're very pretty to me, and I'm sure many in your area will likewise find you attractive. Once you've accepted this loss, and taken some time to renew yourself, you will surely find the right partner for you.

skullshank

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

really?

tell us more.

what are the wondrous things that will happen if the OP goes raw vegan?

ShannonS921

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

To the OP....you are beautiful. Our weight does not make us who we are as people. If he truly loved you 80lbs ago, he would love you and want to be with you now. If he had a problem with your gain, he could have gone about it in a different way or helped you to lose it more productively. Focus on yourself and being happy with you, the rest will fall into place for you.

TheRealJigsaw

OP: I thought you must be 18 by what you wrote. Nope. Please, it's time to stop revolving your life around pleasing someone else. All there is is YOU. Do everything for YOU, please YOU only. If you are unhealthy (I'm talking mentally) you will only attract other unhealthy people to you, hence the latest jerk boyfriend. You do not NEED someone else; learn to be whole and everything will fall into place on its own over time.

Also, take ownership of your health (don't just blame the injury - you could still choose to eat healthy foods) and choose to do something about it. Feeling sad and putting yourself down is completely useless. Decide how you want to go forward from here and commit fully. Also, and most importantly, change your inner dialogue to only positive thoughts about yourself.

candacet36

Sounds to me like you lost about 200 pounds of worthless weight!! If a man doesn't love you for you he doesn't deserve you!

Now I want you to pick yourself up and start fresh today! You can do this....do it for you and only you and one day he will be sorry....and it will be TOO LATE!

You are a beautiful woman and the number on the scale does not define you!!!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

I am going to ask you to explain yourself.

rowlandsw

It hurts but it sounds like you're going to be better off without him. Remember that he's the one who was wrong in all this and he'll be the one in the long run who regrets leaving you.

Mangogurl5

I'm sure you are in love with him still but he sounds like a complete douche because of that. Any real man that really loved you would NEVER do that. So sorry he was so mean to you. You do not deserve that. Even if you lost it and he came back, I would think it would feel crappy just knowing he only loves you because you look good. Also, what if you were to get married and have kids and then end up heavier because of having kids? He won't be there for you then either. He will learn that looks fade and it's the person inside that counts. He will end up with some really fake chick that only has looks going for her. He will end up lonely later in life if he doesn't change. Love is not conditional when it's real love. You will meet someone else and probably someone much better than that. My advice, get freakin' HOT and when he comes back around asking you out, go on a date and then when he wants to get back together, just say "Oh, you aren't really man enough for me and it looks like you got fat. I gotta go. Don't call me." haha he deserves that. Good luck! Stay stong!

mrsduke2924

I'm so sorry you're hurting right now - you seem a beautiful woman, and you deserve better than this.
However much we all brandish our pitchforks and yell about what a moron this guy is, he mattered to you and because of that you feel devastated at the break up.

However remember the old adage - time is a great healer. Start acting for YOU. Get yourself in shape, if that's what you want - trust me (and look at my profile) you won't do it until you're ready.

Then get 12 months down the line and realise the best weight you dropped was this loser. Friend me if you need a bit of love and support - you're gorgeous. Don't forget it :flowerforyou: